Dr Who and the Trebinzinite Traders

The Archet Bugle Publishing House is proud to announce Series 2 of Nuwest Who, starring Orwell McOdo, with Mrs Figg (as herself) and Petty Tyrant 101 (as himself).

DR WHO AND THE TREBINZINITE TRADERS

Coming Soon, but only on this Thread!

Only no short skirts and tartan shirts please. I am an assistant not a Pond.

Oooh an assistant is it- well I'm going for companion. And good thing about the Tardis is theres so much room for buckie and I can collect different buckie from differnt ages and even planets! Whole new buckie expercinces in time.
And you dont need to wear a mini skirt Mrs Figg- the viewers will have my legs to look at!

The Bugle is being very tight lipped about it all, guys. I've heard a rumour, that the Anon Author is planning to play it (slightly) straighter, and is giving it a (slightly) darker atmosphere, and not making it quite a silly joke a second farce. I blame Eldo for that. I fear he has set a new fashion for tale telling in Forumshire! Bloody young people - changing traditions!!!

Oh I got sent these photos, I think they're of lasses the Bugle is considering for when Anon Author's script is put on film.... They seem to have a consistent view at least of what dress Mrs Figg should wear....












I don't know, Mrs Figg. I think you should be at the auditions. You could play yourself. This is how I imagine you to look.

You know, beautiful, smart, zany, mature.





Oh, yes, and Petty's character....
Gas mask --- or a muzzle? (Which is actually not out of kilter with his new Avatar, really).

How very Dare You! Lucille Ball????? I thought you may have least said Debra Messing, (bit younger) hem! or Julianne Moore, (hotter)

"Which is actually not out of kilter with his new Avatar"

What kind of thingis that to say to someone who has had a nast accident- well I say accident I'm sure Amarie nudged me! I'd get the Sheriffs office to investigate but given the upcoming disgraceful nuptals I doubt it would eb of much use.

And that mask is totaly unacceptable unless theres a straw attachment for buckie drinking.

Heeey! I did not nudge you! ...the second time. You dived in all by yourself to save your fluffy man purse.

Well ok I'll believe you this time Amarie- my memory is a bit fuzzy but I do seem to remember something about looking for my sporran admittedly. But I'll be watching you vikings- you lot told me theres was buckie in those geysers and all I got was 20000 gallons of steaming hot water up the (very small) kilt!

How was I suppose to know the buckie would evaporate so quickly? 'spose I should set up a small chain around the geyser and turn the thermostat down a bit.

Bad mistake {{{ }}}. Orwell put up the wrong photos - by accident... {{{ }}}. Here are the ones he meant to post...{{{ }}}






{{{Oh Gawd. Does the Anon Author really have to work with these people? I feel for him }}}

If he was a bar of soap you wouldnt be able to hold onto him in the bath thats all Im saying. What is that pig oil? Or some unction of Mrs Figg?

Thanks Odo. {{{Got that one past Petty... Hee hee. The dork!}}}

I see Petty will be wearing some quite interesting running shoes, one does needs good running shoes when traveling with the doctor.

Too true, Amarie, too true. I also wonder if there will be any more of that brilliant catchcry: "Run! Run for your lives!"

Mind you, it's a New Doctor (appparently a very good looking ego-free one) - so maybe things will be quite different. We'll just have to wait and see, I think.

"ego-free one"

I hope thats a misprint! All incarnations of the Doctor have a huge ego- he's a genius!

I'll bet they will all be running in slow mo.

Yes, Orwell has been referred to as "great" before now. I imagine he's a 'genius' - at least, he has told me that once... or twice.... I guess that makes it true - according to Forumshire custom, at least....

Amarië wrote:I'll bet they will all be running in slow mo.

Wouldn't that be a bit 'old hat' for the new (Eldo-inspired) mature-humoured Dooktor, Amarie?

yes thats so much better, specially the assistant with the top on. yes that will do just fine.

Mrs Figg wrote:yes thats so much better, specially the assistant with the top on. yes that will do just fine.

Reminds me of Julianne Moore, Mrs Figg --- as do you!

I better go and give the Anon Author a kick up the arse... Here's me running around all over Forumshire, trying to chaperone the partcipants on the Wedding Thread, annoying Fjordianlandians wherever I can, trying to keep that bandaged dork Petty in line, while the Anon Author is sitting on his fat arse doing f#*k all as far as I can tell! I don't know, building up people's expectations, then not coming up with the goods! Typical of him! And I do say it as only a life-long friend can.

I am sure it will only appear like they run in slow mo, Odo. A time vortex generator setting on the sonic screw driver and something timey wimey fancy schmancy stuff.

Dr Who and the Trebinzinite Traders

Episode 1


“Ah! It’s so good to be back in my Tardis,” the Doctor said fondly as he patted the boobenhancerator on the console. “Alright, Petty, you can now press my prognosticator button.”

“Aye, Dooktor.”

“If you don’t mind, Mrs Figg, can you give my tomatosauceomaker a gentle pull, please.”

“Like this, Doctor?”

“Excellent!”

“Come on, Petty, you must compress the downdilator peddle – surely you know the routine by now?”

“Sorry, Dooktor, I was distracted a moment... Here gooz!”

The Tardis started making whoop-whoop-whoop noises and shimmered and disappeared from Mr Odo Banks’ garden.

“Oooh this is so exciting, Doctor,” said Mrs Figg as she stood close to him beside the console with her hand now on his pencil-like orbiton which immediately began to glow red at the end. “Where are we off to?”

“I don’t have the faintest clue. But I’m sure it will be somewhere exciting.”

“Wherever you go, excitement follows I’m sure,” Mrs Figg cooed, smiling up at him, devotedly.

“Ock! Dooktor! I was aboot to say that meself,” Petty said as he looked across the console at the Doctor, devotedly. “But I would add that you ye-self brings the excitement wherever you goo.”

“I meant pretty much the same thing,” Mrs Figg retorted, giving the Scotsman a severe glance.

“My goodness,” the Doctor said raising his perfectly manicured eyebrows in surprise. “Did you realize you two have become... humans! You're NOT hobbits anymore... Why, Petty, you a relatively handsome Man - as far as Scots go – and quite striking in your kilt with your bare chest and tummy like a six pack, nicely tanned. And, you, Mrs Figg... well, you’re a beautiful red headed woman, not too old by any means, and yet not too young so as to cause me any problems with the Galactic Police.”

Mrs Figg and Petty appraised themselves in shock, which quickly changed to joy, for both now knew that this would be a proper Dr Who spoof and not some squalid Hobbit-Who cross over.

“Yey!” squealed Mrs Figg.

“Yey!” squealed Petty.

“I squealed first, you know.”

“Ock the noo!” Petty grumbled.

Then all the boolilium lights on the console began to flash crazily, and likewise the end of the Dooktor’s orbiton under Mrs Figg’s delicate hand.

The Doctor took her hand away gently and immediately began to work his orbiton like a joystick, trying to regain control of the Tardis's time and space trajectory; vainly, of course.

“What’s happening, Dooktor?” Petty asked anxiously as sweat began to run down his rippling chest.

“As usual we’re spiralling out of control,” the Doctor said. “Oh my goodness, the screenomonitor says we’re being flung into the Dog Leg Cluster!”

“Is that bad, Doctor?” asked Mrs Figg.

“Yes and no, Mrs Figg. Yes and no.”

“What does that mean?” Mrs Figg asked clinging to the Doctor tightly in trepidation.

“It means he doen f*&^%$g know,” Petty grated as he jealously spied Mrs Figg’s hand gently rubbing the Doctor’s nigh on perfect buttocks.

“Hold on!” the Doctor yelled. “We’re hurtling through a Pavlovian Worm Hole...”

A horrible screeching noise hit their ears as the Tardis shook and shivered and shimmied violently...

“Ahhhhhhhrgh!” cried Petty, “We’re all goen to dee! Aaaarrrrgh!”

"Why, Petty, you a relatively handsome Man - as far as Scots go – and quite striking in your kilt with your bare chest and tummy like a six pack, nicely tanned."

Hey thats what I always see when I squint in a looking-glass, what you on about? Except the man bit obviously but add a fine set of hairy feet to that and thats a perfect description.
Hold on I'll just have a few buckies then check in the looking glass again just to make sure... ........ ........yep thats exactly what I really look like. Thought so.

I find I see my better self in a mirror when I'm sloshed. Also helps me see the inner beauty of certain women at Nightclubs too. (Don't need to be sloshed to appreciate Mrs Figg, of course! )

ooooo pencil like orbiton, Ill have to be careful not to stick it in the pencil sharpener by mistake, that would make its end glow red too, but not in a good way.