what sort of jokes can I get away with?

I thnk Carly youd be fine in David Ickes.

I think she said "Morning sex with Jesus"

Not "Morning sex with lizard people"

Jesus wasnt one of the lizard people? Now I am disappointed.

It depends.

Do you consider raptors to be lizards?

Looks like a bloody lizard to me!

A koala bear was sitting in a tree giggling when a gecko crawled by. "What's so funny?" asks the gecko. "I'm up here gettin' stoned." replies the koala. "C'mon up and have a toke my gecko-man."

The gecko climbs the tree and partakes. After awhile, he's getting horrible cotton mouth, so he tells the koala he has to go get a drink.

The gecko goes down to the lake, stumbling and giggling. He bends over to take a drink, falls in, laughs, stands up, falls over, etc. The commotion attracts an alligator.

The alligator asks, "What is your problem, gecko?" "Dude, I'm getting high with a koala bear." the gecko replies. "Up there in the tree gator-dude."

The alligator doesn't believe it so he goes over to the tree to check things out.

The koala sees the alligator walking up to the tree and yells, "DUDE!! HOW MUCH FRICKIN' WATER DID YOU DRINK!!?"

That's pretty good.

is this a true story

yes

As far as I know Carly !

of course it's a true story, have you never heard the oz phrase "a koala out of it's tree" meaning extremely high?

I can't say that I have.

A pregnant mother expecting triplets went to the bank and got shot 3 times in the stomach in a holdup. The surgeon said it was to dangerous to take the bullets out because of her condition so they left them in. 15yrs later 1 son rushes to his mum and yells mum mum i just had a crap and a bullet came out. His mother say's thats ok son forget about it. Next day her other son rushes to her and yells mum mum i just had a crap and a bullet came out, once again his mother say's thats ok forget about it. Next day her 3rd son rushes up to her, but she puts her hand up and say's. I no, you just had a crap and a bullet came out. No said the 3rd son, i was having a wank and shot the cat.

What makes that joke not quit work is the disbelievability. No son would tell his mom he was having a wank.

or have killed the cat

They were very close

Norc wrote:or have killed the cat

Should have said. Missed him by a whisker

Norc wrote:or have killed the cat

I think I might rather admit to accidentally killing the cat, to be honest.

Good joke, Chris.

Thank you azriel, think there was a bad crowed tonight

For what it's worth, I did chuckle at your joke.

halfwise wrote:What makes that joke not quit work is the disbelievability. No son would tell his mom he was having a wank.

if you're going to be pedantic no one's gonna survive being shot in the stomach three times, not the triplets or the mom. maybe about 0.001 % chance..

In love with jesus but in a sexual way~all pictures of jesus show him as super buff~when during his ministry did manage to find the time~