what sort of jokes can I get away with?
+10
Mrs Figg
chris63
Orwell
Amariƫ
Pettytyrant101
halfwise
Ally
Eldorion
Norc
azriel
14 posters
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Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
- Posts : 25841
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
A brain walks into a bar, asks for a beer, The barman says "Im not serving you, your outa your head!"
Jesus goes into an Inn,with 2 planks of wood & a bag of nails. He says to the Inn keeper, "can you put me up for the night?"
Jesus goes into an Inn,with 2 planks of wood & a bag of nails. He says to the Inn keeper, "can you put me up for the night?"
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
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*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46809
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff.
So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows.
Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay.
Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, crap!"
So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows.
Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay.
Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, crap!"
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
I was in the local swimming baths today & decided to take a sneaky piss in the deep end. The life guard must have noticed. He blew his whistle SO effing hard I nearly fell in !!
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Im happy my jokes past muster,Ive got loads more, Thanks for the "thumbs up"!
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
The swimming pool one took me a second.
Thanks for posting your jokes Azriel, they're good.
Thanks for posting your jokes Azriel, they're good.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
I have a few.. though i would have to translate them and I think a lot of the humor would be lost in translation.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
I think you should have a go Norc ! Id love to hear them.
And thankyou Eldorion !
And thankyou Eldorion !
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
No,they wouldnt, you think that way cos you think your sense of humour is maybe different? I say its refreshing!,to hear jokes from around the world!
"When a fly hits the windscreen at 100mph,what goes thru his mind?"
"His ARSE!"
"When a fly hits the windscreen at 100mph,what goes thru his mind?"
"His ARSE!"
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
no, it has to do with the metaphors and language and the general stereotype (southernrs, sweeds and so on) and yeah... but I'll see if I can find anyone ^^ meanwhile a joke only fjordians might understand.
it's not the fart that kills you, it's the smell - rally driver, Petter Solberg (or it is a myth i dunno)
it's not the fart that kills you, it's the smell - rally driver, Petter Solberg (or it is a myth i dunno)
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
What do you call a mushroom with a 10inch penis ?
A fungi to be with.
A fungi to be with.
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8747
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
My nosy neighbour popped his head over the fence and said, "How did your trip to Amsterdam go?"
I said, "It was ok. I smoked loads of weed. Met a beautiful woman. Fantastic figure, intelligent, and a great personality. In fact she reminded me of your wife a bit."
He laughed and said, "Which bit?"
I said, "The bit where she charges for sex."
I said, "It was ok. I smoked loads of weed. Met a beautiful woman. Fantastic figure, intelligent, and a great personality. In fact she reminded me of your wife a bit."
He laughed and said, "Which bit?"
I said, "The bit where she charges for sex."
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Studies have shown that guys with small penises can have just as much fun in the bedroom.
Just buy an XBox
Just buy an XBox
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.
The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Oh dear! Saville jokes! {{Ok I admit I sniggered at that}}}
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46809
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view
*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101- Crabbitmeister
- Posts : 46809
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 53
Location : Scotshobbitland
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Norc
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15642
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with?
Shouldn't that be 'Gay', not 'gay'... If not, I don't get it! Let me see, "I was going to tell a gay joke, butt I don't feel in the mood for one." No, that's not funny. What about, "I wasn't going to tell a gay joke, but everybody laughed.' No, that doesn't work either. Norc do you mind if I change it to 'Gay'? It'll work better that way.
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Orwell- Dark Presence with Gilt Edge
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