what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Blimey ! you couldnt miss that could you

A man has a 25 inch long penis and he thinks it is way too big, and he looks for ways to make it smaller. One day, he finds out about a witch in the woods who can solve his problem.

When he went to the witch, she told him to look for a frog by the stream and ask the frog to have sex with him. The frog will say no, and his penis will shrink by five inches.

He goes to the frog, and asks him, "will you have sex with me?" The frog said "no!" and his penis shrunk by five inches.

He thought this was great and asked again, "will you have sex with me?" The frog again said "no!" and his penis shrunk by five inches.

The man was very pleased and thought his penis was still a little too big. He decided to ask the frog one last time, "will you have sex with me?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? No! No! No!"

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (in her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted.

She was so very pretty, very very beautiful and very persuasive... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."

After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I guess."

that Obama joke started as a Clinton joke. Much funnier that way.

Still like them tho !

azriel wrote:

On the other hand I've had cute doctors ask my permission for her to do stuff and nearly knocked my head off nodding.

man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs.

The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Pete, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.

I hate when a girl says the wrong name during sex.

They know my name isn't Someone Help.

The ugly one.