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Post by Amarië Mon Nov 24, 2014 10:15 pm

((Ah yes, the barrel, glad you asked Halfy! ))

It had been a particularly stormy fall, even by Scothobbit standards. Rockmoss McTyrant gazed over the moor for any kind of shelter. Their home blew away twice a day, now his wife Heatherleaf was curled up in a fairly dry hole in the ground with their new born daughter while he tried to find what they would use for a roof this time.

The wind was crazy indeed. He could even smell the salt from the sea. And was there not the strangest scent of fish? How very strange, he was not that drunk yet. Yet he suddenly found the most magical sight before him. A barrel. Not any ordinary barrel. It was a Fjordian Herring barrel and everybody knew these were made with care for they carried a magnificent cargo. If you were Fjordian, that is.

Ack tha noo! Ma Tyrant would not be beating him quite as hard tonight. He had not only found a home that was mainly not damaged, but he had also found food inside which was hardly moldy at all!

And indeed that was the night that Petty was made, for the Gods give with one hand and punishes with the other. But Rockmoss was not aware of this yet, instead he pictured their future in this grand dwelling.

-Pretty, my darling daughter, you shall live like a princess and there will be nothing or no-one standing in your way.

And that we know is true.

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Mon Nov 24, 2014 10:25 pm

Love it! Very Happy

And that we know is true.- Yeah tell me about it Evil or Very Mad

(But I really need to have a word with Admin about the access Ambassadors have to Forumshire civilian records Suspect Mad )

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Post by Mrs Figg Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:00 pm

A boy stood on a hill.
He had forgotten why he had gone there,
but it didnt matter.
The boy looked down on the Sea,
and suddenly he remembered.

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:06 pm

I really like how everyones stuff is evoking a mood in the reader without imposing one and asking questions. Good stuff Figg.

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Post by Amarië Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:12 pm

Good one, Figgy. Like with the baby shoes, I am desperate hoping there are other solutions than what my first gut reaction said.

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Post by Norc Tue Nov 25, 2014 4:23 pm

thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated ^^ i saw it earlier, but i wanted to write a reply on the computer (and not the phone). Thanks for pointing out the "Pupils" thing, i know some words in english are like that, but i didn't know that one.

Halfwise wrote:Now that I've actually read the damn thing, I have to say I really like the air of mystery that hangs about it.  You know the narrator is feeling something of deep significance, but you can't suss out what is behind it...she's delaying the moment, letting the environment wash over her instead.  The reader is left hanging; the emotions unresolved.

Another sign of good writing is knowing when and how to mess with formal english sentence structure.  The single sentence 'Holy.'  The missing verb in "The village only a sharp, black silhouette against a dark, blue sky" is carried through by context of surrounding sentences.  Clearly they cram a lot of english poetry down your throats up north, or you wouldn't have felt free to gently fuck with the language this way.
Kissing i don't think they force that much poetry down our throat, there should be more, but i just read the first G.R.R.Martin volume, and he has some great descriptions. (gently fuck with your language Laughing )

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Norcs piece struck me as constructing sentences for effect, and it was indeed effective for me.
It seems our Norc has style!
Cool

the dog thing is not very good translated, very direct. i might take another 20 minutes and just dust some glitter on it to make it flow better.

Amarië wrote:'Tiny pupils that watch the world, see everything.'

I might have tried 'Tiny pupils watching the world, all seeing.' Or is it 'all-seeing'?
But I think Halfy is right, a second look at it and you'll make it flow just right.

yes, that sentence worked better in Norwegian. i kept the "see everything" because i wanted it to ryhme with "smell everything"... but i have to look at it, because it's not very elegant Wink

i'll read your's later, Amarië, but i have an appointment now, so gotta go Very Happy
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Post by Norc Tue Nov 25, 2014 4:24 pm

Amarië wrote:
I think I need a prompt/topic if I am to write something. That, and time. Rolling Eyes

the dog thing came because i just wanted to write something and i asked my room-mate for a sentence. She said "du har en svart hund" (you got a black dog) and then i just started basically. just ask someone randomly to say a sentence or a word and then just.. elaborate Very Happy ask your kids, kids always come up with strange, cool ideas Very Happy
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Post by Mrs Figg Wed Nov 26, 2014 1:28 pm

I asked my kids and they said miow.
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Post by Norc Wed Nov 26, 2014 5:13 pm

3...2...1...GO!!
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Post by Norc Wed May 27, 2015 10:39 pm

anyone up for flash fiction?
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Post by Norc Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:42 pm

i wanna be drunk and make some wtiting. i am already drunk so let's go!
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Post by Norc Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:57 pm

first off. I asked my flatmate (who's a genius) of a word i should write about. in true flash fiction spirit. the word was (behold) ... PENIS!

the PENIS
written and directed by Norc



Perhaps you're heard of it. 
Enourmoulsy important things, to some at least. 
Not everyone has one. 
Imressive to some even. 
Semen comes out of it and that it's its main purpouse (and peeing).
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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:00 am

Em, er...ahem.

How about if I suggest the ending to one of my favorite Arthur C Clarke stories, and see what you devise to end up there?  Here's the last line:

"Quietly, without any fuss, the stars were going out."

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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:05 am

A delightful device is the penis
It's caught in the workings of Venus
but it's best design credit
(and many of us said it) :
"When we stand up to pee, we don't pee on us!"

by: Halfwise.

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:10 am

Ode to the penis under my kilt

Oh Penis, under my kilt
bottle opener, eye opener
source of watered down buckie at need!

Oh Penis, under my kilt
waterer of cranberry fields,
and once to often my barrel floor

Oh Penis, under my kilt
I'm sure you have other uses.
buckie: it provokes, and unprovokes
so said the Bard, is it looking for a fight? Handbag drunken

Petty drunken

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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:11 am

You had me on "bottle opener"!

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Post by Mrs Figg Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:15 am

oh penis so pink
I really think
its a bad idea to drink
if you don't want to
shrink
at the brink
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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:18 am

Innuendo at this time of night? Shocked

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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:19 am

Somehow drinking with the Norclet sounds like a Very Good Thing to Do right now.

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Post by Norc Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:26 am

[title of some sort]
[size=16][font=Times New Roman]

((Removed as requested. -Amarië))
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Post by Norc Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:26 am

was gonna use our sentence, but it ended up just being an inspiration.
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Post by Norc Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:28 am

halfwise wrote:Somehow drinking with the Norclet sounds like a Very Good Thing to Do right now.
cheers! pub
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Post by halfwise Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:33 am

That was a very good story!

You can compare it to The Nine Billion Names of God.  Quite different, but it compares favorably.

http://downlode.org/Etext/nine_billion_names_of_god.html


Last edited by halfwise on Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:40 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Norc Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:35 am

i actually dreamt the shit i wrote Razz i was dreaming that i watched this movie.. because the ending is obviously very tragic, in the dream i rage-quit the movie and woke up and made it to the lecture Razz
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:36 am

pub

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