PETTY'S LADY

It is just as I deserve, dear Petty Sir.... Now, you wouldn't be knowing where little Diamond is, as I surely be liking as to meet her?

Right stand still ya tin bastard, and hold this barrel of pig fat a second, now where did I put those matches?

It tis surely no way to treat an umble Knight, Petty Sir.. an veritable outrage... aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh...

... it is finished.... ... ... .... ... ...

Whoooh!
Note to self- if you want to retain your eyebrows stand further back when setting fire to a pig fat and buckie soaked knight!

No more Wisey
what can I do
its upset me so much
I cannot poo.
old Wiseys a gonner
its very sad
Sir Rupert dashing
is a veritable cad.

Be brave Mrs Figg- I have speaking with the Buckie Brewing Wizards and although they say there are one or two problems with the bodies- mainly them being dead in bits and starting to go a bit manky- however they may be able to preserve the spiritis in some arcane buckie fashion- not really sure what they meant exactly- but we must be brave and hopeful.
And in the meantime I can announce that Forumshires new temporary Sherriff, Pretty, has appointed me to read Odo's will. All above board of course.

See Norc, there are true Knights! Petty has saved us all at great personal risk to himself and his odd smelling sporran...let the swooning commence.

Can you be a true knight with no eyebrows?

You are most disgracefully forward, Sir Rupert! Furthermore, I must inform you that my heart belongs to Petty alone.

It does?! What both of them?

what do you mean both of them Petty? is she a Time Lord?

Um, sorry I must have been distracted into thinking in pairs for some reason (or pears or possibly melons) I cant quite remember now.
Um, did anyone see which way Diamond went?

Shouldn't be hard to find, seems to be dropping garter belts and hair ribbons everywhere she goes. Good thing you rubbed out that dratted knight, would have been child's play for him to track her.

Garter Belts! So thats what those are, Ive been using them to keep my socks up.

Sadly there is no new news from the buckie wizards on who, if any of the Bankses survive.
If there is no news by Sunday I understand the NotP are plannning to run a sombre (ish-well for them) tasteful (again, ish) commerative issue to the Banks clan.

I cant believe the Banks are no more. Its cruel thats what it is.

RIP Banks clan...

I guess Petty now has to render in a cemetery or large family tomb in his video.

Sir Rupert Dashing wrote:Just as surely ye are kind and gentle, leelee lass, the Bankses (and their pecular henchobbit Orwell) are dead and gone... gone.. finished.... Shed no tears, they had it coming. Eru said so so...


Now young Diamond where would it be you would wishus to meet me?

I have not slept from work since i came home at six thirty this morning. And I read this.
I feel too sad to even comment. I don't judge your heart sir, but i do not like you. Why would you do such a cruel thing.
I don't think I can come back. I just don't think I can now.

Not to worry, I think Diamond is safe now that Petty burned the evil knight.

I feel I am very curious about the will.

Ah the will- I can ensure you me being appointed to read the will is perfectly above board- you can check with Pretty who is running the temporary Sherriffs office whilst Mirabella is, well, dead.

If any of the ladies are interested Mrs Figgs Emporium do a nice line in black bustles.

What I'm thinking is, with all the rest of the Bankseses gone, Diamond is the only hope for continuation of the family name. I will gladly make the sacrifice as an unnamed donor. A kindly figure who stops by in her hour of need....if the thoughtful deed is done in anonymity clearly the love child must carry the Banks name.

Oh sorry, just mumbling to myself. Pay me no heed.