Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

by azriel Sat Nov 15, 2014 5:42 pm

The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

by azriel Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:07 pm

How can you tell if you're psychic?

You just know.

by azriel Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:22 pm

A pharmacist is working when she sees a customer sitting on the side. The woman seems a bit worried, so the pharmacist asks her assistant what happened, to which the young girl replies, "She wanted some cough medicine but thought it was too expensive, so I gave her some laxative."

"What?" said the pharmacist, "Why did you do that? Since when is laxative good for coughs?"

"Oh, it is," replied the assistant, "see how she's afraid to cough now!"

by chris63 Wed Nov 19, 2014 3:31 am

by chris63 Wed Nov 19, 2014 3:33 am

Sluts hole lane, lmfho

by chris63 Wed Nov 19, 2014 4:05 am

by Eldorion Wed Nov 19, 2014 4:09 am

by chris63 Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:09 am

by chris63 Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:25 am

by halfwise Thu Nov 20, 2014 1:31 pm

by azriel Thu Nov 20, 2014 4:35 pm

I like the shrooms one ! Laughing

by Ringdrotten Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:19 am

by Ringdrotten Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:21 am

by bungobaggins Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:03 am

Ringdrotten wrote:

It's like poetry. Hopefully it'll work.

by chris63 Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:28 am

This is why you wear seat belts.

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by chris63 Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:29 am

by Ringdrotten Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:34 pm

God I love these lame puns lol!

by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:24 pm

I guess this pretty much sums up this thread. Razz

In the 1998 Oscars, I found myself in the bathroom in a stall, next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and I said ‘looks like we’re a couple of peeing Toms.’ His angry silence is something I’ll never forget.

— Awesome Oscar anecdote from Tom Hanks.

by Ringdrotten Sat Nov 29, 2014 11:14 am

by Mrs Figg Sat Nov 29, 2014 1:14 pm

Tom Hanks

by chris63 Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:12 am

by chris63 Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:14 am

Not everyones taste, but i found it funny.

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by chris63 Mon Dec 08, 2014 4:26 am

by azriel Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:48 pm

I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card.

It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin.

by azriel Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:49 pm

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"