Agent Nora and the Stinky Kippers

'I want kids' said Agent Nora.
Agent Eldo took a second then sprayed his breakfast over the morning newspaper. He eyed her accusingly then deftly wiped the soggy cheerios and moose milk from the Svalfart Daily News.
It hadn't been very interesting to read anyway, just an escaped elephant seal in the local branch of Waterstones, and herring stuffing rings.
'whats brought this on?' he said cautiously.
'oh clocks and stuff, you know, pitter-patter of tiny paws and all that jazz'.
'hmmm' said Agent Eldo, and took a swig on his tea.
He knew Agent Nora and her impetuous headlong dashing into danger, they had had quite a few adventures in the past, he wasn't looking to have any more for a good long time.
'well kids can wait, we have that unsolved mystery case, the stinky kipper disease infecting the land to sort out' he frowned remembering just how stinky those kippers could get, almost as stinky as Sargeant Petty's barrel, but not quite.
'have you noticed Sargeant Petty recently? said Nora.
'No, cant say I have, whats he up to now?
'well its the way he moves, he doesn't scuttle sideways like he normally does and his kilt kind of lies flat instead of in crispy folds'. she mused.
'that's because he has washed it' said Agent Eldo and touched the side of his nose and wagged his head sagely.
'Washed it!!' why? I mean! holy whale-fucking hell!
'I know' nodded Eldo, 'I know'

Another new one!

Depending on the relationship it often doesn't take a full second to spew after hearing the phrase "I want kids".  Well....okay maybe I'm thinking of the phrase "I'm pregnant".

"I'm pregnant!"
"You're what?! How? When?"
"Oh, in about five minutes if you're quick."

Might work both ways

Mrs Figg wrote:'I want kids' said Agent Nora.
Agent Eldo took a second then sprayed his breakfast over the morning newspaper.

If I had been eating when I read that first line I probably would have done the same thing. Can't wait to see where this goes...

Quite believable until Petty washed his kilt.... oh the imagination, Julia! But I can only suspend disbelief to a point.

oh my..

There might be other things suspending..........maybe ?

Still rather discombobulated and ruffled Agent Eldo swung up into the cabin of the Svalfart SUV, he was still in a dream state when he arrived at the station, only to receive giggles and whispers as he strode to his desk. 'What's the deal?' he muttered, and then looked down to see he still had on his penguin print onesie from the waist down, and the top bit was trailing behind him like a flipper. bit like a mullet haircut, business from the front, penguin party games from behind. 'jeez!' he stormed, and sat down with a thwump and put his head in his hands.
Agent Nora had put him off his A game. again!

Does it have a hood ? a penguins face & beak for a hood

I get right into these stories you know

Wait, so was Agent Eldo wearing a top or was he bare-chested while wearing half of a penguin onesie?

A shadow loomed over Agent Eldos desk, he looked up hoping it was Nora looming with his trousers but it wasn't, it was the pathologist Orwie.
'crikey cobber whats that yellow beak-like protuberance sticking up betwixt your legs?' goggled Orwie.
'Its my penguin onesie.....obviously....'
'well if you need it dissecting and stuffing I'm your fella..and by the way you've got no pants on'. nodded Orwie.
'yes I KNOW that! said Eldo , his temper rising to a boiling point, he could feel his voice going squeaky and that was never a good sign.
Orwie realised he was dicing with a good nose puncheroo so he wisely changed tack.
'whats up with Sarge Petty, he is walking in a straight line and...smiling..well it looks like smiling.. but it could be piles.. they make you do that weird-shit grimacing.. but yeah...anyhoo.....'
He trailed off not knowing whether this had diverted Eldo from giving him a Chinese burn round his cranberries.
'what? Petty smiling? I cant see that happening, I mean the last time that did happen was when Wee jimmy Krankie the village drongo decided to install a junta and take over Svalfart. Do you remember they were going to run the generators on fermented haggis gas?
'yeah, I remember that, that was the day Sarge Petty climbed up on the roof of the only Tory in the village and dropped one down her chimbley' said Orwie.
Agent Eldo shuddered at the horrible memory.

"... it was the pathologist Orwie..."

Plenty to laugh over loud and outward, but this also made me laugh inside as well.... don't know for sure why....

Mind you, penguin onesies do set one off in a jolly mood. Especially when Eldo wears one without his bottomsies....

Mind you, penguin onesies do set one off in a jolly mood. Especially when Eldo wears one without his bottomsies....

Hopefully there isn't another penguin in the vicinity, anything that looks like a dangly little fish is a danger in its self....

There was a knock on the door and Sargeant Petty wafted through the door on a cloud of Christian Dior pour Homme and Benson and Hedges pour Plonker.
His face shocked the other two men to the core of their beings, came out the other side and then flew off into the distance. it was that shocking.
He was smiling.
He kind of floated round the office picking up staplers and office implements giggling to himself and humming 'Misty Mountains Cold'. It was horrific.
He did a little tippy-toe dance in the middle of the room, and with a swirl of freshly scraped kilt was gone.
'what the shits-and-giggles was that? mumbled Orwie.
'dunno but we need to find Agent Az pronto, this is serious' said Eldo.

Love must be in the air!

Eldorion wrote:Love must be in the air!

Amid other scents both pungent, pleasant and (possibly) putrid.

Eldo and Orwie barrelled into the canteen and spied Detectives Halfy and Az having a heated arguing about sushi. Svalfart was Herring capital of the world, but being surrounded by the smell of dead fish all day tended to put people off dead fish for their tea of an evening, apart from Halfy who inexplicably loved the horrible slimy stuff.
He was the Tom Cruise of Sushiology, but Az was having none of it.
'If its not fried and comes with chips, its not real food is it?, its yukky' she explained politely but firmly.
Halfy looked pained and looked for backup from Orwie who he knew was a gastronaught like himself.
'don't look at me, I am still digesting that Moule Marinade aux Trump you made last week, I needed health insurance to get my intestines replaced after that little lot. not to mention de-pebble dashing the dunny.'
'never mind! never mind!, cried Eldo, 'whats the deal with Petty?, whats up?, I am worried about him, Az!.. you have those psychic powers otherwise known as actually paying attention to whats going on. what gives? tell us do!
'well its very simple really' said Detective Az.
'Doctor Who is back on the telly'
everyone groaned.
Agent Blue started laughing..and laughing..for quite a long time.

Dum dum darrrrrrrrrrr

Mrs Figg wrote:'I want kids' said Agent Nora.

hold the f- up?!


someone needs to collect all these agent Nora stories so i can actually read them.. and also what?!

I think Norc just spewed her breakfast.

It's nice this one is in nice little bite-sized pieces so it can easily be picked up again.  It popped out in a matter of days and quit.  A story spew, so to speak.

{{{ Hiya Norc! }}}

BTW Norc, it IS collected, in A Green and Pleasant Land, edited by Eldy, available by download from any of Petty's posts.  

This one is on page 616 (only 1/3 of the way through the whole volume )

It's nice this one is in nice little bite-sized pieces so it can easily be picked up again.- Halfy


{{ (really just here so Norc can easily nab the link in my sig for the Forumshire collection. }}