Council of Odo

Still the same old childish humour..

I thought you'd pissed off for good, actually.

Sorry for existing, then.

You were one person I had forgotten from the old forum --- and I'm sorry I'm reminded. All are welcome here, Grey, but I don't know if the place suits everyone. The concept of "Free Spirits" applies here. Know what I mean? Why bother coming here in light of that?

Ok

See ya. (Try Dark Planet - might suit folk like you).

If this is supposed to be rasberry it tastes funny you know Odo? Oh thats cause Mirabella is in it, and Jane!

Hey Grey- ignore Odo he's, well exactly the same as ever, sadly.

Oh my God ... I never thought we'd see you here again, GP! I'm glad you found your way back. Do make yourself at home and have a go at what you do best.

IF your north of Perth Odo (joondalup) give us a shout, i'l let you buy me a buckie (pint) They come in pints ? I'm getting one

Great, Chris. That's just great... I'm already back in Vic...

Odo: Now I've called you here to this secret council for a very good reason.

Petty: Where's Mirabella?

Odo: She's not here. Frodo will have to take minutes. But now you've mentioned Mirabella, I need to talk to you about certain "unsavory" matters.

Petty: So you want to talk about the Wedding, is that it?

Odo: What wedding? It aint gonna happen. I'll have no niece of mine marrying.. well, another lass.

Petty: Too good for a Tyrant is she?

Odo: Well, even if you accept this blasphemous union, are you forgetting our family feud?

Petty: No, I'm not. But just don't think it's because you're better than we are!

Odo: That's hardly relevant. I'm talking about 'lesbians' here. 'Lesbians' Petty.

Petty: Yeah, what of it?

Odo: You mean - you're not totally disgusted?

Petty: Well, it's been happening for a thousand years or more, ever since Eru created Middle Earth.

Odo: And that makes it right, does it?

Frodo: Excuse me. But could you please make your arguments a bit more slowly. It's hard to keep up.

Janesmith: I must admit you are talking fast.

Odo: Oh sorry. I do apologise. It is a contentious subject. Makes one's blood boil!

Petty: What? Marrying a Tyrant?

Odo: No - well, yes --- NO! Two lasses marrying each other. Eru won't be pleased.

Petty: How do you know Eru won't be?

Odo: What?

Petty: How do you know Eru won't be pleased?

Janesmith: I've just noticed something, Petty. Did you know you don't seem to have a Scotshobbit accent when you're really angry.

Petty: I hadna noticed, lassie!

Janesmith: That's better.

Odo: Look here, Petty, Eru made hobbits Male and Female, with bits that fit together in perfect sexual Holy Matrimony. See sense, you fool. Do you want to be struck down by a thunder bolt!

Petty: So Eru's the God of Thunder now, is he?

Odo: Eru, my friend, is the God of Everything.

Petty: You make him sound really pagan.

Janesmith: And who knows, Eru might be a Woman for all we know.

Odo: Oh shall we call God Eruweena then, shall we?

Petty: With all respect, ock the noo, shut your trap, Jane. This is male discussion, not fit for folk with feelings.

Janesmith: Tush, Petty. I would have thought would be something a Banks would say, not a Tyrant.

Frodo: She has a point.

Odo/Petty: Shut up, you!

Janesmith: Look, let's calm down. We're all friends here, surely!

Odo/Petty: No we're not!

Janesmith: The point is, all this bickering can't change anything. Pretty and Mirabella are clearly in love with each other and want to solemize their love through the Rites of Holy Matrimony.

Odo: I just said they don't have the right connecting parts for that!

Janesmith: Now, Odo, you'll burst a boiler the way you're going.

Petty: I frunkly doen sees why he's soo bothered, anyhoo, ock the noo.

Janesmioth: That's much better, Petty.

Petty: Ock the nelly noo, much obliged, Jane.

Odo: What do you mean by 'I frunkly doen sees why he's so bothered?'

Janesmith: He meant, 'I don't frankly don't see why he's so bothered?'

Odo: I know that!

Janesmith: Well, I'm puzzled then.

Frodo: 'Puzzled' has two 'Zedz's doesn't it?

Odo: Yes, of course it does.

Petty: Only one in Scotshobbiton.

Odo:

Janesmith: Oh I think I know what Petty meant. Were you thinking of Odo's partners, Bella Buttocks and Primmy Brandybuck, Petty?

Petty: Aye.

Odo: What?

Janesmith: Well, do they both share your bed?

Odo: Of course they do. They're my wives. 'Wives'- not 'partners' by the way.

Janesmith: At the same time?

Odo: Yes, Why wouldn't they? Are you one kangaroo short in the top paddock or somethin'?

Janesmith: And do the two of them ever...?

Odo: What diffrence does it make? We're joined in Holy Matrimony.

Petty: Ha! And so will Mirabella and Pretty be.

Odo: So you agree to it happening now, do you?

Petty: Nay, of course, I doent. I just oppose it for diffrent reasons. I doen want her hitchin' herself to a Banks.

Odo: Then we're agreed the wedding shouldn't go ahead then.

Petty: Of course.

Odo: My goodness. Did we just agree of something?

Petty: Hard times make strange bed fellows.

Odo: Not in Needlehole they don't. You're as bad as your sister! Are you a Hobbitosexual yourself?

Janesmith: I don't think he meant what you're thinking Odo. And I feel a need to be a bit stern here. There was that young chap you 'accidentally'..."

Odo: Hey! That was revealed in Confession!

Janesmith: Sorry... I just thought..

Odo: Well don't think.

Petty: Aye! You best leave that to us menfolk, Jane.

Janesmith:

Odo: So, we're at least agreed we must stop the wedding, Petty, but how?

Petty: Aye! But howl?

Odo: Did you just say 'howl'?

Petty: Noo,. I said 'hoo'.

Odo: No, I'm sure you said 'howl' you dork.

Petty: What! I didna.

Odo: You did!

Petty: Are you calling me a iar?'

Odo: Well if the cat miaows it's a cat.

Petty: Right then Take this!

Odo: Ouch! How dare you punch me in the eye. Take that.

Petty: Oooogh!

Odo: Owwwww!

Petty: Yipes... oogle-uh-oh!

Odo: Yeeeowww! What! Do that to me, hey!

Petty: Eeeeeek! Why you...

Odo: Ouuuuuuchhhh!

Janesmith: Um... Frodo, I don't think you need to write all that down...

Frodo: Oh sorry. Of course not. Ha ha,. I'm still doing it, aren't I?

Janesmith:

Umm Odo, when my Paw has, em recovered from his little shock, he wants a word- probably several quite loud ones in fact. He says he wants to come to your next Council meeting and if he's not invited "I'll kick his door down his hole, followed by him".

Errm... I wasn't planning on having another for a little awhile... Excuse me. Someoné at the door...













.... Hello, Mr Tyrant, are you there? It seems you and I have to join forces --- or else!

Mr BANKS! Are yi in there? I want a word wi you?
It says (on half a dozen signs leading tae yir door) that yir respectable. Care tae explain tae me whits so respectable aboot letting yir niece get ah mucky wi ma daughter?

I thought your Paw had already been in to see, Odo, Petty?

"Hello, Paw is it? Nice to meet you... Odo's out. Yes, just keeping an eye on his smial... Oh, I saw him taking a coach into Bywater only five minutes ago. Said something about finding his niece, Mirabella. Apparently, she's over at her hole with your Grandniece, Pretty..."

Well, how's that. Hardly good manners. Cursed and then took off like a bullet! Wonder where he's off to?

{{{{Odo when ever you get back could drop by Queen Tinuviel Buckie Cellar? (I am currently without a barrel to call my own, or hot running water so Paw and I are hiding out there-dont tell Her Maj.) I can't believe I'm saying this but I think we need to join forces to stop this infernal marriage- if it goes ahead I'm exiled! And Paw will tear me a new one and I'm still using the old one. So I think to preserve your families respectability and to protect my claim to Tyrantness we must talk.}}}}}

{{{ps was it you sold Paw the dynamite he used to blow up my barrrel- cause The Banks Blasting and Things Which go Bang Company is the only one in Forumshire? }}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{{{Odo when ever you get back could drop by Queen Tinuviel Buckie Cellar? (I am currently without a barrel to call my own, or hot running water so Paw and I are hiding out there-dont tell Her Maj.) I can't believe I'm saying this but I think we need to join forces to stop this infernal marriage- if it goes ahead I'm exiled! And Paw will tear me a new one and I'm still using the old one. So I think to preserve your families respectability and to protect my claim to Tyrantness we must talk.}}}}

I am indisposed at the moment, Mr Tyrant... Staying at one of my secret boltho.... residences, recovering from a migraine actually. I must say, when your Paw goes back to Scotsdale, I very much plan to give him a piece of mind...

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{{{ps was it you sold Paw the dynamite he used to blow up my barrrel- cause The Banks Blasting and Things Which go Bang Company is the only one in Forumshire? }}}

I would have to check with my Secretary --- or one of them - but it's at least theoretically possible it was imported...

So what your are saying then is no help from the Bankses on stopping this wedding then? You'll let your own neice marry a female, and a Tyrant one, and no complaints? I don't believe it.
What happened to your sense of respectability? That famous Banks smugness?
If Pretty marries Mirabella we will be related- family!! By Eru man this has to be stopped!

Pettytyrant101 wrote:So what your are saying then is no help from the Bankses on stopping this wedding then? You'll let your own neice marry a female, and a Tyrant one, and no complaints? I don't believe it.
What happened to your sense of respectability? That famous Banks smugness?
If Pretty marries Mirabella we will be related- family!! By Eru man this has to be stopped!

Received a palantir call from Odo, Petty. I'll quote as best I can from memory:

"What he's sayin'" [that's you, Petty], "has some veracity, Orwell, it's just... well, it's my migraine, you see.. As you know, I would never allow a niece of mine to besmirch the heterosexual traditions of my Clan, nor marry well below her Class. I certainly wouldn't want you to think that... and I'm certainly not absolutely terrified of your Paw, debilitated by fear, quite the contrary... but this migraine, you see - it's this horrible migraine....

Odo did look pale and poorly. Shaking all over he was.

Oh I see migraine so bad he cant even comeout of his hole?
Paw isnt that scary! Well not if youre looking at him through a slit window in 20ft of concrete from inside a nuclear bunker he's not.
Oh dear it looks like exile for me at this rate. Must be somethng I can do. Think Petty! Think! What would the Doctor do?.....Have a buckie? ....No,no, thats just what I'd do.....bugger.

Just face up to facts, dear Petty. All should I say, "Brother-in-Law"?

(1) Pretty and I will wed in the not too distant future.

(2) Paw intends to throttle both you and Uncle Odo when he can get his hands on you.

I wish you nothing but happiness and bliss Mirabella- I shall certainly not be interferring in anyway whatsoever.

And I'm sure Paw will be pleased enough, in the end.

Oh he already looked happy - if somewhat grimly happy - when he took the bus to your place not five minutes ago.

{{{ hehe HAW he ...}}}

Why oh why did it take me so long to discover this? Ever so much funnier than Spoon River Anthology.