Things that are making you crabbit! [5]

Me and my old Nissan were preeetty intimate, in that regard.

Damnit.

I went back to find my first-ever post just for fun. It took ages scrolling through the old Who threads before I remembered that I posted in the Introductions thread. And then when I got there my post was blank, and I remembered that I had gone through and blanked all my earlier posts after a fractious argument or something that I can barely remember any more.

Well shit. It had good Doctor Who gifs in it, to my recollection.

*sigh*, the folly of youth.

I just off the phone from my bank, they're being difficult in reimbursing an enormous fraudulent charge on my account.

And then I found that one of the cats had peed on my jacket...

Edit: and my work-pants, great.

both really annoying, but the Bank far more so. I've stayed with a credit card that has a high interest rate simply because they had my back on a couple of large fraudulent charges. I'd switch banks if I were you. After you get your money back of course.

Read my mind Halfy, I'm jumping ship either way. (But I want my 900 dollars back first!! )

Sorry to hear about that Forest; hope the bank stops being difficult sooner rather than later.

The post-accident insurance process has been even slower than I expected but the holidays and inclement weather have resulted in a lot of office closures which I assume has been a contributing factor.

As long as they provide you with a temporary for the full duration.

Brendan Cox. What the actual f***!

There's a nearly worldwide male sexual behavior pattern which alcohol brings to the surface. As he says (and many others have said the same) it's usually meant playfully but is often unwelcome. The MeToo movement, though sometimes crossing the line itself, is a bitch slap to the male sexual persona similar to the Trump bitch slap to the American political system. It's a wake-up call.

It's not entirely clear what Brendan Cox did and the context, but as I guy I can look back on things I've done and realize in retrospect I really shouldn't have, and cringe.

its just sad for young lads, who do they have to look up to if their role models are making 'mistakes' of that nature. Cox was a role model for the anti-racism and right wing extremism movement, and its just a bit disheartening. He is probably a nice person and we all make mistakes, but still, ffs.

Yeah, guys have clearly cornered the market on cringey drunken past mistakes.

What good does Cox quitting this charity work do?
Is it simply to allow the charity involved to cut itself off from Cox to appease the judgement of the general public? Is it to remove himself from the situations in which, and the people with whom, he has acted inappropriately? I understand the latter reason as being important, but I care far less about the former.

{{Times are changing, but not sure what counts as what these days to be honest. As a male care worker working in a largely female environment there was a time in my youth I couldn't bend down to pick something up without getting my arse slapped off some older female co-worker or some sort of comment. I never once thought of myself as being sexually harassed, it was banter, a laugh a tension breaker in a tough job. No big deal. To call it sexual assault seems to me offense to anyone who has had to endure a genuine sexual assault.
I mean when the Daily Mail ran their list of MP's who had acted inappropriately in the work place with coworkers they listed a lib-dem MP, who had got in a relationship with his secretary, they were both single at the time. The Mail noted, in a footnote, that their current status was happily married with two children.
Thats not acting inappropriately in the workplace- that's called falling in love with someone you met through work and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them and raise a family!
And how many people met their partner in the workplace? I bet its a lot. }}

It's all getting too tangled up.  Aside from the true asshats who use sexual situations as part of their power play, the rest of men just needed to wake up and realize some things just may not be welcome.  A couple of good men near retirement losing their jobs over it may be worthwhile for the wake-up call, but scads of good men losing their jobs for occasional drunken lack of judgement is going too far.

At this point it should be "Okay guys, you got the picture?  So long as there was no coercion or a continuing pattern of misjudgement, we'll forget the past if you can clean your act up for the future."

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{Times are changing, but not sure what counts as what these days to be honest. As a male care worker working in a largely female environment there was a time in my youth I couldn't bend down to pick something up without getting my arse slapped off some older female co-worker or some sort of comment. I never once thought of myself as being sexually harassed, it was banter, a laugh a tension breaker in a tough job. No big deal. To call it sexual assault seems to me offense to anyone who has had to endure a genuine sexual assault.
I mean when the Daily Mail ran their list of MP's who had acted inappropriately in the work place with coworkers they listed a lib-dem MP, who had got in a relationship with his secretary, they were both single at the time. The Mail noted, in a footnote, that their current status was happily married with two children.
Thats not acting inappropriately in the workplace- that's called falling in love with someone you met through work and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them and raise a family!
And how many people met their partner in the workplace? I bet its a lot. }}

I have heard that argument, 'it was just banter, a bit of fun' and if you didn't feel harassed its probably because you weren't being harassed. That comes under the title of drunken office party shenanigans and fumbling and flirting between consenting adults, humans will always get pissed and do daft things, I don't think this current tsunami of abuse scandals has got anything to do with what you are talking about. We are not talking about a moral crusade against flirting, fancying colleagues or making tits of ourselves, otherwise humanity would cease to reproduce.

It kinda does have something to do with the current tsunami because in many cases it was men who thought they were just doing shenanigans, but they were unwelcome. I'm afraid we may reach a point where nobody knows how to create an atmosphere where shenanigans are welcome, or will feel comfortable recognizing such an atmosphere.

That comes under the title of drunken office party shenanigans- Figg

{{ I'm not talking about some office party, I am talking at my place of work, whilst working. And never mind the coworkers the female older residents are even worse, you don't even have to be bending down just walking past to get an arse nip or pat. And its certainly banter and humour for them going on the cackling that tends to follow!
I just cannot see that sort of activity as in the same bracket as sexual assault, which I imagine comes with a lot more intimidation and fear.
Being slapped on the arse inappropriately at work by a fellow co-worker has never been something I didn't feel I could easily shrug off and go on with my day after.
Do I actually think its ok to slap someones arse out of the blue, personally no, but do I think its appropriate for someone to make a clumsy pass at someone at work they fancy? Yes, even if it is clumsy. }}}}

To clarify, it's Charlie Rose and Al Franken who lost jobs or resigned due to shenanigans that were not coercive, not abuse of power, just really poor judgement.  Asiz Ansari has been publicly humiliated for being pushy and not recognizing signals, when his date admitted she never actually said 'no'.  And I'm sure many other stories are similar.  

I'm okay with the likes of Charlie Rose and Al Franken taking the fall as poster boys for what not to do because they were near or past retirement age, and were considered respectable enough that men would wake up and realize anyone could be doing this; not just powerful assholes, and we could see ourselves in their shoes.

Matt Damon tried to point out the difference between assholes and those who did something stupid, and got jumped on -  making the point that doing something stupid isn't acceptable either.  And yes, it should stop; but is doing a stupid thing enough to get you fired and have a career destroyed?  

I think men will now do better in the future, but having been fairly warned about their past deserve a chance to straighten up and not be punished except for real sexual crimes in their past, not just past stupidity.  Otherwise too much is at risk.  Men are just stupid.  Learning though.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:That comes under the title of drunken office party shenanigans- Figg

{{ I'm not talking about some office party, I am talking at my place of work, whilst working. And never mind the coworkers the female older residents are even worse, you don't even have to be bending down just walking past to get an arse nip or pat. And its certainly banter and humour for them going on the cackling that tends to follow!
I just cannot see that sort of activity as in the same bracket as sexual assault, which I imagine comes with a lot more intimidation and fear.
Being slapped on the arse inappropriately at work by a fellow co-worker has never been something I didn't feel I could easily shrug off and go on with my day after.
Do I actually think its ok to slap someones arse out of the blue, personally no, but do I think its appropriate for someone to make a clumsy pass at someone at work they fancy? Yes, even if it is clumsy. }}}}

you seem to be talking about old women, from a different generation, I bet the young women don't pat your bum, because they know its disrespectful, the older ladies may be thinking they can be a bit naughty without causing offence. But then old women are rarely sexual predators are they.

{{Older yes- when I was in my twenties that would range from 30 to retirement age. And not like it was uncommon, sexual remarks suggestive comments and arse slapping were perfectly normal from those women.

And most of the men being pilloried in the press for 'inappropriate behaviour' (not talking sexual assault here just clumsy moves) are also from that 'older generation' doesn't seem to cut them any slack.}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{Older yes- when I was in my twenties that would range from 30 to retirement age. And not like it was uncommon, sexual remarks suggestive comments and arse slapping were perfectly normal from those women.

And most of the men being pilloried in the press for 'inappropriate behaviour' (not talking sexual assault here just clumsy moves) are also from that 'older generation' doesn't seem to cut them any slack.}}

that depends, people used to think Benny Hill humour was acceptable, the older generation of men in positions of power grew up thinking that the dollybird secretary could be touched and fondled, all that stuff is not acceptable these days. Also men have in general been in the positions of power, so its hardly comparable to a few old ladies having a few giggles.
that reminds me of that harry Enfield sketch 'ooooh young man!'  were they like this?

{{I'm not talking about 'a few old ladies' I am not talking about lots of average aged ladies, in the workplace, with fellow co-workers- the sort of age where were it done by a man there would be howls of derision, public shaming, condemnation and the end of a career.
Just saying as someone who has been on the receiving end of such treatment in the workplace for many years- that seems a bit disproportionate to the crime to me  
I would not wish for a single one of those women to have that dragged up now, shamed and named and fired for slapping my arse ten years ago- but that's what happening to many men right now. }}

its pointless discussing it further then.

{{I just think there needs to be a difference made between behaviour that's deemed 'inappropriate' now and from a time when it wasn't even necessarily considered inappropriate- and actual predatory sexual behaviour.
To say the two are the same seems to me to belittle the seriousness of actual sexual assaults, as well the fact it seems to only work one way, for women.
How seriously do you think the police would take me if I went to them and said I wanted to complain about getting my arse slapped at work off female coworkers ten years ago? I somehow doubt I'd be taken seriously. Yet there are men, right now, losing careers over just that sort of thing on that sort of time scale (or longer).}}

how very dare women speak up, it was so much better when we kept quiet and knew our place.