Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

by Bluebottle Fri Jun 26, 2015 7:01 pm

It was intentional.. critics.. Mad

by halfwise Fri Jun 26, 2015 7:02 pm

azriel wrote:Hah ! tough !
It sounded kinda " sound of music" ?
{{{ little 'ole lady who}}}

The reply was to be "Damn! I didn't know you could yodel!", but you beat me to it.

by azriel Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:27 pm

by Bluebottle Sun Jun 28, 2015 9:11 pm

i went to look up coup de foudre (“love at first sight”) but i fucked up

i fucked up so much

i didn’t know it was possible to fuck it up this much

by Pettytyrant101 Mon Jun 29, 2015 1:11 am

Well there's a lesson in the importance of spelling!

by Bluebottle Mon Jun 29, 2015 2:31 pm

Indeed.

by Bluebottle Mon Jun 29, 2015 2:31 pm

Stephen
I was in a room with, erm . . . with Paul Merton and Nicholas Parsons, just to show off for a moment my, er, showbiz potential –

Alan
I'm going to change that and I'm going to suggest that it was a sauna. [casts a piercing look in Stephen's direction]

Stephen
Well, if –

Alan
Start again. "I was in a sauna . . . "

Stephen
All right. With a leak-proof pen obviously, because, er, Paul Merton was writing on this piece of paper for, er, quite a long time. And Nicholas Parsons says . . . said to him, "What are you writing?", and Paul said, erm, "Its a suicide note." And Nicholas said, "Oh." And Paul said, "Sign here, Nicholas, will you?" I thought that was rather good.

by bungobaggins Mon Jun 29, 2015 4:39 pm

by chris63 Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:03 am

by chris63 Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:34 am

by chris63 Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:36 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 25 10253985_10203998703641745_3144838460232715746_n

Made me laugh.

by chris63 Thu Jul 09, 2015 7:34 am

I have a friend that is half Indian.

Ian.

by chris63 Thu Jul 09, 2015 7:36 am

The worst pub I ever went into was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn.

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my infatution with horse racing.

They're at the gate ....and they're off

by chris63 Thu Jul 09, 2015 7:37 am

A man goes to the doctors and the doctor takes a look in his eyes.
"You need to stop masturbating so often", says the doctor.
"Why?" replies the man, "Am I going blind?"
"No" said the doctor "but you scared all the other patents in the waiting room".

by azriel Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:39 pm

by chris63 Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:31 am

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin' there's no paper on this side either!

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:35 am

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:51 am

I heard my son chanting: "DOMINE... BACTERIUM... LACTOBACILLUS... CASEI... SHIROTA!"

I think he's dabbling in the Yakult.

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:00 am

Auto-correct made me say things I didn't Nintendo.

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:05 am

I had some bad news yesterday. My old friend Gavin died. Choked to death on a indigestion tablet.

It's hard to believe that Gavisgone...

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:08 am

I walked into the Chinese with my wife "Hello, I've a table booked under the name of Smith" I told the waiter.

"Sorry sir, no booking under name of Smith" came the reply "We fully booked now".

"I believe there's been some sort of mistake" I protested "I booked this table a month in advance"

Then i realised we were in the Wong Foo King Restaurant.

by azriel Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:12 am

Spoiler:

This does need a spoiler me thinks.

by Pettytyrant101 Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:02 pm

To all of it!

by bungobaggins Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:59 pm

A British man is visiting Australia.

The man at customs asks him

"Do you have a criminal record?"

The British man replies

"I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."

by azriel Sat Jul 18, 2015 11:36 pm