Howdy from Needlehole

Two things. I think it is totally out of order to speak of kilts and sporrans on this thread. Secondly, Mr Tyrant, Mirabella is now NOT talking to you. This for two reasons, (1) she's busy studying and (2) she thinks you are a sleazehobbit of the worst kind, in spite of your fine (and duplicitous) language - you are revealed as a disreputable smarmer!! Now, get off my Thread!

odo banks wrote: you are revealed as a disreputable smarmer!

That type of kilt is basically just a big bit of tartan, as there is no tailoring involved, you have to learn to wrap it yourself, the cost is purely whatever the current market price for tartan is, usually measured and priced by the yard. So it really depends what quality tartan you go for. Its not cheap though I am afraid you will probably pay at the least about £20-£30 a yard.

Blimey Odo! That's harsh! A sleazehobbit, a smarmer, for offering my undoubted services as a host to your family? I'm offended by your disrespectful haranguings. Interupting a perfectly civil conversation on the very important subject of kilts with unwarranted outbursts! And I never mentioned my sporran once!

thiz hudda zan i fort!

gut itt rite... er air iznt lik spaghette--- itz blak!

mmm

er air iz blak az cole
runnin dun like oil...

nuh thatz nut rite! it doen eevan ryem!

er air iz lik likwud oil
oo ow it maks mee blooblud boil...

nut budd .... nut budd utorl!

lettmeesee..

"wun iseez her itz preefukshon i seez,
i luvz er un shee luvz mee....
my lov iz deepur thun tha seez,
ima minar sheez u.. u...???"

guttit!

sheez u sleaze...

nuh.... nut rite...

ahh!

imar minar sheez fress lik cheez...

puurfukk..


oops buk ta wurk!

"When worn over the shoulder the tucked areas would form "pockets" in which to carry items."

I take it "items" is just a more politically correct word for buckie?

As to the price: I guess a man's gotta pay what a man's gotta pay if he wants the best

What about a "Kilts and Sporrans" Thread?


(((((((((Or the "Thinklings Thread" perhaps? Out of sight of the ladies, if you two know what I mean? ))))))))))

You know Biffo you really maybe out to use the ((((( style of sending if you don't want Wisey reading your, um, delightful poems to Porgy. (((((He is bright enough to use the runes isn't he? Just asking!)))))

Now I am going to talk about sporrans Odo!! But only becasue i missed Ringdrottens enquiry into the pouch. The sporran comes as part of a dress kilt, its from a much later date than the great kilt but you ould wear one with it if you wanted I suppose. Traditionally a sporran uses the pelt of badger, otter, fox, pine marten or any other small mammal you catch. These days the fur tends to be artificial.
Traditionally there has ALWAYS been somewhere in a kilt to hide the buckie!

You do make sporrans and kilts sound suitable for wearing by the ladies, you know.

ayez lik starrz...

mm...

ayez lik starrz shinin brite
up ubuv mie umbull 'ead tonite...

oh fok....

Sorry Odo, posting at same time! You will happy to know I think we have probably exhausted the subject without indulging secrets! Especially where lady types might read it- can't have them knowing all the secrets about the kilt, to risky.

That Orwell is not an appropriate comment- you could get put in the stocks here for that- and you dont want to be left bent over manacled and wearing a kilt!!
The fur is not for any female benefit, its somewhere to protect the buckie if you fall, nice and soft you see, and on lonely nights in the Highlands when a bonnie lass hasn't been sighted for weeks.....what I'm saying is, its a mans thing!

"Traditionally there has ALWAYS been somewhere in a kilt to hide the buckie!"

Great! Perhaps I'll start going to more football games if I can bring some buckie - stupid Norwegian law forbids sale of buckie on such events! And I'll be needing a huge sporran for all those bears I'll be hunting when I'm wearing my kilt

"I'll be needing a huge sporran " Is that a boast?!
No buckie at Scots games either, we get round it by getting blind drunk before, at half time, and afterwards (celebrate a win, commiserate a lose, doesn't matter so long as theres buckie involved- its the Scots way)

Dear Mother Superior,

I apologize for the tardy reply, but I have been experiencing all sorts of trouble on this thread of late. A lot of non-Our Lady types come here and upset things. I won't bore you with details. I write to thank you profusely for accepting Shady into your PRESTIGIOUS school, and I want you to know how HONOURED Bella and I are that Our Lady has accepted our little Shady. As to my Lectures, they are going extremely well. I think it is EXCELLENT that we are working together for the betterment of our young people. I love working at the school and it is sad that I can only do so on a Part Time basis, for I do so enjoy lecturing hobbits, whether young or old, as you know only too well.

with purest regards,
Odo J. Banks, esquire.

I'd say it's open for interpretation, so as to avoid going into not-so-respectable specifics

"No buckie at Scots games either, we get round it by getting blind drunk before, at half time, and afterwards (celebrate a win, commiserate a lose, doesn't matter so long as theres buckie involved- its the Scots way)"

Do they teach them how to weave tartan at Your Lady, very respectable occupation. You could get them to knock Ringdrotten one up. Better than those dresses I heard a rumour about from one of the NotP reporters they were making as 'part of their lessons' and which you were then selling on to big stores like Wally-Markets for a considerable profit.

((((((((((Oh Bif! You must be more tactful in future! The walls have ears! And so do Scotshobbits by all accounts... you are such a darlin' tho' oooop my... NB See below - I've sent you something to help you be --- err --- tactful.....))))))))))









SPECIAL DELIVERY, Kimberley Station, Ozhobbitland: (((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))

ellboes lik spushall boomerangs
thut mak my beetin hart go bang...

huh? wot zith? speshul deliveree? wot culd thiz bee....

(((((((((((((((ooh -- i zee! )))))))))))))))

Hey! Everyone! I'm studying... (and whoever is cooking with cinnamon, will you cook somewhere else -- the stuff gives me such a headache). Go away - ALL OF YOU - I'm INSTRUCTING you! I'm giving you ALL an ORDER! Go away! I HAVE to study! Go away. Goodbye!

All work and no kilt action will make you a dull hobbit Mirabella. You must learn to relax, look at your uncle Wisey, all the stuff going on around his missus and do you see him snapping at folks? NO. He just channels it into passive aggressive poetry and lets it fester in the dark of his heart until it eventually consumes him- as is right and proper. Take note my deat girl, don't know why you want to do all that Sargeanting anyway sounds like exactly the sort of thing guaranted to make you late for your dinner and your buckie (and if your not careful your own wedding day too!)

Well, for your information Petty, when (and if ) my Wedding Day comes, things will run just so, now that I've learned how to Conduct things when things need Conducting! Discipline! That's what it's about! Discipline! And people doing what they're told, including prospective husbands...

((((((((((Excellent, Mr Banks on your - privately made - suggestion! I will immediately seek an appropriate "Weaving" Teacher ASAP! It'll be tartan skirts for the Nicer Girls and tartan kilts for the Tomboys. And, yes, I will take your - privately given - advice: it'll be MacDonald plaid and not the disrespectable Campbell plaid. Yes, that's only wise - only wise! You come up with the best ideas! Even folk at the Illuvataran Convent for Unreformed-but-Reforming Nuns are talking about you. Your fame spreads! Well done you - as usual! ))))))))))

Pettytyrant101 wrote:All work and no kilt action will make you a dull hobbit Mirabella.

Mmmm I just got a flyer through the door of my hole from Our Lady who, and I quote, "are proud to offer our students to learn the ancient and respected art of tartan weaving' and that 'MacDonald tartan shall be favoured as it is the most respectable of tartans. Under no circumstances shall Our Lady produce tartan of a less respectable nature- such as Campbell- to preserve the dignity and honour of our girls. Courses to be administered and overseen by the esteemed educator Mr Odo Banks esquire."

I smell Jacobites! Now where did I put my claymore?!

((((((((((It was but coded language I'm sure, Mr Tyrant, and only to be polite! Don't get your sporran in a twist! But of you MUST - and this may open old wounds but there you go - read MacDonalds for McBankses and Campbells for McTyrants. You know what I mean! )))))))))))

((((Sorry Odo but can never be to careful with Jacobites, they can pop up anywhere you know. Whilst I am quite happy to have the Tyrant family name asscoiated with one with such gravatas as the Clan Campbell (I do after all when not in Forumshire live in Campbell lands) even if the names original meaning might not be seen as entirely flattering. Although I think the proud Tyrants of these parts can stand alone. But I would strongly recommend against the Banks clan allowing any association with the other lot who must not be named. No good will come of it Odo. ps what is the Banks tartan? Given the way Biffo has scarpered over the Porgy thing I'd guess at yellow streaks on a black background ))))