what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

azriel wrote:I like the last one best also

Yeah it was great.  

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,

"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation... only this year I'm gonna do it different.

The last few years, I been takin' your advice 'bout where to go...

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"I'm taking Earlene with me."

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Damn, 'Damn !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the doorframe. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'By'Jeebers.... I'm a little crocked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No damn' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face He says ' Damn it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?' Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was really crocked But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned ... you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

Bluebottle wrote:

Mhm, glad I'm not the only one thinking that is a questionable song...

Amarië wrote:

Bluebottle wrote:

Mhm, glad I'm not the only one thinking that is a questionable song...

I totally don't get what's going on.

Well, in the modern context phrases like "What's in this drink?" can seem a bit.. yeah..

But the context is missing. And what's this about a song?

I thought this was so endemic it was part of the public consciousness..

It seems to be a bigger part of culture across the ocean than here. Did any other Yanks get it?

halfwise wrote:It seems to be a bigger part of culture across the ocean than here.  Did any other Yanks get it?

I got the reference, although I've probably heard more about the controversy surrounding "Baby, It's Cold Outside" than I've heard the song itself being played.

My Mom used to sing that song to me as she was putting on my hat and mittens when I was little.

FX: Phone rings
Seagoon: Hello, Grytpype?
Grytpype: Yes. But how did you know it was me before I spoke?
Seagoon: Well, you're so tall...
Grytpype: So I am. But you too can be tall, Neddie. Buy my book, "How to be Three Inches Taller."
Seagoon: Then what?
Grytpype: Stand on it.

Oh gawd

Young woman goes to the Drs for a check up.....
" Right now, big breaths "
" Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says to the waiter "Table for 26 please"

"But there are only 13 of you."

"Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side."