Wonderland - Kafria

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Post by Ally Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:08 pm

I read the start Kafria, I'll read a bit more later, but I think you've captured the characters perfectly!

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Post by Kafria Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:03 pm

Wanted to say thanks to all three who have read a little, it's great to get some thoughts as I am writing in isolation, difficult to judge what you're doing yourself.

Petty - you're right that it is developing in Tv ways, probably because I 'see' so much of it as scenes in my head. I'm also a little reluctant to spend too long on description as I have a fear of becoming boring by going on too long. Will ahve to have a real go at a character description at some point.

Orwell - the reason I ended up writing this is it was such a quirky idea in the series, equally the more I plot and backstory for myself the more completly thought out the world seems, logical extensions for the other hinted at sub plots link up well. Glad you are enjoying.

Ally - have to agree that it is one of the best re imaginings I have seen, you're thoughts will be interesting as you will clearly see how much is from the show.

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:15 pm

Looking forward to whatever comes next Kafira. Its the perfect read for me when I am on nightshift. Somewhere wonderous to pop into.

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Post by Orwell Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:47 pm

Enough of the natter, it's more that matters!


(Oooh --- is this silly channelling business catching? Shocked )

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Post by Kafria Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:25 am

Your wish is my command! Very Happy

(One that gave me a lot of trouble and still needs some work I think. Got through my block on Chapter 11 and have written 12 too this week! Very Happy )

Chapter 5: Scarab

Jack lay still, listening to the steady, rhythmic humming for a moment before he realised what it was. He began to stretch, twisting his head to the side before a sharp pain made him stop, wincing. His eyes opened momentarily, before he closed them against the light in the cabin, lying still once more and trying to understand where he was and what was happening. The last thing he remembered was being accosted outside Alice's flat. The suits had surprised him and, even with the training he'd received at Alice's class, he had been no match for them.
He heard footsteps coming closer and peeked through his eyes again, narrowing them to slits as he saw Agent White approaching with a disdainful look on his face. "Time for you to face the music," he sneered. "You got some of my best men in trouble when you deceived them and took the ring; you know the Queen is not merciful. Did you really think leaving it with that oyster would hide it from me?"
Jack ignored the jibe, considering this news. Agent White had the ring. Did that mean he had Alice too? He must have seen her to get the ring, but had he taken it forcibly from her. The image of Alice surrounded by suits made his heart beat a little faster, and then it clenched as another disagreeable thought surfaced. Had she been so cross following his inelegant attempts to persuade her to join him on the trip that she had simply handed over the ring to be rid of him? She didn't like being made a fool of, when she found the ring it was bound to have made her angry. Possibly angry enough to turn it over without a second thought? He succumbed to these dejected thoughts for a few moments, foreseeing his life without her in it full of dull, restrictive boundaries, and recoiled from the image.
He gave himself a little shake and sat up; he needed to concentrate on his current situation. The plans of the resistance had obviously not borne fruit, there had been no coup. Now the ring was back in the hands of the White Rabbit and he was revealed as at least untrustworthy, if not a traitor.
He should have left the flat as soon as the message came through, but had been reluctant to be without Alice. His weakness had put them all, Alice included, in danger. Was she safe? He was impatient to know, but he was dammed if he was going to give Agent White the satisfaction of asking. As far as the suits were concerned she was just another girl, they couldn't learn the truth of the threat she posed to the casino. The resistance could still use her help. If she saw Wonderland it might make it easier to prevail upon her to stay and build a future with him. Unbidden, the thought of Alice in danger seized hold of him again, images of her in distress flooding his mind. Maybe she was safer left alone. Jack was torn between his own goals and his need to keep her safe.
For a second time he dragged his thoughts back to his impending interview, it wouldn't be long until they reached the casino and her. He needed to find a convincing way to explain Alice and taking the ring. He might not have blown his cover if he could think of one, he'd need to be convincing! At the very least it was crucial to get a message to Caterpillar, any other plans needed to be halted so no-one else was discovered. They could try to protect Alice too! Jack closed his eyes against the insistent pain, considering when he might get chance to despatch a message and plotting his justifications.
OoO
Agent White studied Jack as he sat, incapacitated, on the bench. Reading people under pressure was a stock in trade for him, but the knave was impossible to read. Whatever was going on in his mind was hidden behind a mask of superiority, he didn't appear worried. If it weren't for the restraints this could have been one of any number of previous trips from the city.
Jack was a regular traveller the city, strutting around on casino business and leaving the dirty work to the suits in his organisation. Along with his privileged position went passage through The Looking Glass, sometimes long trips, he went out with a fishing party and didn't return for several days. No one had noticed when he swiped the ring on his last trip till long after he left, in fact the suits on duty hadn't realised it was missing till the Aces from the casino had come looking for it.
The whole organisation had been under threat, two suits sentenced to lose their heads and the rest of them given one day to set things right. He allowed himself a satisfied sigh, thankfully he had managed to resolve the whole mess in one trip, the thief apprehended, the property retrieved and the only oyster witness suitably neutralised. He might even have managed to restore his standing with Her Majesty.
Agent White turned from his contemplations and paced towards the front window. Halting behind the steersman he peered forward, searching for a glimpse of their destination. As they left the city the scarab turned up a steep valley, wooded hills on either side of a long, deep lake. The casino stood at the head of the water, the shimmering expanse separating the lucky inner circle from the less fortunate citizens of Wonderland in the city.
Instead of the familiar drab grey stone, the casino was bright, a modern steel and glass tower, built in a series of offset horizontal sections which resembled a stacked deck of cards. Bright neon signs blinked day and night, proclaiming this, The Hearts Casino, to be the heart of Wonderland. Even from this distance it proudly proclaimed its gaudy nature. Glancing over his shoulder Agent White saw the prisoner had not moved. Leaving him to ponder his fate, Agent White resumed his observations, watching as the Casino slowly moved closer.
OoO
Thirty feet below his feet Alice frantically felt around the box she found herself trapped in. The walls and ceiling were made of the same white padded material; the floor was the same grey, hardwearing plastic she had seen the other captives laid on. She still didn't understand how the large room had shrunk to this small crate, just large enough for her to sit in and no more, she was just desperate to get out.
As the crate had moved she spotted light pouring in through the bottom, this had to be where the joint was. If she could find and spring the catch, maybe she could escape. Feeling around the edges Alice became more and more anxious, she couldn't find the catch! Was it too far out? Had she missed it? As her hands came together at the front of the box she felt the edge of a metal piece. It was too far to get hold of, she needed something longer to move it with, but she'd run out of the house with nothing.
Unthinkingly, she raised her hand to run through her hair, as she often did when she was stuck. Her fingers caught and she remembered her hair grips. She removed one of the long pieces of metal and pushed it through the gap. It caught and Alice hurriedly jiggled it backwards and forwards with no success. On edge she jerkily removed it and tried the other side, silently pleading with it to move. As she felt it begin to move her erratic movements dislodged the pin. Taking a deep breath she slowed down and started again. This time the catch gave way and the floor fell away. She dropped the hair grip and grabbed the sides of the crate, her gaze drawn to the lake far below.
She was a long way up. Frantically, she tightened her grip, but it did no good. Her fingers slipped as her grip gave way and she plummeted towards the water, hoping it was deep enough to break her fall.
OoO
A burst of movement on the dock caught Agent Whites eye and he strained to make out what was happening, suits and clubs exiting the building and gathering together, waiting for their arrival. The Aces calm and still, the club keeping his distance from the others. Withdrawing his gaze Agent White turned and gave orders in preparation for their arrival, before retracing his earlier steps to where the captive sat.
"Here we are, back at the casino. On your feet." he instructed his passenger, who didn't deign to respond. Not unusual, except that now Agent White was the one in charge. He motioned to two of the suits to get Jack on his feet. They lifted him between them and he stood calmly. The customary arrogant look he usually wore back in place. It wouldn't do him any good this time, even the knave couldn't talk himself out of trouble. With a soft bump the scarab reached the ledge.
As they disembarked a waiting club stepped forward.
"Agent White, the king asks that you wait in the lobby, he will call for you when he is ready to speak to you. The prisoner is to come with us, to be kept secure. Three here, will take charge of the oysters for the gaming room," he instructed, gesturing to another employee, who was dressed in the protective plastic of a tea grader.
The club, messages delivered, turned on his heel and led the knave away. Agent White remained to supervise the unloading determined to have nothing else go wrong on his watch.
Crates from the scarab were resting on a lower ledge, down a flight of stairs. Two suits approached each crate in turn and released the lock. Dazed oysters were hauled to their feet and administered a spray which woke them just enough to stand unaided, but kept them docile. Oysters stood motionless until one of the tea graders men led them up the stairs to the waiting line. As Agent White watched the first few oysters being offloaded, a suit came hurrying towards him.
"One of the crates is open and empty sir."
"How? They're all put under using Carpenters sprays." He broke off, his mind treacherously adding, all but one this time.
He quickly scanned the growing line of oysters with a sinking feeling, Alice was missing. She had got out. How? Insecurity made his stomach twist uncomfortably, this could be the detail that was the end of him. He needed time to deal with the situation, one oyster couldn't cause too many problems, and she would be turned in for a decent tea as soon as anyone saw her. He thought quickly.
"That's your lot, take them away," he commanded the Three of Clubs. Turning to his suit he lowered his voice before continuing, "Don't mention this to anyone."
"But Sir, there's a loose oyster out there!"
"Do you want to lose your head too?" he demanded in a vicious whisper, watching as the colour drained from his subordinate's face, who shook his head.
Agent White took pity and reassured him, "Get some rest and have the scarab serviced. As soon as I'm done here we will return to the city and tie up this loose end." He turned and strode into the casino.
He wouldn't mention the escape, saying that he had left the oyster on the other side of the looking glass after he had taken the ring from her. Only a handful of his suits knew she had ever stepped foot into Wonderland. He could still return the knave and the ring as commanded. He reached the lobby and sat at one of the small tables, trying to convince himself everything would be fine.


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Post by Orwell Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:43 am

Laughing

oooh, Kafria, is it REALLY? Very Happy

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Post by Orwell Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:57 am

Bravo! I really should see that show to check out your "creativity" level, but I can at least say the "writing" and your "style" are good, Kafria. Funny reading about "Jack". I'm getting slightly (but only slightly) confused every time I see the name. Shocked I've started editing my "Jack" again, btw. I actually did some tidying up of Chapter One yesterday, and I felt good with what I did. I haven't had that experience with Chapter One for so long, it's like a revelation. I've edited Chapter Two today, and think I'll keep going and chip away as I get the chance, small sections at a time. At last, I think I'm ready to get stuck back into my book, and all 500.0000 words of it! Very Happy I guess one should not put ALL one's creative energy into Forumshire, much as I love doing that! Very Happy

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Post by Kafria Mon Oct 10, 2011 10:48 pm

Thought I'd add another chapter to this.

Chapter 6 - Jack (Sorry Orwell, more confusion!)

Jack stood for a moment, listening to the key turn in the lock behind him. Well, that confirmed it, he was in trouble. Brought back home and locked in his room like a naughty child. He’d been marched through the casino and up to his private apartment, now all it needed was for mother to come and tell him off.

The last time he’d been locked in his room was when he was ten and he’d run away to find the kingdom of the knights. He smiled at the memory of his excitement when the tutor had first told him the old stories, of the kingdom his mother destroyed. His expression became rueful, as he recollected the execution that had followed. Mother had insisted he watch, to make sure he understood what happened to anyone who displeased her, the Queen. No more outside tutors where allowed after that, only casino employees.

Jack strode across the lush carpeted floor to the huge canopied bed on the far side, where he paused. He felt restless and anxious, fingers tracing the silky covers as he thought. On the march through the casino he had noticed a number of stares, the nature of his escort a surprise to many of the employees. It seemed his disappearance and indiscretion had been kept quiet. Mother was a master of manipulating a situation to her advantage.

Clearly, the loss of the ring had been kept quiet, instead of being spread through the employees as was intended. Some excuse for his absence had been released to calm any jitters. The long habit of obedience without question would have been difficult for employees to break.

Jack stiffened as he heard the lock turn; he waited for his visitor to announce themselves.

“Jack?” came the quiet, compelling query.

Duchess. His playmate through childhood, until he realised even the simplicity of a friendship could be tainted by the Queen. He had learnt to guard his tongue and keep his feelings hidden. Adopting his arrogant mask he turned to face her.

“Duchess, my dear!” he answered warmly, walking towards her and lifting her hand to his mouth. He would take his cues from her.
She frowned, dissatisfied with this formal greeting, expecting something more. Jack noticed the frown and in one swift movement he straightened, moving his hands to her waist and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

He made himself smile as he added, “I wasn’t sure I would see you, given how I was frog marched back here.”

He held still, waiting for her response. When she didn’t respond at once he glanced down at the pampered blonde, in her revealing gold dress. She peered up at him through her lashes, her gaze calculating.

“What did you expect, gallivanting off through the glass to please yourself? You were meant to be here, with me,” she retorted, a note of petulance creeping into her voice.

Jack felt the familiar feelings of claustrophobia creeping up on him. Would he never have any freedom, would he always be watched and controlled?

“I didn’t expect to be hit on the head and dragged back, no better than one of the oysters. I can leave when I want. I don’t answer to you.” he replied, a note of anger creeping in to his voice.

“Well, you will soon and then you won’t be leaving again, my love. She’s making sure of that, she’s brought forward the wedding,” Duchess purred, a spiteful smile playing on her lips.

So that was it, he was to be tied to his watcher, controlled and neutralised. This was his mother’s punishment for refusing to do what she wanted. After all it was these plans for his future that had driven him to help the resistance. It was just like her to find a way to get what she wanted.

Time to play his part then, “Ah, they didn’t need to abduct me for that, if they’d told me I would have been straight back. Wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he added, gently stroking a finger under her chin.

He smiled at her and raised his eyebrows, mimicking anticipation. Duchess wasn’t fooled, suspicion sharpening her features. Jack tightened his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace even as his mind recoiled from the close contact. She held herself stiff for a minute, before he felt her soften and heard her quiet sigh.

“Why do you distrust me so?” she asked plaintively, catching him by surprise. “All these years we’ve known each other, been each other’s only comfort. We could be happy together, if only you’d try.”
He considered this for a minute, it was true. Once he had been delighted at the idea of marrying her, and it wasn’t easy to lie to her now. But that was before he realised how she colluded with his mother, keeping him captive. He hardened his heart, he could act as well as she could.

“And we will be,” he told her. “I just wanted one last adventure before we settled down. Forgive me?” he asked, using his most winning smile as he released her a little. “I’ll make it up to you,” he added, tenderly.

“I’ll make sure you do,” she replied, a slightly threatening note in her voice. She looked up at his face, raising a hand to touch his cheek. Her gaze rose to his hair, her fingers following as she rubbed a few of the strands between her fingers.

“This is new,” she commented, “Do you like it? It seems a bit plain to me.”

“Oh, I’d forgotten all about that, it helps to blend in with the oysters,” Jack told her. He glanced down at his rumpled shirt before adding ruefully, “just like the clothes. I should probably freshen up. Then we should celebrate. Let’s have a toast with something special.”

Her lip twitched upwards, “What did you have in mind?” she inquired, eyes lighting up in anticipation.

“I’m sure there’ll be something special down in the cellars, I’ll get a grader sent up with the newest emotions,” he answered, returning her expression.

“I’ll do that, while you clean up. After all, you’re mine to take care of from now on,” she purred as she turned and sauntered away.
Jack suppressed the shiver her words prompted, watching the door close behind her, before turning to his dressing room. If he was to face down his mother he may as well look the part of the dutiful prince.

-OoO-

Jack was drying his hair as he heard the door reopen.

“That was quick,” he said, peering into his room, but it wasn’t Duchess. “Crab, is it clear?” he added, hurriedly, to his resistance contact.

“All clear, Duchess was summoned to see your mother, we’ve a few minutes,” came the reply.

“Okay, wait while I get dressed.” Jack ducked back into his dressing room and speedily pulled on his red court suit before returning to main room.

“Ring?” Crab asked without preamble.

“Agent White has it,” Jack told him. “Coup?” he asked in turn

“Didn’t start. The Queen,” was the brief, yet clear, reply. “The girl?”

Wonderful, Jack thought as these words brought Alice’s image to mind. “Located, but also compromised. She ran into Agent White.”

“Might be on the casino floor, new catch arrived with you,” Crab mused

Jack felt icy fingers grasp his heart as he had a vision of Alice, sedated and vacant, instead of her lively self.

“Long dark hair, blue dress, red tights, sound familiar?” he asked, hastily.

“Not one who was brought in, so we don’t know if she’s safe, home or here,” was Crab’s summary. “I’ll report, get people on the lookout, find out what’s next,” he finished.

“Good, I’ll…..,” Jack paused momentarily, at the sound of the door handle turning. “…would you recommend? The Duchess and I are celebrating,” he continued.

Crab caught the cue and raised the tray in his hand. “Desire, fresh from the new batch,” He pointed to the first pair of glasses, each containing a tiny drop of orange liquid. “That rare treat Bliss, not seen any of this for months,” indicating a pink drop. He lowered his voice before continuing, “And finally the very newest, not released yet, clear conscience.”

Jack examined the transparent liquid carefully, that should help when he had to see his mother. He turned to the returning Duchess.

“What do you think of the selection, my dear?” he enquired.

“They sound just right. You can leave them on the table and leave us now, Three.” she instructed Crab.

He nodded and walked over to the table, his tea graders plastic coat rustling as he turned and walked out of the room as instructed.
Jack walked to the table and picked up the Bliss tumblers, offering one to Duchess.

“Bliss, most appropriate,” he said, clinking his glass with hers before raising it to his lips and draining the contents as he watched her do the same.

-OoO-

Crab strode into the cellar, looking around at the graders present, he needed a teashop trader. It was time to report in. News of Jacks return was sure to have been heard in the city, a watch was being kept. He needed to pass on what he had been told so that new plans could be formed. If he was to maintain his cover he couldn’t just disappear to the city whenever he wanted, so he had developed a way of passing on his intel.

He paced through the quiet rooms, skirting the people working at the long benches, talking to one and other in hushed tones. You rarely heard raised voices down here. No one paid any attention as he moved passed; it was nothing out of the ordinary. In his hands he tossed the bottle he was carrying from side to side, careful not to touch the bottom.

“Four!” he called, as he spotted who he was after. The club in question turned to search for the owner of the voice.

“Ah, Three,” he acknowledged. “What have you got for me?” he asked, eyeing the bottle carefully.

“New product for the teashops, I thought your usual contact would be a great place to start!”

“I didn’t think we had the go ahead for a launch?” Four answered warily.

“Just came down from upstairs, thought you’d want to know before you left,” Crab told the other man. “Brought you a sample, in case you want to take it now,” he added.

“I wasn’t planning on going till this afternoon,” the trader protested, annoyed at being harried.

Crab considered for a moment, he had the authority to simply order the trader out, but he hadn’t maintained his position in the cellar by drawing attention to his actions. Subtlety was needed and no one spent long in the casino without learning a little about manipulation from the Queen.

“Oh! Alright. If you’re not going I’ll take this to Five. He was looking to make an early start and I promised to get some to him too,” he responded, making sure to keep his tone light and conversational. “It’ll save me heading back to the stills to collect another set,” he added, smiling as he made to turn away.

The Four of Clubs frowned as he watched an opportunity begin to fade, “Actually..” he began, before hesitating, unsure of what to say.

“Yes?” Crab prompted

“It wouldn’t hurt to get out early, miss the heat of the day by getting back quick.”

“Okay, here you go.” Crab handed over the bottle and watched as Four packed it carefully in a box. Calling to one of the waiting suits he turned and left the cellar, heading for the scarab dock. Crab smiled to himself, as he returned to his work station, job done. Now it was back to the routine tasks of his job, distilling emotions and processing oysters.

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Post by Orwell Tue Oct 11, 2011 12:29 am

"I’ll get a grader sent up with the newest emotions"

I love this. But... are "graders" and "traders" different. (If it's a typo, I prefer "grader/s"- so evocative). Maybe I'll just come back and read it again in a little while. Bit tired. It's probably just a lack of a clear head (however handsome the face on it Very Happy ).

I really like this, but I do keep wondering how much is TV show and how much is You , Kafria.

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Post by Kafria Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:17 am

Above chapter is all an insert of mine, I am finding it is the new/ inserted or expanded stuff that I am particularly enjoying. However it is all heavily influenced by the reimagining, so all the characterisations / twists on the original were already in place. I view it more as my own investigation of the series. You'll get a chance to see if I have any creativity of my own in this nano thing. If I write anything I feel like I can post. It is supposed to be original!

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Post by Orwell Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:25 am

Mmm.... I think I'll keep enjoying it as it is then. The insert was as good as the rest in my opinion. So in my mind there is no need to clutter up my mind with the TV show. I'm thinking of it as fanfiction now. That's good enough for me. I like what I'm reading --- and look forward to nano! Very Happy

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 12, 2011 1:00 am

Pushed for time to read this in a proper mood but am hoping to do so when I get in from work, I've been really enjoying it so far so looking forward to it.

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:38 pm

Just had a read Kafria. If this is all your own work and not directly from the show then you have nothing to fear from beginning your own original Celtic piece. Enjoyed it thoroughly, remains intriguing and suprising and I particularly like your characterisations and dialogue. Keep up the good work and keep posting. Very Happy

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Wonderland - Kafria - Page 2 Empty Re: Wonderland - Kafria

Post by Orwell Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:47 pm

I particularly like the 'grader" thing. (I'll probably steal it. High praise indeed!) Very Happy

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