what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

After suffering years of abuse from me over how stupid he is, my husband tried to shoot himself.


he almost fooking drowned.

 To everything!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...
walk into a very fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group...

"You can't come in here without a Thai. "

 

Elton Johns Baby

Elton and David had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated. When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.
In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!


The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse!"

I found this amusing.

"...chinese kids." "Mildly racist." "How is saying chinese kids racist?"

When I was in my teens I used to feel that any reference to someone's race without a reason for it was racist. I went a bit overboard with it.

I still feel that way, but am less picky about how much context is required. Not in a place where I can listen to that video now, but I'd not be surprised if Katy Perry is halfway between my teenage years and my more relaxed mature years.

azriel wrote:An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...
walk into a very fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group...

"You can't come in here without a Thai. "

 
 I'm going to have to remember that one!
{{Let's see....It's an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, a Lithuanian......wait...no.....   }}

Hey Azriel, how did that go again?  

   Luv u Dave !

  

halfwise wrote:When I was in my teens I used to feel that any reference to someone's race without a reason for it was racist.  I went a bit overboard with it.

I still feel that way, but am less picky about how much context is required.  Not in a place where I can listen to that video now, but I'd not be surprised if Katy Perry is halfway between my teenage years and my more relaxed mature years.

I can understand that one can have that view.   Particularily if it as a rule has been pointed out with negative connotations. Intention and context is still everything to me though.

Of course one should still be sensible to other peoples sensibilities even when somethings not meant to have those connotations.

I think this one is more ridiculous than anything else though, and I would be interested to hear what you think of it when you get a chance to see it in context.

Oh gawd !    

That your new look for the red carpet Ringdrotten?   

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?......  A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:That your new look for the red carpet Ringdrotten?   

Uhm.. no, I think not

Ugggh.... though it might have given you a headline or front page of the gossip pages.

Pretty is doing the red carpet and the gossip pages for it, probably on her knees.   

Amarië wrote:Ugggh.... though it might have given you a headline or front page of the gossip pages.

Well, if you like it, perhaps I'll go like that - wouldn't want to disappoint my lady   

heheehehehe... comb over ...

Ringdrotten wrote:

Amarië wrote:Ugggh.... though it might have given you a headline or front page of the gossip pages.

Well, if you like it, perhaps I'll go like that - wouldn't want to disappoint my lady   

Oh, how you spoil me, my darling.  {{{}}}