what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

+16
Manwe Sulimo
Eru
leelee
Forest Shepherd
Ringdrotten
Norc
Orwell
Amarië
David H
bungobaggins
halfwise
Eldorion
Nagual
Mrs Figg
Bluebottle
chris63
20 posters

Page 5 of 39 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 22 ... 39  Next

Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Mrs Figg Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:37 pm

Nagual wrote:Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because the lactose.

:facepalm:
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25334
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Mrs Figg Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:38 pm

Nagual wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Laughing that's brilliant
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25334
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:12 pm

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Orwell Tue Apr 19, 2016 12:45 pm

Mrs Figg wrote:
Nagual wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Laughing  that's brilliant

Oh.. Just got it! cheers

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 104
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Orwell Tue Apr 19, 2016 12:46 pm

azriel wrote:"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

I think that Doctor and I might be kindred spirits. You know, willing to do the research. Very Happy

_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell
Orwell
Dark Presence with Gilt Edge

Posts : 8895
Join date : 2011-05-24
Age : 104
Location : Ozhobbitstan

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Norc Tue Apr 19, 2016 4:19 pm

best one-liners:

you got to hand it to the blind hookers.

say what you want to a deaf man.
Norc
Norc
Khaleesi

Posts : 19247
Join date : 2011-12-21
Age : 27

http://nimrail.deviantart.com

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:32 pm

:facepalm: Laughing

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:40 pm

Razz

I always liked;

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone's uncomfortable.

Although, I'm not sure it's really a one liner.. scratch

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:11 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 04d4419cff3cdbe4726c155b5b0d2833

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:39 am

I have got two new hobbies, Bee Gees music and Chinese cooking.

You can tell by the way I use my wok.

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:48 am

What goes, clip…………clop………...clip…………clop………...clip…………clop…………,


BANG!


clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop?







An Amish drive-by shooting.

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:59 am

Police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pitorious had planned to assasinate. They've called it 'Shinless List.'
When the murder happend the police were said to be looking for a sawn off man with a shotgun!

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:29 am

lol! Love it !!!

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Mrs Figg Wed Apr 20, 2016 6:48 pm

Laughing
Mrs Figg
Mrs Figg
Eel Wrangler from Bree

Posts : 25334
Join date : 2011-10-06
Age : 92
Location : Holding The Door

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Thu Apr 21, 2016 4:49 am

Jesus is on duty at the pearly gates, and sees an old Jewish man shuffling up. Thinking that the guy looks familiar, he steps over and asks the man some questions.

"Name?"

"Joseph"

"And what was your job when you were alive?"

"I was a carpenter"

"And did you have children?"

"Yes, a son...well, not technically the fruit of my loins but I loved him just the same."

"And when you last saw him, did he have any distinguishing marks?"

"Yes, holes through his hands and feet!"

"FATHER!!!"

"PINNOCHIO!!!

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Thu Apr 21, 2016 5:13 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 PxrBEtmp

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Eldorion Thu Apr 21, 2016 5:14 am

That got me good. Laughing
Eldorion
Eldorion
You're Gonna Carry That Weight

Posts : 23311
Join date : 2011-02-13
Age : 28
Location : Maryland, United States

https://purl.org/tolkien

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel Thu Apr 21, 2016 7:52 am

Laughing Laughing

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:53 pm

GRAMS: Bubbling water under gunshots
BLOODNOK: Aaaarough! Aaaaarrough! Aaaaaaouh! Aeough! Ooh, that’s better. [Sings:] Oh Dennis, you eat tonight, that is what you’ll do. You eat tonight. [Stops singing] Now where’s me butler’s revenge frying pan? Ah here
FX: Rattling pans
BLOODNOK: [Sings:] Deee dee dee deeeee. Little fishes from the sea. I’m gonna cook you tonight, my dear. Hooo!
ECCLES: [Off:] My friend, my man!
BLOODNOK: What, what, what?
ECCLES: Don’t you know you’re not allowed to shoot fish
BLOODNOK: Scron me lip glons! What t… Who are you, sir? Explain away that tatty body and those Jacobean legs, please
ECCLES: They’re mine
BLOODNOK: What?
ECCLES: I’m Mad Dan Eccles
BLOODNOK: Well that explains everything, but it doesn’t help me at all. Well I deny having shot any fish
ECCLES: Aooooooh! I saw you point your gun at that river, and you… BAAANG! You did that
BLOODNOK: What? But I wasn’t shooting naughty fish
ECCLES: Oh yeah?
BLOODNOK: I was shooting the river
ECCLES: Shooting the river?
BLOODNOK: Of course
ECCLES: There’s something funny going on here
BLOODNOK: Come away from that audience, Eccles. You don’t know where they’ve been. I can explain everything, Eccles. There’s been a terrible drought in Bagshot and the lads sent me out here to shoot some water. You’ve heard of a Water Shoot, haven’t you, Mad Dan?
(The £1.000.000 penny)

"I was shooting the river." That's my excuse from now on. Very Happy

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Fri Apr 22, 2016 7:12 pm

interviewer: why do you want a job at my bakery?
me: i dont know. i just really Knead the dough
interviewer: wow. ok. Listen , im only hiring you just so i can fire you

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:38 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 12938069_1017595201652973_8439817733274815643_n

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:01 pm

The thought just struck me that as well as pick up lines, there should be pick up line reponses.

So, if, for instance, someone says to you;

Why are you still wearing clothes?

You say;

Because we're at an airport.

If you're not at an airport, well, then you're fucked.. literally..

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by Bluebottle Tue Apr 26, 2016 7:33 pm

Oh, well. At least I'm making myself laugh. Razz

_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500
Bluebottle
Bluebottle
Concerned citizen

Posts : 10092
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 36

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by chris63 Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:44 am

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 13087554_10205552940416693_8953334666334992347_n

_________________
what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Z93Cq
chris63
chris63
Adventurer

Posts : 8516
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia

Back to top Go down

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Empty Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Post by azriel Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:13 pm

Laughing

_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl

what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 5 Jean-b11
azriel
azriel
Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr

Posts : 15423
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 62
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.

Back to top Go down

Page 5 of 39 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 22 ... 39  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum