Work-a-Hobbit (completed at last!!! ..or should I say; again!!!)

Norc wrote:
Sgt Ringo put his toothbrush in his mouth as he tortured out the last bit of toothpaste. He had argued with this particular toothpaste for a month now. Now that pony cart expenses weren’t covered by the police office and his paycheck still remained rather low, he had to cut down on several things in his life to make the wheels turn. Alongside the toothpaste, he’d cut down on hair gel (which meant his hair wasn’t as groomed as it used to be and with all those curls it was an utter mess. The DI had pestered him a couple of time to “look proper at work”), he’d only been at the gym twice a week and lost four pounds (agent Nora had even put up a motherly tone and asked if he was feeling alright). It was either this or facing superintendent Elthir, and frankly, Ringo didn’t really like him. To be honest, he was rather scary. And he had put Eldo in jail once… His paycheck was of Fjordianlandian standards, which was okay, but everything in Forumshire was so bloody expensive. But trying to convince Elthir that he was underpaid wasn’t something he was eager to do. He might be sent home. So he simply was saving money for his own ride. And God help him.

Amarië wrote:Ringo had been checking the employment section in the News of the Pure and the notification board by the town hall.
Bouncer at the Much and Duck didn’t really appeal to him much. It was sure to be in conflict with his current job and his own moral standards. Besides, he needed his beauty sleep. But of course, the barmaids…
Assistant eel handler (“Flexible hours, must have a firm, but gentle grip and a healthy back.”) at mrs Figg’s did seem to have his name on it, though Eldo might feel he was invading his turf, so to speak.
Then there was towel boy at Ally’s esoteric bubble baths and poetry. He didn’t know what that might actually mean, but her business was doing very well.
Pony express rider for the Forumshire mail service, Newspaper collector for Ambassador Amarië... she had worn out three men this last month alone but Ringo was fairly certain he was strong enough to handle it. Then he shuddered slightly and read on.
Carrot controller at Dave’s farm, Evil Hench Man at We-ve-got-nothing-to-do-with-Odo Inc…
He ran his hand through his unruly hair and frowned. He had to choose something soon, he really wanted his own set of wheels with a some decent horse power in the front. And he really wanted some hair gel.

Norc wrote:Ringo first tried out as pony express rider for the Forumshire mail service, which really meant that he was Amarië’s personal mailman as forumshire inhabitants seldom got any mail and the newspaper only came out on special occasions (and then probably late). Though what little post the average citizen of Needlehole got, Amarië certainly made up for it. The mail-pony had been changed with a (terribly) large shire horse in order to pull the amount of newspapers, magazines, scrolls and letters and god knows what from the post office at the railway station, up the hill and to the ambassadors respectable (and very impressive) estate. Not to mention Ringo had to carry it all inside for her. He had to get up in an inhuman hour every day and the workout really made up for the cut down on the gym.
For some reason he didn’t want all of Needlehole to know about his extra job, especially Eldo and Nora, so he had asked Amarië to not mention it to anybody. The man at the post office must have been a relative of Petty because he was just gone. His brain melted away on post glue and a liver about the size and shape of a walnut. Amarië had promised to keep the job between the two of them, although Ringo was a bit skeptical at first. He knew how easy women could blab out stuff or eagerly tell secrets, but then he remembered how tricky and carefully she had been with her information when he and Nora had interrogated her, so he had taken her word for it.
Though the job turned out to be the death of him. Since he only ate oats-porridge he was so low on energy and losing a lot of weight, he hardly could function at the police office or at his so-called part time job. The part time job turned out the be a more or less all-time-consuming job as Amarië got him to do all sort of errands. He once had to go down to the shop and hoard tampons. When he’d met Orwell at the store he’d asked who they were for. In the bewilderment he’d said Nora, and utterly regretted it. “Those are rather large..” Orwell had said thoughtfully “and I saw her buying lots of them just a week ago…” “Heavy one” Ringo had said knowingly and hurried off.  He hoped Nora never found out or she would probably kick him so hard he would feel his balls tickling his adam apple.
No, he had to find a way to quit this job, only the thought of rejecting Amarië wasn’t very tempting. He understood wholeheartedly why the mailman was so frequently changed.

Amarië wrote:Ringo had now reached his 14th day on the job, the weather was wet and the roads muddy and his hair a mess. No, this was no fun. No fun at all. The pay did not match the workload, but the glittering piece of mithril Amarië had slipped into his pocket the eight day ‘for service well rendered’ did make up for a bit.
He had hoped the stop at the embassy would be a quick one. He really wanted to go home and sleep if only for a few minutes. Unfortunately the ambassador had some urgent outgoing mail she had not quite finished preparing, and she asked him to join her in her study while she finished. 
- Do have a seat while you wait. It will only take a minute.
Ringo collapsed into the chair as casually and manly as he could manage. It was a cushioned chair with ornate wood carvings on the back and armrests shaped as dragons’ heads.
It was too early for the embassy staff to have arrived. The only sound he could hear was the even scratchy sound of pen writing on paper and the crackling fire in the fireplace. His eyes trail over the paintings and the back of books in the bookshelves. The flickering light gave life to the golden letters and decorations and he quietly wondered how Amarië could possibly have time to read all these books as well as managing all the incoming mail.
Too late does he realize he had forgotten to be aware of his surroundings and failed to make a note of the possible escape routes. Rookie mistake, curses! The ambassador had moved over and he was cornered.  She leans down, one finger moves under his chin and gently lifting his face to face her. Then she grabs hold of his jaw, making his lips pursed and fish like.
- What is this? A Fjordian Sargent caught of his guard?
Ringo is suddenly 100% focused and a multitude of possible scenarios and self-defense strategies rush through his head, as well as a few dance moves he had practiced.
The ambassador tilts her head slightly and studies him.
- My dear Herring, she says in Fjordian.
- You do not look well at all. Are you eating properly?
- Ish shush sheh whu! Insisted Ringo through fishy lips.
Amarië was used to the gibberish of Petty’s so called “dialect”, so she had no trouble deciphering this at all.
- 'Just the flu' indeed. How would it look if you collapsed on my doorstep? No, that just won't do. That won’t do at all. I have just the thing you need.
Smiling secretly, she ducks into a cupboard. Ringo hears the sound of bottles being moved, and she emerges with a slightly devious smile, holding a familiar looking green bottle in one hand and a spoon in the other.
- Tran! she said. Open wide!
Ringo squirms. Cod liver oil imported from Fjordlandia. Oh joy…

Norc wrote:Ringo tried to refuse but Amarië motherly forced it down his throat. 
“thanks..” he mumbled when he was sure it wouldn’t come up again when he opened his mouth.
“although, I am fine. I’ve just been.. on a diet lately.”
“diet? You?” Amarië looked like someone told her the earth actually was flat. “young, working, male hobbits in such an excellent shape shouldn’t be on a diet!”
“really, ambassador, I am alright.”
“No, you are not. You’re pale, and weak and you seem very tired.” Ringo couldn’t really argue with that.
“off with your shirt.” Amarië demanded.
“what?!” He hurried up and backed as best, and politely as he could, away from Amarië (which of course only made matters worse as he tripped on the armchair he’d forgotten he was sitting in and fell behind it and the wall).
“c’mon, dear, off with it” she said as she with surprising force dragged him onto his feet. Ringo had a bad feeling about this.
“I need to see what damaged this so-called diet of yours has made.” She then without any further ado took off his t-shirt as though he was a small child.
“oh dear” she huffed. Ringo himself caught a glance of his appearance in one of Amarië’s many fine carved, elvish mirrors tactically placed around the room. It was a grim sight. He’s hair was a birds nest of curls and he was really skinny. He had to admit, he looked rather ill.
“well, that settles it then, Ringo.” She said as she dragged her fingers over his ribs, that were all too visible.
“You come here an hour earlier than usual and have breakfast with me. Now off you go with my mail, dear.”
“thanks, Ambassador” He said, a bit skeptical.
“oh, please, call me Amarië”
 
He had first thought of not going, but when he had seen the inside of his fridge and pictured the look of dismay on Amarië’s face, he went to breakfast with her. This was actually the smartest thing he had ever done. It seemed Amarië’s breakfasts were of the royal standards. After a couple of weeks he had put on his healthy weight of muscles and handsomeness yet again. I would even dare to say, he had never looked better. The mailcarrying had worked wonders for him. Alongside good genes and hard work he now looked like someone out of underwear commercials, he thought as he a Sunday morning admired himself in the mirror. No post on Sundays (as mr Dursley so fondly knew) so he was heading down to the station. Mostly just to be on guard as the police didn’t really have days off but mostly to catch up with Eldo and Nora who had been out of town this week. Also, this was one of the few days he was allowed in the gym, and he very much looked forward to it. There was nothing better to do a Sunday morning than to chat with Eldo while they both worked out. Agent Nora preferred yoga and tae kwon do and some secret fighting skills she learned in Mirkwood so she was training by herself. Which she thought just fine. She saw so much of the two gentlehobbits, some hours alone was just what she wanted sometimes.
 
“Ringo!” Eldo exclaimed and gave him a hug. “wassap, man?!” Agent Nora rolled her eyes. No, they definitely weren’t cool just yet, she thought.
“How’s your week been?” Ringo asked curiously, he had missed his friend. Being so busy lately really took out on his social life.
“Nevermind ours, what about yours? You look so much better? Did you found out what was wrong with you?”
“What, no, nothing was wrong with me. I’ve told you.”
“I don’t believe you, but if you don’t want to talk about it, fine” Eldo said, pretending it was all fine. “or her as I should say..”
“her?”
“yes, it must’ve been a girl” Nora jumped in. “We came to the conclusion that you must’ve been lovesick. So, it worked out alright?”
“what are you guys talking about?! There was no girl!”
“Or boy, it’s all fine” Eldo teased.
“you guys…” Ringo said “can we just drop it?”
“sure” they both said, giving each other a knowing look, but they didn’t mention it again.
“let’s head for the gym, Ringo” Eldo said and got up.
“yes, and you can tell me all about your week. What was the case again?
“we called it “the case of the missing coat”. Turned out it was Nora’s coat. She seems to have a lot she hasn’t told us. Her coat seems to have belonged to a tall, cheekbony figure called Sheerluck Holmen. He was a bit furious about the coat being missing, but somehow Nora talked him into giving it to her.”
“what? Tell me all about it!”

Amarië wrote:“It was a dark and stormy evening. “ Eldo started ominously.
Nora rolled her eyes. “Oh drop the theatrics.”
“We were at the office. I was finishing up a report, while Nora was sitting on the desk looking pretty and doing her nails.”
“Other way around, Eldo…”
 
Ringo snickered.
 
Eldo winked. “Details, details… Then in burst a skinny fellow wearing a posh red morning gown over his day clothes. He just stops and sort of poses for a second before he says: There’s the coat snatcher of Rikenbakke!”
 
Apparently he was talking to a blond fellow who was tagging along behind him. The blond walked passed him, rolling his eyes. ‘Really, Sheerluck, do pretend you have learned some manners.’ he said and came over to shake hands with me.
 
‘John Sebastian Vattson,’ he said. ‘That there is Sheerluck Holmen. We’ve already met miss Herring. Say…You do look a bit familiar as well. Have we met??’ “
 
“Oh yes!” chuckled Nora. “That bit was rather good! Holmen cast one look at the two and said with a sigh: ‘Oh how relaxing it must be to be so stupid. There’s a bird on the window sill and the handle of the coffee mug points east so obviously you’ve met at Mrs Figg’s.’ And both lads looked at each other, then they quickly ended the handshake and changed the subject.”
 
Ringo squinted his eyes at her.
"And since when do you find it amusing to talk about Eldo and mrs Figg?"
"Since he promised that he had stopped going there!" snapped Nora. Ringo decided not temp fate by looking at Eldo.
 
“So... Bird on the sill. That made no sense? Was he quoting from the Wholesome Tales or something? Wait, was that the Holmen and Vattson who assist the Scothobbit Enclosure? Ama…ssador Amarie has a fan wall of those two as well. Annoyingly it is larger than our wall… It’s like our latest grand adventures haven’t reached the public yet. Funny that…”
 
“Yeah…” Eldo said. “Rather strange, really. I guess they must be classified. Not that that has stopped the ambassador before… Wait, did you just say you have been in the ambassador’s private study?”
 
This was a bullet Ringo could easily dodge.
“Yeah, like you haven’t?”
“In official business only. Naturally.”
“Of course. Signing photographs and such.”
 
Nora gasped.
“Eldo!”
 
Eldo coughed and quickly mumbled.
“Let’s get on with the tale of the coat, shall we?”

Norc wrote:love the title.
 
 
 “yes, the coat”  Said Nora, coming to the rescue. “well, maybe I should tell you guys how I came by this coat before going on?”
“I’d like to hear that,” Eldo sniggered and turned to face her, shifting slightly in his chair and challenging put his arms across his chest. “how did you come by this coat.” Nora laughed and smiled, but didn’t say anything. 
“What.. you didn’t?” 
“Did what?” Nora asked, still smiling like a loony.
“You know..” Eldo did some awkward movements.
“…what?” Nora smiled even more now because he looked so goofy and trying to figure out what he meant.
“You know..like”  He demonstrated some rather impressive hip movements. Now Ringo had to bite his lip so he wouldn’t laugh. He was enjoying this far too much to ruin it. The agent just kept smiling a bit puzzled but when Eldo started making sounds and faces, her face went blank.
“NO! oh god no!” she blushed, “no, we never, I never, no.. no.”
“what? Really, did you see him?” Eldo raised an eyebrow.
“yeah, he was dashing, even in his morning gown.” Ringo added. Nora looked surprised.
“well, one can’t argue with that, but have you met him and talked to him? I mean, really talked to him for a very long time?” She jumped down from the desk she was sitting at. “thought so.” 
“well, then tell us, if you didn’t.. do the bed-samba with him, how did you manage to kidnap his coat?” Ringo wondered.
“well,” she cleared her throat. “there is an awful lot you don’t know about me. Like for instance I beat the Prince of Mirkforest, Legoless at a horse race. Yepp, me, against a tall slender elf, bareback on large horses. No ponies. He was such a foul looser I was banned from the weekly parties for a month. Well, after a month I straightened my hair and shaved my toes, and went in as a young elf. I am an agent you know, in case you’ve forgotten. I have certain skills.”
“Get to the point, Nora, we know you’re fantastic and awesome and elf-like.” Eldo tapped his imaginary clock. 
“yeah, yeah, ok. It was before I came to needlehole. I was staying up in Bree. Did you know mrs Figg used to live there? Well anyways.. It was right after the dark planet had taken over and made chaos. Few trustworthy people lived there. There were many rangers, people who came and went. Also, there was this rumour. A monster, apparently.” 
“what?! A monster?!”  Eldo and Ringo exclaimed. 
“yes” Nora made a spooky voice, “a hound.. it was called the Hound of Bree and it is said to be the size of working-horses.”
“I actually think I read something about that in the newspaper…  was it really a hound?” Eldo asked.
“I’ll get to it, wait. I was sent down there to find out what was going on. The fjordian government feared one of our trolls had roamed down south and well.. we can’t have trolls outside fjordianland, right.”
“But it wasn’t a troll right, Nora” Ringo said in awe “or else I’d heard about it..”
“No, it was no troll. I met these dapper conculting detectives, as they called themselves.. though I think the short one was merely a blogger. They stayed at the same inn as me. At Mrs Figg’s, when it still was a decent place to stay. Though, it was small, only two rented rooms and one kind of.. speculated room, I kept my distance. I think there must have been a mix up because I got the room with two beds and I am fairly sure they got the small, cold one with one bed… the walls were thin. Anywas. They figured out this rather quickly, it wasn’t a hound nor a troll. It turned out to be something hairy and large and smelly. It was intimidating. But it was just a normal, shaggy dog. He’d been left out all summer on his own and his coat was awefully matted and horrid. I pampered the cute dog up and he’s been my companion ever since. But I couldn’t bring him here, sadly, he’s home in fjordianland.”
“so there was no hound? Just the enormous dog of yours?” Ringo asked.
“yes, exactly”
“But how about this coat?”
“well, something came up. Black riders from the dark planet I guess. Or the blackened band as the detectives called them, they had to dash through an open window, but in the bewilderment he forgot his coat. Well, I held on to it, but then I had to fight the riders off while they jumped through the window. They never returned for it and I had to disappear. A good long coat was just what I needed.”
“So you kept the coat?” Ringo scratched his head. “but, it’s a man’s coat right, shouldn’t it be way too big?” Nora blushed. “I had it re-done. I liked the fabric and the look so I just.. fixed it a little.”
“But now that he’s back and wants it back…” Ringo started collecting the pieces..
“Oh, yes he was mad” Eldo grinned. “But Nora here has got some sassy persuasion skills.”
“She does?”
“oh yeah..” and Eldo started telling how she’d persuaded Sheerluck Holmen in giving up his best coat and not make a terrible revenge.

Amarië wrote:Ringo’s face still hurt from laughing as he curled up in bed that evening. It had been great to be just the three of them again, joking and watching Nora flail her arms around while telling her crazy tale. 
 
He folded his arms behind his neck and stared into the ceiling. It was a bit easier to sneak off now that Eldo and Nora thought he was seeing a girl, or a boy. But they were far from happy about it. The strange behaviour of sneaking out before breakfast - instead of the more expected way of sneaking in before breakfast - had lead the to the conclusion that he was dating a milk maid or farm boy, "which was fine", rather than a bar maid-type. He was certain they also had a list of suspects and were getting ready to interrogate them.
 
This was getting out of hand. He had simply wanted a second job to earn some money. Now he was sneaking about, lying and the Dark Planet ambassador of all people was keeping secrets on his behalf and feeding him breakfast and cod liver oil every morning. Things like this don’t happen in real life, it was like he was caught in a strange tale where he was at the mercy of some lunatic author.
 
Putting existential thoughts aside, he came to the conclusion that this could not go on. He wanted his own cart and pony, but the price was too high. He rolled over to his side and closed his eyes, knowing that worrying would not stop the sun from rising and he had to be up and about by then. 
 
---
 
“You seem troubled.”
Amarië’s calm voice reached him and he realized his thoughts had trailed of in the middle of whatever it was she had been talking about.
 
“No, not at all. All is well.” he lied.
“Forgive me. My mistake. Shall I pass you some more butter?”
 
He looked down at his plate and saw he had put a mountain of butter on a rather small piece of cheese.
 
“I meant to do that.”
 
“Of course.”
 
Ringo slapped the buttered cheese on a slice of bread, figuring he might as well devour the evidence.
 
The following silence was rather unnerving. Amarië was slowly carving thin, thin slices of ham with a large yet elegant elven blade, a small smile on her lips. Ringo couldn’t help thinking that this was a fairly effective way of interrogation which he hoped Nora and Eldo wouldn’t adopt. Though knowing them they wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face for long before laughing. Their constant hints and questions were torment enough. Perhaps it was more to do with the person than the method. He deep down knew that they would never actually kill him, while he never quite knew what the ambassador might do. 
 
“They think I’ve been pining over a girl. Or a boy.” he blurted out. 
Amarië smiled and put the sliced ham on a serving plate. 
“Which is fine by Eldo, I am sure.”
“Yes it is. Or it would be if it was so. Which it isn’t as you already know. Why does everybody have to make a point of that? If it’s fine then why mention it?”
 
Amarië shrugged. 
“It’s a new age. People feel they need to make a stand and show their acceptance or disapproval. It is not long ago that something as simple as going out on adventures was frowned at, and now it is commonly accepted and hardly anyone raises an eyebrow, except the most old fashioned of people.”
 
She paused to take a sip of her tea before she calmly continued. 
 
“Also you are a tall, dark and very handsome, door smashing…” At this point Ringo accidentally bit his tongue in pure perplexion. “…troll hunting,  Fjordlandian one man army, so you should not exclude the possibility of flirting or that some people might be terrified of angering you in some way.”
 
“Ah… That really clarified things….Glad I asked.” Ringo drank a large mouthful of milk hoping to soothe his tongue a bit.
 
“But this is not why you are distracted, is it?”
 
He pushed his empty plate from him.
 
“I have quit my job at the post office, this is my last day. Which also means I will in all likelihood not come for breakfast anymore.”
 
Amarië didn’t look too surprised. He didn’t know if it was because she had expected it or if she was simply covering it up in her usual diplomatic manner. 
 
“I am sad to hear that. I have enjoyed our time together. At least I know the streets of Needlehole are safer now that you are fit and healthy again. Are you sure you are not sneaking away to start another ‘diet’?”
“Of course not! That is not an experience I wish to repeat.” 
 
Amarie shook her head.
“I am not convinced, who’s to say you haven’t started already? I know you eat well for breakfast, but perhaps you don’t eat for the rest of the day? I am the only one who knows how you spend your mornings, I feel responsible for your well-being.”
 
“I don’t need looking after, I am not your pet!” 
Amarië face darkened. “Don’t you take that tone with me, Sargent. Without me you would be hardly more than skin and bones!”
With deep indignation, he jumped out of his chair, pulled his shirt over his head and struck out his arms to make his point clear. “See? I’m fine. No need to for you worry!”
 
The ambassador slowly leaned back in her chair, adjusting her glasses slightly.
“Well well, seems I was mistaken yet again. You do look fine indeed.”
 
Ringo looked at the ambassador’s crooked smile, then he looked down at himself. He put his hands on his sides, his fingers tapped restlessly on his hips while he tried really hard to stay mad. 
“I cannot believe I took the bait on that one.” 
 
The ambassador laughed.
“Yes, that was too easy. I truly do worry about your health. Eat, sleep and keep your wits about.”
 
With equal amounts of embarrassment and amusement he put his shirt back on and went to get his dark sneaking-about-fairly-undetected hooded coat.
 
Amarië walked him to the front door in silence. He stepped outside in the crisp morning air and took a deep breath. Despite all the lying and sneaking he too had enjoyed these early mornings in the embassy. I had been nice to ramble on in their respective Fjordian dialects about this and that, making sure the topics were harmless non-political and not work related. Almost like real friends. Next time they would meet it would probably be on official duty as ambassador and police hobbit, not Ringo and Amarië. He didn’t know how to voice these thoughts without sounding like a complete idiot, so he simply turned to her and said a hearth felt “thank you.”
Amarië smiled warmly in return. “It’s been a privilege.”
 
A he turned his back he heard her add in a far more familiar tone.
 “You are welcome to stay for breakfast any time.” And with a laugh she closed the door.
 
He blinked at the door for second, before he grinned broadly and shook his head. He then ducked his head under his hood trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. He hurried along to make his final deliveries on the job before handing his uniform back and heading for his interview at Mrs Figgs’. He was hoping for better work hours and less back breaking labour. If Eldo truly had promised to stay away from Figgs’ then chances were he would not accidentally run into him or Nora. And what happens at Figgs’, stays at Figgs’.

Amarië wrote:Norc's start:
The little bell over the door ringed merely as he entered Mrs Figg’s house of Eels and pleasure. The room was filled with a moist, hot perfumed smoke, which made him feel relaxed and happy. His anxiety for the job-interview vanished.

 
He smiled to himself as he remembered staying here with Eldo years ago. Outside Needlehole was slowly waking up, but in here the only way to tell time were the staff seamlessly changing shifts, and the candles burning down and being replaced. Ringo hid a long yawn behind the back of his hand. He knew where to find Figg's office, police work often took them this way. 
 
Mrs Figg's secretary gave him a polite nod and told him to go straight in.
 
Julia Figg had proven to be a successful business woman. Her husband Oscar travelled a lot, and among the many things he did while being away was seeing to the capture and safe transport of the eels. Julia left little to chance when it came to her pride and joy - eel wrangling. 
 
Julia rose from her desk as he entered, extending her hand to shake his. She had a firm grip, and the sleeveless dress clearly showed her strong, sleek arm muscles. 
 
“Mister Herring, welcome. It is a welcomed change to be the one interviewing you for once. I understand you have handled fish before?”
 
“Yes, Fjordian children are familiar with various kinds of fish from a young age, both saltwater and freshwater fish.”

Norc wrote:[[[[hold ur horses Amarië, this is a two parter ]]]]
 
“Yes, Fjordian children are familiar with various kinds of fish from a young age, both saltwater and freshwater fish.”
 
“So I’ve heard. You have a strong, tight grip then?”
“Oh yes, Mrs Figg, even when the eels are slippery and strong.”
“Good, but please call me Julia.” Ringo didn’t really feel like calling her Julia. Too personal, but he nodded and hoped it wouldn’t go further than that (as she was a bit scary and unpredictable). 
“I had a look at your application. You didn’t list any references.” She said as she glanced at the paper. 
“erm… well, no.” Ringo replied. He wasn’t sure how he was going to explain why he’d left that bracket open as he didn’t want her to call Eldo or Nora, but Mrs Figg beat him to it.
“no worries, dear. I know the job has some fishy rumours. I’ll just have to see what you’re good for, then, won’t I?” She smiled at him from behind her desk. There was an awkward silence as she continued to smile at him for several long seconds.
“so, shall I-“
“shh.” She held up a finger. “Don’t talk.” He opened his mouth, but her finger was oddly hypnotising. 
“turn around.” He did so. 
“What size are you”
“pardon?” He abruptly turned his head.
“Face the wall, sergeant” He turned his head again and as he stared at the wall, he wondered why the walls were furry. 
“Your knickers, what size are they?”
“erm..” he felt confused and dizzy. “I dunno..” He jumped up and squealed in surprise when she suddenly pinched his bottom.
“hmm..” she said “I think a size quarter-melon w-45 nail-lengths will do.”
“what?” 
“take of your shirt.”
“what?”
“I need to see what shape you’re in. This is a rather physical job.” Ringo felt the weird confusion of déjà vu as he stripped down and, on the command, his pants too.
“That is not bad, sergeant. Not bad at all.” 
“I have the job?” Ringo asked bluntly. There was something not right with the air. It was too comfortable to breathe in and made his thoughts all fuzzy. 
“yes, well, I have to observe you for the rest of the day, but yes. Congratulations. You have the job.” Ringo beamed foolishly as he went to put on his clothes again.
“No, no, take these. See if they fit you. I think they do, although, I am never too sure about the pants. You men vary too much.” She handled him a small bunch of clothes. Mostly leather and it didn’t look like much. 
“leather, are you sure?” Ringo held up what looked like a pair of, what he hoped was a hat, but seemed to be his underpants.
“yes. Some of the eels are electric; you would want protection, don’t you? Or is your skin thick, like Vikings?” Ringo blushed but wriggled himself into his new work-uniform. 
“oh, I almost forgot” Mrs Figg said as she halted by the door, “here’s a mask, in case you don’t want to be recognized. Although..” she bit her lip and her gaze wandered ”you may be recognized anyway.”

Norc wrote:Ringo didn’t really know how to interpret that, but he gladly put on the mask, avoided looking in the many mirrors strategically placed around the house and got to work. It was, as Mrs Figg had pointed out, a very physical job. 
 
He soon got the hang of the eels too, although he’d never wrangled eels before. Herring, yes, not eels. Mrs Figg also had other creatures too, crabs, blowfish and nasty, venomous dragon fish (the protection came in handy on several occasions). Ringo’s first day, or night really, went surprisingly well. He had some cock-ups but Mrs Figg chose to brush them off as “beginner’s mistake” and he was releaved. 
 
After working there for some weeks he hit his first bump in the road. He was wrangling a particularly queer octopus in place before the next client when the doorbell rang. His heart sank to somewhere in his ballsack as he saw that it was no other than Eldo walking in. He pulled down his mask, which he had momentarily taken off, and ducked behind the desk. He cursed under his breath. Mrs Figg was somewhere else in the building, he had to face him if he didn't do something quick. The other forumshiren residents who payed Mrs Figg’s house of Eels and Pleasures a visit where thick enough to not recognize him, but Eldo would never fall for a simple mask.
 
He used his awesome Viking/ninja skills and slipped into the furry office behind. There he almost crashed into Figg! She looked puzzled and a bit too cheerful.
“oh, but mr Herring, what’s the rush, isn’t there a client there?”
“yes. But, uhm, you see I have to erm… it’s eeeeh..”
“it’s okay, I’ll take him, you go and finish up the rooms.” He nodded gratefully and disappeared upstairs. As he cleaned up what he hoped dearly was yogurt he had some time to let his thoughts wander. What on earth was Eldo doing here? This was surely not job related! Not if he was to judge by the look Eldo had when he came in. Ringo had never seen him in anything but his usually white shirt and casual suit and tie, but it looked like Eldo was wearing something from Ringo’s closet. No, this didn’t make sense. And he had promised to not visit Mrs Figg’s again. Ringo wanted to confront him with it, but how? Officially he didn’t work here. No, he had to think carefully about this. Maybe it really was work related, undercover somehow (but how can one really be undercover in such a small community?). Though, when he walked out of the room, as he had finished cleaning it, he heard laughter from one of the doors, and he came to the conclusion this was not work related. It was clearly Mrs Figg’s merry laughter and the male voice was no doubt Eldo’s.
“oh” Mrs Figg’s voice squeeled “What are you doing, dear”
“sorry, Julia, I guess I'm better with lots of tentacles than lots of legs.”

Amarië wrote:Ringo clenched and unclenched his fists. He should go. He should not be listening in on his employer and his best friend. And he should not be thinking how easy it would be to sneak closer and peek through the door. But he had already taken a mental note of the different exits and hiding places he could use if he was spotted and had to run. (He was still a bit shaken by the cod liver oil incident. Never again.) 
 
Under normal circumstances he would have closed his eyes and ears and let Eldo have his privacy. Perhaps it was a side effect of breathing inn the odd perfume, but this was all too weird to ignore. Why would Eldo risk the wrath of Nora, and why in Ringo's clothes? He swore quietly at himself. Then he rolled up his mask, crept silently against the wall and opened the door just a creek. His jaw dropped as he took in the sight. It seemed they had started with your every day crab job, and when you've seen one crab job you have pretty much seen them all. But this was something else entirely. Double squidding! That was some truly advanced wrangling. Ringo felt his pulse quickening, he could hardly believe that Eldo could handle this. He nearly burst through the door as the largest squid made a daring move, Julia gasped, but Eldo never lost his focus and didn't need to be saved. 
 
A warm feeling filled him from top to toe. That was a man he was proud to say had his back. And vice versa.
 
His clothes hung a bit looser around Eldo's frame than they did on Ringo, but he did look good. Funny how a set of clothes can make you see someone differently. But he had to admit, that shirt had never had quite so many arms inside it at once. Damn, Eldo! he thought. How come I knew nothing about this? He bit his lip. When was the last time the two of them had spent time together, alone? From the look of things Eldo had come here a lot. Perhaps he didn't think Ringo wanted to come. And this was not Nora's idea of a good time. Not at all. But look how his eyes shines, his muscles flexing, Figg's approving nods and encouragements, tentacles everywhere...
 
Ringo pulled away. He hastened around the corner and stood still for a moment, catching his breath and calming his beating heart. And now he knew what to do, how to make things right. His shift was over, he hastened to change back into his own clothing, realizing with a grin that they now had matching outfits. Then he returned, leaned against the wall at an appropriate distance from the room and waited for Eldo to come out.

Amarië wrote:Eldo took two steps before Eldo spotted him. He took one look at Ringo's smile, turned on his heals and walked the other way. 
 
Ringo frowned, perhaps he should have expected this. But the option to hanging around in corridor was to lurk in a dark corner, and that seemed a bit more creepy. He quickly caught up with him. 
- Hey, wait up. It's just me. It's not like it's an intervention or anything.
 
Eldo stopped and leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets.
- It's not what it looks like.
 
Ringo did the same, briefly thinking they must look like they belonged to to a gang or a band of some sort. 
 
- Looked like some top notch wrangling to me. I, um, shame to say, I watched you. Just a bit though. 'Cause you were dressed like that and you had promised Nora and... um... yeah. 
 
Eldo's ears turned red.
- Ok, it is what it looks like. But it's just a hobby. Nothing sordid going on.
 
- Sordid!? You did a half tumble with a double squid! That is pure art! I nearly had a heat attack!
 
Eldo gave him a suspicious glare. 
- You never cared much for wrangling before. Wranglers yes, but not wrangling.
 
Ringo shrugged and felt a bit guilty for not telling the whole truth.
- Well you could say I've had a change of heart. I always thought you were just joking when you were watching the eel wranglers and fish dancers and asked what type of fish they were holding. No wonder you didn't tell me about this. What's with all the sneaking around? You looked like you thought I'd give you a hard time about something. It's me!
 
Eldo's shoulders relaxed and he smiled sheepishly.
 
- Old habit I suppose. I like the sea. I had an uncle who once traveled to the coast and told crazy tales about fish and boats and salty water. I would visit the library and read everything I could find. Which wasn't a lot, of course. It wasn't exactly the coolest thing for a kid to do in Michel Delving, so I just kept it to myself. I learned a bit on my own, and for a while now I've bought some lessons from Julia. It's relaxing, takes my mind off things. You know I always... worry about everything.
 
- Yeah, I know.
 
Ringo smiled softly. Then he followed up with the enevetable:
- I knew you were acting fishy. 
 
Eldo snickered.
- You're the one to make fish jokes, Herring!
- Oh I've heard a few in my days...
 
He wrapped his arm around Eldo's shoulders and ruffled his hair. 
- Come now, fish geek. I've got something to show you. But we got to go back to the room. I imagine mrs Figg is still moving the barrels.
 
They walked back to the room and found it empty except for the crab barrel.
Ringo whispered conspiratorially.
- I thought perhaps, if we’re quick, I could take you by the back door before Figg comes back for the crab. 
 
Eldo raised an eyebrow. 
- Nora’s making dinner today, we’re dead if we’re late.
 
- Huh... We might be dead if we show up. Oh come on, it won’t take long and it will be so worth it! I promise! Pretty pleeeease!?
 
Ringo put on a pout and the largest puppy eyes he could master. Eldo couldn't help but laugh.
- You are such a bad influence on me. Yeah, what the heck, I’m game. 
 
After a quick victory dance - which made Eldo grin even wider at the ridiculous man- Ringo grabbed Eldo’s hand and dragged him across the room.
He gingerly moved his hand towards the knob, and not wanting to waste any more time he slipped inside and found the dark damp corridor open and ready. He knowingly led Eldo in the opposite direction of where he knew Julia had taken the squids. They passed several doors before the corridor took a sharp left. Again Ringo took the lead in opening the door. The large room was empty, as he expected. This was practically holy ground. Perfect. He leaned towards Eldo and whispered.
 
- Before you go in, remember that this is the true center of mrs Figg’s establishment and only grade 5 wranglers and above are allowed in here. I only know about this because I made a wrong turn one day… and then I saw something and got curious… And then I got yelled at...  Anyhow. Here Eldo, this is as close to the ocean you’ll get without actually swimming in it. 
 
Eldo pushed to door opened and gasped.

Norc wrote:
 
 
 
"NORA?!"
. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
For what seemed like for ever they stood there, speechless, staring at each other. 
“I- I-“ Nora started. She was standing in the middle of the room in her underwear, her eyes wide in amazement. 
“YOU HERE!!!!!!!” exclaimed Ringo. “What the fuck?!” He lifted his finger and pointed at here “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!”
Eldo, who with sudden embarrassment understood what kind of situation they were in, grabbed the nearest loose cloth he could find (a fallen-down curtain) and tried handing it to Nora (he would take of his jacket, but as he wasn’t wearing any and didn’t want to remove what little he had on, not that it would help in any way, he went for the curtain). Nora just ignored it, crossed her arms and said with narrowed eyes.
“What are you two doing here?” 
“we…eh.. we..erm.. uh…erm.. we.. we just … that.. you know.. well.. we were”  Eldo stammered and gesticulated, his face the colour of china’s flag.
“Eel wrangling, what else” Ringo interrupted, making matters only worse for poor Eldo. Ringo had somewhat more training with stressful and awkward situations than him. 
“but you?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”
“I don’t think that you are in any position to ask question, sergeant.” Nora said and took a few steps towards them, the look upon her face was stone hard, no expression. 
“Didn’t I clearly say not to come here, detective inspector?” She gave them both a piercing look. Ringo was stunned..
“did you just pull a rank on me?” he said shocked. They stared at each other.
“so, I do outrank you, don’t I sergeant” Nora answered, not even blinking. Her face was unreadable. 
“I thought..nevermind” He backed up. “C’mon Eldo. We’re off.” He turned and walked away as controlled as he could before he did anything stupid. He was so angry. Why did this piss him off so much, he was a military man, used to shit like this. 
“ELDO! Get your ass over here!” He took him by the collar and pushed him in front of him and out. 
 

Amarië wrote:- You said she was making dinner! 
- She said she had a spa date first! Some female networking thing. This is the last place in Middle Earth I thought she'd be! 
- Spa? What's that?
 
A venomous “ahem” behind them made them turn around and stood face to face with mrs Figg. She had changed from her previous work wear to an eel skin bathing suit with a silk bathrobe loosely tied around her waist. Looking fabulous as usual.
 
- Wednesdays are ladies night. Cute attire and rumors aside, you two don't pass as girls. Get. Out. Of. Here.
 
Ringo looked rather miffed. Not only because his plan had gone terribly wrong, but because he knew this was a deal breaker. Page 3 of the contract. Very large letters. And he who had just started to get the hang of things.
 
Eldo muttered an apology and grabbed Ringo's shirt and Ringo did the only sensible thing.
He yanked out of the grasp, put on the saddest puppy eyes the world had ever seen (one must, of course, take into consideration that youtube, Disney and Japanese animation hadn't reached the Shire yet.).
 
- I am so sorry, mrs Figg. I just wanted to show Eldo the holding tanks. We didn't know there'd be girls there. 
 
Julia smirked.
- That usually works for you, I imagine?
 
Ringo nodded, the pout making making way for a boyish grin.
- Absolutely! Also I was hoping you would put the blame on me and not him. 
 
Julia laughed and waved them off.
 
...
 
- All the girls in Needlehole are nuts. Nuts! hissed Eldo when they felt they were at a safe(r) distance.
- In my defense though, I did mean well! Oi! No hitting!
 
…
 
- All the lads in Needlehole are NUTS! exclaimed Nora.
 
Amarie laughed and Julia nodded knowingly. 

Norc wrote:“Hello boys.” Nora said to the room as she hanged her long, elegant, black (stolen) coat up. Neither Ringo nor Eldo gave her any reply. They had both collapsed in the love seat when they got home and sat now deep in thought. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since Eldo politely offered milk to Ringo’s coffee and Ringo declined. 
“I said hi” She tried again. Eldo suddenly blinked. “hi Nora” was what he wanted to say, but it was a long time since last time he used his voice. Ringo just looked sinister.
“okay…” Nora hesitated. “are you… angry with me?”
Eldo became mute and rose up to make more coffee, however Ringo dragged him firmly back by the belt. “you ain’t going nowhere” he hissed from the corner of his mouth. 
“what’s going on with you two?”
“we're crossed with you” Ringo said. “very crossed”
“are we?”
“yes”
“what are you talking about Ringo?” 
“I think you know what I am talking about, Nora” Ringo put his arms across his chest and put his chin up. 
“No I don’t” She answered and mimicked his movement. “Eldo, tell me, what’s going on.”
“erm..” Eldo didn’t really want any trouble. “I .. I .. it-“
“It’s about you being a FUCKING HYPOCRITE!”
“WHAT?!” now followed a colourful exchange of fjordian swearing. Eldo found it good to put on his proffesional stress dealing look.
“SHUT IT!” Eldo jumped up and did a moses. “SHUT IT PLEASE! We all did stupid stuff okay?”
“She pulled a rank on me!”
“You two went to Mrs Figg's!”
“you have no right to tell us what to do and what not!”
“HÆSTKUKT”
“SLØRVFETTA”
“FAEN TA DÆ”
“SHUT IT!!!!!!” Eldo now had to struggle to hold them at an armlength distance from each other.
“Let’s just… calm down.”
“I AM CALM!”
“ME TOO!”
They stood there fuming.
“Listen” Eldo counted to ten before continuing. “Let me propose something. Let’s go get a drink, right, let us forget this and get totally hammered.” They exchanged looks and then, totally synchronised, they nodded. 
“good idea.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
“good swearing.”
“thanks you too”
“where are you going, Ringo?”
“putting on a new shirt.”
“What for?”
“it’s a bar..”
“oh.”
.
.
.
.
“two secs, I’ll be right back, Nora.”
Nora rolled her eyes. “boys” She then let her hair down, put on some lipstick. “So dandy..”

Norc wrote:[ok. couldn't wait. I did a two parter. now, Amarië, your turn.]
 
To keep them on the bright side, Eldo bought the drinks. Then they tactically placed themselves in a good corner and did a quick sweep of the crowd. Nora soon got her eyes up for a rather handsome young hobbit.
“oh, look at that” She said, more to herself really.
“wow, you’re quick” Eldo said, intimidated. 
“Have you got the target in your sight, Agent Nora?” Ringo said.
“Yesh, mish moneypenny”
“oi, you don’t think it’s a bit.. early?” Eldo said abruptly.
“no” She said and took a sip of her dry martini (shaken, not stirred). 
“Who is it” Ringo asked, searching the crowd eagerly. Eldo too, though a bit more concerned. 
“That one, the one in the blue shirt.” Eldo’s heart sank down to somewhere below his stomach. Ringo smiled knowingly.
“Too bad he’s gay.”
“No, he’s not” Nora turned round, “He’s chatting with those women, look”
“They are just his beard”
“His what?”
“beard.” Nora rolled her eyes, but she normally trusted Ringo’s people skills.
“Well, how can you tell” 
“with that level of personal grooming, cum on.” Ringo said and pretended to hold up his beer glass and checking on his curls (while Nora was painfully aware that the handsome blue-shirted hobbit also was doing just that). Eldo suddenly felt a bit embarrassed.
“Well, we all care about how we look” he said. Nora nodded in agreement.
“Do you want me to prove it?” Ringo raised an eyebrow.
“what?” Nora looked at him for a moment, but confident in her case “yeah. Ok, go on then, if you’re able to get his number, you win.”
“Well, that’s not fair,” Eldo broke in “anyone would go gay for Ringo”. Nora and Ringo looked at him.
“come on, he’s the biggest flirt ever.” Nora’s face smirked up while Ringo just grinned like a loon. 
“what?”
“Well,” Nora said “you would know that”. Eldo, for the second time, turned embarrassingly red.
“What are you implying, I am straight as a Lothlorien tree.”
“if you say so, dear” Ringo said and kissed him on the cheek.
“Oh, shut up.”

”Amarië” wrote:

---

“with that level of personal grooming, cum on.” Ringo said and pretended to hold up his beer glass and checking on his curls (while Nora was painfully aware that the handsome blue-shirted hobbit also was doing just that). Eldo suddenly felt a bit embarrassed.
“Well, we all care about how we look” he said. Nora nodded in agreement.
“Do you want me to prove it?” Ringo raised an eyebrow.
“what?” Nora looked at him for a moment, but confident in her case “yeah. Ok, go on then, if you’re able to get his number, you win.”

Ringo ran a hand though his hair, tugged his already low cut t-shir a bit lower and kissed his biceps. 
- Ok, now. Watch this! 

He strutted causally towards the bar and Blue Shirt Guy.

Nora's frown grew more and more intense to a point where Eldo worried her face might be sucked into her left nostrils and be lost forever. Then she took a deep gulp of beer and straightened her back. 
- Two can play that game, she mumbled.

Eldo looked away flustered as she nudged her boobs in place and entered the arena.

---

Eldo rotated his beer mug clockwise, then counter clockwise. He lifted it even if he knew it was empty and let the last drop drop down on his tongue. As he put it back down on the table he aimed for the one of the wet circles already formed on the table. He had already emptied the other two half drunk mugs on the table. This really had been a brilliant idea. A crowd had formed around his friends at the bar. He caught the word “flæsktryne” over the music and sighed. Time to go pee anyway. They wouldn't even notice he was gone.

He made his way through the crowd of more or less drunk people to the more silent corridor of rest rooms. He knew the smallest room furthest down was most likely to still have paper towels and soap. 

He was suddenly grabbed by the arm and ambushed into a hug. 
- Detective! Finally someone interesting! How lovely to see you! Are you here all on your lonesome?

A multitude of alarm bells went off in his head. It was the ambassador. And she was cheerful! Amarië on a buzz. That couldn't be good. Luckily the hug was quick and buddy like.

- No no, not alone! he quickly replied, nearly stating he had backup and swat team waiting. Instead he nodded towards the Herrings by the bar. Amarië craned her neck to see.
- Oh, I see. No wonder you look mopy. Why are they fighting?
- They are flirting. 
Amarië's left eyebrow rose, and Eldo felt the need to explain so she would think they were like crazy or anything.
- Not with each other. With a hot guy, possibly a hot gay. 
- Uh... huh?

He tried to point him out, but Blue Shirt Guy was nowhere to be seen. Clearly he had run away from the madness, Eldo couldn't blame him for that. Fjordian swears and curses were flying. Nora poked Ringo's chest and Ringo pinched her left boob for revenge. A few people seemed to be making bets. 
- Um, apparently he's gone, but he was there.
- So not with you then?
- What with me?
- Nothing. Nora's going to win. Ringo's got the best advantage being a native Fjordian, but he is also easily distracted and far to amused by her anger to keep a straight face for long.

Eldo wasn't so sure about that.
- Perhaps. But he can keep it up for hours when he sets his mind to it.
Amarië smiled, but said nothing.

They watched in uncomfortable (for Eldo) and contemplating (for Amarië) silence until Eldo really really had to go, so he excused himself and went and did just that and felt a lot better. He washed his hands and straightened his hair, wondering if the two were finished yet.

He heard the door open and threw a glance in the mirror. Now it was his eyebrows that rose.
- Miss Ambassador, I do believe you are in the men's room.
She looked around with a less than impressed look.
- Yes, I do believe you are correct. 

The door swung open again and in burst a tall man who stopped dead as he lay eyes on her. 

She gave him a deadly look.
- Sir. This room is taken.
- But I have to use the...
- Find a bush! Now scram!

The man scurried away in a hurry. Eldo had to laugh.
- That guy was, what... three times your size?
Amarië shrugged.
- Never underestimate the element of surprise. 

- I for one am indeed surprised. 
- Good, I would hate to find I have grown predictable. Now, before we are interrupted again. Two against one is simply not fair. I have a plan to even the odds. Does your shirt come off as quickly, I wonder?
- 'scuse me?
- Oh nothing. My, they sure are loud. Not like you, my dear. You think things through. Contemplates. The good guy. Totally adorable. And that won't do. That simply won't do at all. 
- Right. You seem to talk about nothing a lot.
- Yes, I am after all deeply involved with politics. Let's start with the hair.

Before Eldo had a chance to ask what she meant by that, Amarië had dug her fingers in his hair and made a mess of his newly corrected hairdo. Then with a tug at the shirt and a flick of the wrist the top buttons of his shirt was suddenly opened. 

Freaking Fjordians and their obsession with shirt ripping! What was this? Cleavage Day? Still though, not a button was missing which was a bit fascinating. 

- How did you do that? I mean, why did you do that?
- Like I said, I am evening the odds. You’ll thank me later.
- How modest. 
She winked at him.
- It’s a Fjordian thing.

She took two steps back and studied her work, like an artist studying her canvas. 
- No, no.... much better, but still not right... Oh, but of course! 

She chuckled as she dove close again. He protested as she started to pull the shirt out of the hem of his pants. She took a step back and looked at him over the rim of her glasses.  
- We have to do this right or not at all. Trust me Eldo! I am your biggest fan!

He frowned at bit. He had seen the fan wall, he knew she was not that kind of fan. 
- What are you up to?

She smiled secretively. 
- You are the detective, you'll figure it out. Now look at those abs, aren't you a hidden treasure! 

Eldo most certainly did not blush as she clicked her tongue in an approving manner and quickly buttoned his shirt unevenly with one shirt flap hanging out. She turned him around so he could see himself in the mirror. Eldo was not particularly happy with what he saw.

- With all due respect... Looks like I've been in a fight or dressed in the dark. Or both.

- True. One final touch then.

She fished out a lipstick from her purse, opened it and smudged some on her index finger. She held her finger up towards him and looked at him with a challenging smile. And then it dawned on him what she was up to.

- Oooooh, the odds. I get it... And this will work?
- I am certain of it, I have a bet to win. If you're game?
He had already decided, but he did ask anyway.
- What if I say no?
- Then I'll loose a few pieces of mithril, but got to have a fun time with you in the men's room.
- You are far worse than your reputation. 
- My dear detective, you flatter me!

---

A short wile after, Eldo strolled casually up to the still insult flinging Fjordians by the bar. They had moved through most barn yard animals, all ugly looking fish types they could think of and were rapidly moving down the list of forest and land living creatures. 

- Hey guys, what did I miss? 

The two Herrings clamped up like oysters and stared at him, mainly on the smudged lipstick on his lip with a quick glance at his shirt and messy hair. 

- What?

Behind them he could see Amarië being handed a bag of money. The people did not look happy, but a shout of “next round's on me!” seemed to cheer them up. The Herrings didn't seem to notice. He looked at them as innocently as he could manage and patted his hair down. The Herring's looked at each other, at Eldo, then at each other again. Then, like on cue, they both moved forward, grabbed one arm each and dragged him back to their table. 

”Norc” wrote:
Safely seated again, the trio ordered another round of drinks and sat silently for a while, occasionally giving Eldo a quick glance. No questions were asked. Eldo moved his umbrella in circles, pretending he didn’t notice Ringo and Nora’s curious looks. He was glad they didn’t ask, he wasn’t too sure he would be able to keep the lie going. The word “lie” burnt, but it was true. Whatever the Fjordians were deducing, it wasn’t what really had happened. They almost looked a bit offended.
“so…” Eldo said. “did djoo geht anywhere with dat bloo shurted hobbit?” realizing he had been drinking a bit too much on an empty stomach.
“I did, Ringo didn’t”
“Oi, we both know I came closest!” The two Noras took a deep breath, and even through the blurry haze of the devils beverage he managed to avoid another outburst of foreign outburst.
“NO! no. lesnot go there..hm?” I lifted his hand to order another round of drinks, but Ringo discretely took it away. Eldo didn’t notice.
“where did he even go?” Nora wondered and looked around.
“I dunno…”
“I fink he ranaway..” Eldo shrugged. “you’re both being too aggressive”
“oh, really?” Nora raised an eyebrow. “How do you suggest one should proceed when approaching a potential partner?” Eldo held up an educating finger and said (slowly because he was afraid he might stick it up his nose if he did it too quickly).
“you should sit and observe” he had some trouble focusing “looking miserable and distantly stare at the one you want to approach, you need to look approachable but not..not.. too approachable.. it must look like you’re like a God, like Zeus or something and you gotta be mysterious and shit and like look at them and try to make eye contact but like not too much-“ Ringo and Nora listened intently, amused as his language gradually fell apart. “wish.. vish.. visualize how you wanna that do it go and like look like this, messy sort of, like Amarië said so, and like you.. see?” The Fjordians now struggled to keep a straight face, but both liking a good laugh, they let him continue. Eldo had now spotted the blue shirted hobbit from earlier and was now demonstrating his seductive skills, with no apparent effect it seemed.
“shee it’s working” he grinned and winked in the direction. Nora hid her face in an exaggerated facepalm, this was way too embarrassing.
“He’s noticed me now, look now” Eldo then proceeded to ignore the hobbit, who now had caught eye on him, but his performance would never have gotten him any Oscar.
“Eldo, this is just embarrassing, stop it” Nora hissed.
“Eldo” Ringo shook his head “the hobbit just looks uncomfortable.”
“nono, look I have full control” then he turned his head in what he imagined was a very sexy way, but looked more like a shampoo commercial for women. His short hair didn’t help.
“stop it Eldo..” Nora begged.
“will you two stop it” he turned to them “I know exactly what I am doing, I read it in a book somewhere.”
“You read it in a book somewhere?” Nora repeated sceptically.
“yes, now he sees me, right, I got eye-contact, he keeps looking at me because I keep giving him flirtatious looks.”
“Flirtatious looks?” Ringo repeated sceptically.
“yes” he turned back towards the hobbit who now seemed mildly irritated and was whispering intensely with his comrades. “now, one of you have to kiss me”
“what?!” Nora burst out.
“to make him jealous.”
“why?”
“so he sees what he’s missing out on” he said, rolling his eyes, “duuh”
“shut it, Nora, I wanna see if this works” Ringo said and without hesitation he grabbed Eldo’s face and kissed him hard as only a man kisses another man. Nora blushed and looked away. After what seemed forever they emerged to the surface again with a sound that reminded her a bit too much of a suction cup being pulled out of a toilet.
“woah.. th-thanks Ringo” Eldo stuttered.
“No prob”
“well, it didn’t work” Nora shot in “he’s gone.”
“yeah, I know” Eldo grinned.
 
They stayed on for a bit, drinking, laughing and telling shitty stories. But it didn’t take long though before they decided to return to their mansion because Eldo was just too drunk to function. They also had to meet up at the police station tomorrow at dusk to search for CC lost cat, if it did exist.
Ringo grabbed Eldo under the arms and Nora held a firm grip around his waist and they managed to leave with most of Eldo’s dignity intact. They had just gotten out in the fresh and freezingly cold night air when the blue shirted hobbit approached them. Nora felt embarrassed as all three of them had hit on him and tried to look away.
“Moment of truth” Ringo whispered dramatically.
“hi, I’m Lance” he said as he put a note with his phone-number in the back pocket of Eldo’s jeans. “call me” and then he was gone. Nora and Ringo just looked at each other, shocked, then at Eldo who just grinned, looking aweful with messy hair and heavy eyes.
“see, told ya it’d workh”

 

Amarië wrote:Ringo yawned, hiding his gaping face behind his hand. He was not raised in a barn, after all.
Nora tapped her foot repeatedly, giving the man by the breakfast table a this-ain't-up-discussion-pretty-boy stare. Ok, maybe Ringo added the 'pretty boy' in his mind, but she didn't have to know that.

- Seriously! I managed to get him out of bed, you get him to eat. I've got to go pretend we've been looking for that missing cat for hours already.

Ringo saluted her.
- Yes, mother!
- And no kissing!
- Aww...
He put on a mock sad face. She rolled her eyes, put on her blue cool coat in that swishing manner she had practiced and left. About the same time, Eldo came shuffling from the bathroom.

Ringo beamed at him.
- Good morning, sunshine!
Being used to early mornings and little sleep in the military did have it's perks.

- Have a seat. See? Bacon, eggs, lots of water.

Eldo mumbled something and slumped down on his seat. Ringo laughed as the taste of hot, perfectly prepared bacon seemed to bring the hungover man back to life.

- Mmmmmmmh... I was worried Nora had made breakfast.
- She poured the water?
- I'm willing to risk it.
- Yeah, your quite the bad boy now.

Eldo swallowed and waved his fork at Ringo.
- Not my fault. I've gotten involved with the wrong crowd.
- You mentioned Amarië. Where you serious?
- Um...
- No! You were not making out with Am...
- Don't be ridiculous. Apparently she doesn't like to see us fighting.
- So now Amarië is our mother?
- Not so sure she's the maternal type.
- If you're raising dragons. Quick with shirts though...
- Yeah... What?

Both men exchanged a quick stare, then burst out in laughter.
- Well then Ringo, what did she do to you?
- Lessons in nutrition.

Eldo lifted his water mug in a mock toast.
- What not to wear.
- Lets never speak of this again.
- Agreed! More water please, I am dying.

Ringo snickered. The man was a mess, but held up admirably. It's a good thing that they only had CC's cat to worry about today. Ringo for one was hoping they would be successful, in particular he hoped it would be he who found the cat. CC worked at Ally’s esoteric bubble baths and poetry, which seemed to be Ringo's last hope of finding a steady second job.

Eldo had swalled down his second helping of bacon and eggs, and sighed contently. They left the washing up for later and hoped Nora wasn't too annoyed with them.

Eldo put his hand in his jacked pocket and found the card.
- Lance? The only Lance I know of around here is son of Prance, the pony and cart salesman. Why do... Oh... Ahem...

Ringo snickered at the flushed cheeks.

- So... You gonna call him?

Norc wrote:- So... You gonna call him?
 
 “erm… i was hoping to avoid it” Eldo answered into his cup of coffee. 
“what, no, you should definitely call him.” 
“why?”
"He seemed interested in you" Ringo said seriously. "Might do you good.. get some new inf-"
"I'm not gay."
"so you keep telling me."
“Are you two coming? I’ve been standing here for ages and this pony chart is getting more and more expensive by the minute!” Nora yelled from the hallway. “that cheap bastard Elthir doesn’t cover renting of pony charts any more do you hear? If u guys don’t hurry up, I’m not gonna pay this!”
“yepp that’s our cue Eldo.” Eldo moaned as he dragged himself up from the chair and followed Ringo outside.
 
“Remind me again, Nora, why we are renting a pony chart today rather than using the police’s own charts?” Ringo said as they started off down the road. It was raining heavily outside and it was dripping in from the roof.
“What rock have you been living under these last couple of weeks, Ringo?”
“New regime. Massive cut-down.” Eldo seemed to only be able to talk in short sentences now, his hand pressed hard against his forehead. “Elthir. That cheap bastard.”
“headache?” Nora asked.
“yupp.”
“you deserve it.”
“fuck you”
“anytime”
Ringo rolled his eyes.  “And this new regime is?” there was an aaaargh from Eldo and he started rubbing his temples like a lunatic. “it’s moving… oh.. god.. stop. Stop the….”
“well, Elthir thinks it’s too expensive (“stoooop..”) to let us drive around in these fancy police charts whenever we have a case, especially (“aaaaah…. Stop..”) one as ridiculous as CC’s cat. So instead of that, we have to fix transport ourselves on minor cases (“stop the bloody…”) or have our own (“stop”), we get paid a little more if we use our own, and if anything needs repairing or cleaning (“please.. I gotta”) we have to pay ourselves. He doesn't have to give out insurances etc. saves a bit on it, it costs extra for us, because we have to rent a chart or walk… and we always get the obscure cases far aw- ELDO! Stop moaning! What is it?!” 
“I gotta, u gotta-blurgh”
“ewwww! Eldooo! Give us a warning..”
“I tried to…”

  “so this new chart thing.. it’s just like in fjordianland?” Ringo asked as they approached CC’s house. Eldo was taking a power nap in the now stinking, rented, leaking chart.
“yes… I think some fjordian ambassador must have tipped him” Nora said threw locked teeth. “that stupid cow, why does she want to make everything so difficult for us.. damn it.”
“I dunno” Ringo said, but secretly he was quite pleased. This meant he’d have an even better reason to buy a chart; he would get paid a little extra if he used it at work.
Nora rang the doorbell and awaited CC’s arrival. Out of previous knowledge this could take five seconds or a millennium.  
“why are u so cheery?”
“nothing.”
“nothing?”
.
.
.
“so,” Nora said in a nonchalant tone “do you think Eldo will call this Lance son of Prance?” Ringo shrugged, but before he could answer they started coughing like mad as their lungs got filled with thick, purple, esoteric smoke. 
“C*cough*C” Nora pressed out with tears in her eyes. “Hi*cough*” Ringo couldn’t get a word out so he just showed her his badge.
“come in strangers for you have walked on fields of gold”
Coughing up his lungs, Ringo wondered if this was all worth it and if he ever found that cat he would kill it.

Amarië wrote:...but before he could answer they started coughing like mad as their lungs got filled with thick, purple, esoteric smoke.
“C*cough*C” Nora pressed out with tears in her eyes. “Hi*cough*” Ringo couldn’t get a word out so he just showed her his badge.
“come in strangers for you have walked on fields of gold”
Coughing up his lungs, Ringo wondered if this was all worth it and if he ever found that cat he would kill it.


CC led them into the living room. Thick padded couches threatened to swallow them whole as they sat down. Everywhere  there were herbs and flowers hanging to dry. The thick purple mist made it hard to see their own feet and what that green mist hanging above them in the ceiling was… well they did not even dare think about it.

- Make yourself comfortable like spider web in moonlight. Ally will be here soon with some tea.

She moved quickly throught a doorway covered by brightly coloured curtains set with feathers and twinkly stones, then she returned with  a large hat on her head.

- Oh we have guests! How lovely!
- Yes, you let us in?

Nora kicked Ringo’s leg.

Ally laughed like she had heard the most delightful tale.
- Oh you silly people! That was CC. I am Ally, of course. I have a hat, it’s plain for all to see!

Ringo nodded slightly and braved a professional sounding of course.

Ally smiled kindly at him and put a tea bag on the table. The boys exchanged a quick look, but Nora acted like this was quite ordinary. Ringo suddenly remembered the secret female network club or whatever Eldo had mentioned at Figg’s.

The woman suddenly fluttered to Nora’s side, kneeling beside her. With a feather light touch she pushed a wayward curl away from Nora’s face. She sighed soulfully and stroked Nora’s chin.
- Ah… You look nothing like my Kate. She’s something else entirely.

Behind her back Nora’s hands was franticly signaling their secret signal for help. Ringo was not one to leave a damsel in distress in distress, and said out loud;
- Miss Ally, if you do not mind me asking, I couldn’t help noticing this lovely… perfume, do you by any chance purchase it from the same manufacturer as Mrs Figg does?

Ally laughed and swished around to the door again. Nora moved closer to Ringo.
- Oh, man named from the mythical beings they call fish, it is we who make the perfume! We cook it in the back in a large cauldron while we chant prayers to the goddess of water and ladybugs. Oh CC! Where are you? It is rude for forget about your guests. I brought the tea! And I told the foreign one about the perfume. CC! Oh, it’s just soooo typical of her…

She vanished through the door and shortly after CC emerged. Possibly. She wore no hat, but had a suspicious glare aimed at Ringo.
- She said we made it in a cauldron, didn’t she?
- Um, yes..
Ally’s eye twitched and her voice was a suddenly a low growl.
- Of course we don’t cook it in a cauldron, you unknowledgeable peasant! It’s a complicated scientific process which takes years to perfect!

The she lit up again.
- The recipes are made by me cutting letters from discarded letters from the embassy and gluing them together to make words. Petty finds them in the trash can, he’s such a dear. Well, perhaps more of a moose. She leaves them there for me. I like her writing style. Have you found my cat yet?

- We were just about to go out and look!
Ringo spoke quickly, and at the sight of his rather green face, they really should hurry.

CC smiled and opened the door for them.
- The rhythm of chickens is not a danceable tune.

The two drank down the fresh air and hurried to their cart.

Amarië wrote:

They found Eldo in the back of the cart, curled up in a ball. He gazed up at the two.
- You look howible, he mumbled.

The Herrings both rolled their eyes, but they did feel rather green around the gills.

- Wha’ sh’ say ‘bout the cat?
Eldo might be dizzy and have vomit in his hair, but he was a detective on a mission damn it!
Ouch… he shouldn’t think such loud thoughts.

- It’s missing.

Eldo sighed and sat up. The Herrings tried to look like they had not spent all that time in there and not gotten a single piece of useful information.

- Great… That narrows things down considerably. I am so glad we came.
Did anyone bring the case file?

Nora shrugged and pulled a folded paper from her coat pocket.
- Here are the main points. Not much info there, but I wrote it down all the same.

Nora wrinkled her nose as Eldo slowly sat up and reached for the paper.

- We really need to hose this cart down.
- And Eldo, added Ringo. I am rather curious about that Bubblebath place… what if we go there and I can ask if the staff know anything about the cat while Eldo gets cleaned up?
- So I get to wash the cart while you go hot-tubbing with Eldo?
- Ally might be there. Or CC, or whoever that was. What if you look nothing like Kate again? Or what if you DO look like Kate?

Nora pulled a face.
- Good point. Ally’s esoterical bubble bath and poetry is around the corner there. Want me to drive you there?

Eldo leaped out with an impressive speed, he would have none of that. Nora laughed like a cackling evil old witch as she signalled the pony to motion forward. Tiny pieces of bacon dripped off the cart as pony trotted along.

Well, thought Ringo. That was easy. He might be able to scout out the place and casually ask about work conditions and such.

- Who’s Kate?
- I have no idea.
- I am certain we used to be better at this.
He got no arguments from Ringo.




The men walked slowly towards the store. The sign above the door had bright curvy pink letters and a small bell chimed as Ringo pushed open the door. The room inside was small, with white walls and a long counter taking up most of the space. A pile of neatly folded towels lay at the end of the counter. Opposite the counter sat a man on a bar stool, dressed in a pale blue suit with a straw hat. His chin was drooping down on his chest. At the sound of the bell he jerked back to life, pulled a flute from his jacket pocket and started playing a calm tune.


- Welcome back, mr Underhill. Go right ahead.
The woman behind the counter smiled politly at Eldo.

- Mrs Figg gives out coupons to those who lodge there.
Eldo didn’t need to look at Ringo to know he was interested to hear an explanation.

- Oh does she now? I never got one.
- Loyal long term customers.
- Right.

Beyond the counter and the flute man was an alcove with a door. Eldo moved through it, while Ringo found his way blocked by the counter lady. She cleared her throat and looked down her nose at him. This was quite impressive, considering she was tiny even for a hobbit.

- Only paying customers are allowed inside, sir.
- But he…
- Mr Underhill has a membership.

Ringo frowned and grudgingly handed her the requested amount.

She nodded towards the towels on the counter.

- No clothes in the pool area. We do not have a towel boy at the moment, so you will have to wrap these yourself.

Ringo sighed, grabbed a towel and headed for the door. He then doubled back.
- Did you mean no clothes at all?
- Only towels, sir.
- And the towel boy would be doing what exactly, it there was one here?
- He would assist you with the towels.
- Oh...
Being a towel boy sounded far less attractive than he had hoped.
- Have you seen a cat around here, by any chance?
- No pets allowed, sir. Have a pleasant stay!

Ringo walked through the door and moved down the white pained hallway that followed. Where had Eldo gone to then? He could have waited. Ringo tried a door and got lucky on the first try (yey!) and found Eldo’s clothes neatly folded on a bench.

He stripped down and wrapped the towel around himself. Signs on the wall lead the way and instructed him to shower before entering the main room. Wet footstep seemed to indicate that Eldo had done the same, so Ringo did as instructed and made his way past the door, then another door and then a curtain and then...

- Whoa!

A large room with marble floor opened up before him. Several round pools of water in different sizes and a few tubs were scattered around.

Eldo was soaking in a steaming pool with green bubbles, looking as happy as Petty after downing a fresh bottle of Buckie. There were several pools with different colours, but they were all still and seemed cool. The ceiling was low as was common for hobbit buildings. But a layer of blue smoke, very much a like the green smoke in CC’s house, gave the illusion of looking at the sky.  

- Get in. There’s hardly anybody around this early in the day, only one pool is heated.

Eldo’s towel was left in a pile next to the pool. A few steps lead down into it. Ringo shrugged. Why not? He wasn’t the shy type and as the saying goes: when in Bree, do like the Breelanders do.

He let out a long sigh as the water wrapped around him. He copied Eldo’s pose and leaned his head back. This was really, really nice.

- I don’t think there is a cat. CC only speaks in metaphors. You are always given a quote by CC before entering. We didn’t, so we must have received it already.

Ringo turned his head slightly to look at Eldo. The vapour was surely getting to his head.
- Eldo. That… makes no sense.

- Mhm… Precisely. But Nora makes exact notes. Didn’t you learn anything while talking to CC?

- Um… Apparently CC likes the ambassadors handwriting. CC finds documents in the trash from the Fjordian Embassy and cuts out words to make recipes. She said Amarië leaves them there for her to find. Perhaps we should warn Amarië about this? It seems a bit… stalkerish?

It took a while before Eldo replied. Ringo didn’t complain, he was feeling rather dozy himself, gazing up at fake clouds moving across a fake sky while green bubbles tickled his skin. And to think this is the result of the seemingly mad state of the house they had been in. He had almost forgotten what they had talked about when Eldo started talking.

- I am sure the Ambassador never throws out anything unless she means to.

- Mhm...

Long pause.

- Eldo, does this mean we have to visit the ambassador next?

- Oh crap… I think it does.

Norc wrote:- Eldo, does this mean we have to visit the ambassador next?

- Oh crap… I think it does.

“but not just yet…” Eldo sighed sank even lower in the warm water. Now only his nose was visible and he smiled to himself there he lay.
“ok.. I guess we have time for some.. relaxation..” Ringo shrugged and tried to make himself comfortable against the marble seats. He put his hands against the back of his head, but they soon became cold compared to the rest of his naked body and he did as Eldo, emerged himself into the water until only the vital organ of breathing was sticking up. The warm water did wonders. He suddenly realised what tough weeks he had had lately because now it was like all the stress, soreness and worries were washed away. He soon felt drowsy and his eyelids became heavy. He looked over at Eldo. He looked so peaceful where he lay. His eyes were closed and his light eyelashes were trembling slightly as his eyes observed whatever it was he was dreaming about. His hair was dry except for those at the back of his neck. It was a short haircut and Ringo could see it needed trimming. And he needed a shave.. or perhaps he was saving up to sideburns like Ringo. He smiled to himself at the thought. No way would Eldo be allowed to steal his looks. I tiny drop of water was clinging to his earlobe. Ringo wondered if it would fall off by itself. He felt a bid dizzy.. his eyes were resting at the drop of water.. he waited… there was a sweet smell in the air, he couldn’t put his finger on. Or nose. He giggled. Eldo opened his eyes and turned to him. Ringo suddenly realised he was only inches away from Eldo’s face.
“….” Eldo looked at him, a bit crossed eyed.. he did spend too much time reading those books.. he breathed heavily. The air felt thick and his mind went all fuzzy.
“you..” Ringo’s voice cracked “I think you need glasses” he continued, still not entirely in control of his voice.
“why do you say that?” Eldo asked. For some reason they were both whispering.
“you..” but whatever Ringo was about to say was lost to him. All he saw was that fine and subtle cupid bow in front of him. Before either of them had formed a proper thought, their lips met in a passionate kiss that seemed to never end. Their consciousness filled with the rough sensation of tongue against cheek, teeth against lips. They breathed each other in. Suddenly Eldo slipped and they both ended up underwater. All sounds were lost. A moment of slight panic later they emerged to the surface gasped and leaned against the marble edges of the pool.
“what… was that..” Eldo said in the end. His hair dripping wet down his forhead.
“eeh..” Ringo brushed his now flat and too long hair backwards and away from his eyes.. “no idea..”
“the air..” Eldo breathed..”it’s so thick..” No more was howevere said on the matter as Eldo suddenly went
“CAT!”
and yes.. a black cat was elegantly leaping between the pools. There was no time to think or speak. They jumped up, slipped, looked around for their towels.
“where are the tow-“  Eldo said while covering himself as best as he could.
“nevermind! CAT! Eldo! CAT!” and they ran after it. But chasing a cat through a labyrinth of pools on a slippery surface, all wet and covered in bathing oil was not the easiest task. On more than one occasion they found themselves sliding into walls and tripping into various pools. While running the whole area seemed to smoke up and steam seemed to leak from every crack.
“FUCK! What’s happening” Ringo yelled to Eldo as he tripped onto all fours and saw that he no longer could see the ground beneath him.
“I don’t kn-SPLASH“ Eldo said as he fell down a now invisible pool.
“what the flying FUCK” Ringo stopped and looked around. “where the bloody hell is that fucking cat?!”

Spoiler:

Amarië wrote:

Eldo emerged from the water with a loud gasp and a lot of spluttering. Luckily the pool was shallow, as hobbit pools are. As much as he adored the sea and wrangling and a good long soak in a bath, he still only knows how to swim in theory.  

He gasped again, as Ringo suddenly was leaned over the edge of the pool staring him in the face. His pupils were impossibly wide and his nostrils flared.

- Du e Draugen! Æ ser det i auan dine!

The honeymoon was definitely over. Eldo had only seen drawings of Draugen, but the creature would also appear in some of Nora's long swears so he knew that BEING Draugen was a bad thing. There was nowhere to run, so Eldo did the only thing he could. He grabbed Ringo by the ears and shoved him head first into the cool water. He then stumbled backwards to the edge and climbed out.   Tumbling on all four with his front facing Ringo incase he was more resilient to the shock of going from steamy air to cool water, as the robust Fjordian that he was. His fingers found he had reached the edge of the neighbouring pool just as Ringo burst out of the water like a... well perhaps a Draug was fitting description. How did they go from dozing, via kissing to this? It was madness!

Ringo stared at Eldo, his usually bouncy and well groomed curls hang flat and soaked down in his face. Eldo pondered his retreat options, his best hope was to make Ringo tumble into the pool behind him.

- Eldo? Why are you looking at me like that? Where's the fucking cat?

Eldo let out a relieved sigh.
- Later buddy, I think we've been drugged or something. We need to get out of here and fast.

Ringo thought it best to focus on what he actually understood and implemented his fog maneuvering training from his army days. (Third best in his class, if you must know. One of his classmates was still unaccounted for to this day.)

They crawled on their hands and feet. Eldo kept his eyes to the ground and the soles of Ringo's feet, praying Ringo wouldn't go mental again. At last they managed to find the exit to the showers.  They found themselves in the girl's shower, the walls eerily covered with red writing - lipstick hopefully - reading variations of “I love Kate”, “Kate” and “etaK”. The decided to hurry out in the corridor and into the men's locker to retrieve their clothes, which fortunately lay untouched where they had left them. It wasn't until they were both dressed that Eldo dared to speak again.

- This has not been good for my hang over...
Ringo glanced around with suspicion.
- Think I've got a touch of that too now.. What in the name of Eru is happening?

Spoiler:

Amarië wrote:
They initiated their “sneaking detective crouching G.I. Underhill” routine, but the effort was a waste. The corridor was empty, same was true for the lobby and neither the strict lady and the man with the flute could be seen. They exited through the front door and found the one thing they were not prepared for: A very angry looking Nora.

-It took ages to hose Eldo's breakfast off the cart, do you know how well bacon clings to wood, do you!? And I had to feed the pony! And THEN I had to wait HERE for ages! Where have you been?!

-Um...

-You were supposed to push Eldo though the shower and get back! And why are you two jumpy like Petty without a Buckie?

-See...

-The cart is spotless, while you two look like drowned cats. And cats! Cats! We are supposed to find a cat! It's lunch time and we have found NOTHING!!!!!

-In our defense...

-This better be good or I swear by Eru that...

-Eldo figured out the cat thing.

-If that is true then you both should have come out here and shared that info with ME, we are supposed to be a TEAM and...

-...someone tried to kill us.

Pause.

-Get into the cart.

…

Nora pinched the bridge of her nose. A fresh page of her trusted notebook had the words “Conclusion: CC’s cat is….”, written with an eager hand. But the writing had abruptly stopped and the pen lay flat between the book and Nora's palm.

-So your conclusion is that CC’s cat is a metaphor and the cat that tried to drown you was either an assassin or a hallucination?

Eldo nodded.

Nora's lip started trembling and tears were threatening to spill.
-What happened to us? We used to be awesome!

Eldo threw his hands in the air, frustrated that his brilliant theory was going unappreciated. Ringo pitched in.

-Cats aside, what about the writing? Let us focus on that. Kate, etaK. Sounds like CC or Ally. As do the weird fog, right? Unless there are other's who make such... potions.

Nora drew her breath.
-Yes, that is true. But I don't see why she would want to drug and kill you?

-Yeah, added Eldo. But what with the kissing?

Nora's voice rose to a high pitch.
-Kissing?!

-Yeah, and that's when the cat tried to drown me and Ringo thought I was Draugen.

In Mando's Halls, Ringo thought, Eldo's life tapestry would show how he was created with a head made of solid lumber.

-Right, Ringo hurridly added. Well we also thought that it might be a good idea to head over to the embassy and see how if we might get Amarië to shed some light on this mystery. Before we got drugged. I am sure there is a perfectly reasonable solution to all this.

-Fine! Growled Nora, in the way women do which means that things are anything but fine but you will die if you ask about it.
-Embassy it is! And your precious Amarië who can answer all things.

She spun around, her curls bouncing fiercely as she crawled to the front of the cart to grab the reins. Eldo fell over as Nora cracked the whip and the cart was swiftly get in motion. Eldo bounced about as the pony sped off while Ringo had the benefit of quick reflexes and several army courses in mud slide rock surfing and cod fishing with his grandfather as a little boy. He was not not quite sure which of the two had been the most risky. Nora's mumblings sounded a bit dangerous as well.

Amarië wrote:
{{{*The name Admunholm is from the original NHM}}}


By the gates of the Dark Planet embassy the trio was met by a youngster dressed in the official Dark Planet colours. He bowed politely and offered to take of the cart and asked whether it was a short stay or if he should water and feed the pony.

That was a good question. The three Hobbits glanced up towards the embassy, past the grassy mounts containing the buried long ships and up the building which contained Amarië’s office and private study, her fan wall and the basement with the Fjordianland collection and Eru only knows what else. This could take a while, and the police station was next door in case they needed a quick getaway. Ringo had time to wonder what he might earn per hour as a pony parking attendant before Nora sighed. 

-Water and food for the pony, please. And be careful! It’s a rental!
She turned on her heels and initiated a brisk power walk towards the entrance. The youngster nodded. Clearly he was smart enough to avoid rolling his eyes.

Their demeanour changed as they walked up to the door. They put their bickering a side for now and squared their shoulders. Eldo took the lead flanked by Nora and Ringo as they entered the building. 

They were greeted by a woman with a broad, sickly sweet smile. She seemed to be wearing a dress which combined the Dark Planet colour scheme with various elements from the traditional Fjordian style. 

-Good afternoon, how may I be of service? 

-We wish to speak with the Ambassador, Eldo replied.

-I am sorry, the woman said while not looking sorry at all. I am afraid the Ambassador is not available. 

-This is official police business. 

Eldo spoke with great authority. The woman's smile still remained the same.

-I understand. Perhaps you would like to speak with the consul instead?

Pause.

-Yes.

-This way, please!

The three police hobbits had a wordless conversation behind her back, neither had heard anything about a consul. The woman walked to Amarië's office, knocked twice and opened the door just enough to peek inside.

-Three policehobbits to see the counsul, she singsonged.

She then stepped aside and let them inside. 

Not surprisingly they found Amarië sitting by her desk. More surprising were the two men who came to stand on each side of her desk. The man on her left looked like he should be on display in one of Amarië's Fjordian showcases in the basement. He had blond, sun bleached hair and wore a red vest with mithrill buttons, black trousers which stopped just below the knees, long white stockings and a white shirt with puffy sleeves. The sandy haired man on her right wore a crisp grey dark planet suit which accented his well-toned physique
and strong upper body without being unfit or offending for a family friendly audience. Both were tanned and slightly sun burned, they couldn't have been office rats for long. Bodyguards? Trainees? Living mannequins?

-Miss Ambassador..., Eldo started only to be interrupted by the sandy haired man.

-The ambassador is available from 10 to 2. It is now ten past two.

-Yeah, added the blond man accusingly.
-Magnolia said you wanted to speak with the consul.

Amarië sat back and pressed her fingertips together to form a triangle. 
-Use my name, please, dear Eldo. Let me intrudoce you to my new... colleagues. Here on my right is...

-Blue.
Ringo's voice was rather chilled and he squinted his eyes.

-Blue Bottle, yes. You know each other?

Blue leaped forward and shaking hands vigorously with RIngo. His strickt and formal pose forgotten in a burst of excitement. 

-Bottél! It is Blue Bottél! Haha, Ringo! How lovely to see you! I knew you lived around here, imagine running into you so soon! Kult azz! Eldo, was it? Blue Bottél here, and honour to meet you. Yes indeed. And hello there?
Nora did her best not to blush at the shameless attempt – or success – at being charming.

-Nora Herring.

-Oooooh, any relation, you two, you know what I mean, ey? 

He made a flimsy pointing movement between Ringo and Nora while wiggling his eyebrows.
In perfect chorus the three Hobbits stated:
-No relation.
Nora added 'whatsoever! 
Ringo didn't seem very pleased.
Amarië seemed this was a good place to intervene. 

-Blue <i>Bottél</i>?  

Blue seemed quite relieved that she said the name like he wished. 

-Let the lady have her hand back, please, this is not a dating service. This is Hugh Fjuff.

Hugh shook their hands in a far more sturdy and firm manner, starting with Nora.
-Please call me Hu, that is short for Hugh. 
Nora blinked at him while smiling brightly.
-Ahaa? Nice to meet you, Who...

Not much wiser the two lads shook paws with the man, and finally Amarië decided to share some more information.

-Mr Bottél here came highly recommended from the Fjordian legal representatives Blueman, Blueman & Bukkenmine, he is doing a comparative thesis on Fjordianland, Forumshire and Dark Planet rules and regulations or lack of thereof. And mr Fjuff... came highly recommended by his mum.

-Also, I have a boat!
Hugh beamed proudly.

Blue nodded and nearly bounced with excitement.

-We climbed two mountains and rowed from Fjord-strand-stad-vik to Admunholm*! We just came here last night!

-I am a good rower, Hugh jumped in. I am, as you can see, quite muscular! I could lift all three of you, I could, for certain - or at least two.

Blue nodded, finding no reason at all to object and instead kept talking. 
-The weather was really good all the way, we had a little bit rain and a little bit of wind from the west which shifted to slightly northwestern and then turned south! Would you believe it? And the stars were really bright at night! And there was this cloud that really looked like a big sheep and there was one that...

-WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE WEATHER!!?!!

Amarië's focus had drifted to Ringo's sulky manner. But now everybody stared at Nora, who cleared her throat and quickly added;

-We have more important things to discuss with am... cons... with Amarië.

Eldo received a quick kick from Nora and quickly thought through the events of the day and chose the one thing that she might find more interesting than cats and coloured mist. 

-We suspect someone tried to kill us.

Amarië's expression darkened considerably.

-Blue, Hugh, please go help Magnolia with the mail. Now.

Norc wrote:
“someone tried to kill you?” Amarië exclaimed in disbelief as soon as she had hurried Hugh Juff and Blue Bottèl out the door. “who on earth would try to kill you three darlings?” She looked at them intently, eyes filled with worry as such only a mother can.  
Ringo shrugged, he couldn’t for the love of everything woollen and cuddly think of anyone who would want to kill them. 
“I don’t kno-oh-oh-ow” Nora collapsed in one of the armchairs, and to everyone’s surprise tears were streaming down her cheeks. “it doesn’t make sense! I just want to find that goddamn cat!” Nora hammered at the chair, clearly not knowing what she ought to believe.
“It’s not a cat!” Eldo burst in. “It’s an assassin, or a metaphor… or a hallisun..hallinusion..halis… halisunation! No.. Halzuyination? Halasination? Hasardination? Halalalasination?” 
“whatever it was, it clearly broke Eldo…” Ringo shot in. 
“ok, dearest ones.” Amarië strode over and patted Nora on the back “sit down and tell me everything, from the start.”
All three of them were a bit hesitant at first, not quite sure where to start, but as they started pulling threads, it all came out anyway.

When they were done telling the story, they had probably each gone through five cups of tea (and were all desperate for the loo). 
“But who would want to kill you off?” Amarië asked again. “sounds like some sort of poor plot twist writers would go to when they ran empty of ideas…” 
“yeah” the three police hobbits sighed in a minor triad in perfect pitch. “it does doesn’t it?” 
Ringo scratched his three-day-stubs on his chin. 
“what do you suggest we do then, Amarië?” Eldo asked. (“oh are you also on friendly terms?” Nora mumbled to herself.) “leave it all? Forget about the whole ordeal with this bloody cat? Abandon the plot line?” Amarië made a face that suggested she was seriously considering it.
“NO!” Ringo interrupted. “we can’t! I need a job and I haven’t found one yet. That’s the storyline, we’re NOT abandoning that!”
“you don’t need a job” Eldo said pussled “you have a job, remember, you’re a sergeant in the Needlehole police force.”
“No,  but I need another job. I need more money.” He shook his head. “That’s how it all started… me not having money for proper food… all because of this pony chart business!” 
“Oh Ringo dear!” Nora patted his muscular arm. “Why didn’t you say anything before? You almost got us killed!”
“I couldn’t just ask you for money, Nora.” 
“No, of course not, that would be so un-manly of you” Nora rolled her eyes. “But we could talk  to Elthir about you getting a raise, I mean you totally deserve it. You are basically doing the same job as me and Eldo here.” Ringo hadn’t thought of that.. he felt a bit stupid now that Nora made it sound so simple. 
“And Ringo” Eldo beamed at him “I could even give this Lance son of Prance a call, he sells ponies right”. 
“you’d do that for me?” Ringo looked at the blond, skinny, blue-eyed police hobbit he was lucky to call a friend and a colleague. 
“yeah, sure. Everything for you!” Eldo laughed. 
“You guys!” Ringo started laughing as well. “I could kiss you too” and he did. “you are the best! I love you guys!” 
“oh*sniffles*” Amarië brushed away (a lot of) tears. “you guys are too cute, give us a hug”. And then they all hugged it out.

The end?

Amarië wrote:
Eventually the tissue box on Amarië’s desk had been thoroughly emptied, and all were suitably cried out. The three hobbits were gently escorted to the door by the ever smiling Magnolia. It had been a long day and Elthir was very reluctant to pay for overtime. Amarië waved from the door to her office, dabbing her eyes now and then with a monogrammed handkerchief.

The three police hobbits left with a nice fluffy, warm feeling inside. The days quarrels and arguments seemed to have evaporated. Nora even tipped the youth who came with their pony and cart. Soon they were on their way back to the pony rental, with the sun on their faces and the merry sound of cloppety-clop of pony hooves in their ears.

“Not all cases can be solved.” Eldo said casually. “Sometimes cats simply disappear, never to be found. But we know we did our best and went beyond the call of duty trying to solve the case.” All three tried really hard not think about how far they nearly had gone. Clearly the paper work would need a slight creative touch.

Nora felt a sudden tinge of doubt.
“Say, you don’t think we are putting too much trust in the words of a Dark Planet ambassador, do you?”
All three looked briefly at the others and then away again.
“Nah!” said Nora.
“Nah.” Said Eldo.
“Nah,” said Ringo, smiling. “This was the consul, remember?”

Eldo hummed in agreement.

“But a consul is pretty much the same as an ambassador, isn’t it? What kind of consul is she?”

Eldo looked thoughtful. “I think the stationary had the Fjordianland crest. The giant herring and the troll is rather unique.”

“Well it doesn’t really matter.” Ringo decided. “She likes us. She gave me a bottle of cod liver oil. Snuck it into my hands without you noticing!”
“Oh. Well, I got a small pack of dried cod!” Nora pulled it out to show them. Ringo ooo-ed while Eldo frowned.
“She gave me a bottle of ink for writing. Can’t say I understand why. There’s ink at the station.”
“Oh. Uh. You’re not easy to shop for, Eldo.” Nora patted his arm for comfort. “I am sure she had only the best intentions.”

---

When Magnolia closed the door, she looked expectantly at Amarië. Hugh and Blue stumbled forward from a side corridor. Blue had a thick law book in his hands which he closed as they came close.
“That was a long meeting, at least 69 pages long!”

Hugh –or Hu for short – was following at his heals holding a tray.
“Look! I made banana bread!”

Magnolia practiced how to look surprised without looking surprised.
“Banana bread?” she said, still smiling politely.

“Yeah! Banana bread! Peal ‘em, mash em, put ‘em in a bread. Banana bread!”
“I have never heard of bananas. Are you sure it's a local ingredient?”
“Yes ma’am! The Shire has wast fields of mais, so why shouldn't there be bananas too?”
“Now that is a good point, mr Fjuff. It does smell delicious!”

Amarië smiled fondly at her workforce.

“How very thoughtful, Hugh. Your mother did mention you were fond of baking. I do hope you will share with us, we have work to do. Magnolia, please be a dear and book a meeting with Elthir. The Fjordianland consul wishes to discuss why Fjordians are paid less than other foreigners and locals. Then the Dark Planet Ambassador wishes to discuss the security issues concerning the use of rental ponies rather than trained police ponies and how this will affect the response time of the police in a crisis, and if the Embassy needs to bring in its own security personnel now that the police force appears weakened.”

Magnolia nodded and dutifully noted it down while Amarië turned her attention to Blue.

“Mr Bottél, any information about employment you may find in the local rules would be highly appreciated.”

Blue hugged the book closer to his chest.
“It will be my pleasure! Hu, come help me carry stuff!”
“Sure! I am, as you know, quite strong!”

“Wonderful! Get to work gentlemen, kjappa på!”

With the two young men gone, Magnolia's moderately polite smile widened to ha toothy grin.
“Oh can I please deliver this message to mr. Elthir myself? I really wish to see his face!”

Amarië laughed.
“Yes, be my guest, Maggie!”

Magnolia punched the air with a happy squeal.
“Oh this is so exciting! I thought you said you needed more time, but here we goooo! It's just like the stories! Only... more tears! You really do care about them don't you?”

“First of all; they are not stories, they are real. But yes, they are quite adorable, don't you think? There should be someone taking care of them. Besides...”

“Besides...?”

Amarië lowered her voice. Magnolia automatically leaned closer.
“Remember how cranky DP was a while back?”
“Yeah, poor kitty, he was all over the place quite literary.”
“Yeah... he was having trouble adjusting from the Dark Planet and arriving here at this...”
Amarië moved her hand in a circular motion, as if that might help draw out the correct words.
“...new place.”

Magnolia nods, so Amarië continues.
“But now he spends his days at the Esoteric Bubble bath place. Making sure everything is nice and friendly like. It is a family place after all, nothing like say the Eel Emporium.”

“Yes, he is well liked and getting terribly spoiled if I dare say so. How does this relate to the police hobbits?”

Amarië went to Magnolia’s desk, pulled out some paper and wrote on it.
“From what I can tell they arrived at the Bubble bath during lunch with the staff was out. I fear Ally and CC have been a bit overly creative in their work and DP found it necessary to intervene.”

Mognolia gasped and hid her mouth with her hand.
“You mean to say DP moderated the police!?”

Amarië sighed.
“I believe so, he might even have sabotaged some character development. But they all appear to believe it was all a hallucination from having spent hours trying to find Ally’s cat.”
“Well, I never! So, did they find the cat?”
“Well… Ally may have told the police her cat was missing. But I have hardly heard her say anything that didn’t need interpretation or a philosophical approach. I have a hunch I have her cat right here.”

She handed the piece of paper to Magnolia. It had to word ‘cat’ written several times in Amarië’s unmistakable handwriting.

“Oh… I should throw this in the bin out back then? And that would be the end of it all? Why not come here but and ask about it?”

Amarië shrugged.
“Esoteric thinking follows its own rules. But there is hardly anything that happens around here that I do not know about. She could have told anyone, and it would get to me eventually. Assuming this is what she wanted to find.”

Magnolia frowned and stared at the paper for a while, then her eyebrows rose high.
“Miss Ambassador/Consul! Do you know what this means?!”
Amarië had already thought about several things this could mean, lead to, be a catalyst of or achieve.
Magnolia threw her arms in the air, not waiting for a reply.
“I am part of solving a Needlhole Mystery! This is even better than reading about it!”

Amarië laughed generously as Magnolia hurried to put the paper in the trash, where Ally might find it later and hopefully be pleased.

Before Magnolia left home for the day she also left a bowl of Buckie so that Petty the newspaperman might find his way to the door and maybe deliver his paper on time. Inside the Embassy/Consulate the Consul and her two Fjordian assistants were still hard at work discussing laws and interpretations and eating banana bread.

Mrs Figg wrote:that was one Wagnerian epic, Ringos of Fire!  

Ringdrotten wrote:So much to read

Ringdrotten wrote:I've read some of it and indeed found it very enjoyable I read it in a period when I was drowning in school books and a lot of other crap, so I never got around to continuing it. I look forward to getting back to it now, though Which reminds me I don't think I ever read all of Eldorion's stories about the same characters either, I should probably do that as well, I only remember that the little I read was very good So much to read

Norc wrote:haha... weeeell.. he should get around to reading it since he is, afterall, the main character..

No, I was thinking more about how you use the technique of overstating even the fictional facts the stories and using the superlative in your comedic writing. And it works. 

Amarië wrote:Blue has outed himselfs as a lawyer, so he'll start talking like he used to. We won't understand a word that comes out of him mouth from now on.