what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
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Manwe Sulimo
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15649
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Viking god Thor comes down to earth and spends all weekend long making love to a woman with a lisp...
As he is leaving he says.."I am Thor"...
She says..."Your thor ?...i can't even go for a pith"
As he is leaving he says.."I am Thor"...
She says..."Your thor ?...i can't even go for a pith"
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Blonde takes her car to be repaired, fearing an expensive bill. But the mechanic fixes it in 2 mins, "nothin serious love, just shit in the air filter." She replies 'really.....? how often do i have to do that?
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15649
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
{{{ Good to see you Az! }}
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46817
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15649
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I wonder how often that line has been used? Must be very tempting...
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Just bought two Harry Potter brooms in Poundland… Quid-each!
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I buy all my furniture and bathroom fittings from a local Chinese restaurant.
Last night I ordered a Suite and Shower
Last night I ordered a Suite and Shower
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
The wife suggested that if I was bored during lockdown, to make a bird table.
Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place
Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Had to read that first one out loud to get it.
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I met a dutch bird with inflatable shoes while in Amsterdam last month, I’ve just phoned her house to take her on a date but unfortunately she’s popped her clogs
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Must be an expression I don't know.
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
{{ popped her clogs means the person has died}}
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46817
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
?? I suppose I must just accept it.
No worse than kicked the bucket.
No worse than kicked the bucket.
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
why do people say "they were having kittens!" to mean angry? having kittens would be nice.
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
{{ Thats an old Scottish one Figg, goes back to witches and folk thinking they could control cats. They'd curse a woman filling her womb with kittens that'd try to angrily claw their way out, inducing fear and panic in the woman. }}
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46817
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I always felt the phrase worked on its own: one kitten is nice, a pack of them will drive you to distraction.
Reminds me of a sign I once saw in a store: "Unattended children will be given coffee and a free kitten."
Reminds me of a sign I once saw in a store: "Unattended children will be given coffee and a free kitten."
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise- Quintessence of Burrahobbitry
- Posts : 20543
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
ok, what do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto
Roberto
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
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» what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
» Games of any sort
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