what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
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Amarië
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19 posters
Page 11 of 40
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Dec 18, 2014 9:48 pm
A young goat has been reported to have gone on the rampage in a local confectioners.
Witnesses say it was like a kid in a sweet shop.
Witnesses say it was like a kid in a sweet shop.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl](https://2img.net/h/i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y474/azriel59/th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl.gif)
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 Jean-b11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f65/17/86/44/91/th/jean-b11.jpg)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Dec 18, 2014 9:49 pm
Why does Johnny Depp buy all his mixing bowls and measuring jugs from The West Indies?
It's Pyrex of the Caribbean.
It's Pyrex of the Caribbean.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
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Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:46 pm
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15489
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Mon Dec 29, 2014 7:55 pm
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
Windows 8.1 for my PC
Snowman
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
9 apps a crashin'
8 megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
12 illegal operations
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
Windows 8.1 for my PC
Snowman
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
9 apps a crashin'
8 megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
12 illegal operations
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 8.1 for my PC
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15489
Join date : 2012-10-07
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Sun Jan 04, 2015 9:43 am
My boyfriend says he enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.
Well, I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.
Well, I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15489
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:09 pm
A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Pettytyrant101 Fri Jan 09, 2015 1:36 pm
_________________
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A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
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Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
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*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:07 pm
So this girl walks up to another girl and says “Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?”
And the other girl says, “Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!”
And the other girl says, “Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!”
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500](https://33.media.tumblr.com/de58a4b1ea8094e414d274be9532e12d/tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500.gif)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:27 pm
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15489
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Sinister71 Thu Jan 15, 2015 1:03 am
azriel wrote:A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
_________________
well you know what they say, "If you can't say anything nice, Don't say anything at all"
NEVERMIND I'LL BE OVER HERE KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT 
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:24 pm
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:49 am
And again.. .......... 
.......... _________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Mon Jan 19, 2015 8:40 pm
C, E flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors”
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by halfwise Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:35 pm
_________________
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Then it gets complicated...
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Amarië Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:42 pm
Bluebottle wrote:C, E flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors”
_________________
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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#amarieco
One does not simply woke into Mordor.
-Mrs Figg
"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."
-Marcus Aurelius
#amarieco
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Eldorion Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:54 am
Blue's joke reminded me of this. 
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 N7oNmBW](https://i.imgur.com/n7oNmBW.jpg)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:06 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 10941035_10203104262281270_683202419343728034_n](https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10941035_10203104262281270_683202419343728034_n.jpg?oh=189a28fab7f2e8b673eb8996648b74bf&oe=552836B2&__gda__=1428334306_4d9751a2b66eb459a097d283ee89000d)
_________________
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 Z93Cq](https://i.imgur.com/z93Cq.gif)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:12 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 15%2B-%2B1](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-YG-ae7oXETg/VL3CkbV1tpI/AAAAAAAAFgE/OFkwR-YbLpc/s506/15%2B-%2B1)
_________________
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Ringdrotten Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:50 pm
_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 11 Man-in-black](https://thelissachronicles.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/man-in-black.jpg?w=484&h=332)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:59 pm
Eldorion wrote:Blue's joke reminded me of this.
Reminds me of a joke I heard; Noone has fallen further than Felix Baumgardner in 2012, except for Jimmy Saville.
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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:00 pm
You’d think that taking the shell off a snail would make it faster but it actually makes them sluggish
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
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Age : 37
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by halfwise Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:53 pm
Took me a while, but I got it!
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