WHOLESOME TALES [2]

I know this is fictional, Anon -- but nonetheless, from now on I expect this Tale to take a most respectable turn!

Why ?

Odo- alive! (I think ) and as immediately infurating as always!
I would say I'd missed you but as Ive been trying to acquire all your business and real estate in your absence I cant honestly say that- couldnt you have stayed dead, for say another month or so till my lawyers have shredded, I mean gone through, all the documents?
Inconsiderate turning up not dead- thats what it is.

Me? Turn up dead? Over my dead body!

lol. Like Azog.

Spoiler:

Over my dead body!- Odo

I am sure arrangments can be made.
You'll be wanting your wives back next.

I thought they had gone to Buckland to stay with my dear Great Aunt, Rosie Hardbottle...

Never underestimate either the allure of buckie- or its ability to keep people in one place if you hook them up to a drip.

Ive almost entirely weaned them off jelly too.

I have just seen a ghost.

Odo Banks is a spook
that fool of a Took
from Tolkiens book
could not be
as respectable as he
or as dead
although it is said
he comes back
once a year
when its the awards
cos hes as sharp
as Narsils shards
he wants to win
respectabilian
of the year
that reptilian
ODO.

How very disrespectable of you, Mrs Figg!

Well you can hardly blame her Odo- when you fired her and then disappeared {{taking all your 'trade' with you}}} and then Azriel opened up her hole in competion, poor Mrs Figg has been near bankrupt and run of her feet. She's barely got time to smooth down an eel I hear.

Yep, & proud of it ! My hole has never been closed since! Its been in & out, in & out ! boy, have I been busy.

I must say Azriel a brisk trade is a worthy trade and if only Mrs Figg had made better use of her hole I'm sure I would not have had to lay her off. It wasn't personal, it's just that business is business, especially in these difficult financial times, even a funny business like eel wrangling. I also must say, we need more respectable burghers of your ilk in Forumshire, not these lazy layabouts like Mrs Figg - no offense intended, of course, Mrs Figg.

non taken Odo

I have to say, I dont reguard Mrs Figg as lazy at all, in fact Im sure shes training up her eels a treat. Those slippery little suckers need a bit of conjoling, & we all know what its like to have something slippery in your hand! Its always good to have healthy competition, keeps one on ones toes! Im sure BOTH of us, will be enjoying the brisk in-ing & out-ing once again.

So now Figgy's channeling Wisey?

Chapter Twenty One
In which Julia and Azriel discuss the Finer Points of their Trade

With the decision made by a high percentage of the questers to take the Quest in a wholy new direction, they trekked off from Radagast's House under the moonlight and under the arched branches of the Murkygreen(grey)wood.

Julia and Azriel lead the way bearing candles on long sticks, though not so long as to set the canopy on fire, it being high summer and a Fire Danger Period, and their conversation soon fell to discussions of 'trade'. Odo walked behind them with his ears pricked for new ideas, especially if they might seem profitable.

"People are well aware of the 'ins' of our trade, Azriel, but I'm not sure they are not anywhere near as aware of the 'outs.'"

"Nothing said could be truer," Azriel agreed. "I was only saying to a regular customer the day before you summoned me to go on this quest that he seemed far more intent on 'inning' than 'outing'' and fully risked overstaying his lodgement."

"I'm not exactly sure that's the point I was making, but never mind....."

"Of course," Azriel continued obliviously, her eyes having taken on a deep reflective cast, as if she had plunged back deeper into the memory of that encounter of which she was already alluding, "the gentle-hobbit on that occasion might have fallen asleep. Indeed, thinking further on it, I suspect they were snores and not joyous expostulations after all."

"Quite so," Julia said, not altogether sure if it was just so really. "The eel wrangling side of the business, of course, has it's ins and outs too."

"So true."

"I was only saying to Bertie Beetleburger..."

"The famous 'Bertie' from Archet?"

"The same... Well, Bertie was getting a little too initmate if you know what I mean, and I said, 'Now Bertie, I'll not have you inning for so long without any hint of any outing, do you mind?"

"And?"

"He was quite apologetic in the end."

"And so he should have been."

"I do have a soft spot for him, I confess, which goes some way to explaining my tolerant attitude, I guess. I mean, he generally means well, but in the heat of the moment... Oh you know what I mean."

"Oh I do! I do so!"

And the two fairies had a rollicking good laugh over that; which was a laugh generally at the expense of Men, unfortunately; which wasn't to their credit, at all, at all, I think you'll agree.

"It still does not explain how Azriel used her hole to best profit, while yours was somewhat un-oiled financially speaking Julia?" Odo said this quizzically, as he wasn't really sure what the lady fairies were talking about, though he sniffed a profit in it somewhere.

"I wish you wouldn't pry," Azriel commented. "I mean, so long as I send you your cut, why worry about the niceties, Mr Banks?"

"Anyone would think you were diddling him out of funds," Amarie piped up, her being wise in the way of diddling, her being a Citizen still of Dark Planet and all.

"Hey!" Julia expostulated angrily. "Did you say you were sending some of your profits to Odo all this time, Azriel?"

"I was."

"What? When you thought he was in the Necromancer's dungeons?"

"Oh no, I knew he was CEO of M.I.S.S."

"And you let us go on this dangerous Quest knowing he wasn't imprisoned?"

"We had signed a Confidentiality Agreement."

Julia glowered.

"Look at the bright side, Julia," Orwell offered helpfully. "We're on a different Quest now and I'm sure a better one."

"Wot?" Petty piped up crabbitedly. "Ware off ta steel the Farkenston! Itz a stoopid quest..."

"Well, all Quests are quite stupid really," Lance commented, which was the kind of statement that was going to get him... well, you know the rest....

"We could be getting tickled by a Peruvian snow leopard you know!" Aleek said suddenly.

"Oh sweet Eru Illuvatar!" Orwell winced.

{{{ I'm just sitting quiet to hear more girl talk. It's like having a listening hole drilled into the women's restroom. Shhh - quite bumping me, Dave! }}}

{{{sorry! hey, that's an apology! pass the buckie bottle.}}}

There was a young Eel wrangler from Bree
who carressed them between her knee
But she got quite a shock
when it slid down her sock
And filled her slippers with wee.