Orlando Figg

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Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:36 pm

Orlando Figg dozed elegantly under the elderberry tree, artfully posed with his hands behind his curly head watching the blossoms sway this way and that in the soft summer breeze. A distant bell clanged the hour. oh dear, he was late, as usual. Drat it all, A boy had better things to do than wait on a Queen, even if that Queen was Empress of the World, Old Araby and The Horn of Good Hope.
Orlando Figg charged down the hill as fast as his long legs would pound, he had very fine legs indeed, many ladies had lost their heads over those limbs, he couldnt see it himself not being a vain Young coxcomb like most Young men these days. Most Young Dandies these days strutted about town like bantam cocks in their fine linens and wistkits. But not Orlando, he was a weaver of dreams, a drinker of sunsets, a worshiper at the shrine of poeticals like Mr Shelley his hero whom he had met once in Whites coffee house in Berkley Square.
Shelley had tripped over Orlandos new perambulating bycycle, and had promptly punched his nose. Orlando had been delighted Beyond measure. and had worn the blood stained shirt until it had started to attract flies. His mama had ordered Bessy the under maid to launder it, but the blood stained shirt remained in Orlandos heart, he decided to become a poet and die Young and beautiful of a broken heart. preferably in Paris.
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Post by azriel Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:43 pm

Oh wonderful wine tasting begining !

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Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:12 pm

Queen Victoria had been two years old when news that Percy Shelleys lifeless corpse had been washed up on a shimmering Ligurian beach. So it would be quite reasonable to ask if this indeed was the same Young man who now ran pell mell towards the retinue of a dumpy grumpy widowed lady who had her stockinged foot on the neck of half the inhabitants of the Earth.
yes indeed it was. Orlando Figg just seemed to go on, never aging, never ailing or developing agues and pains.
it was a most fatiguing state of affairs.
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Post by azriel Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:16 pm

Oh brilliant ! your little noodle is popping out lots of cracking variations Figgy old bean ! Very Happy 

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If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:26 pm

golly gosh steady on old chap Embarassed 
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Post by Orwell Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:29 pm

At last! Finest literature! Hurrah! I have fallen in love with you all over again, Mrs Figg. I love you 

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Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:35 pm

squeak Embarassed 
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Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 11, 2013 11:49 pm

Orlando Figg ran to his chamber, past Butler and under Butler, footman and groom, fast and fumbling he changed into his court frockcoat and pelted into the drawing room just in time for tea.
Unfortunately he had forgotten his britches, but Queen Victoria was quite easily amused when it came to Young mens legs. Why then most of the Palace table legs were covered in lace antimacassars and doilies is anyones guess.
Orlando Figg was still a Romantical, he imagined the Queen was Guinevere and his grubby socks were Knightly Garters. He was a favourite at court, his foibles were put down to English eccentricity. The servants thought he was a loon, but they were servants, and servants well before the BBC had made them fashionable, so what they thought nobody cared.
He told the Queen he would go to Paris to be an artist, seeing that Englishmen no longer got their heads cut off by cheesebreathed sans culottes.
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Post by azriel Fri Jul 12, 2013 12:17 am

Laughing Very Happy 

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by Orwell Fri Jul 12, 2013 12:36 am

Laughing 

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Post by Norc Fri Jul 12, 2013 5:25 am

is this a fan fiction about orlando bloom?
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Post by Orwell Fri Jul 12, 2013 5:55 am

Read a little and find out. Rolling Eyes 

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Post by Mrs Figg Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:33 am

Shocked  Orlando Bloom? I suppose it could be.
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Post by Mrs Figg Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:45 am

The Queen extended a pudgy hand with a small silver tray of Turkish Delight on the end of it. Orlando refused, not knowing in his naivite that this was a Great honour, Queens did not usually stoop to dish displacement. However her two Ministers Disraeli and Gladstone had noticed the slight, and vowed reprisals asap.
She sighed and slurped her way through the succulent sweets. Orlando watched her dribbling and munching, visions of Guenevere gently fading like morning mist before his eyes.
He wondered sadly why there was no no Derring Do to be had in England, that Disraeli looked the part of a dashing cove like Sir Walter R, with his wild gypsy face, but he jumped if anyone opened a window too loudly, and wore woollen undergarments at picnics. Gladstone was a carved block of granite of a man, as sour as week old laundry baskets, he disliked Orlando intensely and thought him a social butterfly he would like very much to pull the wings off.
Orlando was disappointed for the first time in his life. He expected Kings and Queens to be more glamorous than this fusty polite lady before him. He remembered a time when one was summoned to court to watch one of ones relations getting beheaded, or ones house turned into the Kings Summer residence without so much as a squeak. One was summoned to court with orders to put down Buckie Smugglers. These days one was summoned to court for fairy cakes and tea. Orlando curled his beautiful lip and stalked out.
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Post by azriel Fri Jul 12, 2013 2:23 pm

Very Happy 

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

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Post by Eldorion Fri Jul 12, 2013 6:53 pm

Orwell wrote:Read a little and find out. Rolling Eyes 

I have read a little and I'm still pretty confused. scratch
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Post by Mrs Figg Fri Jul 12, 2013 10:18 pm

Have you read Orlando by Virginia Woolf? If you havent that would explain the confusion.study My story is based on the name and the fact Orlando seems to be immortal, everything else I made up.
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Post by Eldorion Sat Jul 13, 2013 12:17 am

I've barely even heard of that, which would probably explain my confusion. Very Happy
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Post by azriel Sat Jul 13, 2013 12:45 am

Thumbs up for the avatar Eldo !

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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Orlando Figg Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Orlando Figg Jean-b11
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Post by Orwell Sat Jul 13, 2013 1:11 am

Being confused never comes in to it for me, I assume everything means something (like in Lewis Carrol) and I use me brains and immagination to fill out the picture. Luckilly, I've got plenty of brains, not like some... Here to help! Very Happy 

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Post by Eldorion Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:03 am

Azriel: thanks! Very Happy

Orwell: Mad
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Post by Orwell Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:46 am

Personally, I hate your new Avatar, Eldo. Very Happy 

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Post by Mrs Figg Sat Jul 13, 2013 1:05 pm

Orlando walked to the London docks, he sat on a lobster pot and watched the ships. there were tugs, trading vessels, steamers and pleasure cruisers, all jostling in a labyrynthine hustle and bustle on the oily grey sea. The sailers hallooed and spat, their stiff pigtails like insolent ratstails poking from under dirty caps. The air smelled of brine, fish, coffee and tar. Orlando loved the sailing ships like a moth to flame. He remembered 'The Firefly' one of Queen Isabella's galleons that had bourne him from Messina to Acre, a storm from Africa had torn her to pieces, they had limped into port with only scurvy and the plague to greet them. Many noble knights had perished on that voyage, and their squires too, but no sickness had furrowed Orlandos brow, he had remained as perfect as the marble staues in the ships hold. He had sailed through the Crusade like the ghost ship Firefly.

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Post by azriel Sat Jul 13, 2013 3:06 pm

Im enjoying this steady meander thru time ! Orlando is one of my fav books/film ! & to "hear" you turn it into a Forumshire style story is SO.....so.....relaxing, comforting, enjoyable, hypnotic, Nod Very Happy
In fact its a sensory delight, its got a perfume that when I close my eyes I can smell !
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Post by Mrs Figg Sat Jul 13, 2013 5:05 pm

thanks Azriel. Kissing 
Orlando is one of my favourite films/books too.
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