Itebmozir, "Postrouts" A Dwarf Fortress Story

Dwarf Fortress is an incredibly complex ASCII-based fantasy settlement game. In it, the player sets specific tasks, like digging tunnels into the earth, constructing sluice-gates, fighting off undead skeletal rhinos, or baking pokeberry pies; which the dwarves of the colony then undertake at their own pace. 

The fun of the game is that anything and everything can go wrong. There is literally no way to win the game: eventually the dwarves will dig too deep and awaken horrors from below, or madness will spread throughout the colony, or fiery were-bison overrun the place and eat everyone. 

I thought I'd start a kind of Let's Play, wherein I'll be narrating things as they unfold from the perspective of the Expedition Leader (which, thanks to my randomly generated starting dwarves, will require some gender mismatches here and there, but who cares). Two other things you should know: I use a tileset for the game, so that it doesn't look like this:


Also, the game has extensive listings of character traits, physical appearances, and desires. I'll be pulling from those now and then to help illustrate the different dwarves' characteristics. There are a few coincidental similarities between you guys and your Dwarf versions, which I think is pretty great.  

Here is our starting location in the world (the Yellow X marks the spot):

   




Here follows the account of Tholtig Nishadil, a female dwarf of.. unusual appearance, 



but... well not great, but acceptable Leadership skills.  



Oh no, this isn't looking good...  



Day 1:

Well, we've finally arrived.

Six other dwarves of varying levels of usefulness, and 5 animals too many! I don't much care for animals...



It was bad enough that Mrs. Figg insisted upon bringing two cats with her, but the addition of two dogs means that the fortress will be overrun with cats and dogs and cat-dogs and what-not, while we only brought a single camel!! And of course it's male, and pretty much worthless.



Well, at least it's big. Should make for good eating later on once we get around to it.

In the meantime, I ordered Azriel to begin digging. 



She is a dependable type, 


but perhaps a little too content with peace for me. It gets a bit boring after too long.


I settled on a simple entrance for now, plenty of time to add on to it later.



While she began tunneling into the first layer of soil, Pettytyrant, a short dwarf with a bald head and enormous red bushy beard spotted a moth flapping about in the long grass.



This sent him into a fit for some inexplicable reason. 

What an odd fellow...





and so I sent him to go cut down some wood. 

He worked fast.



Meanwhile, Azriel dug down through a layer of fire clay, below which we found black sand, and below that, phyllite! Ah, it's good to have stone underfoot again.



As I walked up out of the new tunnel, a friendly-looking and, quite sharply groomed, young dwarf approached me. 

Eldorion:


He squeaked out in a high-pitched voice, "Fish, I've discovered fish! Oh come and see!"





They looked a little big to be catching with that puny fishing pole, but I congratulated him on his speed. "That's just the sort of thing we need around here young Eldo!" He blushed happily and turned back to casting into the river. 

He seems like a nice kid, I thought.



But his aim isn't too good... He's not accounting for the drag of the stream...



And goodness that line isn't going out very far...

Well he'll get better.

Mrs. Figg's pussies ran up, probably attracted to the smell. Typical greedy cats.


Their hideous mewing is something that I've never been able to stand, so I turned back towards the beginning excavation of our new home.

Great idea, Forest! I'm enjoying it so far. Last time someone creating a video game doppelganger of me (in the Sims) I ended up in a love triangle with two other people from the forum we were all posting on that IIRC turned somewhat violent. Curious how this one will go.

In my experience, probably being eaten by a were-pike while fishing.

my pussies are very useful, they kill meece and keep your feet warm in winter.

Day 2:

Well, the digging is going well. I have had Azriel begin construction of a work chamber, and will soon have her construct a dining hall.



 It does not do for dwarves to stay above-ground too long! At least one of them, a certain "Bluebottle" is standing about with a scowl on his face.



There may even be a hint of self-loathing in his eyes... 



Anyway, while her stupid cats pestered Eldorion, I brought Mrs. Figg down below and instructed her to begin working immediately upon the construction of a stone-mason's workshop. She had the title of "jeweler" when she arrived, but as I explained, that sort of thing could really come later. 
She, in turn, explained to me that she would be referring to herself as a he from now on! Strange sort of thing to hear this early on, but I accepted the statement. A little variety is good in a new settlement like this; we can't let anyone get too comfortable!



Although I think she made Azriel downright uncomfortable, as Mrs. Figg went and eyed Azriel up and down as she worked. 



"Enough of that!" I shouted. "We need doors and tables, and craft them well, too! I want them done by the time Azriel finishes the Dining Hall!"



Hm...

Of course we couldn't make everything out of wood. That self-loathing one would be just the sort to handle the settlement's woodworking needs. When I went above ground to fetch him, however, I noticed that the cats had killed off a couple local fauna. 




I admired their savagery at any rate.

Bluebottle continued to frown as I ordered the construction of the woodshop, although when I asked him how he was doing, he brushed off the question.



Eldorion continued his fishing, but had a worried look on his face.



Pettytyrant and Bungobaggins looked bored. So I had them go dig with Azriel. 

Bungo also seemed a bit crabby. Who is this annoying person that I keep hearing people complain about??



I was tired, so I took a nap in the hallway. Have to get some bedrooms built soon...

...I was awoken by Mrs. Figg tripping over my arm. 

"I think I'm getting used to this stone-crafting wotsits! Just look at this bloody big door what I chiselled!" And she nearly dropped an entire stone door on top of my head. 


"By Milol Bravedhero! Watch yourself Figg!" I scrambled out of the way and followed her as she puffed her way down the hallway. "Where is that going anyway?"

"Oh, the new dining hall." She said between panting breaths. "It's pretty....nice actually...and nearly HURGH done!" 

I looked past her in through the wide doorway. There stood Pettytyrant, bald head gleaming with sweat and whiskers flapping about as he shouted directions to Bungobaggins and Azriel. 



Oh no...

"Bald head gleaming":

Im doing something & I didnt know I was ( can I bury someone as Im digging ? )

Day 3:

Well, Pettytyrant has constructed some kind of ridiculously-designed new Dining Hall. He seems overwhelmingly pleased with himself.



I berated him for a half hour on how the thing was structurally unsound and functionally questionable. He did not respond, as he was too busy walking around one of Figg's newly-installed chairs and peering closely at the stonework.



I don't know what to make of such behaviour.

Well anyway, I caught Bungo in the new dining hall loafing around, and tasked him with making some barrels and animal traps.


Oh by the beard of Milol Bravedhero! We've been sent reinforcements!
One of them has a pet... rodent of some kind.




One seems rather musical, but when I asked her what song she was humming, she yelled at me in a high-pitched voice, "The fucking dwarven anthem, what the fuck else?!"
And then her dog growled at me.



Sheesh.

Norc:


Well, I guess she and Eldorion can work in the fishery together once I get Mrs. Figg to construct it. We'll see how that pans out!

Alright, now let's see who else is there... Ah here's a fine-looking fellow. Oh, apparently also insists upon being called "she" in paperwork... must be some kind of conspiracy going on around here...

Orwell:


I caught him checking out some of the other dwarves, oh great...


One of them is a farmer. Great! Those rock nuts won't plant themselves!


Dave:


He has 13 children with Chris63! And they had to leave them behind?!

In fact.. Most of the newcomers were sobbing and holding each other as they arrived. I chalked that up to the fact, you know, that they're coming to this dwarf-forsaken wilderness. But it seems that most of them have been separated from someone back home. Typical of the government to make these kinds of decisions...

Dave:

Ally:

Chris63


But not all of them were so dour. Amarie suggested that a welcoming party should be thrown for her and the other newcomers.


I thought that a bit forward, but everyone crowded into the "dining hall" anyway.


This fellow Ringdrotten seemed pleasant enough though. He claimed to know something about brewing, which is probably the first bit of good news I've had since we arrived!



Now, to find something for all of them to do...

I don't know what to make of such behaviour.- Forest

{{one word- buckie

Loving this Forest great fun! }}}

Thanks, I'll have to get the next one up sometime sooner than 6 months out!

Day 4:

It feels like forever since yesterday! Anyway, time to catch up.

I awoke this morning to the most horrible blood-curdling howling and meowing coming from what Pettytyrant has named the "TARDIS" (Tarry Awhile, Rest, & Dine In Style). It has become a kind of dormitory/feast hall/meeting place for our colony; but these annoying animals have overrun the place. I promptly shooed them upstairs. Perhaps the blinding sun will dampen their squabbling!



Oh! That pet rat or whatever of Ally's has really grown!



As I was making my way upstairs, a thin dwarf in overalls, an enormous straw hat, and the longest gold-coloured braided moustache I've ever seen approached me. I recognized the new guy, Dave.
"Look," he said, " I don't mean to be a bother, but... It's been so long since I actually did any farming. Toting stone blocks around for Pettytyrant is good hardy work, but a dwarf needs a little excitement, you know?" He stroked his moustache braids fretfully.



I had half a mind to send him out to fish with Eldo, but then a clever solution came to mind.
"Why of course," I told him, "you can take these animals above ground, build a wall around our entrance, and plant a garden up there."

Several dwarves in ear-shot gasped. Working above ground? Even the fisher-dwarves only ventured out in the early dawn and at dusk when they could help it. But to spend your whole workday in the sun?

But Dave seemed quite cheerful about it, and gave his straw hat a respectful tip in my direction before herding Mrs. Figg's cats up-stairs. Not that he needed help with that. Ally's enormous rat-pet drove the frightened cats ahead of it's wobbly bulk.

Good dwarf, I thought. He and Chris63 must get lonely without their 13 children. Good to keep them both busy.

I like a little excitement myself.


Bluebottle, the self-loathing one of the new arrivals, was hunched despondently over a bowl of oats nearby. Well that won't do, of course, I thought. I sent him off to be our new carpenter to give him something to do. Heheh, maybe we'll build some tables and bowls and trade them with any elves that show up. I'd love to see the looks on their faces! Moronic tree-lovers.


The colonists seem very happy with the TARDIS at least. I heard nothing but praises for the well-carved tables and chairs, and the spacious seating.

But as I was making my way above-ground to check on Eldo and Norc's fishing, I overheard Chris63 complaining about the lack of a well. Should get Mrs. Figg to work on that I suppose.


The wall for the animals and garden looks good though. Hopefully Ally's rat won't get into the Rock Nuts when they ripen...



I found Eldo and Norc waist-deep in the stream pulling up big clumps of blueish stones and laughing, their fishing poles abandoned on the shore.
Oh no. The sun has made them mad...

But no! They were pulling up handfuls of suggestively-shaped mussels.
"We saw a milkfish giving birth. It was fucking gross so we're digging for these things instead." said Norc.


"The stream is full of them!" Eldo squeaked.
"Yeah, fucking tons, and I think we saw an opossum!" added Norc.


"Yeah, and Dave and Chris63 keep eating the mussels and leaving the shells all over the shore!" Eldo tattled.
"Yeah, everywhere."


I frowned back towards the garden and animal-pen, where shovelfuls of rocks were periodically flying over the wall.
I thanked Norc and Eldo, and went immediately to Mrs. Figgs, who was hoisting a new stone table into place. So strong!
"Figgs!, I need a fishery built, pronto!"

By evening it was done, and I showed Norc the new structure next to the Carpenter's and Mason's workshops.


"Sweet digs", she commented, and slopped a barrel of raw mussels in to the sink before yelling out the front door, "Soup tonight bitches!"

Well, the day went pretty well. The soup was good, and I've ordered Amarie and Bungobaggins to start polishing up the TARDIS. Despite its odd shape, we will make it a dining hall worthy of a dwarven fortress!


We were mid-feast on odd-shaped mussel soup when Azriel and Pettytyrant stomped into the TARDIS. "We've been digging deeper!" they exclaimed, as stone dust billowed up around them. They slapped eachother's palms over-head and began chewing on an especially phallic pair of mussels.
Ugh, these dwarves sometimes. I'll have to go inspect their new digging in the morning.

Ally's pet rat grew into a boar?

Never a dull moment in Dwarf Fortress it seems. Let's hope Dave's surface adventures don't result in too many phallic vegetables to go with the geoducks mussels.

Yeah apparently it's a kind of cave rat-boar. DF has weird creatures.

For the next update I want to strike out decisively towards some goal. I'm not very good at DF, but the game has a very good Wiki!

"pepperitalia"

That is errrr..... eyewatering, indeed

Day Journal Entry 5:

Journal, it's me, the leader of this expedition, Tholtig. I have failed to write every day, so this shall be "Journal Entry 5".

I inspected the new digs. Azriel and her assistant Petty have outlined plans for two enormous chambers, a level below the T.A.R.D.I.S (Tarry Awhile, Rest, Dine In Style). They should be proud of their ambition! I pointed out the need for decent ceiling support, of course.



One of the recent arrivals, Chris63, has cheered up after getting into a fight with Norc over fish-bones in the "soup" she made. He is an adequate cook, his fellow arrivals tell me, so I sent him to build a kitchen for himself. He completed it today. It smells good inside already! Made of pear-wood.



This Chris63 told me of a desire for Bayberry wine, but Dave says that bayberries ripen later in the year. Dave did helpfully offer an invasive species of snail, a bucket of which he had picked that morning, but Chris63 sent the bucket flying out through the door, and kicked Dave out after it. "ABANDON THREAD!" he shouted, and slammed the door. Ugh, married couples...



I officially made Norc Itebmozir's Fish-cleaner today. Well, I mean, I wrote it down here. I was going to make a speech, but she kept interrupting with fishing jokes at Eldorion's expense.



Dave, straw-hat held respectfully in his dirty hands, just led a group of new arrivals down into the fortress! They've gathered in the T.A.R.D.I.S., so I got a good look at each of them:

a gap-toothed, white-haired fellow with a grating voice and a fine pair of moustache-braids.


a skinny lass with crinkly hair and an incredibly up-turned nose.


a very muscular dwarf, covered over with so much braided hair that only his shaven side-burns and large hooked nose were visible!


an average-looking dwarf, with wavy hair and very thick lips!


a dwarf with a shaven head, and a woodsy-sort of look to his beard. In quite a high-pitched voice he conversed for some time with me about the local fauna, and expressed interest in training some of the settlement's animals.



a rather weak, skinny creature, with a broad nose and bronze-coloured eyes. Her chin is quite recessing. In fact, nearly all of the arrivals have recessed chins. Must be from the same clan I guess.


And finally, a short, fat dwarf with a permanently surprised expression due to her lack of eyebrows. She and Forest Shepherd are married.


That makes 4 couples in the settlement! Baingil and Forest Shepherd, Chris63 and Dave, Ally and Lancebloke, and Malickfan and Tinuviel.

Orwell, Radaghast, and Huffjuff, are also married, but had to leave their spouses behind. It is a hard life, the dwarven one. Sacrifices must be made!

Our numbers increase! So many dwarves sleeping in the T.A.R.D.I.S.! One can barely cross the hall without trodding on some sleeping dwarf's beard-braids...

{{I assume thats a buckie mine or I dont see how you got me down there! }}

Good idea!

Disaster! I have had no time to write until now. Someone, I do not know whom, opened up an exploratory trench clearly marked as a NO-GO, and sent river water rushing into the the first-level of the settlement! The first I knew of it was a crashing and a splashing down the steps, and the air whistling past me as though an enormous bellows was being worked in my face.



The water was so fast... The steps were quickly made impassable, trapping the fisher-dwarves above-ground, and the rest of us below. Bungobaggins was flushed into the main hall like some kind of water-rat.



By Braved Milol, this is bad!



After the water came down the second stair-well, it seemed to slow, giving us time to evacuate the workshops. Of course it hadn't really slowed, it was just filling up the new diggings.



And once they filled, the hallway outside of the T.A.R.D.I.S. quickly followed. Not before, of course, Mrs. Figgs charged through the waist-deep water to the storage rooms, yelling something about saving the stores.

We are huddled inside the great hall now, only the redundant double-set of stone doors between us and a floor-to-ceiling flood. Mrs. Figg has not returned. I can only hope that she found some way to block the water from the store-rooms.



This may be the end. The only hope I see now is to dig our way up and out of this watery pit. It is a bitter thing, to face such ill-luck so soon after establishing the settlement. Needless to say, if I survive, this is the last expedition of which I will be given the command.
Still, for now I am responsible for these dwarves, and so must carry on. Goodbye for now.

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(Note from Forest: the water thing was actually my fault, I thought a certain construction was water-proof, but it turns out that it is not. I tried to get some walls built to block off the flow, but messed that up as well, and as soon as the dwarves encounter any real depth of water they can't build anything there. This is entirely my fault, and my lack of skill in addressing the flood should be apparent. In the end, sadly, most of the colony died, ironically, of dehydration in the main hall before I could dig up through to the surface. The problem was that the digger's were all thirsty and kept trying to go through the doors to get water instead of digging. So, yeah, pretty major bummer, sorry!