Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [2]

by chris63 Mon May 19, 2014 4:17 am

My budgie managed to get free from his cage and shag the fucking dog.

I've got some puppies going cheep if your interested.

by chris63 Mon May 19, 2014 4:41 am

by Pettytyrant101 Mon May 19, 2014 2:10 pm

by Norc Mon May 19, 2014 2:16 pm

What's E.T. short for? He has got little legs

i didn't get that.....

by halfwise Mon May 19, 2014 2:40 pm

to rephrase it: "Why is E.T. short? he's got short legs."

The pun is on "what is E.T. short for?" as in asking for the meaning of the abbreviation.

by azriel Mon May 19, 2014 4:11 pm

Chris

by Norc Mon May 19, 2014 5:04 pm

halfwise wrote:to rephrase it: "Why is E.T. short? he's got short legs."

The pun is on "what is E.T. short for?" as in asking for the meaning of the abbreviation.

oh.. duh

by Pettytyrant101 Mon May 19, 2014 9:28 pm

Hardly duh, I couldn't get a straight forward joke told in Fjordian, let alone some bit of word play too.
That you lot manage so well in more than one language never ceases to amaze me, especially as the only other language I can speak a few complete sentences in is Latin, and I'd need a TARDIS to find a native speaker in it Mad

by azriel Mon May 19, 2014 9:46 pm

Id love to have a bit of Latin under my belt, I saw an episode of "Inspector Morse" where Morse & someone (?) shared laughs between themselves, all spoken in Latin, poor old Lewis just looked stupified & didnt get it.................................... neither did I..........yet Morse was killing himself !

by chris63 Tue May 20, 2014 5:49 am

by Norc Tue May 20, 2014 8:16 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Hardly duh, I couldn't get a straight forward joke told in Fjordian, let alone some bit of word play too.
That you lot manage so well in more than one language never ceases to amaze me, especially as the only other language I can speak a few complete sentences in is Latin, and I'd need a TARDIS to find a native speaker in it

the only latin i know is from aterix, veni vidi vici (dunno if it is spelled correctly)

by halfwise Tue May 20, 2014 11:45 am

chris63 wrote:

by Mrs Figg Tue May 20, 2014 1:39 pm

or mentioning that 'yes' the bum does look big in these jeans

by Pettytyrant101 Tue May 20, 2014 6:24 pm

No one knows if your bum looks big or not Figg, its impossible to tell under all that bustle Very Happy

by chris63 Wed May 21, 2014 4:50 am

Went to Dr yesterday he told me i need a pacemaker,now got little kenyan running 2 yards in front of me

by chris63 Wed May 21, 2014 4:53 am

I was in the pub the other day when I saw Fred sat at one of the tables with an Emu and a Cat..... odd, I know. I didn't go over. I just watched them. Fred got a round of drinks in, brought them to the table, and the three of them drank up. Then the Emu got up, and got the next round in. They drank up. Then Fred got up again for the next round. Then the Emu again. Noticing that the Cat wasn't buying any rounds, I finally decided to go over to Fred, who was at the bar getting another round in.

"Fred," I said. "What's errr... what's going on, here?"

"Oh, it's a long story," he said. "But to cut it short; I found a magic lamp this morning, so I rubbed it and a genie popped out, declaring that I could have one wish."

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

by chris63 Wed May 21, 2014 5:57 am

I was dating this conjoined twin for a while, but she dumped me for seeing her sister behind her back.

by chris63 Wed May 21, 2014 5:58 am

met a native american red indian on holiday he introduced me to his wife this is four horses he sed
Wow what a beautiful name what does it mean I asked ? He replied fuckin nag,nag,nag,fuckin nag

by azriel Wed May 21, 2014 4:22 pm

by halfwise Thu May 22, 2014 3:18 pm

chris63 wrote:I was in the pub the other day when I saw Fred sat at one of the tables with an Emu and a Cat..... odd, I know. I didn't go over. I just watched them. Fred got a round of drinks in, brought them to the table, and the three of them drank up. Then the Emu got up, and got the next round in. They drank up. Then Fred got up again for the next round. Then the Emu again. Noticing that the Cat wasn't buying any rounds, I finally decided to go over to Fred, who was at the bar getting another round in.

"Fred," I said. "What's errr... what's going on, here?"

"Oh, it's a long story," he said. "But to cut it short; I found a magic lamp this morning, so I rubbed it and a genie popped out, declaring that I could have one wish."

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

I guess here we'd say "A chick with long legs" but it wouldn't quite fit the joke.

by halfwise Thu May 22, 2014 3:25 pm

clearly I must have work to do. Rolling Eyes

by chris63 Mon May 26, 2014 5:27 am

by chris63 Tue May 27, 2014 3:11 am

premature ejaculator would like to meet lady with huge breasts, long legs......aaahhhhh doesn't matter

by chris63 Tue May 27, 2014 3:32 am

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory and the manager asks.. have you worked with chemicals before?
Yes! Paddy replies...
The manager asks....can you tell me what nitrate is?
Paddy replies...I'm hoping it's fucking double time !

by chris63 Tue May 27, 2014 5:15 am