Council of Odo

oh, what did I miss?? how did we end up talking about pornographic sex...


wait... game of thrones?

I think the problem is mine Eldo- I read most of the fantasy I love as books for the first when I was either a child or teenager. So reading a fantasy book that suddenly goes into an explicit sex scene seems as comfortable a mix to me as going to the circus to see a clown, and instead of pouring custard down his trousers he just whips it out and starts waving it at me. Doesn't seem right in the context and I dont enjoy the experience.

who was it that said.. I'm gonna quoute something I saw in tumblr... can't remember what TV-host said it.

men likes to watch their porn
women like to read their porn.

petty kind of confirms that, though not in directly that meaning. Seems as if Petty reads fantasy and pretends to be a child and when someone suddenly waves their dick in his face he throws the book out of the window and hides under his blanket and wonder what just happened to him. you need a shock blanket, dear Petty?

crikey!

you need a shock blanket, dear Petty?- Norc

No just less d***s in my fantasy! (starting with PJ)

(Boy you Fjordians are forward with your language! And at your age too! )

what would Odo say?

I dread to think what he will make of it upon his return to his hole Mrs Figg. I dread to think.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:you need a shock blanket, dear Petty?- Norc

No just less d***s in my fantasy! (starting with PJ)

(Boy you Fjordians are forward with your language! And at your age too! )

oh, was that too much?

Odo is a bit delicate, he goes all dizzy at the mention of unmentionables, a bit like the Victorians.

I rather like your modern forward talking ways Norc- makes me realise my generation were not the foul mouthed over sexualised bunch we were always portrayed as- you lot are!

... i don't know what to say... I should definitely not be proud though.. :S

I can understand where you're coming from, Petty. It's probably for the best if you steer clear of ASOIAF.

nono, don't listen to him, grow up and read it!

I'm not a prude Norc, I dont mind it in other genres, on film, in my house-just doesnt seem right in a fantasy book to me. Like finding chapter 3 of Five go to Kirrin Island is entilted Five have an Orgy. Its just not the right place.

oh, it's always the right place. widen your horizens petty...

jeezz.. I can't post that.. :S

Pettytyrant101 wrote:I'm not a prude Norc, I dont mind it in other genres, on film, in my house-just doesnt seem right in a fantasy book to me. Like finding chapter 3 of Five go to Kirrin Island is entilted Five have an Orgy. Its just not the right place.

I had this idea the other day; like a romcom featuring the five but they're all grown up? And George is a lesbian? And Julian is Prime minister. And they're all drunk andtheir partners and people get drunk and stuff happens...

I agree it is a bit disconcerting in a fantasy book. But I suppose GOT is really more Dynasty medieval style than a strictly fantastical story.

Im 40 Norc my horizons have no further widening to accomodate! Been there, done it got the T-shirt, payed for the laundry bills, returned the chickens. And if my horizons could go broader it is to vistas I have politely refused!

That reminds me of an old joke!

Spoiler:

Ally I strongly disapprove of that sort of thing! {{{Make sure and send me a copy }}}

yup you should be ashamed.

that joke petty, loved it, hillarious! (this is not sarcastic)

I knew I shouldn't have posted Odo's latest Secret Council under my name! He seemed to think no one would pry if the Minutes were under my name! I should have known better with you nosey lot. And as for your too ready sexualization of said Minutes -- do you mind! How vulgar of you all!

Oh my goodness me... now it's Forumshirans invading my respectable thread with their porn! Disgusting!

odo banks wrote:Oh my goodness me... now it's Forumshirans invading my respectable thread with their porn! Disgusting!

Don't blame me, I voted for Ringdrotten.

Odo: Of course you did, Ally.. And once you've taken your pills I'm sure you'll feel fine. {{{ }}} Now, off you go, like a good young hobbit....

Orwell: Is she gone?

Odo: Thankfully, yes.

Orwell: Strange gangrel creature that one.

Odo: Indeed! ... Anyway, now that I've showered with the girls to save water, can we proceed with this most Secret Business Council?

Jane: I thought we'd done it sufficiently already.

Odo: One can never have too much of 'business' discussioning, Jane.

Jane: I see...

Mirabella: Have they all gone?

Odo: I do hope so. I've put guards on all the doors and windows.

Orwell: Only sensible. Though these orcs and goblins of yours, Odo.... Something not quite right about their use here...

Odo: Tush! The right staff for the task, methinks. Now where was I on my list?

Orwell: Where has your tub gone?

Odo: Removed! It was becoming a nuisance... what with folk always spoiling it with their sweaty writhing bodies.... Why people must have their physical altercations in such close proximity to my jelly-tubs is a mystery to me.

Orwell: Why certain folk have jelly-ytubs at all is a mystery to some.

Porgy: It won't be the same without one at your council.

Odo: Actually... Yes, I agree... Oh okay... Breakhead and Backstabber... could you please. ... ... ... .... There you go, folk.

Orwell: You had one spare in the walk-in pantry?

Odo: A respectable well-to-do hobbit has his day fully planned, and with back up plans.

Orwell: I'm actually almost tired of jelly-tubs, Odo. Very one-trick ponyish in my opinion.

Odo: I know you don't mean that... EVERYONE!!! No one goes near the tub, okay! You MUST promise!

ALL (except Biffo): We promise!

Odo: Good.

Biffo: Eye promuss too!

Odo: Good. .... ... Now to my Profit Analysis List.... Americohobbit Environment Destruction for Short Term Gain Services, 11%; Southern Dark Skinned Hobbit Servant Services, 15%; Hobbiton Fire, Police and Ambulance Horse and Buggy Maintenance Services, 12%; Lugburz Assassination Services, 28%; Bree Doggystyle Art and Entertainment...

Orwell;:What was that?

Odo: Must people interupt all the time! What was what?

Orwell: Lugburz Assassination Services?

Odo: I thought it obvious.

Orwell: When did you buy that Enterprise?

Odo: Eighteen months ago... I did send you a memo, Orwell. You know, I bought it as an ancillary company to take up some of the workload covered by Mordor Propriety Limited - to cover the Bree area, actually, where resources have become a little stretched.

Orwell: Oh yes, I remember now. Go on.

Jane: I do worry about some of these businesses of yours Odo.

Odo: Don't fuss over it, Jane. The more profitable businesses compensate for the less. No need to lose sleep.

Mirabella: I'm not sure she means that, Uncle Odo. I think this use of goblins and orcs...

Jane: ... and cave trolls in Eriador...

Odo: If I listened to you ladies, I'd barely make a profit. You two sometimes seem less than pragmatic.

Orwell: Now now, they are of the other gender. The gentler sex, Odo! Don't be too hard on their sensitivities.

Odo: I'm not - but at a most Secret Business Council it's correct corporate sensitivities that must be adhered to. We can't treat the lasses like children in all things Orwell. Show them a bit of respect.

Biffo: Yuh! Ruspuct!

Porgy: Oh you are a dear, Biffo!

Biffo: Noo, Ime uh 'obbit noot uh deer!

[Much uproarious laughter in Council at Biffo's priceless Ozhobbitstani humour]

Odo: Anyway [wiping tears from his eyes after a few minutes] Let's keep this all sensible. ... ... ... Where was I?

Orwell: Can't we just get to the point, Odo? So you're profits are down? Is that the point?

Odo: It is. My goodness you are hasty, Orwell... speaking of which "Entwife Treeherding" , is down to 7%...

Mirabella: I do think it sad you must use Entwives to entrap Mallorns, Odo - them being so rare.

Odo: One must not allow one's emotions to stand in the way of excellent timber-making, Bella. What? Would you have me live in a smaller hole?

Orwell: None of your holes could be called 'small' Odo. And isn't the word for your residences, "Smial" anyway.

Odo: Shush! Now getting back to the financial difficulties I'm facing... Oh dear! Kili! Get away from that jelly... No? Well, Backstabber... you have your instructions.

Porgy: Oh goodness, Odo's orcs are violently laying hands on Kili...

Jane: ... and dragging him out...

Mirabella: ... and they haven't fallen in the jelly...


[Uneasy silence befalls Council]



To be continued...