Not so crabbit now! [2]

{{{ I do not give people PTSD! Just migraines. I recommend a bottle of buckie Figg, on the hour every hour, and soon enough you will not only have forgotten about your PTSD or what it stands for but you'll not even be able to say it }}

halfwise wrote:PTSD?  From being banned from TORN and the Guardian?  Or from arguing with Petty?

I got back on The Guardian. so it ain't that.

I admire the editing and angles on this.

turns out there was a male equivalent to Anna Nicole Smith. I didn't think I'd be watching more than a few minutes of this, but it was just too much fun.

Never thought of Tom Waites as a comic act.

{{ This is fun, annual event where various actors read out historical letters. This one is Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi. Contains some strong language! }}

Had to look that up to find what happened to the zaporozhian cossacks. Turns out nothing, for nobody could do anything with them.  The letter itself is actually not historical: some other group of Cossacks had done a somewhat satirical reply to a sultan, and in the 18th century it was used as a model into which biting insults were rolled in to produce the letter we have today.  Most likely the Sultan never actually got a reply.

{{ Yeah I heard there is some dispute over how authentic it is, if its partly real and added to later or entirely made up about 100 years later.
That Letters series of vids is really good, some great actors and interesting often amazing Letters. This is another Capaldi one, but it's a first-hand account of an incredible historic event, the WW1 Xmas Armistice, and Capaldi shows in his reading just why he is so captivating a performer for me, he doesn't just read it he feels it. }}

People here get all up in arms about illegal immigrants crossing from Mexico into this country, but apparently it's real easy to just accidentally cross over into mexico.

Watch the embedded video.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/texas-woman-goes-viral-tiktok-232757162.html

halfwise wrote:People here get all up in arms about illegal immigrants crossing from Mexico into this country, but apparently it's real easy to just accidentally cross over into mexico.

Watch the embedded video.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/texas-woman-goes-viral-tiktok-232757162.html

If you think that is harrowing just try 'accidently' driving into Scotshobbitland from England. You are immediately surrounded by border midges who bite your bits until you are crying with irritation. Either that, or getting your car bumper splattered with low flying Haggis roadkill. As for the language difficulties, forget it, even Google translate gives up.

{{ Midges are just taking a nibble to check your blood for alcohol content as you enter the country, foreigners arriving is one of the few times they get to eat and not get drunk at same time, that's why normally they fly so erratically.

And the knack to avoiding haggis collision is just remember the legs on one side of their body are longer than on the other, so they can go faster round hills, but the male goes clockwise and the female counterclockwise (which sides got longer legs is how you tell the sexes, well you could take a more traditional look but I'd rather wrestle an angry lion, it'd be safer. Haggis may not be big and strong, but they make up for it in sheer crabbitness. Scots boffins have speculated this is because they only get a chance to mate when they collide with a female coming round the hill the other way at speed. As a result haggis mating is brief, conducted at high speed and usually leaves both parties with concussion. Which would make anyone crabbit. }}

Are you sure its Haggis you are talking about and not the Scotshobbits?

Robin Williams on the invention of golf. You can skip the last 2 minutes.

{{ For those who may have missed that classic Scottish take on Queens famous hit song I give you the Buckfast Rhapsody enthusiastically and drunkenly sung, if not necessarily tuneful (whats slightly worrying is it actually makes more sense as a narrative than the original!) }}

Topical, but I still prefer the Muppet version.

{{ This year's top 15 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Comedy Circuit (yeah there actually is a panel decides this stuff) I almost never think the No1 pick is the funniest. What's your favourite? }}

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons

2. I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it. - Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth

12. I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply. - Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people - Olga Koch

I like 14 and 15, though I had to look a picture of 14 up.

I like number 10