Stand-up Comedy

Frankie Boyles legendary Apollo show - 'If I Could Reach Through Your TV and Strangle You I Would' - crabbit brutal Scottish humour at its best NSFW, or in fact anywhere at all-

Where the bloody heck did the "What kind of jokes can I get away with?" thread go to!?!

I thought of a joke the other day while riding bikes with my sister and had to share, so here will have to do:

What do you call that awkward moment after you've just had sex with someone and you realize that you both forgot to use protection?

A pregnant silence.

Forest Shepherd wrote:Where the bloody heck did the "What kind of jokes can I get away with?" thread go to!?!

It's down at the bottom under "Site Issues".
I think Azriel was more than half expecting to be banned from the Forum when she started that thread.
Little did she know.....

What a load of dirty-minded wenches we truly are here in Forumshire.
Well most of us.

I had no idea you were a wench Forest! Mines a pint of buckie love.

http://themoth.org/posts/episodes/1305#

This is a radio program called The Moth Radio Hour that plays on NPR sometimes. I heard it last weekend and really enjoyed it and wanted to share.

I only heard the first two. The first one was just adorable, and then the second was very emotional and a bit tough to listen to. Still good though. At least listen to the first!

P.S.
I know the second isn't comedy, but the first is actually stand-up in a sense. So it belongs here!

Forest, I have to say the Roast Beef one did make me laugh, the epilepsy one was hitting home hard but, sometimes you need to kick people up the arse every now & again .......

Petty......................

{{{There is a standup comedian, who will probably not be known outside the UK, and who is now deceased, and who caused, however you view him, quite a lot of controversy for their act over the years.
The comedian in question is Bernard Manning. His style is old skool, learned his trade the hard way in the working mens clubs of Manchester, and is in the long line of quick fire jokes miesters that traces its lines at least as far back as the Music Hall scene.
Personally I think he was one of the masters of it in the traditional sense, its was a craft he learned, always with a store of jokes for any occasion ready to fire out yet flexible enough to adapt them and improvise the form at need. And he performed, at his own club which he ran and headlined for more than forty years, well into his 70's.

The problem with Bernard is that a lot of his material was racist, or perceived as racist. And it didn't help that more under attack he was the more he entrenched himself.
Finally in the end he would openly declare he was racist and that there some people he liked and those he didn't. Saying that just because someone of foreign extraction is born and raised in the UK it no more made them British than a dog born in a stable makes it a horse.

Obviously as the 80's progressed towards the 90's this sort of thing became unacceptable. TV work, Royal Variety performances ect all stopped. The new wave of alternative comedy that had nothing but disdain for the comic that preceded them, and promoting a left wing, right on sensibility turned on Bernard and mauled him out of a career save to his core audience. Who in turn became ever more racist, so in turn Bernard played up to those aspects ever more.

And for me this is a great tragedy, for whilst I cannot condone his more overtly and less easy to justify racism, his mastery of the art form of stand up in that old tradition was second to none.

Here he is at the end of his career in a interview with the young up and coming right on champion of youth Mark Lammar.



One of my personal favourite Bernard jokes-

Man goes into a pub, he has a crocodile on a leash.
"What the fucks that?" his mate asks him.
"Its a crocodile," he says, "and it performs one special trick that if anyone in here is brave enough to do with it I'll give them a hundred pounds."
"Alright," his mate says, "whats the trick."

The guy pulls out a length of wood, taps the crocodile on the head and it opens its jaws wide, showing its huge teeth. Then the guy undoes his trousers, pulls his dick out and puts it in the crocodile's mouth and says, "watch this."
Then he whacks the crocodile over the head with thee plank of wood hard as he can. It doesn't flinch and he pulls his dick safely back out its mouth, "Right, hundred quid to anyone else brave enough to do that."

There is total silence in the pub, then a little old lady sitting nestling a gin in the snug pipes up and says, "I'll do it, but only if you promise not to hit me over the head as hard as you hit that fucking crocodile."


This one is more borderline, its probably racist, dunno any more frankly, but it made me laugh either way, maybe the Ozzhobbits can comment on its political correctness.

'An Australian multi-millionairess decides she wants to find a man in Australia to make love to who has never been with a woman before.
But after searching all over Australia they can only find one man, a lone aboriginal who has spent his entire life in the Outback.
But they eventually persuade him to come to her apartment and he goes in and there she is, lying on the bed wearing nothing but a smile.

"Hold on a moment," the aboriginal says and begins to move all the furniture out of the room and then starts to roll up the carpet, eventually frustrated she says "what are you doing?"

"Well," says the aboriginal, "I might not have made love to a woman before, but if its anything like fucking a kangaroo I'm going to need the room."}}}

{{{Was tempted to put this in the BBST rather than here, as Al Murray puts his history degree to good use in his stand up act as the Pub Landlord}}}

{{Frankie Boyle in front of a Glasgow audience- not for the faint hearted  or safe for work!

Some context to comedians and glasgow audiences-

"I have seen comedians struggle because they let the audience smell the fear. If they get a sniff of that, they will attack like a bunch of straggly, one-legged dogs from Easterhouse.
Glasgow audiences are unforgiving but, if you hit them on the funny bone, they will go with you down 100 routes of madness. They have to trust you first to make them laugh."- Jane Godley comedian

'Morecambe and Wise used to tell the tale of Des being dragged under the curtains of the Empire so the audience could see the words "Goodnight all" imprinted on the soles of his shoes.
Not that Eric and Little Ern had an easy ride, and the s10 a week extra in danger money the Empire paid them reflected that.'- Glasgow Empire- Where Comedians Went To Die.

Frankie's solution is essentially to hit the bastards first and hit them hard!   }}}

Love the Cliff Richard joke at 8.18 Il watch the rest later, I gotta go out.

{{Latest Frankie Boyle video-2016- enjoy!!!!! Not even vaguely safe for work}}}

My gawd he says it doesn't he Not quite so slim as his "Mock the week" days

{{{Belly and beard have flourished! And yeah that opening salvo is quite something }}}

{{ Paul O Grady, whilst recording his show as Lily Savage screws up the autocue and goes off on one, entirely in character as Lily Savage- what I really love about this clip is how it highlights that the material he is actually recording for the show is much staler, flatter and less alive than the improvised rant we actually get- which is comedic gold- the BBC scripted version of Lily is pale in comparison to raw unleashed Lily- this is the Lily honed by Paul after years and years on the circuit and is the reason he got noticed and made it to tv- yet on tv his act is neutered- this clip was of course never actually broadcast. Enjoy! }}

Yes of course that's why we liked him, that's how a lot of people are. He was a breath of Fresh air Cheeky with a side order of language

{{Frankie Boyle in concert, in Glasgow. You have been warned! }}

{{Jonathan Pie's live show!}}