Mount Olympus Annual Picnic

Well might you cry, "Eeewwgh!"
But it will be a baccanalian feast,
Where I heard every randy God will lie,
with every Naiad, Dryad, Beast.

We shall dance among the grasses
Atop this highest hill,
Looking out atop Olympus -
It shall be my greatest thrill.

Oh I hope the Ladies will be hot -
The Lads can go to Hades! -
I should like to look up togas
And only see a Lady!

Then I'll rest amid the Ladies -
though "Ladies" sounds such a blurb!
For the Goddesses around here
are no Ladies, as I've heard!

Mrs Figg wrote: I want respectable gods at my picnic thank you.

Well that's going to shorten the guest list significantly

erm I guess you can have buxom wenches though!

Mrs Figg wrote: you can have buxom wenches though!

Oh Mrs Figg all over red -
Or so the story goes! -
You shall be my pretty petal,
My succulent Ruben rose.

I'll show you how to party -
And me but two foot tall! -
When you see my accoutrements,
You'll sigh, "Oh boy! Oh boy!"

oh Dear what will my hubby say when he reads all this smut about the charming and ladylike Mrs Figg? He will probably give that Loki chap a good taser up the furry behind.

Yes Dear if there is any smut about its going to be me doing the smutting not some Johnny come lately.

Oh David, dear, do be wise,
There'll be something there for you,
Some carrots for your pleasure,
And cows to moo and woo.

As for me, I hope for the Feminine -
For resplendant selected God-girls -
That's what I hope for the Picnic -
That's how I hope things will uncurl.

Oh juicy loosey Zeusy-lad
You were always a selfish sort,
Why should you have all the smut?
It should be shared, I've always thought.

I'll stick my finger where the sun dont shine, and make it shine if you like zeus? all this talk of spit is making me shudder a bit in me dress.

hera2 wrote:oh Dear what will my hubby say when he reads all this smut about the charming and ladylike Mrs Figg? He will probably give that Loki chap a good taser up the furry behind.

Oh should I be so lucky?
Shall we do it 'hind the shed?
Or in front of the whole assembly,
On a podium or bed?

Who is this chap? I quite like him, but he better not get ideas above his station, I am the big bad cheese round here, gottit?

{{No offense Loki, but it looks like your mother may have had a fondness for her goats. ( I'm remembering the Minotaur's parentage.... }}

I thought it was supposed to be Olympians at this picnic? I was stretching it with Thor and Odin, only got away with it cos Thor has a big hammer.

Beware ye all of Needlehole
and Archet; Bywater too,
Never go to Olympus,
under the Waning Moon! -

(I mean the Olympus near Frogmorton -
Yes, it's more a hill than mount -
But the lasciviousness played out there
is what really counts!)

'tis said the Gods do go there,
An Annual Picnic held -
Where creatures meet in moonlight,
Where God and beast dooth meld.

Go not there in your weakness,
It's not for the "Respectable" -
It's where depraved Gods play -
and Goddesses delectable,

but "evil" Godesses - in togas! -
with scented nether parts -
and Gods with great you-know-what's -
as they stand with legs apart!

Oh how the sexes mingle,
In gloried Hottest Sin,
Their body bits bared for all to see,
Their hair caught by the wind!

The amadilllos jaunting to flute,
The boaconstrictor hugs you tight,
And the brazen horn of Hermes
Plays here and there by night,

The Tiger kissing Hera,
The Lion kissing Bob,
The Eel's in and out of water!
Oh how the hilltop throbs!

Forsooth! Avoid the Picnic!
For Eru has banned that Evil Moot!
(He's never ever liked the bloody thing,
Since Zeus gave him the boot!)



"The Needleole Litany. Psalm 12."

Wisey Banks

I don't know, but isn't this kind of Godless smuttiness banned in Forumshire?

And welcome Little Loki Panic. You seem very familiar somehow...

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Lesbo,

I have heard a rumour that there will be a picnic held soon on Mount Olympus (near Frogmorton). The rumour is that there will be all sorts of goings on going on between Gods and Goddesses, Mythical Beasts, and Hobbits from Bywater and Needlehole. If so, I should like yo know, will I need to purchase tickets - and where from?

Yours truly,
Porgy Bunk-Banks.




Dear Editor,

If all the scurriolus rumours circulating at the moment are true about this ridiculous Olympus Picnic, then I want to know who's running it, and have they got a Permit?

Also, who is licensed to supply buckie and other beverages. And the necessay towells, oils, scented perfumes, relevant useful party-accoutrements, and the like?

No notices have been posted, and there has been no suggestion of a tendering process! I find the idea of a Private Picnic on Forumshire Public Land - in this case a hilltop in Frogmorton Borough by all accounts - without going through the proper Burgheral Processes profoundly distasteful to say the least.

I also find the idea of holding such a raunchy get-together of Lords and Ladies (and Beasts! ) - both Real and Mythological - runs against the grain of decent propriety - especially if local Burghers are excluded from making a respectable profit!

yours angrilly,
Mr Odo R. Banks, esquire.





Dear Lesbo,

I haven't seen Pretty for weeks and the Wedding Plans appear to be off. Is it true she came back to you? I only said I wish she'd stop dressing like a boy all the time... If she's come back to you, I don't know what I'll do. I'm as angry as a hornet - and broken hearted, too. Please take pity on me and give her back.

yours fragilely,
Mirabella Banks.





Deer Edd,

War iz za peeknee, pluz?

Bivvo Bunnke,
Kimmarlees.




Dear Editor,

I have misplaced my best quill. Could you ask Pretty if she stole it. She was the last person to visit, and I can't help thinking she was more fond of my quill than what is normal in a young Hobbit lass. It's an Eagle-feather quill with a Rubenesque etching above the nib.

Thanking you in anticipation,
Wisey Banks.



Dear Lesbo Proudfoot,

I think the whole idea of holding a Baccanalian Picnic in Frogmorton is disgusting and distasteful ;and goes against all which a Religious Woman holds dear. And frankly I'm sick and tired of the Sixth Form Girls tittering about it! I plan to start a petition to have it stopped, banned, knocked on the head.

yours righteously,
Jane Smith,
Mother Superior,
Our Lady's of the Ankle-length Frock.

Hey can I come to this picnic?

Oh yes... yes, yes and yes.... Providing, of course, you look like your avatar... yes, yes indeed!

hello everyone I am Jemima Plungebucket, (you pronounce it Plungebouquet) I saw an advert in the Prancing Pony for Buxon Wenches, to DO at this picnic, now Mr Odo is my particular 'friend' so I hope you will hire me otherwise I will be forced to seek part time work at E-ZE Wench, that disrespectable agency of Mrs Figgs.

Oooh what a warm welcome Mr Orwell, my quiver has gone all aquiver.

I say this picnic has suddenly got interesting.

As the old saying goes Zeus, "Provide buckie and they will come!"

I'll have to make sure Persephone is away at the inlaws, woof woof!

You lot need a cold shower, Posiedon come here and make a tsumami will you!