what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

I had a leak in the roof over my dining room so I called a repairman to take a look at it.
"When did you first notice the leak?" he asked.
I told him, "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"

David Beckham and Gary Neville are sitting watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatening to jump off a bridge.

Beckham says to Gary Neville " I bet you £100 that he doesn't jump",

Gary Neville replies '"OK I bet you £100 that he DOES jump"

Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.

Beckham gets out £100 and gives it to Gary.

Gary says "I can't take your money, it wouldn't be fair. You're my best mate and all that............ I had watched the 12 'o' clock news earlier and it was on then, so I knew he was going to jump"

Beckham replied "I watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again"

I think we should keep this boomerang theme going.

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'I pay you $300.'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400.'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?'.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal immigrant replies 'You send bill to Government.

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.

So I packed her things and left.

For my wife's birthday she told me she only wanting something that went from 0-120 as soon a she put her foot down.

So I got her a pair of bathroom scales.

Chris

Hey, guys. Let's keep it on topic.

The trouble with boomerang spammers is that you can never get rid of them, they just keep coming back...

{{{Although, thank you for joining in. }}}

#spamming

Bluebottle wrote:

{{{Although, thank you for joining in. }}}

{{{ Sokka* }}}



{{{* This is not an ode to socks or footwear, I say "lesta" not "sokka/sokker". But I might say sokkelesten.... }}}

{{{Although, who doesn't like a clean pair of socks.. err.. lesta fresh out of the drier in the morning. }}}

For some reason this reminded me of forumshire.

Well.. if someone were to stick their head round the door..

I would never spill all that buckie, not without my straw

Yeah.. sorry about that.. I'll try not to spill buckie while trying to look inconspicuous in future.

Joke and avatar accentuating each other perfectly.