The News of the Pure

Surely some *!# are required there!!!
Typical NotP- even their Norwegan correspondents are retrobates!

By the way, it seems I'll be missing out on the picnic after all, despite your best efforts! School starts the 9th of August, and I doubt that I will have any Internet connection for the first six weeks. It is therefore that I, with a heavy heart, give you all leave do to as you will with my share of the buckie

PS: My previous post should be more family friendly now

That is a shame indeed. Wonder if there is room for wiggle. I may start a thread so try to find a time when people will be generally available between now and say Sept 22nd (seems a fitting date).

No need to start rearranging everything because of me, Petty. Even if you change the date I won't be able to tell if I can attend the new one as I've only got a very vague idea of how the first few weeks/months will look like yet. I appreciate it, though

The NotP have asked me to read out a public statement on their behalf;

"We at the NotP deeply regret a recent mistranslation from a correspondence filed by our Norwegan reporter. In a story relating to the adventures of Ringdrotten we wrongly used the phrase, "#!%¤! huge herring". This was a translation error for which we apologize from the bottom of our hearts. We at the NotP pride ourselves above all else upon the accuracy of our reporting and we again apologize to our readers for this grave mistake in judgement. The translation should of course have read ""#!%¤! big herring".
We assure our readers such errors will not be allowed to slip by again.

Bear Muirdock, Pure Publications."

You forget to say "WE ARE SORRY" in 72-point font at the beginning.

The NotP are too tight to waste print space, that costs money and money=buckie, they are never THAT sorry!

Um this should have been delivered yesterday, or possibly last week- there was a bit of a delivery problem (alright I was drunk! Happy now?). But here it is anyway. As usual don't shoot the messenger!

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Defamation, no matter how hilarious, is defamation, NotP! As to "Single Releases"... Tut! Haven't we heard all that before?

ARCHET PLANS RESPONSE TO VIRULENT ATTACKS

When the staff of the Archet get back from their other day job, there will be a stern, and fact-accurate response!

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor in Chief
The Archet Bugle

Close enough, Petty Got to love these big editions of NotP, especially now - keeps me updated on what's been going on

Orwell I can assure the report in the NotP about your single is accurate! (*probably)

Archet Bugle- I may well join you in your legal action against Pure Publications, employer or not. I knew Pretty being on that paper was going to be abad thing. I'd almost rather she went back to shamelessly flaunting herself on page 3 rather than attacking me.

Ringdrotten- I never knew the Danes looked so fearce! But I'm sure the NotP will be pleased someone actually reads their paper as news.

Great, there goes Lothlorien. Good job NotP. There goes the prettiest place left on Middle Earth!

Of course you're welcome in Mirkwood, Tinuviel!

And absent? Scarce, yes, absent, no. My eye is watching.

Thanks Baingil, but I think I'll stay away, just in case

Oh come on, the spiders shouldn't bother you! Not after you put a few arrows in them, anyway.

"Great, there goes Lothlorien. Good job NotP."- Tin

Well given a choice between conservation and a quick cheap story we all know which NotP will go with- is that the smell of burning squirrel?

PETTY PLANS LEGAL RESPONSE

Respected (after a fashion) Forumshire Luminary, Mr Petty Tyrant 101, is planning a Legal Response to cetain salacious and misleading (and posibly accurate) deridings of his Laudable (after a fashion) Self by the notorious rag (and secondhand toilet roll of a paper) the News of the Pure.

Petty: "What that notorious secondhand toliet roll of a paper has done to my reputation (if I had one) cannot be agreed to, accepted or countenanced in any way, shape or form. The Editors and Journalists of that pernicious addled-brained staff should mind their own business and keep their sick Hebridean noses out of my business, crevices and piggeries. The slander (whether factual or not) cannot and WILL NOT be borne. My Legal Team from Blotto, Blearyeye and Dizzy are even now drawing up a Civil Suit - and it's not likely to be very Civil at all!"

We the staff of this Laudable and Respectable journal can only wish Mr Petty Tyrant 101 all the best in his efforts to REVEAL NotP for exactly what it is; the Reporter of Other People's Private Business!

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor in Chief
The Archet Bugle

What the *!#!! Are you trying to get me killed Bugle? I never said that! I only said I was thinking about it, and even then only very quietly to myself, in a dark corner. Have you any idea what Pure Publications will do to me if they think I am trying to sue them? I only thought about it because the Bugle was threatening legal actions (which I note they have cowarded out of).
And I did not give that staement either. I don't even know what 'countenanced' means!

Oh bugger I'm going to end up on a trolls sandwich and then who will deliver the NotP?

At the risk of becoming a spokeshobbit for The Bugle, I'm sure they meant well.

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I don't remember taking part in no revolution! I quite liked Lord Eldo. No praising PJ — looks like I'll be spending most of my time in the stocks... Still I'm glad the new regime isn't upping the propaganda levels- still as biased as ever!!

Ally, I think that should be: "I don't remember taking part in no "Glorious" revolution."

Bless Petty, Great Soul! Amen.

Hard to catch up, but the News here is funny...

I'm afraid crabbit levels are markedly increasing for me. This isn't over until these rebels drag me from a drainpipe and parade me around the streets of Sirte Hobbiton. Viva la ancien regime!