what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]

Revenge for him but, how over confident of her ? I would have trusted someone else with a tattoo if I had a guilty conscience !  

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usually have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, “I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel.” Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, “How are you feeling?” Tim says he's fine, never felt better. Bob asks, “Do you have a hangover?” Tim says no. Then Tim says, “Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover.” Then Bob says, “Well, there is one side effect, Tim. Have you farted yet?” Tim says, “No, why?”
Bob says, “I'm calling you from Detroit!”

That reminded me of the following:


Quotes from the repair log of Qantas airline mechanics

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his penis. In flowing script it says, "Wendy."

On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?"

The guy looks down at his penis and says, "No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day.'"

 

azriel wrote:A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his penis. In flowing script it says, "Wendy."

On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?"

The guy looks down at his penis and says, "No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day.'"

gold.

Oh that is one cute and fluffy god!

I have a llama hat, if I wear it does that mean I qualify to be some kind of llama goddess?

Yes, yes it does.

Ker-ching. *insert llama noise here*

Yes, yes it does. - Amarie

That sounds like an Amy Pond line delivery!  

squach, your nuts !  

Trust me, I know. That llama song gets stuck in my head all the time at school so my friends (who are probably tired of it) definitely know I'm loony too.

Is it sad that I know all the lyrics off by heart? Probably. Definitely.   

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Yes, yes it does. - Amarie

That sounds like an Amy Pond line delivery!  

Well, I guess she had a couple good moments.

The Dalek version of that song is good too, also nuts-



aand while Im at it- Daleks- lovely, lovely bumps

  brill !

You want annoying ?

No dissing Star Trekkin'- thats a classic!

Squach wrote:Trust me, I know. That llama song gets stuck in my head all the time at school so my friends (who are probably tired of it) definitely know I'm loony too.

Is it sad that I know all the lyrics off by heart? Probably. Definitely.   

No, but it's really annoying when you sing it!

 

Hey, I sing beautifully.

 

Mmm, maybe we should call you out on that Squach- I have been toying with proposing for this years Awards Ceremony (yes work has already started on it!) asking the musically talented on here to each put together a song for Forumshire- any style, any instruments or none.

Hmm, I'll see.