The Time Lord and me

I sat in the waiting room in an agony of boredom, I had flipped through the dog eared copies of the Readers Digest and paced the small grey room for what seemed like a small Ice Age. It was hard to get an appointment so I was obliged to wait, and wait. I peered through the dusty lace curtain and saw the sunny Spring day outside, I longed to be free.
'Miss Figg the doctor will see you now'. the receptionist had snuck up on me whilst I was dreaming and I jumped feeling like an idjit.
'ok thank you' I followed her eager to get this over with. I needed that certificate, I had to tell the social I was unfit to work, I had a bad back, it was a pain in the arse, or was it the cocyx. oh ha dreary ha!
She ushered me in and closed the door.
My doctor had gone to be replaced by a handsome Young chap. I repressed the urge to ogle. He stood up extending his hand. his smile was wide and cheeky, I liked what I saw.
'Hello hello Miss Figgy, may I call you Figgy?
Normally I would have minded, but he made me sound special, the way he said Figgy, it was odd, like he knew me, it was personal but not offensive.
'yes you can call me Figgy' I said shyly, I was and am shy.
'splendid splendid, I am the Doctor, things are going to change around here, can you run in those heels?

Is he a northern Doctor by any chance?

"splendid splendid, I am the Doctor, things are going to change around here, can you run in those heels?"
Love that bit,

azriel wrote:"splendid splendid, I am the Doctor, things are going to change around here, can you run in those heels?"
Love that bit,

Me too! Got that lovely dr.Who feel to it. You know, that feeling you get when you know it's going to be a good episode with no weird posing in front of explosions and no Amy.

I imagine it's 10. But that's probably because of Martha and the hospital episode.

Run? erm no my back hurts thats why I...
'NO time for BACKS!!! he shouted. his jovial manner had changed like a whip, he stood up with his fists on the desk and leant forward, he had a manic look in his eyes that startled me. I backed off.
'Tell me Figgy, he said urgently 'are you afraid of the Dark?' whats in your bag?
'oh shit', I thought, 'he's a nutcase', I decided to placate him until I could escape. I edged towards the door trying to smile and look calm.
He grabbed my wrist and I felt my knees go wobbly with fear.
'Its going to get very very dark Figgy, you need to run when I say RUN!!!!!!!!!

Liking it. Ditto on the line everyone else liked.

Every heroine should wear high heels, but I admit I am old fashioned. I hope Miss Figg is old fashioned! You know, one of those nice young ladies of yore (or thereabouts), who are naturally sexy without trying to be, and never dress like an eel wrangler. Love the bad back. With one intimate detail, Miss Figg becomes a real person. It's almost as if I might know her. Heroines in legendary high heels need to be mortal too, methinks. Who is this Doctor chap, I wonder? I'm intrigued.

'look I aint running nowhere Doctor' I said trying vainly to sound jokey and light. He still had me by the wrist and it was a grip like cold steel, I could feel his heart beating, pulsing, two pulses, like a drumbeat Boom- Boom -Boom.
He lifted his head and sniffed.
'I can smell Nothing' he said, 'and that means trouble'. He laughed suddenly.
'wha...hey let go you weirdo.....stop.. i'll scream.....help!.. HELP!!....someone heeeeeeeeeelll....oh god....where the sun go?? ...ow! shit.... keep still Figgy...HA HA! THIS IS FUN!!!!!!
There was total blackness total silence, no cars no birds chirping, no daily this and that, just Nothing. Just Black. Everywhere.
I stood there petrified with fear. A match was struck, it fluttered before me like a small bit of hope, of cheer, of sanity. It guttered flamed and went out.
'whats happened? oh please tell me, Doctor are you still there?
'yes I am here Figgy, whats in your bag?
'stuff'
'what stuff?'
'my stuff'.'
'not a Torchlightometer then?
'no'
'pity we could use one'
'will you stop blathering and tell me WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!'
'Fine, well Figgy the Dark has happened and its very doubtful if we will survive the afternoon. But never fear I have been in worse fixes than this OH YES! but this is going to one of the worst.

My mind was reeling, I couldnt take it all in, I was numb, speechless, I could feel a scream welling up but I knew if I let it out, it was bye bye Figgy hello cookooland, so I put a lid on it. Tight.
'what do we do? I whispered.
'No time for chit chat' he whispered back, 'we need to find the TARDIS, before IT does'.
'IT?'
'yeah IT'
'whats IT?
'you are chit chatting again'
'sorry. whats the TARDIS?'
'Its my ride'
'lets go then'
Good girl Figgy thats the spirit, who dares wins, etc etc'

'Please tell me whats happening why is this happening?
'Look can we have this nice chat and a cup of tea after we have escaped certain Death and the destruction of the Universe?
'sure'
'good, now wheres my screwdriver?'
Suddenly a blue piercing light appeared a few inches from my face, I winced and squinted, The Doctor had a long thin torch in his hand, the room looked eerie and the shadows danced in the corners. He grabbed my hand.
I found out I can't run in heels.
I kicked my shoes off after stumbling and fumbling over the prone bodies in the Street. the silence was deafning, it was like having industrial strength headphones, even our footfalls were silent. I didnt look at the bodies, I fixed my gaze on the Doctor and ran.
We came to a box, it looked like a telephone box but bigger, and blue. It was the only colour I had seen since the world went black. He fumbled with a key, and we ran in.
There was a pinky Golden light, the room was huge and full of whiring and bleeping, it was a relief to hear again, it was such a nice cozy feeling. In the middle of the room was a table, consol, well a Thing, which he started to poke and pull levers, he ran round it muttering to himself.
I walked closer, trying to work out what it was, where I was, who he was, well everything really.
'Its alive like a tree', was all I could think of to say.
'yes She IS alive, this is the TARDIS, not so sure about the tree bit though'.
'do you want some shoes? theres a room back there, second on the left next to the broom cupboard'.

The room was like the best costume department I had ever seen, everthing from Roman armour to Victorian bustles, I was cold and shivering so I put on a green leather bomber jacket and a six foot long stripy woolly scarf.
'that suits you, I see you found my old clothes'
'do you mind?'
'No help yourself, steer clear of the kilt though, it bites'.
I suddenly had a doh! moment.
'this place is.....
'yeah yeah I know, bigger on the inside, they all say that, its starting to get predictable. He was still darting around pressing buttons and scratching his head.
'who's they?'
'my companions.
'where are they?
'gone'
'Look Doctor who are you, and what is this?' I gestured around me, I was getting irritated and I wanted answers.
'I am a 900 year old alien and this is my Time Machine, ok?
'yeah and I am Cleopatra'
'No you are not, she had black hair, well no hair actually, she shaved her head, it was a wig, and you have red hair, red hair red hair, people with red hair cause me no amount of trouble, dont you find Scottish people with red hair irritating?
'yep' I nodded fervently, 'I do indeed'.

i need to sit down and read this

red hair, red hair red hair, people with red hair cause me no amount of trouble, dont you find Scottish people with red hair irritating?
'yep' I nodded fervently, 'I do indeed'.

Thats not very Doctorsih! He loves a ginge! Wants to be one and had a thing for Elizabeth the First too (she is still waiting on him to return and elope with her). (sorry the Whovian in me will always nitpick when it comes to representing the Doctor's character!)
Digs at current Who aside I'm really enjoying this. You have the general mood pretty damn spot on Mrs Figg. Keep it coming.

'so you are telling me you met Cleopatra? I said, trying hard not to sound as if I thought he was barking stark staring bonkers, indeed I was pretty sure he was totally off his tree but I wasnt yet sure if he was Dangerous, and I wanted to keep him happy until I could ditch him.
'yes she was quite some lady, had a huge proboscis which she kept on an amulet round her neck, a dung beetle amulet if memory serves me right, and it Always does, I have an excellent memory for you lot'.
'erm a proboscis is a nose, why would she keep her nose in an amulet?' I said quietly, trying not to sound too disbelieving.
'So she could smell, Obviously, DO keep up!'
'right...smell what?
Oh...hang on thats not right....something has grabbed the TARDIS, we cant move...bang bang.. thats better, well we cant move forward, hmmm maybe backward, reverse thruster.. ha ha just my little joke we dont have reverse thruster, sideways thruster yes, HOLD ON TIGHT!!! this is going to be BUMPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

'WOW'
'does it always do that?
'only on a leap year, whats in your bag?
'whats the obsession with my bag?
'well you lot have interesting stuff in your bags, Keys, diaries that kind of thing, did you get my message to pack a toothbrush?
'what, what?, what toothbrush? I was totally exasperated and getting a bit weepy.
'no I didnt, what are you talking about I dont know you, pack it in will you! I have had enough.
'fair enough, where do you want dropping? Renaissance, Belle Époque, the 80s? dont recommend the Renaisance the pox was rife you know.'
'Just home will do, I want to go home and sleep I am really tired and hungry'.
'sorry theres no home to go back to, and its not coming back unless I can find Brian and reason with him'.

'Brian?....who the hell is Brian?'
'Brian the Flesh Eating Bacteria Brian thats who'
*goggle*
I felt my mouth gently hang open in disbelief. Not a good look.
'yes decent enough chap but very revengeful, probably Italian, anyway met him 2000 years ago in Rome, wanted to eat a Legion but I reasoned with him, told him to decimate the men, I invented Decimation? He said this proudly like it was a good thing.
'You mean you killed thousands of people, you are a monster!'
'No No I saved them, you wouldnt want Brian to eat them all would you, this way most of them were saved, I am BRILLIANT at diplomacy me'.
I sat down and put my head in my hands, i was getting a headache.

'ok where do we find Brian and how can HE help with the current situation? I mean he sounds a bit scary. I giggled hysterically.
'dunno where he is, but has undoubtedly has the answer, he Always does'.
'have you tried Facebook?
'He doesnt like Facebook'
'Why's that'
'He doesnt have a Face, he's Bacteria'
'So how do you know he's called Brian?
Ah. well. If you knew he was really called Ebola you wouldnt want to meet him would you'.
'Guess not'
'So let me get this straight......
'No time for shooting the breeze we got the Universe to save, or should I say, you have'.
'Me?'
'well you ARE Figgy the Bountyhunter arent you?'
'No'
'Oh dear, thats awkward'.

Not to worry its probably timey-wimey!

'Are we there yet Doctor?'
'lets find out'
*opens door*
'crikey! that wasnt meant to happen'
'where the?.....what?.....how the?.....Doctor?
*goggle*
'But this is the Renaissance!! its the BLOODY RENAISSANCE!!!!!
'well round about 1470 to be exactish'
'BUT... BUT.... BUT!!!'
'But?'
'its not possible', I said slowly in a daze.
I circled round taking in the full 360, we were on the Ponte Vecchio Florence, it was a hot and steamy Summers day, and it smelled bad, very very bad. The bridge no longer had the gleaming little gold merchants that lined the bridge but butchers selling bloody and stinking haunches of pig and cow and rabbit and a thousand type of bird, all hung up on iron hooks gently swaying simmering with flies. It was teaming with folk, some in little more than hessian rags, some in fine velvets, all wearing the high wooden pattens on their feet to avoid the dung and filth of the streets. The noise and bustle made my head spin, the raucous shouts of the traders, the murmering of a vast and anarchic river of humanity.
It was the most exciting thing I had ever seen, my heart soared to the rooftops and I let out a cry of joy.
'WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!
'am I dreaming? pinch me.

You've set the scene beautifully. I can almost smell it
(or maybe it's time for my spring cleaning.... )

The Doctor gave me one of his manic grins, he grabbed my hand.
'cumon Figgy weve got someone to see'
He set off at a cracking pace, his long legs pounding the dirt his leather coat Flying out behind him. My arm started to ache, but the thought of losing him in all this new and frankly extraordinary situation was enough to keep me jumping over piles of horse poo while my eyes tried desperately to take it all in. I noticed people staring at us, we must have looked outlandish, but they were even stranger, there were monks, horses, carriages, carts, lots of dogs, towns people going about their buisness, hustle and bustle the trading done on the foul smelling streets.
We turned off Via Bardi and entered a little windy deserted lane, there was a high wall on one side and medieval houses on the other, we stopped at a door and The Doctor knocked 3 times.
I got a shock and a shiver of fear, a man answered he door in a long black hood and cloak, he had his face completely covered by a crow beak with just holes for eyes. This was one of the Plague Doctors of Florence.

thanks Dave

'I have come to see Doctor Bubo, its important'
The hooded man nodded and gestured for us to follow. We entered a hall lit by long torches, herbs were smouldering in a chalice making me cough. We followed the black cloaked man up stone steps while the herb fumes swirled around our feet. He ushered us into a cavernous room with a throne chair at one end. There were about ten of the same hooded figures waiting for us all standing round the Crowman on the throne.
'Welcome Doctor'
'Greetings Doctor Bubo, I have brought my companion, I hope you dont mind?
'Why have you come?' The crowman had a voice that seemed to come from far away, his hand was grey and dead.
'Brother Typus take our guests coats'
'no no really we wont be troubling you for long, I just need to ask you a question, we have ..er.. a slight problem in the 21st century'
All the crowmen shifted and some of them murmered'
'21st century you say?, we hate the 21st century, all those antibiotics, all those meddling antibiotics.......
'Brother Dysentery give our guests some tea and cakes'
I shuddered involuntarily and hung back, I was getting seriously creeped out.
Brother Dysentery floated forwards, his stomach bloated under his cowl.
'Ah I see you have met my Brother? the head honcho turned to me pointing his bony finger.
The Doctor squeezed my hand, I looked up at him for reasurance, he gave me a cheeky grin.
Doctor perhaps I am prepared to help you, but as you well know there is a price to pay, we dont work for free you know. He made a horrible rattling noise that I presumed was a chuckle.
'of course of course' said The Doctor, 'but down to buisness, I need The Light, and I need it fast, where is it?'
'The Light? Doctor Bubo sounded displeased, like it hurt to say the words.
'The Light is in this city of Flowers, not far, the signs are there, we dont go that way, Leonardo will help'.
'thank you, well that was very helpful, now I think we will be off, toodle doo'
'Not so fast wheres my payment? you will pay or you will never leave'
The hooded figures swept forward circling us their bodies twitching'
'Quick! whats in your bag, give me something, anything quick! The Doctor whispered.
Numb with terror I ripped open my bag, the first thing my trembling fingers found were my fresh mints, I handed them over stupidly.
''Your payment oh great and pestilent Bubo' said The Doctor.
the mints were taken, each crowman took one, it disapeared under the cowls, there was the sound of sucking and crunching, of noises of pleasure.
'your present is much appreciated Doctor, most refreshing, most unusual, you and your delightful companion will live to tell the tale. hahahahaha!