what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by Forest Shepherd Sun Dec 20, 2015 9:56 pm

azriel wrote:I like the last one best also Laughing
Yeah it was great.   Smile

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Post by azriel Sun Dec 20, 2015 10:53 pm

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,

"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation... only this year I'm gonna do it different.

The last few years, I been takin' your advice 'bout where to go...

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"I'm taking Earlene with me."

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by azriel Sun Dec 20, 2015 11:08 pm

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Damn, 'Damn !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the doorframe. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'By'Jeebers.... I'm a little crocked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No damn' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face He says ' Damn it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?' Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was really crocked But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned ... you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Jean-b11
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Post by Bluebottle Mon Dec 21, 2015 5:38 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Tumblr_nrv984nHgg1tttd7go1_500

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by azriel Mon Dec 21, 2015 6:46 pm

Laughing Laughing

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Jean-b11
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Post by Bluebottle Tue Dec 22, 2015 10:17 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Tumblr_mf5rssrqsy1qae7gdo1_540

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Tue Dec 22, 2015 3:57 pm

Laughing

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Post by azriel Fri Dec 25, 2015 6:58 pm

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Ninja_zpsne7d3sp7

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Jean-b11
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Post by Amarië Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:11 pm

Bluebottle wrote:what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Tumblr_mf5rssrqsy1qae7gdo1_540

Mhm, glad I'm not the only one thinking that is a questionable song...

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Post by Bluebottle Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:10 pm

Moriarty: I might say whoever planned the robbery must be a man of the highest intelligence, with the courage of a lion!
Seagoon: So you suspect me?
Moriarty: No.
Seagoon: Ole.
Moriarty: Ole.
Seagoon: Ole.
Moriarty: A Britisher has already been encasseroled in the Madrid jail and sentenced to 94 years, Senor.
Seagoon: So he was found guilty, eh?
Moriarty: I don't know, they haven't tried him yet.
Seagoon: Do you think they suspect him?
Moriarty: That's difficult to say.
Seagoon: Do-you-think-they-suspect-him. Hm, it is a bit difficult to say, yes.
(The Spanish suitcase)

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by halfwise Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:13 pm

Amarië wrote:
Bluebottle wrote:what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Tumblr_mf5rssrqsy1qae7gdo1_540

Mhm, glad I'm not the only one thinking that is a questionable song...

I totally don't get what's going on. scratch

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Post by Bluebottle Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:40 pm

Well, in the modern context phrases like "What's in this drink?" can seem a bit.. yeah..

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by halfwise Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:42 pm

But the context is missing. And what's this about a song?

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Post by Bluebottle Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:47 pm

Shocked

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by Bluebottle Tue Jan 05, 2016 7:49 pm

I thought this was so endemic it was part of the public consciousness.. Razz


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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by halfwise Tue Jan 05, 2016 8:16 pm

It seems to be a bigger part of culture across the ocean than here. Did any other Yanks get it?

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Post by chris63 Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:11 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 200_s

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Post by Eldorion Thu Jan 07, 2016 7:39 pm

halfwise wrote:It seems to be a bigger part of culture across the ocean than here.  Did any other Yanks get it?

I got the reference, although I've probably heard more about the controversy surrounding "Baby, It's Cold Outside" than I've heard the song itself being played.
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Post by David H Thu Jan 07, 2016 7:47 pm

My Mom used to sing that song to me as she was putting on my hat and mittens when I was little. Embarassed

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Post by Bluebottle Mon Jan 11, 2016 9:03 pm

Shocked

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by Bluebottle Mon Jan 11, 2016 9:03 pm

FX: Phone rings
Seagoon: Hello, Grytpype?
Grytpype: Yes. But how did you know it was me before I spoke?
Seagoon: Well, you're so tall...
Grytpype: So I am. But you too can be tall, Neddie. Buy my book, "How to be Three Inches Taller."
Seagoon: Then what?
Grytpype: Stand on it.

Razz

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Post by azriel Mon Jan 11, 2016 9:39 pm

Oh gawd Very Happy

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 38 Jean-b11
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Post by chris63 Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:28 am

Young woman goes to the Drs for a check up.....
" Right now, big breaths "
" Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"

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Post by chris63 Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:30 am

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Last edited by chris63 on Thu Jan 14, 2016 8:48 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by chris63 Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:30 am

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says to the waiter "Table for 26 please"

"But there are only 13 of you."

"Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side."

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