what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by azriel Thu Jun 16, 2022 11:14 am

Laughing

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Post by azriel Mon Jul 18, 2022 11:51 am

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 39 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 39 Jean-b11
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Post by halfwise Mon Jul 18, 2022 12:07 pm

Very Happy

I saw a german take-off on fairy tales, where the evil queen was blonde and insisted that everybody tell brunette jokes. The problem was they had to keep explaining them to her.

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Post by chris63 Tue Jul 19, 2022 5:10 am

:facepalm:

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Post by azriel Tue Jul 19, 2022 9:14 pm

Very Happy

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what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 39 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 39 Jean-b11
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Post by chris63 Wed Jul 27, 2022 5:01 am

Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo
accident.

They put me in the ICU.

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Post by halfwise Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:42 am

Is a peakaboo also some kind of conveyance in Ozzie speak?

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Post by chris63 Thu Jul 28, 2022 12:29 am

Conveyance?

Peekaboo is a game you usually play with little kids.


noun
a game played with a young child, which involves hiding and suddenly reappearing, saying ‘peekaboo’.

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Post by chris63 Thu Jul 28, 2022 12:37 am

Drank a bottle of invisible ink yesterday.
Spent the day in A and E waiting to be seen.

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Post by halfwise Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:07 am

Trying to tie it to an accident worthy of an ICU. The game doesn't do it.

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Post by Forest Shepherd Thu Jul 28, 2022 5:37 pm

I got it. Smile

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Post by halfwise Thu Jul 28, 2022 8:04 pm

Oh I got it immediately, but didn't see how a baby game could get you laid up in the hospital, so it didn't work for me.

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Post by Amarië Thu Jul 28, 2022 8:48 pm

At least the ink joke had the underlying social commentary of health care issues, substance abuse and/or child endangerment.

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Post by Forest Shepherd Fri Jul 29, 2022 6:09 am

Regular barrel of laughs you two.

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Post by Amarië Fri Jul 29, 2022 10:46 am

Laughing

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Post by chris63 Sun Sep 04, 2022 5:07 am

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sun Sep 04, 2022 5:23 pm

{{ Laughing }}

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sat Sep 17, 2022 7:47 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 39 306484920-10225885752002447-4161311007659638779-n

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Post by chris63 Tue Sep 20, 2022 3:08 am

lol!

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Post by halfwise Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:38 pm

A Scot walks into a chemists shop (pharmacy) and reaches into his sporran. He pulls out a well used prophylactic and slaps it down on the counter and says to the pharmacist “How much to repair that?”

The pharmacist picked it up, poured some water in and watched a drop form at the tip. He replied, “Ach laddie you’re right, it’s got a bit of a hole. A bit of latex and a bit of rubber cement I could repair for around ten pence but it would only cost fifteen for a brand new one”

The Scot reaches across the counter, picks it up, puts it back in his sporran and says “ I’ll take under advisement. Be back in a day or two.” and out the door he goes.

Two days later he comes back in, the pharmacist looks at him and says “You’re back. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”. The Scot replies “Aye, the regiment has decided upon replacement.”.

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Post by chris63 Tue Nov 01, 2022 12:54 pm

My friend asked me,”Why are you carrying a 9 foot book?”

I said,”It’s a long story.”

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Nov 02, 2022 3:13 pm

{{ :facepalm: Laughing }}

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Post by chris63 Fri Nov 17, 2023 5:02 am

went for a job at subway today, sadly the roll had already been filled Smile

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Fri Nov 17, 2023 3:13 pm

{{ :facepalm: Laughing }}

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Post by chris63 Sat Dec 23, 2023 3:43 am

The security guard in Tesco caught me stealing a turkey and said "What are you doing with that?"

"Potatoes, sprouts and carrots" I replied.

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