Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes

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azriel
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Post by The Archet Bugle Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:10 am

ODO's ODE


"I'm truly quite Respectable,
Clearly most Erectible,
Yes, a little stiff, I know I am,
But who in this World ever can,
Keep it up - the Moral Cause?
No one, I say, for all ignore
All things Good I that stand for,
Propriety, Religion, Etiquette,
And pray thee let's not neglect,
Proper Conduct with little Sauce,
Unless Profitable in it's course,
For one must not ever starve at all,
I prefer not to on hard times fall -
But the Principle remains, my friends,
With Respectability: it all depends."
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Post by Wisey Banks Wed Jul 06, 2016 4:28 am

The Rushock Bog Drunks and Family Ball



Was on an evening, full of stars,
And every worthy pumping,
The Village folk entered the bar, 
Julia said: "This should be somepin',

'With hubby on his business trip,
And our Mayor making his call,
To inaugurate the Rushock Bog,
Drunks and Family Ball."

"I plan to have an ale or two,"
That worthy, Orwell, offered,
"And me as well," says Ringo Barnes,
"And then I'll see what's proffered."

"I really don't know what to expect,"
Says Eldo - from Needlehole, they say,
But it's said once was the Lord of All,
But now fallen on harder days;

Whose eyes are sad, whose legs are limp,
Whose lips are blue at night,
Not blue lipstick like in yonder days,
But due to mist and frosty bite.

"Ockntha noo!" says Petty true,
 The Local drunk and tramp,
"Ayeve saved too punnies all me life,
Und won too ewe eye'll grant!"

"That's awful kind'"  says Eldo-lad,
With a misting of the eyes,
Standing taller in his rags,
And straightening his tie.

"Hooray, by the buckeroo," cries Ol' Dave,
The 'mazing veggie man,
"I've just brought in the cranberry crop,
And me being an Eldo fan,
By all the western willikeins, I'll buy you a drink,
And maybe two, young man."

Now sauntered in a lady, dark -
Dark of soul, I mean -
Amarie, the 'CEO!'
Who much preferred 'The Queen'.

"Oh Eldo! Well, here you are!
I hoped to see you here,
When I heard about the Rushock Ball,
To the Muck and Duck I steered.

Oh how lovely to see you, darl,
But with clothes a little ragged,
Never mind, I'll buy a drink,
And soon have you un-bagged.

It will be like old times,
I'll scrub you up and down,
Then wrestle you like we once did,
Rolling all about the ground."
  
Nervously, Eldo grinned,
His mind now taken back,
To a time when things were hot, hot, hot,
And no energy she lacked.

But, now it's time to rest awhile,
And ponder where to go,
For the Channel seems shuttered for now,
- I'll get back to this, I s'pose.



Wisely Banks; it being a long time, and the Channel being rusty somewhat.


Last edited by Wisey Banks on Wed Jul 06, 2016 4:33 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Eldorion Wed Jul 06, 2016 4:32 am

Laughing

So glad that your Channel is being scoured and re-opened, Wisey. cheers
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Post by Mrs Figg Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:46 pm

cheers Kissing Wisey!
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Post by Wisey Banks Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:37 pm

The Rushock Bog Drunks and Family Ball
   



2



"Seventeen summers?" 
Orwell was heard to ponder,
As Julia giggled in his ear,
While ever growing fonder,

As they tarried beneath a table, 
With the swirling Ball around 'em,
"Oh you must ignore these lines,
They began when I was ten."

"Are you sure you're so young?"
Said Orwell counting on his digits,
"I'm sure you've been around,
At least since fourteen six.

And by the Shire Reckoning,
That would make you about..."
"I think that's quite enough," says she.
"Or I'll knock you fucking out."




Wisey Banks, trying to find his groove-channel, with some help from Ricky (and Mrs Figg...)

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Post by Eldorion Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:41 pm

{{{Treading on dangerous ground there, Wisey. Sofa}}}
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:42 pm

{{{Wisey!! Finally, someone else to take all Figg's flak other than me!!! cheers }}}

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Post by Mrs Figg Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:05 pm

One does not simply give flak to Wisey
even though mentioning my age is dicey
I wouldn't knock him fucking out
not even a little femi-tsunami shout
but I would give Petty a slice
of something not very nice
up the jacksey
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Post by Eldorion Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:14 pm

{{{I think you're meant to feel special, Petty. Very Happy}}}
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:18 pm

{{{what as opposed to worried?! pale }}}}

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Post by The Archet Bugle Fri Jul 15, 2016 12:26 am

3

"Pots," Orwell averred as Julia
Nibbled on his ear,
"Pots are the future,
The future! Have no fear!"

"Oh enough of that, you prat,
Just loosen this tight bodice,
No, no need to be so shy,
Come on! Don't be modest!"

"Modest? Who me?
Why, Jules, that sounds so funny,
If you'd said vain or pompous,
You'd be closer to the money...

Anyway, don't interrupt,
And careful with my cockles,
They're delicate little things,
Not rocks nor yet rockles;

You must squeeze them very gently,
For that I'll surely thank you."
"Oh you're such a naughty Orwie,
I'll surely need to spank you!"

And as the Ball swirled 'round them,
With much grasping (and some groping),
The band was gaily jiving,
And the floorboards - barely coping.

"I think I'll make some blue ones,
For blue succulents, I'm thinking..."
"Enough with all your marketing ---
Oh gawd! Is that Petty's eye a'winking!?

I wish he'd wear some undies,
With his kilt so wildly swinging!"
"What? Oh Gawd! His third eye!
Oh gawd! And now he's singing!"

Now the din of Scots singing,
Is a thing quite profound, they say,
It's always of haggis, of heather,
And of their homes - which we all call caves.

"Och tha noo und murry,"
Sings Petty - that Northern groover! -
"Oh eye doo remumba Dazy,
Me favereet ewe und loover..."

"I think I've heard enough,
That vulgar Scottish prig!"
"I can but agree full well... Mmmm....
Now, suck on this, sweet Figg."

"Is that sherbet on the sausage,
You hold between your legs?"
"I'd prefer if you spoke quieter,
And tell no one, I begs."



To be continued...


Wisey Banks, pottering away....channeling....
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Post by Eldorion Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:26 am

{{{Between this and the Crabbit fairy tales Forumshire fanfic is definitely getting more risqué ... I remember getting told off for less than this in the past. Suspect }}}

Always an enjoyable read, Wisey. study
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Post by Orwell Fri Jul 15, 2016 4:38 am

That was back when Forumshire was a flat square kind of universe. Nowadays it's far more curvaceous (just look at Julia and Azriel and Amarie, I know i do, and constantly, often through keyholes), and one that has warped quite profoundly to the elliptical.

You must learn to keep up with the trends, Eldo. Now, pots are a good example of this. I bet you know next to nothing about pots, especially Hypertufa pots. They're on trend you know, and there are some who will soon be seeking to make some money out of it, not in an Odo Banks exploitative way, but in a profitable altruistic way. Though I shouldn't say too much, as this is not a Marketing Forum, and I'd be the last hobbit to descend to self-advertising, whether blatantly or subliminally. I mean, I would never be the type to implore other hobbits to check out my Hypertufa Hobby page on Facebook, or the Hypertufa (Fan Club) page on Facebook, where I feel I'm making quite a statement, quite a potty statement, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do.

Here to help!

And by no means with any sense of self interest.

Eru bless you all! And may he fill all your purses with gold to buy pots with.... ...  But only if you think that's the proper thing do... to help out an old and sincere friend, who'd give his own arm to help them out, if he had any spare... . Very Happy

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Post by azriel Fri Jul 15, 2016 8:56 am

Razz

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Post by azriel Fri Jul 15, 2016 8:59 am

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often


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"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes - Page 3 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

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Post by halfwise Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:37 am

Very Happy

{{{ Was a time when Eldo and his whole cohort were youngsters and we minded our tongues. Now he and Norc are out rampaging among the college kids (and Ally is out rampaging who knows where) and nothing is off limits anymore. DJH is trying to sell me bootleg GoT subscription which takes him off the list too. }}}

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Post by The Archet Bugle Fri Jul 15, 2016 12:11 pm

4

Checking under tables -
For naughty things happen there! -
Eldo found two lovers,
Making love without a care.

"Hey, you can't do that,
At the Drunks and Family Ball!"
"Sweet Eru! It's 1420,
Not 1344!"

"Well, Ringo, I'm a Warden here,
Unclasp that Halfy chap,
I know he likes his candy handcuffs,
But I don't care at all for that!"

On his dignity Ringo answered,
With a flush of indignation,
"Just because you were pipped
For risqué sin at the station,

Back in 1444'
Doesn't mean you have to stand there,
In all your ragged beauty,
With that reproachful stare."

Now Eldo's vim was vigoured,
And he was keen to reply,
In a voice of strict instruction,
But Amarie, just then, arrived.

"Oh there you are, my darling,
Come! My Special Saucy Dream,
We must find an empty table,
Where I can ride your submarine!"

"Ha!" Now Halfy blustered,
Clattering in his cuffs,
"Who are you to talk, you prudish lad,
Who'll soon be in the buff,

Under a table, and very nautical,
In a sea of very sin,
Why, what a hypocrite, you are!
Ringo! I need a gin!"

Amarie then lead him away,
An Eldo quite crestfallen,
"I was once respected in this town,
The situation's now appalling,

For one of my natural dignity,
For one who walked so tall,
With his head held high, so regal,
Loved both in town and hall!"

"Oh we all still love you, sweet,"
Amarie said, taking his calloused hand,
And took him to a vacant table,
Where she said, "I understand,

You're not our Lord and Leader,
No, not that anymore,
But remember it was your decision,
So stop being a bore,

And slip beneath this table,
Untether your little craft."
"It's not really a sub, you know!"
"When I want to know, I'll ask!

Now, Eldo, come down here with me,
Bring forth your submarine!
Look here! This is the route you'll take,
Start your motors, Little Bean!"


To be continued...
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Post by Mrs Figg Fri Jul 15, 2016 2:34 pm

Embarassed crikey
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Post by Eldorion Fri Jul 15, 2016 4:51 pm

Shocked Laughing Embarassed
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Fri Jul 15, 2016 4:56 pm

{{{I assume Wisey is submitting these to the Bugle, they have his, um, tone, yes tone.... Embarassed }}}}

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Post by Orwell Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:47 pm

Interesting chap, old Wisey. Notice how he seems with each passing stanza to be removing his fingerprints from this... It's like, "Oh what the hell am I channeling. If I didn't know better, it's getting ruder by the minute!"

Wisey is your artistic sensitive type as we know. It's all high art, and never low and crude vulgarity with him (he says).

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Post by Wisey Banks Sat Jul 16, 2016 6:06 am

5

Greenhrocer Dave, of Cranberry South,
Went out to his parked wagon,
"Gee wizzit, I got cabbages,
And cranberries by the flagon,

You folks are sweating now,
You're working up a hunger,
What! Dancing on  the tabletops,
And below them: high Karumba!

Now come to the bar now, friends,
And check my specialties,
My large melons  and gooseberries,
My cucumbers and green leeks,

And if they seem misshapen,
Rather rude in shape indeed,
Lie back and think of England,
Or just  accept 'em, gleefully."

Now indeed the guests were famished,
And from tabletops and below,
All the Needlehole citizens,
Showed they had some toe.

They flocked round Grand Davey,
And he handed them his goods,
Orwie took some melons -
I guess you knew he would -

Jules had a cucumber,
An enormous one, quite fat,
Amarie took a marrow that looked
Like a psubmarine in fact,

Petty took some gooseberries,
He was quite fond of them,
Shuffling two  down his top,
He stored them for a friend,

Oh how all laughed to see him,
With sUch large gooseberries, yes sir,
In his kilt he looked so gorgeous,
And with his breasty bumps, superb!

Halfy went for carrots,
Ringo grabbed a parsnip,
Lance fondled a cabbage,
Which was his favorite target....

Now Davey took their money,
And left with one last smile,
He said: "Goddam, this verse is going nowhere,
But I guess it's been awhile,

And channelin's a weird thing,
Sometimes they're closed, they say...
Oh gawd! What's that up ahead?
A tree with tits! and in such a fetching way!

Why Miss Tree, I'm glad we've met,
For I'm darn fond of flora girls!"
"You must be Dave, the Veggie Man,
With your beard of bouncy curls;

I'm Edwina Ent, you know,
From Brindlebole, due east,
And I'm looking for a certain pub,
Where I hear they hold a feast."

"The Muck and Duck; why, goodness!
I've just driven down from there,
Jump into my wagon, lass,
And I'll drive you tree-girl fair."

"So long as you, Strong Davey,
Don't force yourself on me,
My sisters cousin knows your friends,
And I know you're fond of trees;

So don't think to peel my bark,
Or fondle all my knobs,
If you do, I promise you,
I'll poke you in the gob!

See this branch, it has a point,
A sharp point, do you see?"
"Well, if that's to be your attitude," says Dave,
"You've seen the last of me!"

And Dave rouses up his ponies,
And whips them down the road,
"Tonight I'll be alone again," pines he,
"In my pokey little abode..."




To be continued....






To be continued...

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Post by azriel Sat Jul 16, 2016 9:56 am

Ive noticed with old men of a ascending age that, they do become fractious & often lewd. Caution is thrown to the wind by the bucket load as these old farts re-enact their once LONG ago youth. Let them play whilst they can, whilst their faculties let them Smile........... ( & you've got a stout pair of running shoes on Smile )

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Post by Orwell Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:58 pm

Yes, can't agree more with you about old farts like Dave, much as I love him. I, myself, become ever more puritanical with age. Very Happy

Glad you came, Azzy. I was just passing Wisey's window, in Crackbottom Lane, and I heard him channeling. Presumably, he channels aloud while his big breasted wife, Porgy, writes his channelings down. I heard your name mentioned...

(Coincidentally, on reading about Dave and his adventures with vegetables, fruit and Ents, I thought: Wisey hasn't thought of Azzy yet! Surely she wouldn't miss the Drunks and Family Ball; Azzy being such a family oriented person, and a drunk. And then you post! What synchronicity!)

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Post by Porgy Bunk-Banks Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:02 pm

Wisey says I'm one of his greatest inspirations, Azzy. Very Happy
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