what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by chris63 Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:45 am
azriel wrote:Elton Johns Baby
Elton and David had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated. When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.
In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!
The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse!"
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 Tumblr_n30ime1Yc41s22h73o1_500](https://24.media.tumblr.com/cb402b7cc6578a76033f6a1619dca051/tumblr_n30ime1Yc41s22h73o1_500.gif)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Wed Mar 26, 2014 9:01 am
Peter Jackson goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, your going to have to help me. Every morning I wake up convinced that I wrote Lord of the Rings."
The doctor nods and replies, "Don't worry, you've just been Tolkien in your sleep."
The doctor nods and replies, "Don't worry, you've just been Tolkien in your sleep."
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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl](https://2img.net/h/i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y474/azriel59/th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl.gif)
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 Jean-b11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f65/17/86/44/91/th/jean-b11.jpg)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Wed Mar 26, 2014 9:02 am
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
THERE WAS A LONG SILENCE....................
"Ernesto if you broke that driver you're fired!"
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
THERE WAS A LONG SILENCE....................
"Ernesto if you broke that driver you're fired!"
_________________
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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by Ringdrotten Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:16 am
azriel wrote:Peter Jackson goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, your going to have to help me. Every morning I wake up convinced that I wrote Lord of the Rings."
The doctor nods and replies, "Don't worry, you've just been Tolkien in your sleep."
God, I love this kind of jokes - you've made my day, Azriel
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![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 Man-in-black](https://thelissachronicles.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/man-in-black.jpg?w=484&h=332)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Wed Mar 26, 2014 2:56 pm
Thankyou Ringo 
Im sure I can find more 
Im sure I can find more _________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by halfwise Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:16 am
azriel wrote:Peter Jackson goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, your going to have to help me. Every morning I wake up convinced that I wrote Lord of the Rings."
The doctor nods and replies, "Don't worry, you've just been Tolkien in your sleep."
I thought maybe you had written it yourself.
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:48 pm
Mmmmmmmmm, I could take that 2 ways ? a compliment or as a put down ? 
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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by halfwise Thu Mar 27, 2014 3:06 pm
I thought it was a pretty good joke, and the theme seemed right up your alley.
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Wed Apr 02, 2014 9:51 am
My Lord Of The Rings phrasebook was so shit I tossed it down the waste chute. Elvish has left the building.
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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by halfwise Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:44 am
That one looks even more like yours!
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:15 pm
Oh fook Halfy *stamps foot childishly!* Its NOT ! (gonna sulk now!)
Really, its NOT
Really, its NOT
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by feanor 1999 Thu Apr 03, 2014 11:13 am
azriel wrote:My Lord Of The Rings phrasebook was so shit I tossed it down the waste chute. Elvish has left the building.
Ha hahahahahahaha ! Made me laugh out loud Boots, well done. and the other joke was good too !
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by chris63 Thu Apr 03, 2014 12:07 pm
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 14+-+1](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ZmlCjT1Lte8/Uzy5INaUkcI/AAAAAAAAK_g/AcMfU0Jd0KQ/w426-h606/14+-+1)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Thu Apr 03, 2014 7:15 pm
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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by Ringdrotten Thu Apr 03, 2014 10:30 pm
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:29 pm
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Ford Transit vans and caravans.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?'
God says 'We are over quota on gippos. Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again.
'They've gone', he tells God.
'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'
'No, the gates' !
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?'
God says 'We are over quota on gippos. Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again.
'They've gone', he tells God.
'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'
'No, the gates' !
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by Pettytyrant101 Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:31 pm
(pretty un-pc though!)_________________
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by Mrs Figg Fri Apr 04, 2014 11:09 pm
good. I hate pc nonsense.
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:54 pm
Yeah, your right, was a bit un PC, * hangs head in shame,kicks the dirt etc* ..... They were actually driving Mercedes & BMWs
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by Ringdrotten Sun Apr 13, 2014 9:51 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2] - Page 32 1491700_10151985946907007_3749729943984994468_n](https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1.0-9/1491700_10151985946907007_3749729943984994468_n.jpg)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by azriel Sun Apr 13, 2014 9:53 am
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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by chris63 Mon Apr 14, 2014 3:00 pm
Thats a gudn.
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
by halfwise Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:18 pm
Actually works in Baltimoron as well.
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