Things that are making you crabbit! [2]

"im quite popular on the internet, lots of stuff happening" i whispered to my cat. My cat doesnt respond because my cat doesnt exist. there is no cat and i am alone.

Ill lend you one of my cats Ally, Mr Tibbles is available for parties and light house duties. miaow!, whats that Mr Tibbles'? he likes sardines he said.

You can have one of mine- the youngest wont stop scratching at stuff!

bloody hell, I go over to Bree and everyone is all earnest and super serious (apart from Stu Eru bless him) and there is nobody here in the Shire, whats goin on? wots a girl got to do for some laughs?

They do take things awfully seriously over in Bree sometimes, don't they?

I usually just sit back, munching popcorn and carrots. Would you like one, Mrs Figg?

I would love to munch on your carrots Dave, are they organic?

Um, oops, sorry I seem to have walked into something Blimey ..didn't mean to intrude, nice carrot Dave. (Backs out carefully taking palantir pics for the NotP)

Is it possible Dave is a carrot?

well his cheeks are carrot red, I have seen them.

They look pretty red in these palantir pics thats for sure. They should get me a barrel or two of buckie from Pure Publications.

Pettytyrant101 wrote: They should get me a barrel or two of buckie from Pure Publications.

Pure Publications??!?!

Um, sorry Mrs Figg, but I've really got to be going now....(where's that bicycle?)

damn another one has slipped from my grasp. it must be the eel oil

I have never seen a man pedal so fast.

damn Pure Publications and damn the palantirazzi.

Mrs Figg wrote:damn another one has slipped from my grasp, it must be the eel oil.

Mrs Figg! You mustn't go saying things like that! Nor should you be encouraging her, Amarie!

I don't know if I should walk slowly away or stay..

Last night,my youngest and smallest cat, Sisko, who will only go out at night and only if its really quiet came in with a high pitched squeaking thing in his mouth.
Blimey I thought, he must have that mouse by its particulars! Then it flapped a wing.
My cat had brought me a bat. Which are endangered species here, protected and big fines ensue for splatting one.
Fortunetly it could still fly. Unfortuntely for me it was doing it in my kitchen. And unfortuntely for it shock seemed to have overridden its sonar and it smacked straight into the door.
At which point seeing his chance Sisko sprang again from behind me and I had to rescue it once more.
Much fuss, cat chasing, bat chasing with a fishing net wildy deployed later and said bat was set free.
The cat was not happy and has been in a huff with me ever since.
He better not do it again tonight.

Of course he was mad, here he brings you the coolest mouse-bird ever and you THROW IT OUT!

I've got a cool trick for humanely catching bats.

Take any whistle and over-blow it so it makes shrill overtones and sounds terrible. It's almost paralizing to bats! They'll fly to the nearest wall and hang there helpless, wishing they had fingers to stick in their ears.

Then just take an bowl, cup or jar, put it over them, and slide a piece of paper or cardboard between the mouth of the container and the wall. You can now carry the bat outside and release it, where it will never come back and bother you.

I probably do this a dozen times each fall when the bats are out in force, hunting termites and looking for good places to overwinter.

poor little pipsqueaks, they are very useful creatures, they eat all the mozzies.

Orwell doesnt love me anymore. it had to happen he's so flighty.

Too many females not enough time {{for any of them!}} is Orwells view I'm sure Mrs Figg.
Better to have lived and loved than never to have loved at all.
Or in Orwells case better to have lived, been harassed, chased, teased, had lewd comments, suffered hs obssessions before you finally crumble and succumb and he runs a mile, than never to have loved at all.

dont know whether to or but I think is probably in order.

better to love and live, than never to have lived at all.

Instead of maths we should have been taught the importance of a clean break up