The Daily Purist

FORUMSHIRE SHIRRIFF'S OFFICE NEWS RLEASE

Chief Shirriff, Myron Bloomberg (recently appointed) has released a statement in regard to the latest allegations made by the disreputable News of the Pure.

"At this time all we can say is that the Internal Affairs Department are conducting an inquiry into the matter. Thank you very much."

Reported by
Didna Nonort
Cub Reporter


ODO BANKS DECIDES TO RUN

Mr Odo Banks, Esquire, has suddenly decided to run for Mayor.

"Ï have decided to accept my nomination for Mayor," he told me, "As things have gone all ridiculous, what with the current bout of husband stealing and unlikely allegations about óne of our perfectly respectable Shirriffs. We, of course, do not wish to implicate in any way the clearly innocent, so I won't be naming the victim of these perfectly untrue allegations. Knowing what Forumshire folk are like, they'll be saying things like, "No smoke without fire." I would be remiss if I was to start listening to any allegations against the Shirriff's Office; indeed, against one of it's best operators."

Editor in Chief
Lesbo Proudfoot
The Archet Bugle

Sorry, I know there's more to the story, but that cat in the picture in the DP is hilarious. As is the rest!

Also, I'm glad to hear that Odo is embracing his political fortunes. I'm sure we can look forward to an entertaining election season, especially once the public debates roll around.

Ah, politics! I look forward to much more of this. As the DP illustrates, the governing of Forumshire is a most serious endeavour that only the best take part in. Why didn't we have an election sooner! I wonder if we'll have more candidates be nominated or if we should move on to the debates next week.

I'm even more glad we're having the election now that the DP is producing papers at such a prolific rate! And while I still think Pretty as Mayor would be funny, I can certainly get behind Ringdrotten along with Her Maj.

I'm not my backs killing me! And do I get payed more? Well yes, but that's not the point, Pure Publications only pay the Minimum Buckie.

Perhaps you can petition the new Mayor to raise the minimum buckie wage. Better hope it's not Pretty in that case, though!

I hadn't thought of that possibilty- be just like her to lower it just to spite me!! If she wins I'm starting a war!
But I bet if a sensible candidate like Orwell gets in Buckie wages would increase. Definetly a reason for folks to condsider voting Orwell!

Hmm, I wonder if there's any (possibly seditious) reason that you're so eager to support Orwell... Well, we can only hope that the new Mayor will be in favor of peaceful cooperation and progress, and not some deep cover radical revolutionary.

It's more than my jobs worth not to support him Eldo- he's the choice of Pure Publications and they pay the buckie. Certainly no other reason at all, whatsoever. {{{{Caution Orwell the Admin's nose is bothering him again! }}}}

{{{The Queen does seem to have an overblown ego, Petty but at least her nose is perfect! After the coup, we won't have to bother about him anyhow, mate --- or was that, 'we won't have to bother about him, Admin'? Hee hee ho ho. Has a certain ring to it, my friend, don't you think? }}}

Spot-on reporting from the Daily Purist! Will wonders never cease? Nonetheless, I salute their journalistic excellence in this article; bravo for calling out hypocrisy in the election!

Morning paper is here.

Curious that Ringdrotten isn't seeing a larger boost of support. At least he is literate, though I can see why that would lose him support amongst some of Biffo's supporters. Though illiteracy might cause trouble later down the line when it comes time to be sworn in and/or sign bills into law....

Well so long as Pretty doesn't wn the bloody thing I'll be happy. Come on Ringrotten, you need to get out there, get on your soapbox and wow the voters away from my harlot of a sister.

Whatever happened to make the two of you so antagonistic, anyway?

I did nothing. It's all bloody her. She's vain, self-centered as a gyroscope, she has traded off her looks her whole life, she always got away with everything when we were kids. She's never had to workk for a bloody thing and she is mean too. Look at her buckie policy, a whole policy just to annoy me- what sort of sister is that? What's to like about her?

And there was the chicken soup incident- but I don't talk about that- but it was her fault thats all you need know.

Hopefully that was unrelated to the coal scuttle incident. You've certainly had a busy past.

Mmm... the Chicken Soup incident, hey, Mr Tyrant ---? I wonder if the Daily Purist will end up telling that story, or if The Bugle must?

{{{I gotta be careful nowadays, after the Ask Mrs Figg incident, and all! }}}

I'm wondering. Are the workers of the Kimberley Mines, Ozhobitstan in the Forumshire Electorate? Simple folk, who love a good sausage, and don't mind a bit of crumpet either. I don't know if I should mention it, but Bif was going on and about there being "plenny o crumpit four effrywun" after the Election. I expect the crumpets will be a Special Gift to the other miners if he wins. Sadly, I don't know if they'll get a vote, Eldo. Bif will be so disappointed if they don't... He feels his supporters in Hobbiton, Skattykatzenfjord, Scotshobbitland and the rest of the European Union, are not, as he puts it, "vurree weelyable", especially the Anglelander Prime Minister.

I can assure you Odo the chicken soup incident will not be getting told by any of Pure Publications. I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say my sporran has never been the same since.