what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

Thats the funniest joke i'v heard in a while.

Spider came in my bedroom tonight and blew itself up.
Jihadi Longlegs

I've just been given a six months suspension from football.

I caught an opponent with a tackle which actually broke both his legs. I'll admit the tackle was a bit late.

He was getting into his car at the time.

Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.

He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

"THE Rhino Horn Syndrome"
*" If we can manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are aphrodisiacs, within ten years they'll have disappeared..."*

What's the most popular bumper sticker in Afghanistan?

"My other car is ticking."

THE YOUNG COUPLE ARRIVED AT THE HOTEL WHERE THEY WERE SPENDING
THE FIRST NIGHT OF THEIR HONEYMOON

THEY OPENED THE CHAMPAGNE AND BEGAN UNDRESSING.

WHEN THE BRIDEGROOM REMOVED HIS SOCKS HIS NEW WIFE ASKED

WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FEET? YOUR TOES LOOK ALL MANGLED AND WEIRD

I had tolio as a child he answered

You mean polio she asked.

No tolio The disease only affected my toes

When the groom took off his pants his bride once again asked

What's wrong with your knees Theyre all lumpy and deformed

As a child I also had kneasles he explained.

You mean measles she asked

No kneasles It was a strange illness that only affected my knees

As the undressing continued her husband at last removed his
underwear

Dont tell me she said

Let me guess

SMALLCOX

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay
her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also
provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it
discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on
the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and
fainted.
On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.

Ha ha  that'll teach ya !
'smallcox' was good too

chris63 wrote:THE YOUNG COUPLE ARRIVED AT THE HOTEL WHERE THEY WERE SPENDING
THE FIRST NIGHT OF THEIR HONEYMOON

THEY OPENED THE CHAMPAGNE AND BEGAN UNDRESSING.

WHEN THE BRIDEGROOM REMOVED HIS SOCKS HIS NEW WIFE ASKED

WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FEET? YOUR TOES LOOK ALL MANGLED AND WEIRD

I had tolio as a child he answered

You mean polio she asked.

No tolio The disease only affected my toes

When the groom took off his pants his bride once again asked

What's wrong with your knees Theyre all lumpy and deformed

As a child I also had kneasles he explained.

You mean measles she asked

No kneasles It was a strange illness that only affected my knees

As the undressing continued her husband at last removed his
underwear

Dont tell me she said

Let me guess

SMALLCOX

Should've seen it coming

I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.

I think I've strained my eyes.

The Hunchback of notre dame was running down the street and 11 kids were running after him........ he was heard to say " Fuck off i haven't got your fucking football"

There is man running down the street and he was stopped .
Why are you running?
There is a lion escaped from the zoo!!
Which way is it going?
You don't think i'm fucking chasing it do you!!!

This made me laugh.

madness !

Well thank heaven they came to add some realy fun to that horrid knock knock joke the guy was trying to tell!