The Hobwit

This was the closest emoticon I could get to one for 'I'm not worthy'! Fantastic (and brilliantly its probably still truer to Tolkien style than PJ's effort will be -although I expect PJ's to be less sex obsessed).

finally got round to readng this through. Great stuff!

Remember reading this and it's great! Better than The Wobbit in my view!

Well, thank you, ladies! I have ideas for Chapter Two. But time... time... it's so short... and so much to do... (bloomin' adult life with kids....! )

It's a good thing I'm trained in patience then (though not very well, my teacher was always late! How annoying)!

Chapter Two:
MUTTON AND HAM

(That's all, so far - but it's a start - of sorts...)

Odo-

I haven't read The Hobwit for quite a while. Chapter One was great! Here's a partial list of what I enjoyed:

-The names Speigel and Dandruff. I wish I had thought of them!

-"Rows of pansies set out in neat boxes – pansies of many colours! I remember them from when I was a gay little lad." I love single entenre, lightly done. The power of the unspoken joke!

-The camping-equipment-cum-musical-instruments.

-The whole Hornrable dialogue.

-I LOVE cartoon (*:@^#>!) swearing!

-Bumbur's line: “I’m afraid it'll just have to be potatoes and cream buns for me, I'm on a diet."

-The hobwit has stolen milk crates in his apartment! Any cases of empty 16 oz beer bottles? They make great end tables.

-Grandelf's Hogwarts reference.

-The Mair/Mayor/Mare wordplay.

-The dwarves' disbelief of Bango's elf-hookup.

-Some outstanding rhyming here:
And now that firedrake has all our valuables,
Diamonds, gems, and metals malleable!

The Hobwit is AT LEAST as good as The Soddit! And easier for an American to understand. When I read The Soddit I felt like I was missing a lot of the jokes, especially the ones about Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward. The Hobwit is funny and well-written. I look forward to Chapter Two.

-Paul

Oh dear - I think I'm blushing, Mr Wobbit - Paul Wobbit is it? Though I handle praise very well, so never hesitate to do so! One of these days I must tackle Chapter Two --- life is so busy, sadly! Anyhow, thanks for your kind words. A kind word (on Forumshire) rarely comes my way.

Haven't heard of "Soddit" - probably just as well. Sounds too obvious - and unrespectable!

As to Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward - they were both Gay. Is that a key at all? (I have not read it, but that thought popped straight into my head).

Life is busy indeed. Since I've been working again, I haven't written a lick. And I've got all three volumes of LOTR to parody!

MAYOR CENSORS HOBWIT




The Hobwit
Chapter Two:
Mutton as Lamb




CENSORED


by ELDORION THE POWERFUL

Truth is stranger than fiction, I heard. Or was that, "truth is what you believe it to be"?

What Bugle. You stop there? See, this is why your publication gets trounced by the Notp. You can't break off there. I demand more, sharpish or I'll take my subscription elsewhere!
Oh also..

MORE CENSORSHIP BY POWERFUL FIGURE


....... rubbed his eyes as he stood .......... in the road. Funny how that happens, how you see what you expect to see dwarfs, but then you realise it isn't dwarfs. Bango had to laugh. As you would too in those circumstances, that's if it ever happened to you, unless you were humourless, because then you might just get annoyed with yourself, or get your eyes tested, or get some help from a .............

CENSORED

by Order of ELDORION THE POWERFUL

"His eyes were those "come to bed eyes" you see in men who have spent time in Budapest."

Darn nabbit - I lost half what I wrote and had to re-do it. The stuff I lost was absolutely classic, but I couldn't remember any of it, do you believe it!!!

Its this sort of sloppy journalism that makes the Bugle a second rate rag- they get hold of something really good and they lose half of it! And they don;t even have the excuse they are drunk- this is what t-total gets you!

I updated the last piece and it didn't send!!!! Had to re-do it as I said. I've done some more editing. I should do word documents first - but doing it on the hop is fun, when it's not frustrating. When I've finished Chapter Two, and edited and rewritten to my satisfaction, I'll put the whole chapter on one post. Doing it this way, you might see a great artist at work. (You might not, of course! )

The Hobwit
Chapter Two:
Mutton as Lamb

DELETED

by

ELDORION

Excellent of course but haven't I read half of this one already?

(((((Dear Horrible Chauvinistic Tyrant, you must mean the bit that Eldorion censored out, along with the other bits. (Luckilly, he hasn't found the latest edit - though I guess, in time he'll find it. Probably about the time I add more of the story! Evil! He's eeeevil - as Grandpa Simpson might say. Eeeeeeevilll! Not like that Mirabella Banks - on his behalf - who would never be so sneaky or blame it on the Mayor through her contacts with Lesbo Proudfoot of this newspaper:- Kind regards, Lesbo))))

The Archet Bugle wrote:you must mean the bit that Eldorion censored out, along with the other bits.

Huh? I don't remember censoring any stories here.

EDIT: O-kaaaay, so I just re-read the first page of this thread and I definitely don't remember ordering you to censor yourself.

MAYOR ELDORION SURPRISED

INSTANT EDITION

Mayor Eldorion has discovered a gap in his memory - or is it just a "gap" of convenience. We at The Bugle name him thus: Chauvinist Pig.

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor-in-Chief
The Archet Bugle

If I continue to be accused of censorship, I might as well take the satisfaction of actually censoring the Bugle, if you catch my drift.