what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
+16
Manwe Sulimo
Eru
leelee
Forest Shepherd
Ringdrotten
Norc
Orwell
Amarië
David H
bungobaggins
halfwise
Eldorion
Nagual
Mrs Figg
Bluebottle
chris63
20 posters
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Nagual wrote:Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because the lactose.
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Nagual wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
that's brilliant
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
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Join date : 2012-10-07
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Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Mrs Figg wrote:Nagual wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
that's brilliant
Oh.. Just got it!
_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell- Dark Presence with Gilt Edge
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
azriel wrote:"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
I think that Doctor and I might be kindred spirits. You know, willing to do the research.
_________________
‘The streets of Forumshire must be Dominated!’
Quoted from the Needleholeburg Address of Moderator General, Upholder of Values, Hobbit at the top of Town, Orwell, while glittering like gold.
Orwell- Dark Presence with Gilt Edge
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Join date : 2011-05-24
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
best one-liners:
you got to hand it to the blind hookers.
say what you want to a deaf man.
you got to hand it to the blind hookers.
say what you want to a deaf man.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15648
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I always liked;
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone's uncomfortable.
Although, I'm not sure it's really a one liner..
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
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chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
I have got two new hobbies, Bee Gees music and Chinese cooking.
You can tell by the way I use my wok.
You can tell by the way I use my wok.
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
What goes, clip…………clop………...clip…………clop………...clip…………clop…………,
BANG!
clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
BANG!
clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pitorious had planned to assasinate. They've called it 'Shinless List.'
When the murder happend the police were said to be looking for a sawn off man with a shotgun!
When the murder happend the police were said to be looking for a sawn off man with a shotgun!
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Love it !!!
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15648
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Mrs Figg- Eel Wrangler from Bree
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Age : 94
Location : Holding The Door
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Jesus is on duty at the pearly gates, and sees an old Jewish man shuffling up. Thinking that the guy looks familiar, he steps over and asks the man some questions.
"Name?"
"Joseph"
"And what was your job when you were alive?"
"I was a carpenter"
"And did you have children?"
"Yes, a son...well, not technically the fruit of my loins but I loved him just the same."
"And when you last saw him, did he have any distinguishing marks?"
"Yes, holes through his hands and feet!"
"FATHER!!!"
"PINNOCHIO!!!
"Name?"
"Joseph"
"And what was your job when you were alive?"
"I was a carpenter"
"And did you have children?"
"Yes, a son...well, not technically the fruit of my loins but I loved him just the same."
"And when you last saw him, did he have any distinguishing marks?"
"Yes, holes through his hands and feet!"
"FATHER!!!"
"PINNOCHIO!!!
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15648
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
GRAMS: Bubbling water under gunshots
BLOODNOK: Aaaarough! Aaaaarrough! Aaaaaaouh! Aeough! Ooh, that’s better. [Sings:] Oh Dennis, you eat tonight, that is what you’ll do. You eat tonight. [Stops singing] Now where’s me butler’s revenge frying pan? Ah here
FX: Rattling pans
BLOODNOK: [Sings:] Deee dee dee deeeee. Little fishes from the sea. I’m gonna cook you tonight, my dear. Hooo!
ECCLES: [Off:] My friend, my man!
BLOODNOK: What, what, what?
ECCLES: Don’t you know you’re not allowed to shoot fish
BLOODNOK: Scron me lip glons! What t… Who are you, sir? Explain away that tatty body and those Jacobean legs, please
ECCLES: They’re mine
BLOODNOK: What?
ECCLES: I’m Mad Dan Eccles
BLOODNOK: Well that explains everything, but it doesn’t help me at all. Well I deny having shot any fish
ECCLES: Aooooooh! I saw you point your gun at that river, and you… BAAANG! You did that
BLOODNOK: What? But I wasn’t shooting naughty fish
ECCLES: Oh yeah?
BLOODNOK: I was shooting the river
ECCLES: Shooting the river?
BLOODNOK: Of course
ECCLES: There’s something funny going on here
BLOODNOK: Come away from that audience, Eccles. You don’t know where they’ve been. I can explain everything, Eccles. There’s been a terrible drought in Bagshot and the lads sent me out here to shoot some water. You’ve heard of a Water Shoot, haven’t you, Mad Dan?
(The £1.000.000 penny)
"I was shooting the river." That's my excuse from now on.
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
interviewer: why do you want a job at my bakery?
me: i dont know. i just really Knead the dough
interviewer: wow. ok. Listen , im only hiring you just so i can fire you
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
- Posts : 10099
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 38
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
- Posts : 10099
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 38
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
The thought just struck me that as well as pick up lines, there should be pick up line reponses.
So, if, for instance, someone says to you;
Why are you still wearing clothes?
You say;
Because we're at an airport.
If you're not at an airport, well, then you're fucked.. literally..
So, if, for instance, someone says to you;
Why are you still wearing clothes?
You say;
Because we're at an airport.
If you're not at an airport, well, then you're fucked.. literally..
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
- Posts : 10099
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 38
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
Oh, well. At least I'm making myself laugh.
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
- Posts : 10099
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 38
chris63- Adventurer
- Posts : 8748
Join date : 2011-07-04
Location : Perth, Australia
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15648
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
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» what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
» Games of any sort
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