Howdy from Needlehole

Odo Banks

(((Oh dear! What terrible rumours in the neighbourhood! Surely Mr Tyrant isn't really down a disrespectable hole with the ends of worms and an oozy smell! )))

Pettytyrant

Hic! Cheers upside down hobbitfolks fer a gallas time in yer wee smelly hole. Bless yi Maw and Paw Underbucket, sorry about the wee bit confusion, hic, I didnae ken she wis a cousin, no e'en a second wan twice removed- although it explains a lot aboot her. hic! C'uld I just take this! Come oen, I cannae gae first footing the Bankses withoot a wee lump o' yon coal- its no respectable an' those Bankses are big oen respectable. That's why I brought ma especially heavily kilt efter a' that fuss last time when I wis dancing in the old wan wi yon elf lass. hic Wan lump! Come oen she's got at least twa stuffed doon her jumper a can see 'em frae here. Fine, I'll git same coal elsewhere. An' yer hole stinks o', o'...hole!! hic! Wit dae yi mean yi cannae unerstand me? Wits wrang wi yer ears? They full o' clootie dumpling? Its no ma fault ya Aussie trumpet, its the Hogmanay. Closer it draws the mair and mair scots we scotsdale hobbits git. So shove yersel up yon chimney I'll gie yi pelters so a will yi sassanach bampot. Awa wi yi. Right, we bit o' sommit tae warm the innards! Ahh better. 'Oen the third day o' Christmas ma true luve gie tae me, three buckie pouring, twa scottie dugs pishin', an' a manky great bird called Heather in a fir tree.' Right maebe this next hole will be Odo's pad. Season greetings to all who dwell within. Coming through ready or no. Got ony coal pal?

Ringdrotten

Damn buckie

Odo Banks

Is it just me, or have a whole host of folk of a Disreputable [i:2gvxtl5m]sort[/i:2gvxtl5m]** overtaken my Thread? **My apologies for the use of the said four-letter-word, but I am disgruntled to say the least!

Ringdrotten

My apologies, Odo, but in my defence I'd like to say that I'm having a hard time trying to remember writing that last post

Pettytyrant

Ahh buckie induced memory loss- its actually a boon, if you could remember you'd die of embaressment!

HenrySmith

Hi guys, still up to your hi jinks I see. My goodness, Petty - I hope you're not drinking too much of that buckie. If you don't mind me saying so, it sounds plainly awful stuff:- Jane.

Pettytyrant

Ohhh Illuvatar my head hurts!!! No, in fact everything hurts!-anyone know what happened to me during the last two days?- I'm a bit, ahem, vague.

Ringdrotten

I thought something like that might have happened Didn't see you on all new year's day!

Odo Banks

((( "Ahh... my own little thread. I can almost be thankful that old recalcitrant, Grey Pilgrim forced me to make this as a refuge in those dark times when everyone turned against me. Now it's "girl" troubles. Thank goodness I can come here, far away from the maddening crowd - and girls can be maddening at times. Don't you agree?" "Of cousre I do, Little Seedcake." "They just can't be reasoned with, truth be known. It's true, isn't Primmy?" "Of course it is, Honeybunch."' "Not you, of course, at least you can be logical... after a fashion... Isn't that so?" "You know me only too well, Scrummins. Oh poor thing... Would you like me to massage your neck?" "Oh that would be lovely, Petal; I do feel a bit stiff just now... sigh... You are a diamond among coal-stones, Primmy, and no lie..." )))

Pettytyrant

(((Hi Odo, Primula. Thought I'd find you here, for some reason your hole is much easier to locate when I'm sober. I brought you some buckie to console yourself and a false moustache so you can avoid the upsurge in women's rights going on everywhere else. I did try to warn you. Get us a couple of glasses for the buckie Primula. there's a dear. Hey, Odo old pal, have you noticed an odd look in Primula's eyes? You don't think word of this has reached her ears do you? Given her, [i:1bm6leqp]ideas[/i:1bm6leqp]? I hear that Mirabella has got herself mixed up in all this, she'll be refusing to bake your seed cakes before you know it, mark my words.)))

Gandalfs Beard

Is that a REAL Q Victoria quote, or one of Wise Odo's made-up quotes?

Odo Banks

((Never you mind about Mirabella, Dear Mr Tyrant. She's a good girl at heart. As sensible a girl as one is ever likely to meet.

Odo Banks

(((Look what I found, Mr Tyrant! "The Queen is most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of ''Woman's Rights'' with all its attendant horrors on which her poor, feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feeling and propriety." Queen Victoria What can I say? Wise woman, that Queen Victoria! :ugeek: )))

Wise Odo

How could you doubt Odo, my friend, Of course the quote is genunine,

Victoria was such a wise old Queen,
The wisest Queen there's ever been,
Queen of 'Sense', Queen of 'Respect",
Not one 'manner' did she neglect.
Especially when it came to the 'Feminine',
She had strict rules way back when,
Yes girls knew their place, were nicer then
- Yes Girs were Girls and Men were Men!"

This was compiled by my good friend, Hippo Lassbeater. (He's the current King's Laureate, The Shire, in case you missed the latest edition of the Archet Prattle, GB). Hippo, like all thinking hobbits, has joined HATTERS ("Hobbits Against Thoughtless Thinking - Especially Rampant Silliness"Wink Smilie, a community group formed (very) recently to combat the rising tide of , so-called, "Girl Consciousness."

Pettytyrant

"my good friend, Hippo Lassbeater. (He's the current King's Laureate"- Wise Odo What? This is an outrage. He may be a friend Wisey (and of suspicious name, Lassbeater is common enough- in Scotland anyway- but Hippo?) but I'm sure all agree the role of Kings' Laureate should be yours. Whats with this usurper and his inferior channeling skills? Its disgraceful. Sod the women problems Wisey I'm off down the Mayors office with a belly of Buckie and a crabbity mood on!! Soon sort this out and have you reinstated.

Wise Odo

Your hints are right about old Hippo Lassbeater, Petty, he is indeed a Scotshobbit, from Scotshollow, near Glasgow, I believe. But fear not, for all that his First name is slightly quirky (I suspect he has nicknamed himself - he is a Poet, after all), he is unlike any other "Lassbeaters" I know nowadays, for he maintains the Family Traditions*, of which you seem to be aware, not like others of his (formerly) illustrious family, who are "Modernists" all. As to the Lauretteship --- I am merely a channeller, as you know, a fine gift in itself, granted, but I can't be called a Poet myself. (((*The family crest used to be the stylized depiction of a Gentlehobbit spanking a Maid on his knee, tradition suggest she burned the porridge - or added sugar rather than salt? - but it is now a Spiky haired crone opening a door for a nervous fop. Sad, really...)))

Pettytyrant

Ah well, might have been better had you said that Wisey I visited the Mayor- still they can redecorate :? . A Scothobbit you say, mmm, wonder if he has a buckie distillery with him?

Henry Smith

Is the male response to all things they don't like, violence and destruction, Petty? As a member of that a sex that has long been on the receiving end of traditional male behavior, I must say, I for one have grown quite tired of it. And is buckie your answer to all life's problems? You know, it doesn't help. I do believe I will have to organize something. Perhaps some placards and some rotten eggs and tomatos for a start are the order of the day. Now, where did you say you lived, Petty? When a woman is roused she is not easily disuaded. As to those old folks, Odo and Wisey - Rushock Bog was it? As Monty Burns would say, "Excellent...":-Jane

Pettytyrant

Oh Illuvatars underpants!! Odo the evil pestilence of independent womenhood has descened on Needlehole. I was standing back you know, I said so quite clearly. This is not my fault! Oh Thangrodim! Odo there's placards and posters in the village, its a disaster, they'll be having rallies next and burning their bras- and not the nice girly frilly ones you always buy for Primula but the sort you could use to sling boulders over castle walls, I've seen most of the womenfolk round here. I blame you for this you know Odo, you've brought the worst thing possible to a gentlehobbits door- an angry woman who is not scared to get up a petition. 'Is the male response to all things they don't like, violence and destruction, Petty'.-Jane Did you hear that? Blooming cheek, I've half a mind to find out. No, must remain calm. And what the heck did she mean by 'is buckie your answer to all life's problems?' Obviously YES. Whats the matter with her? Of course it is, its buckie! That's what its for. Oh bugger Odo, what have you done?

Odo Banks

Me? Jane and Ally started it! Dark days, Mr Tyrant, dark days indeed!

Pettytyrant

Could have sworn you started this Odo, but if you plan on switching the blame onto the womenfolk I'll go along with that. They probably provoked you in some weird, subtle feminine way without you even realizing- they can do that you know!

HenrySmith

Is this a good example of male thinking?:-Jane

Gandalfs Beard

Only some of them.

Pettytyrant

Is there a difference bewtwen liberal and feminist? It would seem not! You might as well be wearing a frock GB.