what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by azriel Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:12 am

Scandal on the opening day of the Paralympics as some of the Team GB wheelchair basketball team test positive for WD-40

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what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:16 am

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning,,,,,"It feels good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Jamal Umboto aged six.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:24 am

Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by chris63 Sat Jun 21, 2014 9:06 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] R2_www_catsmob_com_daily_gifdump_03978_008_6898

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Post by azriel Sat Jun 21, 2014 9:54 am

you naughty prankster  Smile

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:43 pm

We used to have a girl in school nicknamed "thunder thighs."

Her legs weren't fat though, they were just blown off by lightning.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:45 pm

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:46 pm

Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sun Jun 22, 2014 2:10 pm

:facepalm: Laughing 

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Post by chris63 Mon Jun 23, 2014 4:31 am

Very Happy  Very Happy  Very Happy  :carrot:  :carrot:  :carrot:

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Post by chris63 Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:37 pm

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”

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Post by chris63 Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:40 pm

XX = Women

YY = Men

YYY = Delilah

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Post by chris63 Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:45 pm

I've got an unusual job. For good money I let people push me in the river. It's so much fun I laugh all the way to the bank.

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Post by azriel Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:50 pm

Oh fook Chris, who's jokes are worse ? yours or mine ?  Razz  Laughing  Very Happy

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by chris63 Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:57 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] 25qq0jn

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Mon Jun 23, 2014 4:44 pm

:facepalm: 

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- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

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*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
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Post by azriel Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:15 pm

I've decided never to buy anything off the Internet again, after getting conned last week.


I ordered what was supposed to be the world's largest cardboard box, but the one it came in was bigger.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:17 pm

"If you're excited at finding your name on a coke bottle, then imagine how I feel every time I go to B&Q".............. Matt White

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by azriel Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:20 pm

My wife texted me: "I've found out you've been seeing another woman, you cheating bastard! I've taken my things and I'm going back to my mum's house."

"Okay, see you when you get here," I texted back.

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:33 am

Very Happy 

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*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
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Post by azriel Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:45 am

Do you know why Nike designed this senior citizen model ?

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Shorts_zps64754f00

To avoid this......

Spoiler:

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] Jean-b11
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Post by halfwise Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:58 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] 25qq0jn[/quote]

(thanks Chris, that one's a great response to lots of things.)

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Post by Eldorion Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:24 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] IbhyYnRrHFnvkY
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Post by chris63 Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:14 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] IMG_40093315586303

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:26 am

Cool 

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