The *Official* Forumshire Grand Jury thread

[Bluebottle]

Written in Needlehole, December, wind, north nortwesterly, in the light of Eru

Dear assembled. I, the undersigned, as foreperson of the newly established Grand Jury hereby declare the following:

(1) A Grand Jury investigation is hereby opened to look into the alleged godly activity that has taken place in Forumshire in recent times. The Grand Jury will seek to ascertain if God, hereafter known as Eru, has walked among us.
(2) It is claimed that a godlike presence, colloquially known as Eru, made himself known in Forumshire 21 times between 5:44 am and 2:47 pm on the 3rd of December 2017.
(3) As determined by Forumshire law, a Grand Jury shall only have sanctioning ability at the grant of the Admins' Office upon solicitation. The Grand Jury does not solicit such aforementioned sanctioning ability, and will merely present a report to the Admins' Office in the proscribed time.
(4) The Grand Jury offers the office of deputy foreperson to Eldorion(F.A.). The Grand Jury foreperson feels his past experience in the Admins' Office can be of invaluable aid to the investigation.
(5) Further appointments will be made in due course.
(6) The Grand Jury hereby opens a session of testimonies. Witnesses will be indicted in due course. At this point the forepersons' office would like to advertise that central entities of Forumshire society must expect such indictments. In particular, indictments will be sent to the central political bodies of the aforementioned Shire, to the Mayors' Office, to central media institutions, hereunder Pure Publications and the Archet Bubble.

The Forepersons' Office calls on everyone to remain calm in this time of spiritual awakening.

Yours sincerely,

The Grand Jury for conspicuous spiritual activity in the realm of Forumshire
v. the Forepersons' Office

We ask for any further appearances of this godlike presence to be made known to the Grand Jury.

All correspondance must be sent to:
The Forepersons' Office
The Grand Jury for conspicuous spiritual activity in the realm of Forumshire
C.O. The Admins Office
Attic (25th floor)

[Eldorion]

Is it really possible for me to be deputy foreperson when there have already been (scurrilous, to be sure) insinuations that I am responsible for said divine postings?

http://www.hobbitmovieforum.com/t406p25-someone-here-just-moved-up-a-spot-on-post-counts-i-believe#215426

[Bluebottle]

The Forepersons' Office feels comfortable in the belief that our learned colleague would recuse himself if such acts had been committed outside the remit of admin immunity.

Welcome aboard!

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Eru]

This thread has been blessed by Eru.

[Manwe Sulimo]

This thread has been blessed by Eru.

Praise be!

[Bluebottle]

The Grand Jury would like to express its gratitude for this public appearance of the aforementioned phenomena. By Forumshire regulation the jury is however prevented from hearing testimony from "sprights, ghosts, ghouls, spirits, gods, semi-gods, God". We nevertheless thank you for the cooperation. Praise be, if praise be.

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Eldorion]

The Forepersons' Office feels comfortable in the belief that our learned colleague would recuse himself if such acts had been committed outside the remit of admin immunity.

It is with the utmost respect that I must observe that, were I to hypothetically have performed the acts referred to above, they would inherently have been performed outside the remit of my previous administrative immunity, since I resigned the position of Administrator of Forumshire on the 25th of January 2016 (cf. A Changing of the Guard (All, Please), Site Issues forum, Forumshire). Unless my reading of your post is very much mistaken, any hypothetical acceptance of the position of deputy foreman of this Grand Jury would be tantamount to a declaration that I am unequivocally not responsible for the aforementioned postings between the hours of 5:44 am and 2:47 pm on the 3rd of December 2017. Were I to then be indicted and/or convicted for impersonation of a deity, I would then potentially be susceptible to additional charges of perjury. However, any hypothetical refusal of the position of deputy foreman of this Grand Jury could be construed as an admission of guilt. In light of my right to avoid self-incrimination, it with the greatest regret that I must file a motion with the Superior Court of Forumshire alleging that the foundational document of this Grand Jury is in violation of Forumshiran constitutional law, and ask for this body to be dissolved, or else to alter its purpose and parameters forthwith.

[bungobaggins]

Oh, God, as if my life wasn't boring enough already, we have to have a grand jury. Whoop-dee-do.

[halfwise]

The Grand Jury would like to express its gratitude for this public appearance of the aforementioned phenomena. By Forumshire regulation the jury is however prevented from hearing testimony from "sprights, ghosts, ghouls, spirits, gods, semi-gods, God". We nevertheless thank you for the cooperation. Praise be, if praise be.

Yours sincerely,
etc.  

How are you supposed to investigate the appearance of god if you....can't investigate god?

[Manwe Sulimo]

Oh, God, as if my life wasn't boring enough already, we have to have a grand jury. Whoop-dee-do.

I don't have personal experience with this since I hear about everything that happens in Arda from the birds who report back to me atop Taniquetil (most inane job in the world since Sauron was defeated, believe me), but I'm told that web browsers have something called a "back button" so that Eruhini who are fortunate enough to get to choose what they want to hear about can take advantage of that freedom.

[Bluebottle]

The Forepersons' Office feels comfortable in the belief that our learned colleague would recuse himself if such acts had been committed outside the remit of admin immunity.

It is with the utmost respect that I must observe that, were I to hypothetically have performed the acts referred to above, they would inherently have been performed outside the remit of my previous administrative immunity, since I resigned the position of Administrator of Forumshire on the 25th of January 2016 (cf. A Changing of the Guard (All, Please), Site Issues forum, Forumshire). Unless my reading of your post is very much mistaken, any hypothetical acceptance of the position of deputy foreman of this Grand Jury would be tantamount to a declaration that I am unequivocally not responsible for the aforementioned postings between the hours of 5:44 am and 2:47 pm on the 3rd of December 2017. Were I to then be indicted and/or convicted for impersonation of a deity, I would then potentially be susceptible to additional charges of perjury. However, any hypothetical refusal of the position of deputy foreman of this Grand Jury could be construed as an admission of guilt. In light of my right to avoid self-incrimination, it with the greatest regret that I must file a motion with the Superior Court of Forumshire alleging that the foundational document of this Grand Jury is in violation of Forumshiran constitutional law, and ask for this body to be dissolved, or else to alter its purpose and parameters forthwith.

I understand my learned friends trepidation and am happy to assure my learned colleague that the remit of this investigation does not currently extend to any criminal prosecution. In the scenario evidence of collusion is found and not clearly covered by the basic right to parody, it is the purview of this Grand Jury to extend the remit of the case, but that is a mere possibility. As a general principle the Forumshire penal code does not see the impersonation of any deity as a crime, unless it is used to gain undue advantage.

There is currently no conflict in participating in the Grand Jury. But I will leave the decision up to my learned colleague.

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Bluebottle]

The Grand Jury would like to express its gratitude for this public appearance of the aforementioned phenomena. By Forumshire regulation the jury is however prevented from hearing testimony from "sprights, ghosts, ghouls, spirits, gods, semi-gods, God". We nevertheless thank you for the cooperation. Praise be, if praise be.

Yours sincerely,
etc.  

How are you supposed to investigate the appearance of god if you....can't investigate god?  

Well, obviously we can investigate the phenomenon in question. But the drafters of regulation in question (yours truly) felt that the testimony of such phenomena were not necessarily to be trusted. Claims of omniscence, and so on.

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Bluebottle]

The Grand Jury will open a short additional period for further procedural issues to be raised.

Until then the Grand Jury rests.

At the end of this short period, the grand Jury will release the first batch of indictments which are being written up as we speak.

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Eldorion]

I understand my learned friends trepidation and am happy to assure my learned colleague that the remit of this investigation does not currently extend to any criminal prosecution. In the scenario evidence of collusion is found and not clearly covered by the basic right to parody, it is the purview of this Grand Jury to extend the remit of the case, but that is a mere possibility. As a general principle the Forumshire penal code does not see the impersonation of any deity as a crime, unless it is used to gain undue advantage.

There is currently no conflict in participating in the Grand Jury. But I will leave the decision up to my learned colleague.

In that case I shall consent to assume the position of deputy foreperson conditional on my acquisition of sufficient rest in the next 12-24 hours due to my deficiency in sleeping hours over the past several days.

{{{Trying to speak in ridiculously long words is surprisingly difficult when I'm tired, which will make the (thankfully short) paper I have to finish by midnight a joy I'm sure. }}}

[Bluebottle]

That is duly noted in the record. Welcome aboard!

The Forepersons' Office would like to remind all members of the jury and the prominent media outlets of this shire that neither membership or recusal from this jury is an admission of guilt. The Forepersons' Office would like that in bold letters in tomorrows newspapers.

It would also like to inform the media that indictments are forthcoming. A list is being drawn up as we speak.

Yours sincerely,
etc.

[Bluebottle]

{{{Trying to speak in ridiculously long words is surprisingly difficult when I'm tired, which will make the (thankfully short) paper I have to finish by midnight a joy I'm sure. }}}

{{{Best of luck with that. have a deadline myself next week. }}}