Pictorial Aspects and Semblance of Reality - Norc

Silence!


Hooray!

This is so nuts. So I went and updated my location.

Well.I love this! its good fun !, & I bet it was great fun putting it together !

Darn tootin' - and I'm not finished... err.. tellin' these true factual aspects of Norc's life (apparently)... The trouble I have is trying to be amusing without being Benny Hill... Truth is Benny Hill possessed me when I was young and impressionable and I can't seem to break the habit... (They're happy tears btw )

Sadly, this is whats needed on TV these days ! theres not enough comedy ! & double entendres ! we need saving Orwell ! keep it up !.............said the actress to the bishop

Norc's Mother's therapist voiced a word (or two) of caution.

"Norc's Mother, if you intend to take my advice, it might be beneficial to learn a thing or two about Cranberry Dave. For a start, the secret of his superhobbit powers is said to be in his Secret Berryblood Elixir."



"That looks like Cranberry Juice!"

"It's possible I guess... The next thing you need to know is that he has been married seventeen times... These are a few of the surviving wedding lithographs..."





"The last was during his short Mormon phase. But he never found reciprocated true love. Yes all his wives loved him, but he only loved this lass..."



"... the daughter of his neighbour, Clint Eastwood, a Stoor. Also, he had a nasty accident when his wagon overturned back in '27 (or '28)."



"The accident scene photos are too horrific to show on a family friendly forum... Oh yes, and it left a lot of cleaning up to do..."



"...and then he had to chase a rather large rodent away from Clint Eastward's daughter..."



"Not that she reallly appreciated it that much. She rejected his impassioned protestations of love soon after, saying she was already married to the local Preacher... But it turned Dave mad nonetheless, the heathen...and that's when he decided he would become a Witch Hunter. He is bitter against Witches you see and as far as he's concerned, Clint Eastward's daughter was a witch - had to be to reject the solicitations of such a handsome Cranberry Farmer (Dave, that is). Anyway, as to Witch Hunting, he started small..."



"Mind you, he only hit this one with a cranberry, but as I said, it was a start... Fortunately, he later found out she wasn't actually a witch.. which was just as well, I guess... His trusty pooch became his companion after that... Oh yes, he also found out that he was Barak Obama's love child around the same time... "



"...and this has caused him some mixed feelings as he suspects Barak Obama is a Warlock..."

"I will go and find him," Norc's Mother said. "He sounds just the kind of hobbit to deal with that horrid Forumshiran Witchebrood."

"Just so... But a word of warning. When you knock on his door at the Duck and Muck, wait a few minutes before entering, no matter what he bids from inside his room."

"Why is that?"

"It's up to you, but this is how he is said to relax after a hard day's Cranberrying..."



"Oh dear!"

"No in fact, 'tis said he's not dear at all, though I won't go as far as to say he's cheap... Oh yes, and the dog bites...."

to be continued...

yee gads ! is that a mans dangly bits ?! Ive seen more life in a butchers shop ! & that dog looks like he knows a thing or to !

I shudder to think someone consented to do that lithograph!

willyz? not on my nelly.

Well this nelly is my nelly not your nelly!

{{{Though I haven't a nelly's hope in hell of knowing what a nelly is! }}}

old school neeely

One fine day, the awesomely handsome and intelligent and incredibly humble Orwell Jackaboots McOdo (the Third) was relaxing with his horse outside his hole in Little Forumshire when he saw Norc's Mother sauntering along Pushcock Lane toward him. Of course, he did not know why she was there (nor why she wore a palantir hearing device), but as she was quite an attractive hobbit of indeterminate age, his cockles immediately rose.

"Why, my nelly!" he exclaimed. "What a lovely piece of fine flesh that was ever to walk on two legs down my laneway."

Artist's impression of Norc's Mother and Orwell (3).



"Hello, fair hobbit lady," says Orwell. "What brings such a young looking older woman to my hole?

"I am not coming to your hole, most chiselled hobbit stranger who looks much younger than he probably is... unless... of course... you are not, pray tell, Cranberry Dave...." (This last asked somewhat hopefully).

"No, no... Excuse me a moment, as I lift these barbells..."



"Sorry, what were you saying, Fair Lady with a Fjordianlandian accent?"

"Oh you must stop!" cried Norc's Mother blushing...



"...you are making me feel like I'm a facile young girl again and not the mother of a somewhat ghastly daughter."

"Daughter?"

"I have a daughter named Norc."

Orwell (3) had an unexpected reaction.



"Oh you know her?" Norc's Mother asked.

"I do apologise, but I have that reaction when anyone mentions her... it's all out the other end when Ally is mentioned... Not that we need to see a diagram... no - don't think so... But you, sweet lady, how did you produce such a young monster... err... girl-child..?"

"Her father is a door to door salesman."

"I see...."

"Can you please direct me to Cranberry Dave's abode?"

"I shall do so gladly," says Orwell (3) gallantly, "but only if you perform a small favour first..."

...

After Norc's Mother had performed a small favour for Orwell (3), Orwell (3) gave Norc's Mother a goat.

"Thank you," she said and they shook hands.



"You must come back and perform some other small favours one day, Norc's Mother. There are more goats - and a pig - where that one came from."

"Gladly," answered Norc's Mother. "Though next time I think I better wear my sunglasses."



She then rode Orwell's goat from Little Forumshire to Needlehole in Forumshire.




to be continued....

yeah I had an unexpected reaction too!

And then what happened!?

As it turned out, Cranberry Dave wasn't at the Duck and Muck in Needlehole. Randy Redrubberball, the Ostler, gave Norc's Mother directions to a large cramberry horticultural peatbog in the upper regions of The Water.


And he seemed larger than life in person... or at least larger than any of the other lithographs on this thread!





He was out cranberry pluckin'. He had a talking Cranberry Plucker, called Ricky. Ricky was one of the nicest Pluckers you ever could meet.

His one horse carriage couldn't talk.



But he had a lithograph of Clint Eastwood's daughter stuck on the roof.



It was a melancholy situation, especially as Ricky did not understand hobbit feelings, especially about girls, especially about older men and their preference for girls on horses, especially about girls who were Clint Eastwood's daughter.

Cranberry Dave and Ricky paused in their work and turned to appraise Norc's Mother in the noon day sun.

Something in Dave's stance gave Norc's Mother pause...



"You're Dave aren't you?" Norc's Mother asked nervously.

"And you, Maám, are an witch."

"An witch? "

"Prepare to ... diiiiiiieeeeee!"







to be continued....

Theres definately something about the Benny Hill theme tune ! Always seems to lighten any serious situation down to farcical level !

I'm proud to note that I've been kept clear of all this recent silliness.

azriel wrote:Theres definately something about the Benny Hill theme tune ! Always seems to lighten any serious situation down to farcical level !

So true

Halfy's come out the broom cupboard ! you look SO cute !
Come into the light,little guy

That's just what I look like after falling into the bucky barrel.

just taking a trip down Figg avenue

heres me as a kid, explains a lot.


I wanted to grow up to be a sophisticated cool lady,


But I ended up like this,


how come I imagine myself like this,


But the reality is like this?,



If I might intrude in your post, Mrs Figg...