what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
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chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Not a good look
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
was teaching my science class about the female anatomy:
"This is the vagina. This is the clitoris, and this is the anus. Any questions?"
"Yes," said one of the pupils, "Can I put my knickers back on now?"
"This is the vagina. This is the clitoris, and this is the anus. Any questions?"
"Yes," said one of the pupils, "Can I put my knickers back on now?"
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Noah went to see God to ask him for a new and improved 'ark'. "Ok Noah. I think it is time you had a new ark", God said. "Take a seat, tell me your ideas, and I'll start a design". "Well, firstly, I'd like it to have plenty of floors. Say, 5 or 6", Noah said. "Ok... 5 or 6 floors" "I'd also like some spaces on the floors as well, to keep things in."
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some extra animals in there?" God asked him. "Erm... Fish!" Noah replied. "Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"
"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said. "You can't have enough carp" Anything else needed on top of the usual two of everything?" God asked. "No", said Noah, "Just as long as it's got loads of carp".
And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?" "Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some extra animals in there?" God asked him. "Erm... Fish!" Noah replied. "Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"
"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said. "You can't have enough carp" Anything else needed on top of the usual two of everything?" God asked. "No", said Noah, "Just as long as it's got loads of carp".
And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?" "Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
I had a dog called Minton once. He ate all my shuttlecocks.......
......bad Minton!
......bad Minton!
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to the Algarve for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to the Algarve only to find Jack sitting at the beach with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer.
"Shit Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, Here I am!
Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to the Algarve only to find Jack sitting at the beach with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer.
"Shit Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, Here I am!
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me”, she told him.
“Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes”, the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside she administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel”?
“Feels great”, he replied; “but I still think my thumb's broken!”
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me”, she told him.
“Oh, no, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes”, the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside she administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel”?
“Feels great”, he replied; “but I still think my thumb's broken!”
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Your a naughty boy Chris
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Yep, that really IS a blonde's joke !
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
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Age : 52
Location : Scotshobbitland
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
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chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen
Ringdrotten- Mrs Bear Grylls
- Posts : 4607
Join date : 2011-02-13
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46617
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 52
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Gordon Bennett!
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
It just gets worse dunnit !
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Shut the f...ront door.
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
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Age : 37
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Last edited by chris63 on Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:38 am; edited 1 time in total
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8688
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Whats Courtney Love doing watching Nemo ?
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
I guess one shouldn't make jokes about such matters, but given the thread's name, why not
_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen
Ringdrotten- Mrs Bear Grylls
- Posts : 4607
Join date : 2011-02-13
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
Ringo ! you cracked a funny
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15503
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46617
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 52
Location : Scotshobbitland
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