what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

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Post by chris63 Sun Sep 21, 2014 9:03 am

The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.....she hit the f****g roof.

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Post by azriel Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:46 am

Laughing Laughing

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sun Sep 21, 2014 6:16 pm

Laughing

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Post by Mrs Figg Sun Sep 21, 2014 6:40 pm

Laughing
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Post by chris63 Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:23 am

The Talking Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.



So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.



After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box
to use for his house.



He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to the pub for a drink with him.



So he asked the centipede
in the box,
"Would you like to go
down the pub with me today?
We will have a good time."



But there was no answer
from his new pet.



This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
down the pub with me ?"



But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.

The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.



This time he
put his face up against
the centipede ' s box and shouted,
"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go
to
the pub with me?
.....
This time,
a little voice
came out of the box,

"I heard you the first time!

I 'm putting my fucking shoes on!"

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Post by chris63 Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:27 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Kew5kx

'Use the tazer, Mick!

'Use the tazer, Mick!
'Use the tazer, Mick!


Use the fukkin' tazer!'

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Post by Ringdrotten Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:35 am

I bet he's regretting he joined the Mounties now Laughing

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Post by Eldorion Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:18 pm

Oh my. Shocked
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Post by azriel Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:45 pm

Love the centipede joke Laughing
whats with all these todgers lately ?

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Post by chris63 Mon Sep 29, 2014 3:46 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Sexy-veggie-15
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 478

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Post by chris63 Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:59 pm

Have you seen the new corduroy pillow?

It's a headliner

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Post by azriel Fri Oct 03, 2014 10:22 pm

Paddy stood at the bar getting pissed, trying to work out why he’s only got three brothers when his sister has four.


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Post by azriel Fri Oct 03, 2014 10:25 pm

Many scientists agree the only way to solve the planet's worsening energy crisis is for the whole world to convert to solar power.


That's not going to happen overnight.


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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by azriel Fri Oct 03, 2014 10:27 pm

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic.

Medics say he needed a second coat.

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by Mrs Figg Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:24 pm

Laughing :facepalm:
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Post by bungobaggins Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:21 pm

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Post by azriel Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:24 pm

Laughing Laughing

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by chris63 Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:37 am

lol!

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Post by chris63 Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:54 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 10671474_837235529629894_4275707195623053702_n

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Tue Oct 07, 2014 8:37 am

:facepalm:

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A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

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Post by azriel Tue Oct 07, 2014 9:24 am

Laughing Laughing

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Jean-b11
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Post by chris63 Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:15 am

My wife was taking a bath the other day and she got her big toe stuck up the cold tap. It would not come out whatever we tried,so in desperation i had to call in a plumber. To preserve her modesty I put a bowler hat over her pussy.I said to the plumber "can you please get her toe out of the tap"?
He replied " Yes, no problem, but I can do fuck all for Acker Bilk"

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Post by azriel Wed Oct 08, 2014 11:40 am

Is that guy still alive ? God he is ! 85yrs old, poor chap has had some serious health problems tho, Best wishes to him I say.
Takes me back to this, seeing Acker......

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can still remember the theme music, ( oh gawwwwd, that dates me  Embarassed )......( I was 1yrs at the time ! what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Th_Smiley-Exclamation-50825_zps88785044 )..........(that should do it Rolling Eyes )

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

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Post by bungobaggins Wed Oct 08, 2014 2:18 pm

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Post by azriel Wed Oct 08, 2014 2:20 pm

Laughing

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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 6 Jean-b11
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