Pictorial Aspects and Semblance of Reality - Norc

Thats good

Norc's Mother ran with her skirt hitched high (to free her legs for a speedier escape! ) and Cranberry Dave soon was left a fair way behind.

Now, to the casual observer, it was like this...



and not like this...




... because Norc's Mother was a respectable woman - even if she was Norc's Mother...

The incident with Orwell Jackaboots McOdo (3) was purely contextual, and she only did what was necessary to save her daughter, as all brave Mother's would do in a pinch. And it was conducted in the best posible taste - a bit like this I imagine...



..and definitely not at all like this...



[Though one of them might have suggested it - contextually - at the time]

Anyway, Norc's Mother was already over PuckHill before you (or I) knew it. She stopped to listen for Cranberry Dave's heavy footfall...





... but what she heard was a rustling noise in the long grass. A snake? No - not really, not technically... it was this...





"Oh what a curious creature... and so cute....." Norc's Mother exclaimed. "Hello cutie!" she said to the cute little creature who was accidentally looking up her skirt.

The little cutie spoke. "Follow me dear Lady whose legs go up all the way, not that I'm meaning to notice. I shall save you from Cranberry Dave..."

And the cute little creature scuttled off into the grass with Norc's Mother - in two minds now actually - following close behind.



.. but Cranberry Dave had not given up so easily...



... and night was descending on Forumshire...



to be continued...

fyi, Starbucks is giving away a free download of NewGirl 1.02 this week. (Not a great episode but, hey, free.)

I have no idea what is going on here- but I dont think I like it.

(and nice to see you back Ally! )

You will, go back to page2,

The content is still deserving of a

But this IS forumshire,Petty

That is very true- but its always disconcerting when reading a thread if you cant tell if your drunk or not!

The cute little creature soon was showing Norc's Mother his hole - and Petty McTyrant happened to be in it just then.



"Ock!" said Petty McTyrant, surprised to see a Lady entering the cute little creature's hole. "Oom eye droonk, corse Ime not shoor wot ime seein', Halfy-lad."



"Oh hi!" said Norc's Mother. "I've seen your lithograph in the NotP... You're the famous Petty McTyrant aren't you. And I am fond of a good kilt .. and yours is rather spiffy, Sir. "



"Well Ide bee abashed... "

"May I try on one?" Norc's Mother asked noticing that there was a rack of them fitted snugly against the back wall of Halfy-lad's hole... "Ooh pretty pretty pleeeease...."



"Pleez doo," said Petty who was rather smitten by Norc's Mother who was nothing like Norc, which was just as well, as 'tis said that Norc had been hit (quite firmly) with the ugly stick as a child (apparently)(according to Odo Banks)('tis said).

"You mustn't peek while i change in front of you, boys... There."



"What do you think Petty? Does it make my hair look too dark?" asked Norc's Mother.



".... and this?"




"I can't begin to imagine where you wear this, Petty... but it's divine...."

"I wish Norc would be a little more feminine like you, Petty... Here's a lithograph of my Norc...."



"You can see what I mean...unfortunate, what. I'm afraid her dream of a marrying a Hebridean Prince is low to non-existent.. but never mind...Oooh! What's that creepy windy noise outside? I hope it's not Cranberry Dave."

"Ock!"

"I'll go and have a peek," said Halfy-lad, because he was braver than Petty.

"Noo heez noot! Eye'll goo too."

So Halfy-lad and Petty went outside.

It was rather dark by now....



"It's rather sinister out here..."

"Ime noot afraid..."

"Is that someone at the end of the glade?"



"Ock!"



to be continued...

"I can't believe it!" cried Halfy-lad, his cockles rising. "It's Arwen Evenstar!"





"The Mother of Eldarion."





"And his younger half-sibling, Eldorion."





"Son of Orwell (4)."





"Look. I've collected several lithographs of Arwen.. She's my fave."




"Yep! It's Arwen alright! This is my favorite postcard by the way... she was only 782 at the time...."




"Booot wotshee doin' here in this dark ol' glade, Halfy-lad?"

"Good question that... We must go and ask her, I guess."

And so the moppy creature and the Scotshobbit walked toward Arwen planning to greet her most welcomely, both shaking with energy.

And then they saw her... no...him.... what????????????????





"She looks quite different up close," Halfy-lad said in surprise. "In fact, she looks like a zombie!"


"Itz far worse zun zat, nock the noo by crombie!" Petty McTyrant cried, his eyes rollng back in his head as the beserker rage took him over in an instant....





"This may not be pretty..." Halfy-lad squeaked...



to be continued....

Actually, as it turned out, it was Arwen afterall...



... but in Petty's defence, it was dark and he was a hothead... and let's face it, any woman wandering around in a dark forest in Forumshire at night is bound to be killed or worse...

Halfy-lad and Petty swiftly buried the body in a shallow grave, and regretfully returned to Norc's Mother who awaited their return in Halfy-lad's hole. Her look was one of nervous questioning.



"What happened... I heard a bestial screech - and a hideous Scots brogue crying out:

"Die you fookin peece of fookin' dribblin' fookin' blubber ya basstid!"

And then what sounded remarkably like a beautiful elf Princess begging for mercy, and then a short burst of bloodcurdling weeping, and then the sound of a sharp sword chopping heavilly through begging flesh throbbing with a desperate will to life... or, at least, it certainly sounded like something quite similar to that."

Petty did not know quite what to say.



And Norc's Mother did wonder why Petty looked a lot like Roman Polanski just then.

"Never mind," Halfy-lad said in as jolly a voice as he could muster, unconciously rubbing bloodsplatter through his hair....

"Ock!" Petty blurted. "I need a bookie!"

And luckily he had a few bottles left...




to be continued....








Änd why are you

Funny thou

Forumshire in Dreamz n nightmarz Part 1.

Dave


Norc


Ally


Petty


Figgy

i.... i......................................

Norc's Mother sensed it was time to leave, call it Women's Intuition, I guess, though the sight of a blood drenched drunken Petty and a quivering mop of hair weeping in his broom closet may have been a factor in Norc's Mother's unease...

She sneaked out of Halfy-lad's hole about 3.00am...

A Forumshire forest is a eerie kind of place...



Not unlike a Skattykatzenfjordian forest actually... with Deathwolves



and lots of strange women




some stranger than others... Norc's Mother approached this is one...



who, when asked for directions, said dreamily, "The rain is under the skin, beebop '82, Dylan knew how." Which was no place Norc's Mother had ever heard of. Then she saw the scariest shadow yet...




she turned away in serious unease and saw this...



"That looks like a portal into Narnia..."Norc's Mother sighed. "But which do I choose? Get slashed to death by a crazed cranberry farmer, or risk a Narnian sequel with all the inherent risk of innuendo involving dwarfs and small and large mythical beasts and talking animals...?"

One last glimpse over her shoulder at Cranberry Dave decided her...



.. but it wasn't Narnia she entered... it was somewhere completely different (after a fashion)..



There were three interesting people there to meet her...

a giggling Scaregirl



who said: "Hello, I am Scaregirl - and I like to do scary things with girlfriends."

There was a Tin Girl



who said: "I am happiest when fully oiled."

and there was a Cowardly Lioness



who said: "I am scared of coming out of the closet - but with the right mature and sensitive female, well, you never know..."

"Oh dear!" said Norc's Mum, quite wearily



feeling that her location may have changed but not anything else (apparently)."


to be continued....

this is one of the things i am not going to tell me mom when i talk about the forum...

As the story comes straight out of your Mum's secret diary, I'm not sure you would have to fill her in!

this escalated so quickly (and cunningly while i was away ) that i didn't have a chance to say "leave my mom out of this".. well.. guess it's too late now.