what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Why don't blind people bungee jump?

Scares the hell out of the dogs.

halfwise wrote:How do you find these using a dial up?  I know you say you use a lot of guesswork but I don't believe it.

It's all about using very specific search words, then making a choice based on the thumbnail images without doing a full image search. Play around with it. I think you'll figure it out....

(I do sometimes have an intermittent 3G signal now that's a little faster than my dialup server, but it's not very reliable. The tower is on the other side of a hill and any significant moisture in the air can make it unworkable, so dial up is still my primary. )

chris63 wrote:Thats one big prick.....ly thing

chris63 wrote:Why don't blind people bungee jump?

Scares the hell out of the dogs.

I was walking in Yorkshire when I came across a man in a field manhandling a sheep.
I walked over and said "Alright mate, are you shearing?"
With a strong Yorkshire accent he replied "Bugger off, get your own."

How do you know how heavy a chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

Almost as bad as..........................

How do you know elephants have been making love on your lawn ???
Bin liners everywhere...

I went to the supermarket today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Dick headed cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times. The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife that if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, reach over and pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

Why did the Jews walk 40 days & nights in the wilderness ?
Someone dropped a penny.

Superman was flying around Metropolis looking for trouble when he spotted Wonder Woman apparently sunbathing nude on top of a building.
"Well," he thought to himself, "I’m so fast I bet I could fly down there and nail her before she even knew what hit her." So he undid his yellow belt, lowered his red shorts, flew down, did his thing and soared off into the Metropolitan sky. Wonder Woman lay stunned. "What was that?" she asked,
"I don’t know," groaned the Invisible Man, "but my backside is sore !"

I bought a microwave bed. I get eight hours' sleep in 15 minutes.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

{{{ }}}

Tip of the day;
If you're ever attacked by a group of clowns, when fighting them off, always go for the juggler.

Teacher : What's your favorite letter?

Student: The letter G.

Teacher : Why is that, Angus?

oof...

chris63 wrote:Tip of the day;
If you're ever attacked by a group of clowns, when fighting them off, always go for the juggler.

I actually had to think of it a moment. II am still so tired from Hasias two surgery

i love it. I am dreadfully afraid of clowns. like Kramer
When I was little, father used to breed Boston Terriers and he would sell some to be trained in the circus riding the horses. One time while he was fixing a price with the ring master I wandered down the hall. I always did that why I have no clue. I came upon a dark room with red lighting and there was a man taking off his nose and creaming his skin. He saw me and turned around and not saying a word just kept looking at me. I was terrified and finally was able to move my feet I ran eeeee