Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

+6
David H
azriel
Mrs Figg
Orwell
Pettytyrant101
The Archet Bugle
10 posters

Page 4 of 5 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Wisey Banks Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:32 pm

6


The Ball was hot and busy,
The atmosphere quite muggy,
Julia said, "Oh what I drag,
I'm so hot and wet and gluggy,

Orwie, you passionate boy,
You need to learn restraint,
Give me a little warning, love,
So I can least duck out the way."

Now mopping up her face,
Demurely with a towel,
She asked, "Why! ... I don't see Azzy,
Has anyone seen that cow?"

"That's not very nice to say,"
Orwell opined in a shock,
"I think Azzy's such a lovely girl..."
"And I tell you, no, she's not!

I caught her in bed last week,
With none other than my man Figg,,
He was wearing spurs, you know,
And she: a pony wig!

I tell you she can't be trusted,
Fancy bonking her best friend's man."
"Well you've bonked me this very night."
"The key word's man, understand!

Don't interrupt me when I talk,
You know better than that...
Oh gawd I hate that Azzy,
She's an ugly trait'rous bat!"

Just who should arrive just then,
None but Azzy, just back from the city -
Where she'd been buying riding goods -
What amazing synchronicity!

"Oh Julia, love, is that you!"
She cried from 'cross the room,
And flounced across in her low cut top,
Bouncing like balloons.

"Oh Julia, sweets, I hope we're  good,
You know, about that thing last week?"
Julia gave her a loving hug,
And kissed her fondly on the cheek.

"As if I'd let a thing like that,
Affect friendship so long and true,
If I lost you as a friend,
I'd just don't know what I'd do.

What with bitches to right, and left,
With bitches behind my back,
Saying I'm a filthy cheating slug,
That my morals are too slack!"

"Oh Julia, how good to hear,
You speak with such honest care,
I'll never find a better friend,
No, not anywhere!"

Now Orwell stood off to the side,
Amazed at what he heard,
"I never knew girls could be such bitches,
Oh gawd! It's only just occurred!"







To be continued...

...behind here, I think....

Sofa

_________________
Dead in One Sense
Wisey Banks
Wisey Banks
Chief Forumshire Channeller

Posts : 257
Join date : 2011-02-14

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Sat Jul 16, 2016 2:42 pm

Im getting more of a life here than I am in the real world ! Smile Im hob knobbing & bed hopping am I ? I shall pray for your soul Smile

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 The-witch_trailer_2015_zpsvm2xhqnv

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Eldorion Sat Jul 16, 2016 2:55 pm

pale Sofa
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Wisey Banks Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:43 am

7


Now Eru was strolling
Through His heavenly glade.
And he heard a far off music,
"My goodness! Is that Slade?"

Manwe sitting nearby, cried,
"Well, it ain't we Ainur,
Oh no, it can't be plainer,
Than it's not we, the Ainur!"

"If I didn't know better,"
Eru grumbled To his flock,
"I'd say it was that damn
Muck and Duck in Rushock!"

"Bog?" Manwe proffered.
"Why ask me, Manwe?
You know where it is by now -
Or just go behind a tree."

"No no, my Lord and Master,
I speak of Rushock Bog!"
"Thank goodness for that,
I thought that sounded odd.

Yes, that Muck and Ducks been
A worry for fifty years,
And I don't know how many times,
I've soured all their beer!

Don't they get the picture?
Will they never learn?
You know it's staff and clients
Are surely going to burn,

Drinking and dancing,
And no doubt fornicating,
And doing it for fun,
And rarely procreating!

Now, Manwe, be a petal,
And grab the next fast eagle,
And head down to that den
Of everything unregal.

And when you get down there,
Assess who is sinning,
And throw them down immediately,
Into the Dark Realm spinning!"

"Spinning, I don't understand...."
"Spinning in a vortex of fire!
Spinning in a vortex,
Of hellish curled barbed wire!

I've had enough of them,
Those sinful foolish clowns...
And Manwe, while you're down there,
Get them to turn that jukebox down!"



To be continued....

_________________
Dead in One Sense
Wisey Banks
Wisey Banks
Chief Forumshire Channeller

Posts : 257
Join date : 2011-02-14

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:33 am

Very Happy

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Wisey Banks Wed Jul 27, 2016 11:49 pm

8


Orwell McOdo -
a tall handsome shape -
Stood outside the hostelry,
In a euphoric state,

For high up above him,
He saw twinkling stars,
And Venus and Neptune
And little red Mars.

"Sometimes I'm thoughtful -
Though mostly I'm not -
When I'm free of that love nest,
Where everything's so hot.

You know, sometimes I wonder.
If sin is so great,
When you can stand in the night,
In a euphoric state.

Maybe I'm repenting,
Of all my wicked ways.
Maybe a better life
Will start with the day.

Yes. I think I'll be pure,
And drop Julia Figg,
Nor peep in Eldo's window
With all his jig-a-jig jig.

No, there is more to life,
Than wild lewd parties,
Petty without knickers,
Azzy's indelicate farties.

Yes, I'm going to be good,
And never cause trouble,
I'm a changed man,
I've burst my lewd bubble!"

"Well said, good Orwell,"
A heavenly voice said,
And out of the darkness,
Manwe poked his angelic head.

"You're lucky, young fellow -
Who is but sixty nine -
For you've had a changed heart
In the very nick of time,

For I am here to punish,
All the sinners inside,
The Muck and Duck wiil soon slip
Into eternal fire.

Yes, Eru, our Master,
Our Lord, our True Life,
Is sick of the sinning
In Forumshire so rife!

And I am here to sort out
The wheat from the chaff,
No more will some giggle
Or titter or laugh!"

"To be honest, I'm glad,"
Orwell nodded somberly,
Yes, I'd burn the whole lot
If you were to ask me."

"My goodness, good Orwell,
You relentless old joker,
You speak with the ardour,
Of a reformed smoker!"

"Well, they all had their chance,
To change their foul hearts!
Though I guess it's lucky
I stepped out for a pee and a fart."

"Yes, it was fortuitous farting,
That saved your soul,
And your miserable flesh from a
Burning black hole!"

And then the Great Manwe,
Swept into the bar,
With his hair like fire
And his eyes like stars.

Oh dear, the screams!
Of the Forumshire crew,
For as soon as they saw him,
The knew - they just knew!

And no matter how much
They pleaded and begged,
Manwe cast them all down
Both head, arm, and leg.

And now they're all burning,
That naughty bad crew,
Except for pure Orwell,
Who was one of God's Few.

All this happened  at
The Drunks and Family Ball,
I pray you've learned a lesson,
Yes, indeed, one and all!


Last edited by Wisey Banks on Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:33 am; edited 1 time in total

_________________
Dead in One Sense
Wisey Banks
Wisey Banks
Chief Forumshire Channeller

Posts : 257
Join date : 2011-02-14

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Mrs Figg Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:13 am

Yes, I'm going to be good,
And never cause trouble,
I'm a changed man,
I've burst my lewd bubble!"

Moon you cant do that!
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25205
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Thu Jul 28, 2016 4:21 am

I really wish you wouldn't do things like that, Julia. Now all sorts of improper thoughts have jumped into my mind and now I'll have to go and say at least 100 'Hail Tinuviel's'!!!! Mad

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:15 am

"
"Yes, it was fortuitous farting,
That saved your soul,
And your miserable flesh from a
Burning black hole!"

lol! to the lot of it Smile I used to wonder at this place, the mentality of those here, Imagine what they were like in ordinary daily life.............................................. NOT any more Twisted Evil Razz

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Thu Jul 28, 2016 1:08 pm

Of course, Azriel, you have been a citizen long enough to know that anything written in the Creative Corner is purely fictional and that any resemblance - however accurate - to any citizen here is purely accidental. In this way nobody gets sued.

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Thu Jul 28, 2016 8:13 pm

Whatever Laughing

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by The Archet Bugle Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:27 pm

Moon THE THREE LITTLE HOBBITS

1

Once upon a time, usely merry,
When hobbits were sometimes herry,
Three hobbit girls built their houses,
Built  them all without their spouses,
Because they had divorced them readily,
For behaving bad and quite unsteadily.

Now Amarie built hers with sticks,
Because she had a dearth of bricks.
Azriel built hers with a smile,
And a big fat strawsy pile.
Julia built hers with lots of stone,
And as she did it quite alone,
Her arms were like a brawny bricky,
(From here on in, this will be tricky!)

Now along came a big bad wolf,
A werewolf strong and very toof,
And even though he wore a kilt,
There were many hobbits he had kilt.
"Ockntha noo, I love sweet hoobit,
Uspusheely tha wons called Boobit!"

And our three lasses - oh the dread! -
Were Bobbits all before they wed,
And after divorce, they changed back to,
The maiden names that they once knew.

The big bad wolf came padding up,
To Amarie's house in Kooweerup,
"Lut me inn, lut me in,"
Said he with a snidely  grin,
"I promus noot to eat yu oop,
In uh bowl ov sultee soop!"

Now Amarie was no fool, no,
A brainy girl as girlies go,
"Doo you think I'm quite so thick?"
"Well, you did bild uh hoose ov sticks!"

"Look, I guess, you have a point,
But I could not afford a pricey joint,
Just the same you can't come in,
I have no idea where you have bin!"

"Thun I weel needs too fart yu doon!"
"Fart me down? That's a different tune!"
"Gooose iz goose, eyel huv yu noo!
Aye! Goose iz goose, eye'll huv uh a goo!"

So the wolf, with kilt upraised,
With one strong gust that house was razed,
And Amarie sped off like the wind,
A sweeter wind, you'll find, my frinds!"



To be continued....


Last edited by The Archet Bugle on Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
The Archet Bugle
The Archet Bugle
Forumshire's Most Respectable Journal

Posts : 703
Join date : 2011-02-16

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by The Archet Bugle Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:40 pm

Amarie! That's naughty! Laughing
The Archet Bugle
The Archet Bugle
Forumshire's Most Respectable Journal

Posts : 703
Join date : 2011-02-16

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:40 pm

Laughing we've got furting on the brain

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:41 pm

That sounds like a place name scratch

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:45 pm

If one has absolutely no funny ideas in hand, introduce fart jokes. Works like a gem. Very Happy

Btw Azriel, I did not put that brazen smiley at the top. It was someone who has powers beyond the average citizen! An evil Power! I know. Only two of us have that particular Power!!! Laughing

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:49 pm

A name or 3 springs to mind, even though only 2 have the power Smile

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Thu Jul 28, 2016 11:58 pm

cyclops ... But not me, darling.... Laughing

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:08 am

Noooooo sweety darrrrrrrling ! how could I possibly imply that you, being such a gent 'an all, would possible besmirch a good ladies name ? Smile Nah, wont have a word of it.

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Not%20listening_zpsrnxoumug

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by The Archet Bugle Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:51 am

The Three Little Hobbits


2


Amarie - for a girl - was quite smart,
And so she dashed off through the park,
And soon was banging on Azriel's door,
Which shaked and shook that house of straw.

"A house of straw is not as firm,
As a house a sticks," Amarie averred,
"If I'm quite smart - for a girl -
Why would I run here with all my curls,
All messed up in disarray,
'Smart for a girl' I mean to say!"

Azriel opened her strawsy door,
"Oh Amarie what are you here for?
I thought it was your cleaning day,
It's out of character, I mean to say!"

"Oh sister, Dear, I had to run away,
Is it alright if I stay,
A werewolf blew my house to bits!"
"Werewolf? Odd!" "That's not half of it!

He knoked it down with a pungent thwack,
From beneath his kilt, Alack! Alack!"
"Oh that must be that Scottish beast,
They say he's such a nasty piece!

Blows down houses with his gasses,
Then eats up all the tasty lasses!
Never eats the lads, you'll find,
Reckons he's just not of that kind.

Oh dear! It just dawned on me,
He'll follow you and soon will be,
Slobbering at this very door,
Of my fragile house of straw!"

Oh how they quivered. Oh how they bobbled!
Oh how they shook, and partly wobbled!
"Though this straw may be surprising strong,
He'll light his farts, if I'm not wrong!

And then my house will erupt in fire,
Best we to our sister Julia's house retire!
So packing up some needful cosmetics,
And a large quantity of diuretics,
They ran off through a forest scentful,
Their flight to Julia's was uneventful.

The  Scottish werewolf soon sauntered up,
With a grumbling in his gut.
"Eye iz gutting hoongree, eye huv to say,
Boot wotz thus? They've goon away!

Wull, ut least, that's wot thiz sign doo say,
On thus door us plain us day! Moon
'Wee huv run to Julia's to avoid a wolf,
Whose eyes are croosed un bum iz toof"

Now the wolf grinned a toothy grin,
"Wull, noo eye noo ware eye um goin'!
Soon eyel hoov three chickies for loonch,
They'l muck a very tasty boonch!"





To be continued.....
The Archet Bugle
The Archet Bugle
Forumshire's Most Respectable Journal

Posts : 703
Join date : 2011-02-16

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Fri Jul 29, 2016 1:00 am

Again!!!! You know, that's very trollish behaviour!!!! Laughing

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by The Archet Bugle Fri Jul 29, 2016 5:23 am

The Three Hobbits



3


Julia Bobbitt had three brothers over,
Randy, Stanley and big Dick Dover,
And so when the girls got to her door,
She wasn't pleased. And what's more

She tarried long to open it,
Even as they stood having a fit,
For loping in the distance he came,
In werewolf form and a dark black mane.

"Oh let us in! Oh let us in!"
"Not by the hair if my chinny chin chin.
Piss off sisters, I'm busy now...
Now, Stanley, you must show me how."

But just as Stanley demonstrated,
An interesting move while prostrated,
Azriel cried, "Will you please let us in,
Can't you smell that pong upon the wind!"

Julia gave a little sniff, "Eegad!
That pong is strong. That pong is bad!"
"If I knew no better," big Dick groaned,
"That's a werewolf, oh no, no, no,

I'm getting out of here, real quick."
"And the two of us as well, big Dick."
And those three brothers took to flight,
With their every face drawn white.

"What a pack of girly men,"
Julia grumbled, for it was way back when,
'Girly men', was okay to say,
Being then, pre-Feminist days.

"Let us in, let us in!"
The cry was heard, a riotous din.
So grudgingly Julia complied,
And her two scared sisters sped inside.

"Shut that door! Quick you must!
The werewolf, he eats our dust!"
"Bloody right," the werewolf coughed,
And stood out there dusting it off.

"Coom on girls, yoo noo your Doom,
Ukcept yor fate, don't bee buffoons!
Open oop yor sturdy door,
And gut sum pots ruddy, wotz more!"

"You think I'll give up without a fight?"
Julia cried, though turning white.
"The doors and windows are fastened tight,
You can't get in by day or night!"

The werewolf's thought just then unfurled,
"They're a coonin crew  - at least for gurls -
But they hoovent thort of everything,
That chimney there is vury big;

I'll climb the roof und slide right doon,,
Thun they'll noo tha wolf's in toon!"
Now at the window, they heard all this,
And began to whisper, whis... whis..., whis...

And in no time they had a plan,
And quickly finding a frying pan,
They stoked the fire and got it hot,
Just as the wolf played out his plot.

He slid right down the chimney shaft,
And soon was saying, "Mee gawd, Ime daft!
Ime soothing ina bloodee pun -
Und I mean noo pun! Oh mun! Oh mun!

Iz that mee bootooks burnin, now?
It iz! It iz! Those fookin cows!
Ooh mee soosage! Ooh mee balls!
Teach me for makin these hoose-calls!"

But he was not defeated, that dark heart,
And out the pan he jumped quick smart.
He appraised the girls, stricken in fear,
And he cried: "Go gut me a fookin beer!

I need to sook mee bits burnin bright,
And then we'll settle for thee nite."
"And then you'll eat us, one and all,"
Azriel cried, and fainted on the floor.

"You'll bake our legs and baste our boobs,
And then go howlin at the moon,"
Amarie cried, and then she swooned,
Thinking that they all were doomed.

"And wot sayz you," the werewolf grinned,
Staring coldly at Julia. "Not fat not thin,
Indeed, yoo are tha perfic sooper size,
With yor umple boom and tasty thighs."

"I may be a bird but I'm no pullet,
Look here, a gun loaded with bullets!"
"Ho ho " said he. "Boolets willnae hurt mee."
"What of silver ones, you stupid turkey!

You know, this will be so satisfying,
I'll enjoy this kill, I'm not denying,
Stand still, wolf, quit all your jiving!"
"If yoo doen mind, Ime bent oon soovivin!"

And then there was a devilish dance,
As the werewolf dodged and Julia pranced,
And pretty soon they got real hot,
But she just couldn't get a decent shot.

In the end they called a truce,
And sat and had a glass of juice,
With a dash of gin, I heard,
That evil wolf and classy bird.

By the time the others woke,
The wolf and Julia had eloped,
And now they live in a dim dark cave,
And that Scottish wolf now must behave,

Oh a happy ending, don't you think?
What's that? You think this ending stinks?
My gawd, you folk are hard to please...
Oh well it's back then to good old sleaze... Very Happy
The Archet Bugle
The Archet Bugle
Forumshire's Most Respectable Journal

Posts : 703
Join date : 2011-02-16

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by azriel Fri Jul 29, 2016 10:56 am

lol! lol! lol! Brilliant, loved it !! great laugh, you clever little pud Smile
Next one please, Red Riding Hood ?
Or will it be Cinderella ?
( I hear that Its Orwell & he's not a fella )
Sleeping Beauty is a fave
Or Snow White & the Dwarves Rave
The 3 Bears are kinky & Goldilocks a slave,
Fear not, for heres Prince Charming
Trusty sword & pike so alarming,
Muscle bound to give a thwack,
( would put a damsel on her back )
But, yay, this story must be told,
By one who's bright & fair & bold,
Who's Army wears the brightest pink
I nominate Ringo, ( who did you think ? )

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by Orwell Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:22 am

Red Riding Hood?? Err.... Page 2 of this thread.... Rolling Eyes



That's a large roll call, Azriel. Shocked I'll have to talk to Ol' Anon, Wisey and all the Bugle's guest writers about it. Big brief, you know. Laughing

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 103
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 4 Empty Re: Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

Post by The Archet Bugle Sat Jul 30, 2016 2:07 am

CINDERFELLA


Cinderfella dreamt of a certain prince,
While sweeping out the chimney,
Of that handsome spunk, Eldorion,
The charming Prince of Pimney.

His strapping seven step-siblings,
Were thinking similar things -
But them of curvy thighs
 and muscle shirts,
And gold and clothes and rings.

Amarie - the eldest - cried aloud,
"Now listen here you horrid lot,
I plan to win Eldo's hand tonight,
Not just because I'm beautiful,
I'm smart and tough and hot!"

"That may be true," said Lancelot,
As he read the weathered manual
Of his favorite Ford convertible
That he had swapped for his
loyal cocker spaniel.

"Now I know Pimney is a modern town,
Yes, a LGTB friendly place,
And though it's not the way I lean,
There's a reality I must need face;

For I am one of eight siblings -
And our collective wealth be small,
So if one of us can woo Eldorion,
At tonight's Pimney Gala Ball,

He or she can feed us all,
From his Princely golden fount.
And then there is his
fantastic cars,
He's got fourty two last count!

Petty stepped forth then,
In his kilt of silk and lace,
With eyebrows combed deliciously,
And makeup on his face.

"You know I've always loved our Prince,
Platonically, I mean,
But if it's for our family,
I'll take one for the team!"

"More than one, I'd hazard,"
Julia wisely, drily said,
"I've heard he can be a virtual terabyte,
When he's got you in his bed."

"I think you're confused a bit,"
Halfy put forth, then kindly said:
"You know he's a bit nerdy,
So I think it's me he need wed;

For am I not a nerdy type,
What with all my science talk?
We can spend our nights stargazing,
As hand in hand we walk."

"Ha! But I hear he's fond of veggies,
He likes the long and smooth,
And am I not an expert,
Don't I have the measure of his groove?"

This is what Davey cried,
Fondling something his pocket,
A carrot?
A turnip?
A cucumber?
A cranberry tractor sprocket?

Azriel cackled aloud, sitting aloof,
Oh you think you're such clever smarties!
Well, I know for sure he's very fond
Of vegan toga parties!

Now I am myself am vegan,
Yes, a veggie girl, you know!
But I do eat one kind of meat,
Whether on top or below!"

Cinderfela kept sweeping,
With cinders on his handsome face,
Thinking his many step-siblings,
Were a totall full disgrace.

"If I was to marry Eldo,
I'd give him love and wine!
I'd live for him and serve him,
Devotedly!
With my body and my mind!"


To be continued....
The Archet Bugle
The Archet Bugle
Forumshire's Most Respectable Journal

Posts : 703
Join date : 2011-02-16

Back to top Go down

Page 4 of 5 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum