WHOLESOME TALES

THE STRANGE CASE OF ODO AND ORWELL

Once upon a time there was an Ozhobbit who thought he was two Ozhobbits. By day, the Ozhobbit was known as the Eminently Respectable Odo R. Banks, Esq. We shall, for our purposes, refer to him simply as Odo. By night, this fine upstanding citizen became the drunken, skirt-chasing, sabre-rattling lout known as Orwell McOdo VII. He styled himself a Knight and a "Master of Baiting and Prancing Around Inanely", but the only truth to this was the "inane" part. We shall simply call him Orwell.

One day, Odo and Orwell were having a long conversation with each other, as was their wont.

"I say, why I should be forced to spend so much time around such a disgraceful and unrespectable example of Hobbitry is far beyond me," sniffed Odo delicately.

"That I have to spend so much time around a pampered and hypocritical dandy pisses me the hell off," slurred Orwell. "If it were up to me, I would call upon the United Nations to send a strategic bombing mission to flatten Needlehole and then import democracy."

"Talk like that is precisely why you shall never be in a position to command such actions," said Odo. "Even fools like GB and Eldo don't advocate wanton death and destruction like that -- unless they're talking about their own country."

"What do you know of political debate?" scoffed Orwell. I used to be a Union Shop Steward, you know. And I'm a street cop: I see your kind all the time. You wouldn't know a strategic alliance from a strategic bombardment."

Odo gave a cry of rage and immediately set upon Orwell, biting and scratching at him. Orwell kicked Odo soundly between the legs, sending the ponce flying. They both gave soft moans of pain and fell to the ground.

That evening, the most socially conscious and responsible of moderators, Petty Tyrant, came upon a drunken and confused Ozhobbit lying in the streets of Forumshire. He carefully bore the stricken Hobbit to the nearest hospital, where the doctors were absolutely baffled.

"I have no idea how this is even possible, but he seems to have twisted his leg so far that he kicked himself in the gonads," the amazed surgeon said breathily. "We also had to perform emergency surgery to remove his head from his anus, but he's expected to make a full recovery."

After several weeks and a strong regimen of psychiatric drugs, the Ozhobbit known as Odo went on his way, altogether a more balanced and reasonable individual than he had been for some time.

I don't care how brilliantly incisive and hilarious that is, Eldo - I'm complaining to Management!



{{{The bastard used my own strategy and weaponry against me, Odo! The bastard! How am I supposed to combat that? What's that, Odo? 'How the fuck do you know the answer to that?' My goodness me, you're angrier than I've ever seen you! }}}

{{{{{ One day, Odo and Orwell were having a long conversation with each other, as was their wont. Love that... }}}}}

{{{ Cheers, Orwell! Also, congratulations on your 3000th post! }}}

Eldorion wrote:{{{ Cheers, Orwell! Also, congratulations on your 3000th post! }}}

Oh

have

I

got

that

many?

I

must

post

more

often

than

I

realize!

nice one Eldo, all the girls like a strategic bombing! they are very IN this season I read an article in Ladies Cameltoe Weekly called "how to impress men with your political savvy and get them to buy you shoes".

Amen to that! A really clever women doesn't pay for anything!

I've always put women on a pedestal.... how naive can you be!

...and today is the International day of Women. How far we have come.

Once women were respected, Amarie...

It's also Leslie Cochran Day today, RIP.

Orwell wrote:Once women were respected, Amarie...

Well once or twice, surely?


We want shoes! We want shoes!