WHOLESOME TALES

I rest my case.

Oh dear...

but at the same time.

Btw, what was Ally's surname in the end? I'm curious yer see.

I imagine that is no longer a subject of high importance, Ally. (Btw, I thought you'd been told by your Parents, according to the Wholesome Tales account above? You should be telling us! ) ... but...

Oh dear, haven't you heard? Uncle Odo has mysteriously disappeared (again ). I'm investigating, of course. The Shirriff's Office suspects foul play, and considering Uncle Odo is involved, is it any wonder?

The clues we have to date are:

(1) Uncle Odo went to meet a gloomy chap at the Muck and Duck.
(2) They met in a back room, suggesting a "Secret Conversation." (There came a smell of peppermint through the door which would appear to confirm this).
(3) No one recognised the gloomy chap when he went in, due to his high concealing collar. (Some witnesses say he had a "pompous" attitude when he hired the room).
(4) There was some childish giggling but apparently things soon turned sour and voices were raised.
(5) Uncle Odo suddenly squealed (I'm sure in a very manly fashion) and burst out through the back room, down the passage, into the kitchen, and then out down Mucky Duck Hill in the direction of the village (Needlehole, that is).
(6) The gloomy pompous chap was in close pursuit bearing a blunderbuss, which he had apparently concealed within his dufflecoat all the time. (It was presumably a sawn-off blunderbuss, and how one of those is supposed to work is anybody's guess! ) Why he took it to the meeting is also a mystery. Did he half expect things to turn sour?
(7) We must not ignore the possibility that the gloomy chap was a female with a deep (put on?) voice. A Shirriff is always aware that her mind should be like a parachute - which only works when it's open!

Anyway, that's what we have. Now, the problem at the moment, is that Uncle Odo is a clearly beloved hobbit with no known enemies. This could end up being bigger than that "Who Shot J.R.?" fiasco of a few years back!

Ally wrote:Maybe someone was trying to get Odo to learn to cook. Is there such thing as a feminist mafia? Probably is.

Mmm.... parachute open... One suspect comes to mind, though I shan't be hasty, but..

Eldorion (AKA Gaycobb Gimpatpolo, AKA El Boro). Judging by his name, he has Italian ancestors. And he is a male who supports the Feminist Movement by all accounts. He is also quite feminine, as I've heard rumoured (something Uncle Odo mentioned - once or twice). And Italians love to cook! We'll call him suspect No. 1.

I'll cut and paste this to The Wholesome Tales Thread, I think. Need my notes kept in one place.

I don't have any evidence, of course, but I would immediately suspect Petty Tyrant, due to the old Coal Scuttle feud and all. Not that I would wish to cast nasturtiums, Petty... It's just... well, your feuding is on the record... and shouldn't we all be helping find Odo... I mean... for all we know.. he might be tied up in a deep dark damp cave for all we know.. not that I'm saying he is... no, I'm just saying it's a possibility... there could be others... but that's a possible one.. though it probably is far fetched... even if it does sound plausible... not that I'm saying I have inside information... or that I might be involved... Petty! You MUST help! What do you know? Come on, come clean! You must know something. I don't know anything. What reason would I have to bind Odo in a deep dark damp cave... Ridiculous idea.... Umm.. Petty could be involved, Mirabella. He could...

Thanks for the quick response.

Suspect 2. Petty.

Well that's only to be expected from you Orwell, casting doubts on innnocent drunk hobbits!
And don't be hasty on the accusations Mirabella! I know nothing of the matter, save what I know, which if I know anything at all I have little to no knowledge of knowing it. Buckie thinking you see.
Besides I've been out and about gathering news and annoying PJ Apologists.
And anyway the mystery stranger was clearly reported as grumpy, not crabbit.
Now what about Squach?- Odo is always insulting her over her name and over on the Remembrance thread he was down right rude to her. Maybe she has had enough of him!

And what about young Ally? I mean, it's a well known fact that Odo favours her... and him old enough to be her her Grand Father! She'd have reason to tie him in ropes and keep him down a deep dark damp cave... And gagged.... Just to stop him saying sleazy things about her... Remember those Wholesome Tales he supplies to the Bugle... Pure sleaze half of them... If I was her (and I'm not!) I'd conceal him down a dark cave - espcially if I had a sawnoff blundebuss which clearly doesn't work and hadn't managed to kill him, just capture him on the Bywater Road... not that I'm suggesting Ally has a sawnoff btw - which is probably discarded in a muddy ditch by now - if she ever had one, that is - not saying she did, of course - but she might have...

I wasn't trying to finger you, Petty, surely I wasn't.. but Squach, yes - now she'd have reason to tie Odo up in ropes... out of pure young girl spite...

Oh this is going swimmingly!

Suspect 3: Ally.

Suspect 4: Squach.

My goodness, what a lot of suspects so far!

Maybe you should try Wisey, Mirabella, not as a suspect of course (although Porgy is always worth keeping in mind- I mean if anything were to happen to Odo, then Wisey, who would inherit the Banks family home?) perhaps Wisey could channel something up that sheds some light on the matter.

"I never could have done it,
I wasn't even there,
I was sitting all a'channelin,
Upon my wicker chair.

I was siting in the garden, see,
Suffused in russet light
Shining on a distant rise
at the creeping down of night.

I was channelin' in the warmth
of a balmy Hobbiton eve,
While Porgy was in Needlehole,
Playing cards, I do believe.

She was at the Muck and Duck,
Least that's what she says,
Playing Whist in innocence,
with that respectable Les-

bo Proudfoot, and a relative,
visitin' from the Kimberleys -
That'd be my nephew Biffo,
who was on a spot of Mining leave.

So, anyhow, it can't be me,
Wealth isn't what I seek!
Oh give me a Wealth of Words,
It's into the Heart of Folk I peek!

Oh channeling is Everything,
To me, gold and jool and food,
Worldly things don't atttract me,
It's the Life of Words that's gude!"

Wisey Banks

Porgy and Biffo were there! And Lesbo Proudfoot!

Did anyone check the pub for the lingering aroma of herring? Everyone knows Odo is behind the Bugles Wholesome Tales and he has cast doubts over the sexual orientation of the entire nation of Norway. Could be reason enough for a manly military sort like Ringdrotten to take action.

Oh yes, Mirabella, didn't I tell you. We - that's Lesbo and Biffo and me - hired a room so we could play some - what did I tell Wisey? oh yes - Whist. It was all above board... We heard a bit of a ruckus, but above the noises we were making... I mean, we play cards in a very animated manner... well, I barely heard anything over Lesbos' sighs and Biffo's groans... I must say, we were very involved... playing Whist and all... Sorry, I can't help!

I fort zat Ringoo fella waz feeshee! ... Urrumerr Bellar... I waz playin' hoppskotsh ut za tim... {{{Cardz, Porkee? Wat cardz --- ooh....}}} I waz playin' hoppskotsh wisst, i woz, rulee. Itz unew wisst - tiz... Uh... zat Ringoo fella waz tup duncin onza bar wen we lefft... zat waz long affer i sor Unka Odd cum in... Cum ta thunk... i deed saw a graeclud innividuell cum in... unzaforry sort! just afor Unka cumz in, 'e deed!

Suspect 5: Ringo Herring.


(Generally suspect, Lesbo, Biffo and Porgy! I must have an informal chat with Wisey, I think...)

A pompous stranger? Sounds pretty clear-cut to me. When is the sentencing?

Umm shouldn't someone also be looking for Odo? Just a thought, not like I'm volunteering just saying.

Oh I hope Odo is alright. The villain - "Pompous"? It does sound like someone familiar, Eldorion. I must put my thinking cap on.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Now what about Squach?- Odo is always insulting her over her name and over on the Remembrance thread he was down right rude to her. Maybe she has had enough of him!

Mirabella wrote: Suspect 4: Squach

Are you saying it was... me????

Everyone is a suspect, Squach!

Oh my goodness... I escaped! Hope everyone hasn't been too worried about me...

Not at all, apparently with the arrival of the colourful Mrs Figg, everyone has forgotten you completely. I know I did!