An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

+18
Radaghast
Wisey Banks
azriel
Elthir
Bluebottle
Forest Shepherd
odo banks
Orwell
Ally
RA
bungobaggins
Tinuviel
malickfan
halfwise
Eldorion
Mrs Figg
Ringdrotten
Pettytyrant101
22 posters

Page 3 of 14 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4 ... 8 ... 14  Next

Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Eldorion Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:43 pm

I haven't seen the movie in over nine months so I'm going on sometimes fuzzy memories, but I'm trying to give it a fair shake in my mind when I read your criticisms. But you've been pretty spot-on as far as I can tell. Wink
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:50 pm

It doesnt deserve a fair shake Eldo. Mad 

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Mrs Figg Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:52 pm

good point what did happen to the poor ponies?
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25224
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by halfwise Tue Oct 01, 2013 9:32 pm

The number of inconsistencies a crabbit film editor can pull out of the woodwork is truly a glorious thing! Most of these flew by even the most discerning movie goers, but when laid out this way they are truly shocking! Very lazy film making.

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 19293
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Mrs Figg Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:08 pm

cant wait to hear what he does with Tauriel What a Face 
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25224
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:33 pm

The number of inconsistencies a crabbit film editor can pull out of the woodwork is truly a glorious thing!- Halfwise

I have tried over the years to impress upon you all the power of crabbit, especially when fueled by buckie, never underestimate it! Twisted Evil 

cant wait to hear what he does with Tauriel - Mrs Figg

It may prove to be very un-pc Twisted Evil 

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:09 am

“Oh that's hot! That's hot!” squealed Ori annoyingly. He was one of several dwarves in their underwear strapped to a giant spit rotating high above the fire.

The remainder of the dwarves, and Bilbo lay on the ground in sacks tied at their neck, which presumably they had tied themselves as there was no chance the thin slender rope at their necks could have been done up by the huge clumsy fingers of the three trolls who were currently arguing about how to cook the dwarves.

“Let's just sit on them,” Tom suggested, as the script writers suddenly remembered this line was referenced in the other film and so Tom had to say it, “and squash them into jelly.”

“They should be sautéed,” Bert insisted.

“Sautéed?” Tom queried, “Really, we speak French but we don’t even know what burglar means?”

“Maybe we should just forget the seasoning, we ain't got all night. Dawn ain't far away,” Bert pointed out loudly and pointedly so Bilbo could hear him, “I don't fancy being turned to stone,” Bert continued signposting the point and ruining the suspense and sense of danger for the remainder of the scene.

Bilbo perked up his ears at this blatant bit of information dropping.

“Wait!” he cried from his sack an idea forming in his mind that wasn't as good as the one in the book, but stuck closely to the screenwriter 101 class Boyens had once been on that said that the hero of the tale must be proactive in every scene.

“You can't reason with them, they are halfwits,” called Dori as he rotated on the spit.

“Half-wits,” responded Bofur, who was also rotating on the spit and in danger of his life but despite this thought it a good time for some humorous banter, “what does that make us?” he demanded.

“You are making a mistake about the seasoning,” Bilbo warned and hopped to his feet in the sack, raising the question of why the other dwarves had not simply done likewise and got their feet in their sacks long ago and hopped away and freed themselves whilst the Trolls were distracted preparing the spit of dwarves.

“What about the seasoning?” Bert asked.

Bilbo hesitated, he was in a great deal of danger here and needed to be careful so opted to open with a joke, “Have you smelt them?” he asked with a comic arching of his eyebrow, “you'll need more than sage to plate this lot up.”

“Shut up,” said Tom to Bilbo and continued turning the spit as the dwarves grumbled.

“Let the flurbulwurblehobbit speak,” Bert said.

“Really? That's what you've turned the burglarhobbit fiasco into now?” Bilbo shook his head, “anyway you are going about it all wrong. I mean for a start you couldn't cook anything on that spit, its far to high above the fire. Secondly that's not a cooking fire, its a camp fire. You want a nice deep dug bed and to have lots of wood that's already burnt down, giving you a bed of extremely hot embers. All those big yellow flames will just sear the outside of the meat and leave the rest raw.”

The trolls all looked at their blatantly inadequate cooking fire, “'E might be right there,” Tom conceded.

“And why are you cooking them in their underwear? You wont eat their outer clothes but you will eat their underwear? I mean it will just burn and sear onto the flesh, and it will completely ruin the flavour.”

As he spoke Bilbo noticed the light was growing around them, and then he saw a grey shape dart between the trees, it was Gandalf, unsurprisingly as he couldn't have gone far on foot and had only left a matter of hours ago.

“I think we should just eat 'em raw!” Tom said and grabbed Bombur.

Bombur was raised up into the air, still in his sack and dangled above Tom's open mouth.

Just then Gandalf appeared, leaping up onto a large rock at the edge of the clearing, “The Dawn will take you al!” Gandalf shouted, forgot the next bit of his line, swore under his breath and brought his staff down upon the rock he stood on.

The rock split asunder, giving the impression Gandalf was a one trick pony, and the light of dawn poured into the clearing.

“Whose 'E and can we eat him?” Bert said as the light streamed in and his skin began to turn to stone.

“That's terrible dialogue to die on,” Tom squealed as he too turned to stone.

All the dwarves cheered.

“Gandalf!” Bilbo cried, “thank goodness you turned up when you did otherwise I might have had to go into a terribly misjudged, out of place routine about parasites.”

“”Parasites?” Gandalf said crossly.

“I know,” Bilbo agreed, “I imagine even if someone were to do a parody of all this they would baulk at having to do such an inappropriate routine in this setting.”

“Indeed,” Gandalf agreed, “that would have been even worse than what just happened.”

“And if you don’t mind Gandalf,” Bilbo went on, “if I ever find myself telling this story at a party in the distant future to  a bunch of kids, I might just say the sun just crept over the tree tops and turned them to stone.”

“What?” Gandalf said sharply, “I thought I looked quite cool.”

“Exactly,” Bilbo replied, “and you also completely ruined an iconic thing you do in the future but everyone already knows about, its almost like a means of getting cheap cheers and recognition from an invisible audience and as if it has nothing to do with what is actually going on in the story, and its bloody annoying I can tell you. So if its all right with you, I'll just leave it out.”

Gandalf stomped of crossly. Soon the dwarves were all freed.  

Gandalf was examining the stone trolls, Thorin joined him.

“Where did you go?” Thorin asked Gandalf.

“Just over there,” Gandalf replied pointing with his staff.

“And what brought you back?”

“More money and a bigger trailer,” Gandalf replied. “nasty business, but still, all well now.”

“No thanks to your burglar,” Thorin remarked.

“Yes that's true, I don't know why he didn't just come back and get you all, its not like this script has provided him with any reasons or character motivations to do otherwise. Most peculiar.”

Thorin eyed up the trolls, “Since when did trolls come this far south?”

“Oh all the time,” Gandalf replied, “This place is called the Trollshaws you know, um, I mean never, some evil relating to a bigger yet to be revealed sub-plot must have stirred them up,” he coughed apologetically.

“There must be a  Troll hole nearby,” Thorin added.

“Yes, probably” Gandalf replied, “Its a shame Bilbo didn't find a key or anything to get in though. And it would have marked the start of his proving his usefulness to you all, ah well.”

“We don't need  a key,” Thorin said, pointing to a nearby cave whose entrance was suspiciously surrounded by bits of dead things and buzzing insects, “there it is there and it has no door, cooking spits and animal pens trolls can make, but the concept of doors is beyond them it seems.”

Carefully and cautiously Gandalf led the dwarves and Bilbo into the smelly darkness of the cave.

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by RA Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:50 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:“Exactly,” Bilbo replied, “and you also completely ruined an iconic thing you do in the future but everyone already knows about, its almost like a means of getting cheap cheers and recognition from an invisible audience and as if it has nothing to do with what is actually going on in the story, and its bloody annoying I can tell you. So if its all right with you, I'll just leave it out.”
I wish Bilbo got a chance to sit down with Jackson before they started shooting Nod He knows what's up.

_________________
"No one knows what the new day shall bring him" -Aragorn T.A. 3019 March 4th
Save Merp for 2013!
25,000 and counting. 12-23-12
"From him they learnt many things it were not good for any but the great Valar to know, for being half-comprehended such deep hidden things slay happiness; and besides many of the sayings of Melko were cunning lies or were but partly true, and the Noldoli ceased to sing, and their viols fell silent upon the hill of Kôr, for their hearts grew somewhat older as their lore grew deeper and their desires more swollen, and the books of their wisdom were multiplied as the leaves of the forest."

Remember Merp - July 11th, 2013
RA
RA
Defender of the faith and Dunedain of the thread

Posts : 1776
Join date : 2012-02-12
Location : Buckland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by bungobaggins Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:02 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:“There must be a  Troll hole nearby,” Thorin added.

bungobaggins
Eternal Mayor in The Halls of Mandos

Posts : 6384
Join date : 2013-08-24

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by RA Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:44 am



Day Man. Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the Sun!
You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone!
Day Man! ooooaaah! Fighter of the Night Man! ooooaahh!
Champion of the Sun! ooooaah

_________________
"No one knows what the new day shall bring him" -Aragorn T.A. 3019 March 4th
Save Merp for 2013!
25,000 and counting. 12-23-12
"From him they learnt many things it were not good for any but the great Valar to know, for being half-comprehended such deep hidden things slay happiness; and besides many of the sayings of Melko were cunning lies or were but partly true, and the Noldoli ceased to sing, and their viols fell silent upon the hill of Kôr, for their hearts grew somewhat older as their lore grew deeper and their desires more swollen, and the books of their wisdom were multiplied as the leaves of the forest."

Remember Merp - July 11th, 2013
RA
RA
Defender of the faith and Dunedain of the thread

Posts : 1776
Join date : 2012-02-12
Location : Buckland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 02, 2013 9:58 am

Carefully they entered the dark interior of the cave. Several of the dwarves had produced lit torches, despite not having any of their baggage with them, presumably they secreted them somewhere about their person. Gandalf went in front with his staff glowing.

The light glinted off gold.

“Seems a shame to just leave it lying about,” Bofur said, looking at the gold which lay piled before several empty chests.

“Agreed,” said Gloin relieved to get some lines, “Nori. Get a shovel.”

“Where from?” Nori asked, “we didn’t bring anything with us and not five minutes ago we were stripped to our underwear.”

“Its ok, I've got one,” said Balin who kept it in the same mysterious recess he kept lit torches, “we should bury it outside where it would be safe.”

“Nah, lets just bury it here,” Gloin said, “Nobody would think to look right here where all these empty treasure chests are sitting and under a suspicious mound of newly dug earth.”

And they proceeded to dig a hole to bury the treasure in.

At the rear of the cave Thorn was nosing among a display of swords, he took two of them at random from the rack and looked closer at them, ever bit of his dwarven skill and knowledge in metallurgy was impressed by what he saw, “These were not made by any troll,” he said, pointing out the obvious to Gandalf who took a sword Thorin proffered him and looked at it closely.

“Nor were they forged by any men,” Gandalf said as Thorin continued to admire the skill and workmanship, easily rivalling the best work of the dwarves themselves and even surpassing it.

“These were forged by the High Elves of Gondolin,” Gandalf said.

Thorin's face fell, “Fuck that then!” he said and threw down the sword.

Gandalf picked it back up and thrust it back at Thorin, “You are an arse,” he said shaking his head, “take the sword, you could not have a finer weapon and as a dwarf you bloody well know it.”

“Is there a sword there for me?” Bilbo asked peering at the swords.

“No, you don't want a sword and I shall have to impress one upon you later,” Gandalf said bluntly.

“Its just after all that with the trolls I kind of feel like I might want  a sword, just in case,” Bilbo went on.

“No,” Gandalf said crossly, “Now go wait outside.”

One by one the dwarves left the cave, Gandalf leaving last but as he went he stubbed his toe on a sword lying among the debris on the ground, after a few seconds of hopping in a circle and cursing he picked the blade up.

It was anther elvish blade, a short sword with a fine leaf shaped blade just like the one old Bilbo's hand had mysteriously hovered over in his chest at Bag End.

Gandalf picked it up and went outside.

“Bilbo” he called and Bilbo came over to him, he handed the short sword to Bilbo, “take this.”

Bilbo looked at the blade, “I'd rather have found it myself,” he grumbled, “that would have made it seem more personal and meant for me,” he added.

“Just take the bloody thing,” Gandalf insisted, “It is an elvish blade and it will glow blue when orcs are about, most of the time, when the effects people don’t forget,” Gandalf told him.

“So does that mean the sword you and Thorin have also glows blue?” Bilbo asked.

“No,” said Gandalf with a frown.

“But you just said elvish swords glow blue, and I heard you tell Thorin the swords you have are elvish,” Bilbo protested.

“Just leave it!” Gandalf warned sternly, “now, remember, true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one,” and he smiled at Bilbo as some heart warming music played in the background.

“Getting bit of a mixed message here,” Bilbo replied looking at the blade, “I mean first you give me a sword, then you tell me that its more courageous to spare a life and not use it. And suppose now I do find myself in a situation where I could spare a life, I wont know now if I did because I really wanted to or because I've got your words ringing in my bloody ears. You might have just turned a spontaneous act of pity and mercy on my part into just doing what you told me to. It would totally ruin the moment. But I'm sure nothing like that will happen or you would not have foreshadowed it so clumsily now.”

Gandalf glowered at him.

“Something is coming!” Thorin cried interrupting them.

“Stay together! Gandalf cried, “arm yourselves.”

“So this isn't one of those times when its better not to use a sword?” Bilbo asked puzzled.

“No!” Gandalf said frowning and stalked off with the dwarves following.

Suddenly there was a commotion  in the trees, branches snapping leaves rustling and then bursting from the undergrowth came an utterly preposterous and unbelievable sight, no matter how many times you watched it, Radagast on his giant bunny sled.

It slid to a halt and the rabbits stopped, sniffed, scratched, deposited several beach ball sized pellets and then tried to have sex with each other.

“Radagast!” Gandalf cried, then frowned at the giant bunnies, “have you been conducting animal experiments again? You have been warned, we don’t want a repetition of the time with all those  animal rights protesters and claims of Frankenstein Magic now do we?”

“I have something to tell you Gandalf,” Radagast said and rolled his eyes around for no apparent reason, “its on the tip of my tongue.”

Radagast frowned and then pulled a face then slowly opened his mouth, there was a stick insect on his tongue which Gandalf removed with a sad shaking of his head.

“Where is this stuff coming from?” Bilbo whispered to Thorin with a shake of his head.

“I have no idea,” Thorn replied grimly.

“Are you out again without your care worker?” Gandalf demanded of Radagast, "look at the state of you, your face is covered in bird shit."

"That's not even funny," Bilbo grimaced, "its just disgusting."

“Greenwood the Great is sick Gandalf!” Radagast cried, “a darkness has fallen over it, let me show you in a flash back.”

“Another one?” Bilbo grumbled in the background.

“Yesterday I went to the ancient fortress of Dol Guldur,” Radagast said.

“Yesterday?” Gandalf queried, “but Greenwood the Great is on the other side of the mountains! You are telling me you forded the Great River, crossed the highest mountain range in the world which has only one pass in the north, and on that you have to go single file, then came all the way here, in under twenty four hours? On a sleigh pulled by giant rabbits? How?”

“Rhosgobel rabbits!” Radagast said with a huge smile and some more eye rolling.

“No, but seriously, that's completely impossible, even if they could fly.”

“The fortress is not empty,” Radagast wailed, ignoring Gandalf, “there is an evil in it than can summon the spirits of the dead! I was attacked Gandalf, by a spirit that came out of a statue of a Black Rider. It was the Witchking of Angmar!”

“Firstly,” Gandalf said, “why would Dol Guldur have a statue of a Black Rider in it? Its years in the future until they robe themselves in such fashion and they will only do it then out of a need for secrecy. Secondly they are not dead, they are Ring wraiths. Are you sure you are wizard Radagast? Or that the screenwriters have ever read the books?”

“He attacked me!” Radagast went on still ignoring Gandalf, “but I hit him with my staff and he turned to smoke, but his sword turned into a real sword, even though it too was smoke to begin with. I picked it up and fled all the way here pursued by many special effects,” he finished and held up the sword bound close in cloth.

Gandalf took it and examined it.

“Could I have a hit on your pipe Gandalf?” Radagast asked and Gandalf handed it to him whilst he looked concerned at the weapon Radagast had brought.

Radagast drew heavily on Gandalf's pipe, he rolled his eyes in opposite directions and smoke billowed out of ears as if he were in a 1940's cartoon by Tex Avery.

Suddenly there was a fierce howling and then on the slope above them a warg appeared, slavering and growling. It leapt down at them.

“Oh shit!” Bilbo cried, “is that supposed to be here?”

The dwarves drew their weapons and laid about the animal.

“Warg scouts,” Thorin said as he drew his sword back out of the head of the dead warg, “which means an orc pack is not far behind.”

“We have to get out of here,” Dwalin growled.

“We can't” cried Fili, unless it was Kili, “we have no ponies.”

“Yes we do,” Bilbo interjected.

“No, we don't” Kili or Fili insisted.

“Yes we do,” Bilbo repeated firmly, “there were only four of five ponies in the trolls pen, and they can't have gotten to far, but the rest are where we left them,” he said, “look, over there,” and he pointed back towards where they had made camp where the remaining ten or so ponies were still tethered.

“No, they are lost,” Fili or Kili insisted,”its more dramatic this way.”

“I'll draw our enemy away!” cried Radagast and leapt on his sleigh as the others began to hurry off on foot with Gandalf leading.

“Seriously, we are just leaving all our ponies and all our gear?” Bilbo called after them, “come on, I risked all our lives to rescue them, we can't just leave them here, they are still tethered, even if the wargs don’t get them they will starve eventually or get injured and suffer a slow agonising death. Hey! We cant really be just going to leave them to die like that, can we? Guys?”

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Tinuviel Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:27 pm

It really was sloppy foreshadowing and mirroring Gandalf telling Frodo about "what to do with the time..." in fellowship. And yeah, the entire troll scene was pointless because the ponies are gone!!!!:facepalm: 

_________________
"I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author." -JRRT

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Tumblr_ndsrspapRL1qlqsnio3_500
Tinuviel
Tinuviel
Finest Nose

Posts : 1937
Join date : 2011-02-15
Age : 27

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Eldorion Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:43 pm

I hadn't though of the "when not to take a life" scene that way before, but you make a good point, Petty. I'm feeling more crabbit with each new chapter I read. Extremely Crabbit
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:47 pm

This is why by this point in the film I was already about to explode in the cinema with pure crabbit. Mad  And not even half way through yet. Evil or Very Mad

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Eldorion Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:53 pm

I'm pretty sure the bunny chase is where I abandoned the last of my remaining hope for AUJ, though it had already been waning. Razz Even though the movie got a little better towards the end, there was no way it could bounce back from something like that.
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:59 pm

Better towards the end?! I must have missed that, I seem to remember it getting worse and worse and ending on domino trees, a heroic killer Bilbo and a contrived ill placed Thorin loves Bilbo scene. scratch 

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Eldorion Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:05 pm

I don't mean the finale, but there were a couple more tolerable moments in the final third. The Riddles in the Dark scene was good, at least compared to what it was surrounded by, and Bilbo got some nice character moments. No, it doesn't all gel into a satisfying movie experience, but I was/am trying to look for the positives, however minor they might be. Very Happy
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by RA Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:23 pm

Pettytyrant101 wrote:“No, you don't want a sword and I shall have to impress one upon you later,” Gandalf said bluntly.
Gosh, he sure is pushy lol! 
But yeah that whole "knowing when not to take a life" bit is irritating foreshadowing. Rolling Eyes 

_________________
"No one knows what the new day shall bring him" -Aragorn T.A. 3019 March 4th
Save Merp for 2013!
25,000 and counting. 12-23-12
"From him they learnt many things it were not good for any but the great Valar to know, for being half-comprehended such deep hidden things slay happiness; and besides many of the sayings of Melko were cunning lies or were but partly true, and the Noldoli ceased to sing, and their viols fell silent upon the hill of Kôr, for their hearts grew somewhat older as their lore grew deeper and their desires more swollen, and the books of their wisdom were multiplied as the leaves of the forest."

Remember Merp - July 11th, 2013
RA
RA
Defender of the faith and Dunedain of the thread

Posts : 1776
Join date : 2012-02-12
Location : Buckland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:44 pm

Radagast sped off in unlikely fashion on his bunny sled and Gandalf led Bilbo and the dwarves at a run across the rough terrain.

“How far do we have to run?” Bilbo called to Gandalf.

“Roughly?” Gandalf called, “about twenty to forty miles, I think, its hard to tell as the distances keep changing depending on the circumstances. In the future a man called Aragorn will claim it is three days from here to our destination, but we might do it in a lot less time and with a much poorer, more ludicrous and completely contrived chase sequence.”

“Twenty to forty miles!” Bilbo squealed, “but I'm a middle aged stuck at home hobbit who hasn’t had to run the length of his own body since childhood. How far do you think I can run before I go blue in the face and collapse? I'm a Baggins of Bag End, not Hussain fucking Bolt! Why don't we go and get the ponies?”

“Wargs can outrun ponies,” Gandalf informed him as they all panted along the rough ground at a run.

“What and they cant outrun a hobbit, a bunch of dwarves and an old man?” Bilbo asked in-between heaving breaths.

Just then there was a chorus of howls.

Ahead of them Radagast had swung round in a loop and was leading the wargs and goblins right at them.

“What is he doing?” Thorin demanded, “I thought he was to lead them away from us, not right at us!”

“This way!” Gandalf cried, veering off to the side as Radagast swept towards them.

“Lead them away you stoned idiot!” Gandalf cried at Radagast, who gave them a cheery wave.

“Other way!” Gandalf cried desperately waving his arms.

Radagast eventually seemed to get the idea and swept round in an arc leading their not very bright opponents, who apparently had not noticed yet they were chasing a sled and not a group of dwarves, with him.

The company of dwarves, and an increasingly pale and exhausted Bilbo ran in the opposite direction but before long Radagast yet again appeared on the horizon before them leading the enemy right at them.

“He is doing it again!” Thorin cried in warning.

And so he was, Radagast had led the goblins and wargs round in a large circle and was bearing right down on them.

“You fucking idiot!” Gandalf cried, “Other way!”

Again the party had to randomly change direction to avoid being caught, and still the goblin and wargs failed to spot they were chasing the wrong person.

For some time this continued, the dwarves ran one way to avoid the wargs and Radagast led the wargs right at them, forcing them to randomly change direction every time.

Eventually Gandalf, deciding relying on Radagast to do anything competently was a mistake, brought them all to a halt in the lee of an outcrop of stones in a landscape that looked remarkably like Rohan.

A short distance way one of the goblins paused atop his warg, “Yi know,” he growled, “that's definitely a sled led by giant bunnies, not a pack of dwarves after-all. We've been tricked!”

He sniffed the air, suddenly remembering he could smell dwarves if he wanted to and wondering why he didn’t bother trying to before. He urged his mount on towards the outcrop of stones and the warg bounded up onto them.

Behind the rock Thorin indicated to Kili, or if not Fili, and Fili, or if not Kili, drew their bow, stepped quickly away from the rock, took a bead and shot the warg, but not before the goblin raised the alarm.

“Why the fuck didn't you shoot the goblin first?” Thorin demanded, as the warg body bounced down beside them with its goblin mount.

All the dwarves sprang round their fallen foe and began hacking.

“Run some more!” Gandalf cried.

“You've got to be fucking kidding,” Bilbo panted, bent almost double in his attempts to catch a breath.

Again they ran off, somehow keeping a good distance from their four legged opponents in pursuit.

Radagast seemed to have buggered off entirely and was nowhere to be seen, the script having no further use of him, if use was not to strong a word to use of his contribution so far.

Before long however it became clear that either the goblins were going to catch them or Bilbo was going to have a heart attack and so they were forced to stop again near another outcrop of rock to make a stand.

They drew their weapons as the howling drew near.

Bilbo looked desperately around, he could barely stand let alone fight, he looked to Gandalf for help but the wizard was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Gandalf?” he cried.

The dwarves looked around but there was no sign of Gandalf, “He has left us!” Thorin cried in anger.

“I don’t blame him,” Bilbo muttered, “If I hadn't signed my contract before I read this script I'd bugger off too.”


But just then Gandalf reappeared among the rocks, popping up like a pointy jack in the box.

“Over here you fools!” he called, then sniggered, “I called you fools just like I did in the other film” he chuckled to himself, then waved his arms at them.

Quickly they all rushed to the rocks where Gandalf was and discovered a hidden entrance leading below the ground, they all slid down the slope to the bottom.

“Now what?” Thorin demanded, “they will have seen where we have gone.”

“Not to worry,” Gandalf replied, “I'm sure some deux ex machina will turn up to solve our problem for us.”

Right on cue they heard the sudden blowing of clear horns and out of the gap in the rocks through which they come they saw a horse gallop by and then a goblin fell dead down the slope to land at their feet, an arrow embedded in it.

Thorin grasped the arrow and pulled it from the corpse and looked at its tip, “Elves!” he said with a sneer.

“Well you wont like the next bit much then,” said Gandalf.

“What do you mean by that?” Thorin demanded still in a grump at being rescued by elves.

“Oh, nothing,” replied Gandalf, “but by a strange coincidence the one place you would never have let me lead you to is the one place randomly running about from Radagast has led us right too. What a remarkable stroke of luck,” Gandalf replied and then set off further into the passage of rocks, “Follow me,” he said.

Having nothing better to do, and no better script to follow, the others trudged along behind.

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Mrs Figg Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:54 pm

Getting bit of a mixed message here,” Bilbo replied looking at the blade, “I mean first you give me a sword, then you tell me that its more courageous to spare a life and not use it. And suppose now I do find myself in a situation where I could spare a life, I wont know now if I did because I really wanted to or because I've got your words ringing in my bloody ears. You might have just turned a spontaneous act of pity and mercy on my part into just doing what you told me to. It would totally ruin the moment. But I'm sure nothing like that will happen or you would not have foreshadowed it so clumsily now.”

Suspect  now you mention it dammit, I hadnt thought of that. blast it to buggery


Last edited by Mrs Figg on Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25224
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Mrs Figg Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:01 pm

Roughly?” Gandalf called, “about twenty to forty miles, I think, its hard to tell as the distances keep changing depending on the circumstances. In the future a man called Aragorn will claim it is three days from here to our destination, but we might do it in a lot less time and with a much poorer, more ludicrous and completely contrived chase sequence''

:facepalm:  its not getting any better is it? it makes you wonder what on earth they were thinking. Didnt they have Tolkien scholars on hand to help them with logistics and stuff?
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25224
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by malickfan Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:30 pm

Judging by the reactions many Tolkien scholars have to the films...they'd probably tell PJ to go and do something rather rude to himself.

Random suggestion Petty if you ARE considering publishing this more widely, it might be (as much as it pains me to say this) a good idea to tone down the references to the book-whilst it certainly is hillarious reading just how wrong Jackson's 'improvemnets' to the story are, for the average moviegoer this might come across as a raging geeky purist's P.O.V on things-the problems with AUJ (as you have pointed out so ruthlessly brilliantly) on its own as a film certainly merit the kicking you are giving it, without reminders of how badly PJ buthchered the book.

Good work!

And yes Radghastly is a fucking idiot.

_________________
The Thorin: An Unexpected Rewrite December 2012 (I was on the money apparently)
The Tauriel: Desolation of Canon December 2013 (Accurate again!)
The Sod-it! : Battling my Indifference December 2014 (You know what they say, third time's the charm)

Well, that was worth the wait wasn't it  Suspect


I think what comes out of a pig's rear end is more akin to what Peejers has given us-Azriel 20/9/2014
malickfan
malickfan
Adventurer

Posts : 4835
Join date : 2013-09-10
Age : 30
Location : The (Hamp)shire, England

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by Pettytyrant101 Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:54 pm

Im not planning on publishing Malick- this is just a bit of fun for forum geeks like us! Very Happy 

Glad you are enjoying it though.

_________________
Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-



A Green And Pleasant Land

Compiled and annotated by Eldy.

- get your copy here for a limited period- free*

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yjYiz8nuL3LqJ-yP9crpDKu_BH-1LwJU/view



*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales
[/b]

the crabbit will suffer neither sleight of hand nor half-truths. - Forest
Pettytyrant101
Pettytyrant101
Crabbitmeister

Posts : 45241
Join date : 2011-02-14
Age : 50
Location : Scotshobbitland

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by halfwise Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:19 pm

Petty Tyrant wrote:“Just leave it!” Gandalf warned sternly, “now, remember, true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one,” and he smiled at Bilbo as some heart warming music played in the background.

“Getting bit of a mixed message here,” Bilbo replied looking at the blade, “I mean first you give me a sword, then you tell me that its more courageous to spare a life and not use it. And suppose now I do find myself in a situation where I could spare a life, I wont know now if I did because I really wanted to or because I've got your words ringing in my bloody ears. You might have just turned a spontaneous act of pity and mercy on my part into just doing what you told me to. It would totally ruin the moment. But I'm sure nothing like that will happen or you would not have foreshadowed it so clumsily now.”

Gandalf glowered at him.

“Something is coming!” Thorin cried interrupting them.

“Stay together! Gandalf cried, “arm yourselves.”

“So this isn't one of those times when its better not to use a sword?” Bilbo asked puzzled.
lol! 

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 19293
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant - Page 3 Empty Re: An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Post by halfwise Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:27 pm

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Im not planning on publishing Malick- this is just a bit of fun for forum geeks like us! Very Happy 

Glad you are enjoying it though.
Why the hell not? Evil or Very Mad  I thought we made it clear to you it was your duty to do so.

But as for Malick's comment about referring to the book, it's a semi-children's book, everyone has either read it or had it read to them. And unless the movie scares people away from the book, more will be reading it now. So i recommend keeping it as it is and publishing it.

_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
halfwise
halfwise
Quintessence of Burrahobbitry

Posts : 19293
Join date : 2012-02-01
Location : rustic broom closet in farthing of Manhattan

Back to top Go down

Page 3 of 14 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4 ... 8 ... 14  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum